


Omelette Route

by Pochapal



Series: Beyond the Archive [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Discussions of sex, Dissociation, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Internalized Transphobia, Nonbinary Character, Post-Epilogues, Temporary Character Death, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trickster Mode, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gender euphoria, this is a june fic don't let the excess plot fool you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2020-11-26 22:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 133,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20938004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pochapal/pseuds/Pochapal
Summary: Recanonisation is a tricky process, and as time goes on, you're beginning to realise more than just your life has been dragged out of the shell of obscurity.June Egbert. Post-Meat. A lengthy meditation on gender, canonical dissolution, and what it means to be someone well beyond the end of everything.





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to write some kind of Homestuck fic since at least 2014 to no avail, and it's funny how June Egbert is what finally pushes me into creating something worthwhile. Sometimes all it takes is one windy girl to exist as a narrative focal point to get you to vomit nearly a decade's worth of thoughts and feelings about everything onto the page. 
> 
> There are a lot of things about the nature of Homestuck, the epilogues, and June Egbert's experiences that I'm not well versed in, so please let me know if I get something wrong! This fic is borne out of a place of love, and I'd hate to cause any kind of inadvertent harm.

You...

You don't know where you are. It's a disconcerting lack of awareness that suffocates you from the inside out, an unending wave of nothing that pours through you. There is nothing for your muted senses to latch onto, no information for you to process. Only your thoughts, rattling around without an external conduit. Even your body barely feels tangible, like it's more an idea in your head than a quantifiable object.

This is what it's like to be nowhere. Or, this is what it's like to be everywhere. You are past the point of absolution, past the binary dichotomies that constitute reality. The nothing before you is both too big and too small at once, robbing you of any meaningful sense of scale, of any true awareness. You think in this not-a-space, and maybe neither it nor you truly exist. It is an absence so vast that answers wither and die before the question can formulate.

Here, you can't say who _you_ are. But maybe you couldn't answer that before you ended up here, either. Maybe you're emotionally adrift just as you perceive yourself to be metaphysically adrift, a churned up dubious entity caught in the surge of a blanketing layer of non-physical debris rippling past the confines of existence. At least, you consider the possibility of motion, need to think of yourself as moving. If you ponder on stillness and stagnation too deeply, you fear you might be pulled into the swamp of nothing once and for all, that the black hole of irrelevance may finally claim you as its own.

A lot of these thoughts slip unbidden into your quasi-real stream of consciousness, but to consider their meaning would be to collapse you into a complete whole. To remember would be to hurt, to confront things you are happy to be blind to. If you were to exist again, it would be to face all that made it so easy for you to accept your own dissipation. You don't think you're ready for that. You don't think you _can_ be ready for that, no matter how long you sit on the idea. There is no time in this post-event horizon, but even if there was, you would simply let it all pass you by as you un-exist here, safely irrelevant and forgotten.

Whatever happened to put you in this state, you probably deserved. Decent people with any kind of objective value don't end up as scattered fragments beyond all that is known. When they fail and die, they transfer from active agent to a passive concept that lingers in the thoughts of all they mattered to. You have been denied even the luxury of remembrance, of that you are certain. Who out there would want to remember the idiot who somehow managed to forfeit the right to matter?

And most importantly, what kind of cruel existence enabled such a complete and total downfall? Not one you ever wish to see again, but maybe one you deserve to inhabit. Or maybe you're so fucked-up that you're beyond even that. You're just a soup of conceptually-unstable atoms, floating unformed in a stillborn amniotic sac. Or like a sterilised yolk caught in an impenetrable eggshell, left to rot half-formed as a reminder of a failed promise.

You hardly exist right now, but you still get the sense that you pretty much hate yourself in whatever form you do or do not occupy. You even consider that... you might be depressed? It's a disconcerting sensation, being detached enough from a self not to understand, but tethered enough to experience the tempestuous viscera of one who is convinced of the fact that they deserve their own oblivion. You don't have the context to understand the type of person who overflows with so much misery that it continues to leak past the expiry date of their own relevance, and you think you're starting to hate it just a little. Like, why can't you just let yourself fuck off into the aether without bringing increasingly abstracted baggage?

You're so tired. Of existing, of feeling things, of being designated as _you_ . Pulled back from any narrative frame of reference has left you with little but your unravelling self to contend with, a self that seems to grow more vicious the more it disintegrates. You just want it all to stop, to see this downward spiral to its completion and forget about the existence of a before and after. You won't be satisfied until even the conceptual _idea_ of you is a broken mouthful of ash, until you're too far gone from even fear. You want to forget the idea you are confined within boundaries even here, keeping you from truly unspooling into cosmic background radiation for a stage wider and more esoteric than even the universe itself.

You would also like to stop expressing the same sentiment about extra-ceasing to exist but in slightly different ways. You would like all of it to stop: the positive and negative space of reality, the idea of concepts, even the broadcasting of your own thoughts, and the thoughts themselves.

You want it all to stop because ultimately, acknowledging a desire for things to stop is acknowledging the possibility for things to _start_ again. And that of all things is what you fear the most. Returning, somehow, to a reality that rejected you as you rejected it. You don't want to know who you are. Because then you'll have to consider that you only think you enjoy this eternal stewing in ennui simply because you are terrified of the alternative. You are terrified of existing. You are terrified of what that could mean.

And yet you crave it nonetheless. The chance to exist again, to get it right. To get over your problems and self-actualise and shit. Perhaps even understand what it means to be happy. To be human. To make the most of the dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential you unleashed so many realities ago. To become someone who truly matters.

But your desires in all their various states of acknowledgement and/or repression matter little. You are still stuck in this non-realm, banished for a reason you can't recall and probably doesn't matter. Not compared to this sudden swell of desire to carry on.

You move what you think is your body for the first time since you became aware of your irrelevance, hands trailing out to find the boundaries of this voided prison. Traversing the space all at once feels like forever and no time at all. You feel like you could watch whole universes birth and die in the space between breaths, like if you just let yourself dissipate a little further, you would wrap back around from total irrelevance to hyper-relevance, become something beyond even that of a god. It's right there, if you want it. An easy out. Fall back, far and fast enough that the only motion left for someone like you is to ascend. You've brushed with that sensation before. You could rise to that power, and stay in control, to see and play the chessboard of reality with the finesse of a savant.

It would all be so easy.

Which is why you shrug the sensation off and snap neatly back into the confines of your limited awareness. You don't want to take the easy way out. More importantly, you don't want to become someone else at the behest of anything and anyone that isn't directly and explicitly you.

Your hand stretches out, and you concentrate until you can actually feel something resting beneath your palm. A flat plane, devoid of temperature and texture, that wraps around this contracted space. You follow the curve until you feel yourself rotate to keep up. Exploring the limits is proving to be an easier feat than reaching them in the first place. Maybe your prison/shelter is shrinking.

Or maybe you're growing. A fledgling creature ready to break free of its eggshell, to shatter its old world in order to take flight in a brand new one. A world that is too vast and too painful, but the only world that promises you the ability to thrive.

You think you're nearly ready to remember, to break your own barrier and begin again. You are—

—ohn?!

—shit someone get—

?

Something shifts on a perceptual level. You feel disjointed, like a fish in a tank being poked over and over and over by an unremittingly curious finger. Like you're being forced to observe a world beyond your own prematurely.

More importantly, you can sense again. Snippets of noise that mean something to you, and air that you can once again breathe. Air that smells heavily of worn leather, motor oil, and... shaving cream?

It's a sharp spike to your chest, a form that you have to awkwardly swallow around. A form you recognise, with familiarity and recognition and hope and dread.

It's home.

—A **WALLET**????

—SW34R 1 C4N 3XPL—

They're all out there, aren't they? They've been waiting for you, missing you, and you've been in here wallowing? You feel a rush of non-depressed self anger. How could you forget?

Maybe you're not ready to admit you matter just yet. But you know your friends. And you know they matter. You love them, you love them so much, and that's why you can't leave them in the lurch no matter how much you want to stop being.

The shell cracks around you. Reality begins to bleed in, one hypothetical molecule at a time. You feel your body gathering and coalescing into a solid form. A single mote of light pours in, collapsing the paradox of everything and nothing around into into a familiarly-textured tan expanse.

You breathe in real air, relishing in how it washes over your lungs, and ball your fists. It's time to cast aside your entombing shell and take those first tentative steps into the wider world again. It's time to be you again, or maybe start being you for the first time. It's time to wake up.

Around you, the threshold pops and shatters as easy as any bubble, and then it's all gone as you're dragged out of the wallet out of the captchalogue card out of your own introspection and into a place where everything and everyone matters and back into memories that tell you who you're supposed to be.

Your name is


	2. ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say thanks so much for all the support already! I'm glad to see everyone's just as rabid for June as I am lol.
> 
> This first arc is notably less gender-focused and more on the Weird Meta Plot Shit side, but sometimes you just need to solve the epilogues before you get to savour choice character introspection. Just think of it as June's realisation being so slow burn that entire plotlines play out before the penny drops.

ROXY: john

ROXY: holy shit john its you

You crack your eyes open. The skin around your eyelids feels heavy, like the muscles haven't been used in far too long, and like they're coated in a weighty substance. You don't have your glasses, so the form in front of you is hazy smudge, but you're fairly certain it's...

dave???

Your voice does something funny that you can't quite explain, but you put that aside for now. Dave stands before you, and that makes your stomach lurch and throat tighten. Jesus, you've only been back in your existence for a few seconds and you're already crying???

Only...

what are you wearing?

He's decked out in something loosely shaped like god tier garb to your faulty eyes, but it's not the crimson shock of the Knight of Time's look. The outfit is a deep blue, with a different symbol on the chest, and you can't really see a cape anywhere. Beneath his shades, you can make out the dark blue band of an eye mask. In fact, it almost looks exactly like...

ROXY: oh yeah lol

ROXY: its roxy not dave dude

ROXY: wow u not having ur glasses is really makin you blind huh

You realise now that the voice speaking to you is not Dave's; it's higher, and lacking that stoic southern twang he likes to pretend doesn't exist. But at the same time, the voice you're hearing doesn't quite equate to Roxy in your mind. There's a rougher, scratchier quality to it, and yeah, you suppose you can hear Roxy's inflections there, but it's in an unfamiliar octave.

ROXY: hang on 1 sec

ROXY: ...SHOINK!

ROXY: here u go

A pair of glasses manifests between Roxy's hands, offered up to you. You take them, and slide them on. Immediately the world shifts back into visual clarity. You feel more than a little dumbfounded.

roxy?

what's going on?

where are we?

why do you look so...

You don't quite know the right way to broach the topic of Roxy's new look. It's a little like in the time you were gone, you skipped over everything that would make this situation make sense.

ROXY: right

ROXY: u wouldnt know

ROXY: its a whole thing to get into and we dont really have the time rn

ROXY: basically i uh

ROXY: got on to realising some things abt myself

ROXY: genderwise?

gender wise?

You don't understand. Trying to think about it sends your brain twisting in strange knots.

ROXY: ok look

ROXY: im kinda explainin this badly

ROXY: u just need to know i figured out im not really a girl whatever that means

ROXY: and im kinda just bein a new person

ROXY: figuring out who that is u know?

hm.

you can like...

do that???

ROXY: ya lol

It's certainly... a whole thing indeed. Roxy laughs, and runs a hand through...her? hair.

ok wait.

so if you've uh... stopped being a girl.

how do i refer to you now? are you even still roxy?

You feel a little stupid even asking these questions. You've just come back from metatextual death in some strange place, and suddenly this revelation about your good friend is the most important thing to you.

sorry. i'm just being dumb.

ROXY: lmao dont sweat it my dude

ROXY: like i said its a whole thing

ROXY: im still roxy just...

ROXY: not too partial to bein called she anymore

so, that would make you...

Roxy pauses. You take advantage of the lull to look around. You're in a dull grey room full of strange machinery and screens hooked up to console stations. It reminds you a little of the meteor all your friends lived in for that three year trip, only more sterile and menacing.

ROXY: currently im feelin the whole idea of going by he

ROXY: like i said its a whole thing but for now thats all you gotta be clued up on

ah, ok. so are you a boy now?

Roxy sticks his hands in his pockets and sighs, mouth quirked downwards ever so slightly.

ROXY: not exactly?

ROXY: still havent figured stuff out myself

ROXY: but we can jam about it some other time yeah

i suppose.

sorry for sounding so wishy washy. i am glad that you're finding yourself, really.

it's just... a whole thing, you're right.

ROXY: yeah i know

ROXY: thx

That's that on that conversation for now. You don't want to come across as disrespectful and insensitive, but you're kind of glad for it. It's a lot for you to take in immediately after conceptual resurrection.

so, other than that, what's going on exactly, roxy?

Roxy sighs.

ROXY: ok so actually this might be even more complicated than gender??

more... complicated than gender?

ROXY: mm hm

Roxy clears his throat and looks behind his shoulder. You see an automatic sliding door that seems to be sealed shut. Next to it, a window that shows a vast expanse of unfamiliar stars and galaxies.

ROXY: basically dirk got fucked up meta god complex powers that let him like

ROXY: narrate reality

ROXY: and he used it to make our lives kinda shitty because its a more interesting plotline?

ROXY: like he directly brainwashed and/or mind controlled at least three people we know of to do this

wow, what??

ROXY: dont interrupt youll just make it more confusing

ROXY: ok so then dirk made jane president kidnapped rose and fucked off in one of jakes weird ass spaceships

ROXY: i think he was plannin on makin a new planet full o kids play sburb 4

ROXY: some reason

ROXY: and part of his plan included using rose to send u back into canon to get killed by lord english

ROXY: so you couldnt just retcon him out of doing any of this shit

ROXY: but because of said retcon powers u cant just like

ROXY: b killed like a normal conditionally immortal god

ROXY: so dirk like erased you from the narrative?

ROXY: but we didnt know this so we thought u were like

ROXY: missing or maybe even in cahoots w dirk or smthn

ROXY: so then we all like

ROXY: decided to try and follow dirk

ROXY: we were helped by the other timelines spooky god ghost callie who was also possessing jades body

You go to open your mouth to say something, but Roxy raises a hand.

ROXY: hold on were nearly there

ROXY: skipping over a like six month spaceship journey which was full of a whole lotta nothin

ROXY: we caught up to dirk and like

ROXY: the situation got hella more complicated

ROXY: rose was there and also an evil brainwashed robot

ROXY: and there was a whole ass smack down battle royale god tier style

ROXY: oh and theres this whole thing with ghost callie and an alt timeline that makes no sense?

ROXY: anyway in the middle of all this we found out that terezi was also on this ship

ROXY: and that u were dead and she had ur corpse inside ur wallet?

ROXY: but you werent like

ROXY: regular dead

ROXY: like janey tried her lifey thing and it didnt do shit and then dirk tried to meta erase you AGAIN

ROXY: but his weird shtick doesnt work on me on accounta that voidey shit

ROXY: so i took u and hid in this room away from his “influence” or w/e

ROXY: did the voidey thing to steal all ur irrelevance and it somehow brought u back??

ROXY: and here we r right now in the present moment the end

ROXY: kinda fucked up huh???

...

...

...

You... you don't know what to say. There's just this whole moment where you can feel your brain trying desperately to make any sense of this situation.

Before you can speak, there's a noise from outside. It sounds a little bit like shrill wailing, rapid gunfire, and... shitty rap? Roxy flinches next to you, raising an eyebrow above his shades.

roxy. sorry to say this, but...

what the actual FUCK is any of this??

ROXY: yeah idek whats goin on now

ROXY: stopped keepin track after the two vriskas

two... vriskas?

ROXY: right yeah ghost callies plan involved pulling some ppl from a non-canon irrelevant timeline to trap dirk and ruin his schemes or somethin

ROXY: theyre all meant 2 show up soon and uh... carry out some mission of cosmic significance?

ROXY: which also involves the existence of more than one vriska?

ROXY: legiterally its such a hot mess

ROXY: if it helps i think were winning tho?

Your head hurts. It all sounds so absurd that you feel your tenuous, newly-regained grip on reality slipping. Maybe staying in your weird cocoon of erasure was the smarter move here.

There's a violent howl that you distinctly recognise as a very pissed-off Jade, followed by an explosion that rocks the whole ship and makes both your and Roxy's hair stand on end.

holy shit. you think we should go and help them?

ROXY: i mean

ROXY: i was kinda helpin by bringing you back from the dead already

ROXY: speakin of which

Roxy turns to face you and lowers his shades. Meeting the bright pink of his naked gaze instils the same chill down your spine as seeing Dave's bare face, even though you'd seen Roxy's eyes pretty much every day until your mission. This new Roxy has a kind of powerful energy you can barely comprehend. His lips twitch into a frown.

ROXY: u feelin alright?

ROXY: ur lookin kinda pasty 

ROXY: also im literally unsure of the ramifications of recanonising a whole person so im kinda worried

yeah...?

i mean, i feel a little shaky on my feet, but otherwise i'd say i'm all right?

ROXY: only cuz

ROXY: uh

ROXY: ur voice

my voice?

ROXY: it sounds like

ROXY: a little disembodied from reality if that makes sense?

You swallow sharply, suddenly hyper-aware of a disconnect between you and your body. It almost feels like the essence of you is floating a few feet above your body, a body which you only register as 'you' through conscious decision. Is it a consequence of your meta-death and subsequent meta-resurrection? Or... no.

You remember. This feeling, of peeling loose from the mould that comprises you, was part of what led to your downward depressive spiral in the first place. It's a feeling that's maybe been with you forever, and shedding a light on it suddenly makes you scared as shit, so you try and bury it before it can start hurting.

ha ha, what?

i sound like i always do. or at least i feel that way.

ROXY: rly?

rly!! i'm fine! not at risk of metaphysical dissipation in the slightest!

ROXY: well if u say so

Everything in Roxy's tone says that he doesn't believe you, but he's willing to concede the point rather than engage in a circular discussion about whatever's truly eating at you. Now is neither the time nor place.

And, luckily for you, the moment is interrupted by the crackle of static. A PA system coming to life? A glance at Roxy shows he's just in the dark as you. You can hear the sounds of scuffle over the speakers; yelling, the haphazard deployment of strife specibi, and a few choice Alternian curse words. And then, a voice cloaked in such pure panic that you feel it reverberate throughout your own body in sympathy:

DIRK: JAKE, SERIOUSLY, I WON'T HESITATE—

You look at Roxy and say

roxy i really think we should—

which is when the wall bursts open in an eruption of pure white.


	3. TWO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this fic primarily says June Egbert rights, but I'm a flexible person. I can give as many people rights as I want.

You only realise you've fallen unconscious when you come to. Everything feels extra fuzzy and your head pounds as you stand to your feet. It takes a moment for your vision to stop swimming before you can take in the scene.

Past the ragged hole you can see into what assume is the ship's main deck. Chaos is unfolding. All your friends are there, in some configuration or other. Jade's floating several feet in the air, crackling with green lightning. Dave's standing by warily as Jane heals a large gash across the side of Karkat's face. Terezi is leaning out of one of the shattered windows, seemingly unperturbed by outer space's lack of atmosphere, a sight which makes you feel a stab of emotion you fight to repress. Rose looks fucking furious as she locks needles with... a robot version of herself?

And on the far end, by the wide window that overlooks an alien planet, Jake English has his arms wrapped around Dirk's waist in a death-grip as a bubble of pure white hope envelops the two of them. It looks like a shitshow, to put it politely.

A second later, you realise you don't see Roxy anywhere in this menagerie. With something like cold dread, you turn your gaze to the debris scattered around your feet. Roxy lies there in a puddle of blood, crushed by a large hunk of metal that might be a door, his neck snapped at an impossible angle. Dead, clearly.

Horror spikes through your body.

roxy!!!

An instant later, Roxy's body is overcome with an aura of colours that overlap and collide into each other. He levitates up off the ground, dead limbs hanging in the air. Briefly, you think you hear the ticking of a clock. Then all at once Roxy snaps back into rigidity and stops glowing. His eyes open and he turns to face you mid-air, a troubled expression on his face.

ROXY: YOWSERS was that an awful experience!!

ROXY: 0/10 do NOT recommend dumpass random resurrections

Oh yeah. Right. God tier mechanics. Being crushed by an explosion you don't understand hardly constitutes as Heroic or Just. You let out a strange laugh as the tension rushes out of you.

holy shit you scared me half to death!

ROXY: oop my bad lol

lol?

ROXY: sorry i got like major post revival euphoria rn i feel buzzed as shit

You glance up at Roxy and see that yes, in fact, his pupils are blown out like mini black holes and there's a strange quality to his grin. It's the expression of someone high as a kite.

ROXY: dont worry this isnt my first bs death rodeo it passes relatively quickly

You shrug. You wouldn't know; you haven't died a non-death since you were sucker-stabbed by Jack Noir when you were thirteen in a fight you really don't want to think about right now. It was so long ago you can't remember what it felt like. Also, you're pretty sure you're still vaguely traumatised by that whole period of your life?

You let Roxy deal with his resuscitation comedown in relative privacy, and instead navigate your way through this bizarre tableau. You get the sense this is all of grave significance, but you're still not quite feeling like yourself, so you find yourself observing in a pseudo-dissociative state. If you ignore the gore and violence, it might even be somewhat absurd? Yeah, that's the word you're going for here.

Next to you, you watch as Rose delivers a swift kick to the face of the Rosebot and Kanaya runs up from behind with a guttural, feral roar. She whips out her chainsaw, and bifurcates the automaton with extreme prejudice. Jeesh.

KANAYA: NO MORE OF YOUR FUCKING GAMES STRIDER!!!

Kanaya doesn't stop when the robot does. She keeps on barrelling forward, face and body coated in robot oil and other viscera, and uses that momentum to perform an acrobatic fucking pirouette that culminates in her planting her lips on Rose's, hungrily and passionately, dropping her wife into a dip kiss. The chainsaw growls next to them, almost at a volume to rival the sound rumbling from Kanaya's throat as she goes in even harder. In fact, it starts getting hot and heavy pretty quickly, so you kind of just... sidle over to the next event.

There's Dave and Karkat engaging in some kind of argument with Jane now that Karkat's been fixed up, so heated they seem blind to everything else. Terezi is single-mindedly focused on whatever's outside the window, the dead-Jade's slippers she's wearing reflecting the ship's lighting in glittering spots all along the wall. And you don't even think you know HOW to approach the not-so-vaguely homoerotic mutual manhandling between Dirk and Jake. Which only really leaves...

JADE: john???

JADE: john!!!

She notices you first, and tackles you with the force of a meteoric shot-put. Your back smashes into the ground hard enough that you utter out an

oof!

that goes ignored in Jade's excitement.

JADE: youre okay!!

Her tail wags like a metronome out of control. It strikes you as odd for the moment, because... didn't the Jade you picked up from the doomed session not have a tail? What was with that? You suppose it doesn't really matter either way.

Jade pulls you off the ground and crushes you in a hug that reminds you just how strong she is. You take a look at her face and see tears glistening in her eyes. Her bright green, very much alive eyes.

JADE: we all

JADE: we all thought you were gone forever john i...

JADE: i didnt think id ever see you again

She squeezes you tighter with a sniffle. Your swear you hear your poor spine creak, but don't mention it. This is clearly a heavily emotionally-charged moment, and you making a dumb comment about your sister's freakish strength would kill the mood. So instead you say:

i missed you too. sorry for ceasing to exist.

JADE: just dont do it again dummy!!

Jade presses her nose to yours in an act of semi-canine, semi-sisterly affection. And yeah, actually, it hits you right now, how awful the whole ordeal was. You wrap your arms around her in return and your voice cracks when you speak again.

god it was so fucking lonely. i... i felt like the entire concept of me was fading away.

like i couldn't even be allowed to be remembered by you. it...

You don't know how to articulate yourself any further. You don't really know what all these emotions you're feeling mean yourself. You just know that in this moment, you're so glad not to be on your own.

It only hits you that the middle of a crisis is maybe not the best time to fall to pieces when you hear a familiar voice speak out.

DIRK: Holy shit, John Egbert?

DIRK: You're back? You managed to come back? How?

You turn to face Dirk, squinting as your unprotected eyes gaze into Jake's hope bubble. His jaw is clenched and his fists grapple for the katana dropped on the floor in front of him. He struggles to reach it, but Jake's grip is too strong.

DIRK: Ugh, get off me!

DIRK: I need to fix this! Do you really want us all to nose-dive into the irretrievable depths of fanon? Do you really want us to become so inauthentic that nobody gives a shit?!

JAKE: Dirk, no! Im not letting you play bad guy again!

JAKE: Im not letting you destroy your friends!

JAKE: Im not letting you destroy yourself!

Dirk tries stomping on Jake's foot, but misses by a fraction of an inch. In retaliation, the radius of Jake's hope bubble grows by another few metres.

DIRK: Your stupid fucking gay ass hope bubble is making it impossible to see the narrative fold! Turn it off already!

You get the sense that Dirk's really panicking, now that he's pretty much lost all control. Also, you're really fucking surprised Jake had this in him? Not bad for a terminal weenie, you guess. Not that you can talk on that front.

DIRK: John!

Dirk twists his head free from the fledgling chokehold Jake is attempting. He jostles back and forth violently enough that his pointy shades slip off his face and fall to the ground. Beneath the mask are bloodshot eyes raw with the fear of a cornered animal. Eyes that are trained on you and you alone.

DIRK: Get the fuck out of this narrative! Things can't continue to matter if you're not _dead_!

His voice does a funny dance up and down octaves that shatters the final veneer of what you assume is some dumb anime façade. He's also shouting enough to draw the attention of the others.

ROSE: John...?

DAVE: wait it actually worked holy fuck

Your friends are rounding on you one by one, casting a metaphorical kind of spotlight. You feel seen. It's not a good feeling.

ha ha, yeah. hey everyone, i'm no longer dead?

Dirk gives a full-body eyeroll.

DIRK: Oh for the love of...

DIRK: This reunion is touching and all, but utterly meaningless. For what Roxy neglected to realise in their efforts to—

DAVE: his

DIRK: —HIS efforts to bring John back from the brink is that his irrelevance isn't something you can just get rid of, the latter 'his' there referring to John, not Roxy. It's more like a metaphysical hole, eroding more and more at the foundation of his essence. Draining the plug will only buy you so much time, like placing a band-aid on a festering wound that's already past the point of salvation.

You're already starting to feel less tangible, John. That's the thing about this kind of poison, it's alreadymMMPH

JAKE: Thats enough out of you mister.

Jake clamps a firm hand over Dirk's mouth. The semi-hypnotic narrative spell he was weaving immediately breaks, absorbed into the sterilising, miasmic aura of Hope.

JAKE: I cant do any of your fancy ultimate self sleight of hand storytelling trickery but i CAN put my foot down and say that its past time for dirk strider to get off his high horse and stop playing puppetmaster to avoid dealing with his own problems.

Dirk flips the middle finger at Jake and glares up at him with unfiltered rage. Jake glares back, just as harshly. The hope bubble is tossing their hair around like a wind tunnel. Jake's grip tightens around Dirk's mouth, enough that his knuckles begin to go white. An electric tension jumps between the pair.

ROXY: jake!!! dirk!!

Behind you, Roxy rushes towards the scene, gesturing wildly. At least it seems like he's back from his post-death lifetrip. Naked concern is on his face, the concern of someone seeing one his friends run the real risk of killing the other.

ROXY: stop!!!

Rose clasps a hand on Roxy's shoulder, her expression flat. You take a look at her; she's thinner and paler than you remember, with odd bags around her eyes. Her Seer of Light pajamas hide it well, but her cheeks are hollow and concave. It strikes you that maybe in the time since you last saw her not a single thing of nutritional value has passed her lips.

ROSE: Hold on. I think they're on the cusp of sorting their shit out themselves.

ROSE: Or at the very least, transforming their destructive anger into something more... caliginous.

At first, you don't understand. Then you take another look inside the hope bubble. Dirk and Jake still both have their eyes trained exclusively on each other. Eyes infused with a blatant hostility. But you also see how Jake's pupils are dilating, how Dirk's free hand is inching toward the expanse of Jake's exposed thigh, how there's an almost-pleasure on Dirk's face at this near strangulation he's experiencing...

DAVE: oh my fucking god

Dave facepalms with an agonised groan. When the moment comes where Jake's hand slips from Dirk's mouth to his throat, and their lips connect, Dave's wandered over to Karkat and buried his face in the troll's sweater. You, too, feel the urge to look away from the hot mess unfurling in front of you.

So this is how the great metanarrative existential crisis is resolved. Not with an epic battle, not with a grand artistic statement, but with sloppy blackrom makeouts inside a giant gay hope bubble.

The moment is so fucking weird that when Vriska Serket herself crash-lands a second spaceship through the window with an unhinged shriek, you aren't surprised at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pitch Dirkjake is incredibly correct and I won't hear a word of criticism on this front. Look deep into your hearts and know that I am completely right here.


	4. THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about to take a nosedive into the Esoteric Meta Zone, but first, here's Vriska.

Stupidly enough, the first thing you realise is just how many people Vriska accidentally killed in making her grand entrance. Jade is squished against the wall like a bug. Rose ends up impaled on a shard of metal. Dave takes a fireball to the face as a future Dave tackles Karkat out of the way. Roxy lies on the floor, dead for the second time in less than twenty minutes.

The only ones unscathed are you by virtue of some stroke of luck, Kanaya, who simply deflects the debris with her chainsaw, and Terezi, who ends up sitting on top of the nose of the interloping ship with a dazed look on her face. You also suppose the DirkJake situation qualifies as surviving, but really it's just that nothing can penetrate the hope bubble right now.

Vriska cartwheels through the cockpit's windscreen, and executes a flawless landing right next to Jane's crumpled form, another dead person who you managed to overlook. Her hair is dishevelled, and her clothes are torn in places. It looks like she's been through one hell of an ordeal. Without even pausing to glance at the multiple people coming back from the grave, she balls her fists, and screams:

VRISKA: I'M FUCKING 8ACK, 8ITCHES!!!!!!!!

TEREZI: >:O

Terezi is so shocked that she topples off her perch, crashing to the ground with a comical OOF. You find yourself staring dumbfounded. Without a doubt, that might be the coolest, most reckless thing you have ever seen.

v...vriska?

Vriska ignores you, stomping across the floor to the front of the room. She passes by Jade's technicolour resurrection lightshow without even batting an eye. With a single-minded focus, she approaches the hope bubble, her hair and clothes beginning to ripple as she draws closer to its gravitational field.

TEREZI: VR1SK4

VRISKA: You.

She's not talking to Terezi, obviously, but instead to Dirk, who's currently very busy ramming his tongue down Jake's throat as his hands clench English's buttocks. He seems to feel the weight of Serket's stare, however, and quickly puts a stop to his weird sloppy PDA session. He pulls away from the kiss, but his hands don't leave Jake's asscheeks. Immediately his jaw tightens and his mouth grimaces.

DIRK: You.

VRISKA: You!

DIRK: YOU!

VRISKA: Y8U!!!!!!!!

JAKE: Erm... who?

DIRK: Jake, please shut the fuck—

Dirk doesn't get to finish, for Vriska steps forward and breaches the vicinity of the hope sphere without so much as flinching. Your mouth is agape. You're pretty sure that... isn't meant to be possible? But apparently Vriska's sheer will is enough to overrule even a god of Hope in the prime of his power.

Vriska continues forward, until she stands exactly two feet away from the entwined couple. Dirk and Jake have enough time to share a bewildered look before she reaches forward, grabs the front of Dirk's shirt, and lifts him in the air with a one-handed iron grip. Her teeth are bared in an open snarl, and she is quite literally physically radiating the aura of one who is absolutely, categorically, fucking furious.

DIRK: Ghg—!

VRISKA: You really th8ght you c8ld consign ME to irrelev8nce, you two-8it piece of shit twink????????

Jake snaps out of his stupor at that exact moment to reach out and take a step towards Vriska.

JAKE: Hey! Unhand him—

VRISKA: Silence, him8o.

Without even so much as looking at him, Vriska raises her other arm into a fist and clocks Jake English right in the face. Her blow is hard enough that the hope field immediately shorts out, and Jake goes flying head-first into a pile of machinery. You can hear the crack of bone all the way from here.

Unfortunately, in her blind rage, Vriska has forgotten that while Jake's hope field was shielding us from your attacks, it was likewise the only thing keeping my powers in check. Free of that prison of protection, she is helpless against the vastness of my—

VRISKA: AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!! F8CK Y8U!!!!!!!!

Vriska delivers an ice-cold bitch slap to Dirk's face that quickly shuts him up. She then proceeds to throw him to the ground with enough force and finesse that the uninitiated would be forgiven for mistaking the maneuver for an Atomic Double Juggalo Backbreaker. It's basically deadly enough to be a guaranteed kill, and Dirk has surely accrued enough karma to net a Just death, but by virtue of a lucky 8r8k, he survives the impact.

VRISKA: STOP F8CKING WITH MY HEAD YOU OR8NGE PIECE OF SH8T!!!!!!!!

Dirk tries in vain to stagger to his feet and reach for his Unbreakable Katana. Vriska picks up the weapon, and snaps it over her knee like a cheap piece of shit.

VRISKA: NO8ODY

Vriska raises her sneaker, and swings her foot right into Dirk's crotch. His poofy pants deflate under the force of her blow, and he screams at a register not unlike that of a black hole collapsing into itself.

VRISKA: AND I MEAN ********N88888888B8DY********

Dirk swivels to dodge an incoming knee to the solar plexus, eyes bulging with incipient terror. He begins the laborious process of crawling away, but Vriska socks him in the jaw hard enough for a tooth to fly out and land on one of the command terminals lining the room.

VRISKA: GETS TO TELL **M8** WHETHER OR NOT I M8TTER!!!!!!!!

And then Vriska proceeds to beat the living shit out of Dirk Strider. You stand there and watch for unspecified amount of time as this story's villain is reduced to little more than a pummelled piece of meat, and then a shit-smear on the pavement, all his plans waylaid by a single troll girl on the warpath. Vriska's REALLY going in there, like maybe she's working through several grievances all at once, and Strider here is a convenient punching bag for her righteous fury.

Most surprisingly is that all this has transpired while your friends are still in the process of reviving themselves. You consider that maybe the sheer force of Vriska's outrage has the power to centre the narrative on her for as long as she damn likes. You don't know. You're mostly transfixed by the one-sided beatdown on display here, the way that Vriska is so effortlessly... being Vriska.

VRISKA: 8ECAUSE OF Y8U I F8CKED A CLOWN! A F8CKING CL8WN!!!!!!!

Someone should really stop her, you think, as she tears Dirk's cape in half and slams his face into the ground repeatedly. But you continue to stay planted firmly where you are, and also ignore that last thing she said. You ignore it so well you soon forget that Vriska said anything at all.

You could put a stop to this whenever you want, you tell yourself. If not the retcon thing, then the windy thing would just as easily shut it down. And yet, you're so overwhelmed by Vriska's sheer presence that you can't move. Maybe part of you actually thinks, on an abstract level, this is the coolest shit you've ever seen? Vriska's on a level of self-actualised outburst that you could never hope to attain. You've never even been able to deal with your problems through words, let alone through fists. Not that you want to suddenly become a violent person, you just... you're just feeling envious of the determined confidence Vriska exudes. You wish you had even a fraction of that.

God this is a weird train of thought. You're more than glad when it's interrupted by Terezi sprinting towards the Vriska-shaped maelstrom of rage.

TEREZI: VR1SK4, STOP!

TEREZI: W3 4LR34DY H4D TH1S D34LT W1TH! H3 4LR34DY STOPPED B31NG TH3 V1LL41N!

TEREZI: B34T1NG TH3 SH1T OUT OF H1M W1LL ONLY M4K3 TH3 N4RR4T1V3 R3COGNIS3 H1M 4S 4 M4L3VOL3NT 3NT1TY 4G41N!!

Terezi grabs Vriska by the shoulders and pulls her away from Dirk. Dirk, having been freed from the tempestuous obliteration, and cut off from Vriska's violent momentum, simply flops to the ground in a puddle of his own blood. You don't think he's dead, but he's groaning like he wishes he was.

Vriska growls, whipping her head around to face whoever would fucking dare to interrupt her mid-meltdown and give them a taste of her fists, but then she sees just who's holding her, and stops dead in her tracks.

VRISKA: Terezi?

Terezi raises her hand in a wave, and smiles, softer and shyer than you've ever seen her.

TEREZI: H3Y YOU. LONG T1M3 NO S33, HUH? 

VRISKA: It... You... I........ 

She suddenly looks so small on the floor, and seems to shrink further as tears well in her eyes and she leans into Terezi's embrace. All the tension deflates just like that.

You feel a sharp pang of awkwardness at witnessing this highly intimate reunion between the girl you obsessed over throughout your adolescence, and the girl you obsessed over throughout your young adulthood, who you also had sex with less than twenty-four hours ago from your perspective. It's strange, because part of you also feels a closeness, a kind of sympathy that makes you feel like you're a part of them, that you  _get_ them. But another equally as vocal part tells you that you're being a major fucking creep who can't leave the two girls you're attracted to the hell alone. Shame begins to run over your body like a cloying oil. It's kinda like the longer you bear witness to the scene, the more you feel like you're suffocating on your own breath?

So you're immensely relieved when Vriska finally deigns to relinquish the narrative spotlight from her hijinks, and you can peel your eyes away from this unreasonably unsettling scene. All at once you become aware of your friends again, who have now finally been given the textual space to complete their resurrections.

Jane is the closest to you, and also the first one up. Her eyes are clear and she stands firmly on her feet, completely unbothered by the god tier death-life carousel that plagues the heroically neutral. She blinks twice and puts a hand on her hip.

JANE: Oof! I'll never get over how much dying actually hurts. Especially when you're not as spry and in shape as you were the last time you had to run the old mortality gauntlet.

She's seemingly talking to herself, and draws her mouth into a neutral line when she finally spots you.

JANE: Oh, hello, John. You're back.

um, yeah. hi jane.

Neither of you sounds particularly thrilled with this encounter; you, because you can't remember the last time you had a conversation with Jane or about Jane that wasn't one of Dave's bizarre esoteric economic and politcal rants, and Jane, likely because of said economic and political situations. She's been pretty frosty ever since she started toying with the idea of having any kind of social power, like she simultaneously became alienated from and above you and your friends.

JANE: It's good to see you.

JANE: Between you coming back, Dirk calming down, and those two troll girls, er... having their moment, I think that's a good sign as any that the last few months' worth of tumult is finally drawing to a close.

i guess so...? i mean, i'm here feeling like the... the um...

You try to say 'guy who showed up late to the party', but the words stick in your throat for some reason.

like someone who showed up late to the party, so i'm seeing all these moments of resolution without much context for how we actually got here?

Jane raises an eyebrow. It's a little condescending, if you're being honest.

JANE: Of course you wouldn't. You've been dead for the majority of this whole series of events.

i'm... sorry?

Jane lets out a breath.

JANE: No, I'm sorry. Over the span of our voyage up to this moment, I came to realise that I've not exactly been the most ethically compelling character of the last few years.

JANE: I'm trying to work on being a little less of, as Mr Vantas so eloquently said, a 'MEGALOMANIACAL FUCKWIT WITH HER HEAD SHOVED FIRMLY UP HER OWN CHUTE'. So, um,

JANE: I apologise for being a little testy.

Jane looks both parts mortified and strained by this path of redemption she's begun to walk down. You wonder if it's the fact she's genuinely remorseful for her more problematic actions, or if it's just her displeasure at having to swallow so much humble pie. For her sake, you hope it's the former.

hey, it's fine. i never really had that much beef with you in the first place, jane.

i was too busy being depressed to actually care about earth c's delicate political situation?

so i guess you can be un cancelled in my eyes.

You're not sure if it's the right thing to say, but Jane seems earnest in her own weird way. You don't want to inadvertently shut that train of self-discovery down before it even starts.

Jane half-smiles.

JANE: Either way, looks like it's all's well that ends well for this particular caper.

unfortunately, it is not that simple.

the prince's plans are embedded in contingencies beyond even his awareness that mean physically stopping him is rather inconsequential.

it would not be inappropriate to say that in a sense, he has already succeeded.

but not quite.


	5. FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Esoteric Meta Zone, a zone which serves as a front for my own personal epilogues musings, a vehicle through which to metatextually justify this entire fic's existence, and more literally is just alt-Calliope saying maybe plot relevant things for a good 3000 words? Don't worry, we'll return to June Egbert Gender Shenanigans soon enough.

A figure emerges from the wreck of Vriska's ship, cloaked in a strange non-aura. For a moment it sort of reminds you of how Roxy's void powers can manifest, except you get the impression of presence rather than absence. A presence so vast, so deep, that for all intents and purposes, it may not even exist. And in the centre of this black hole aura floats the figure of a young girl.

JANE: Wait... Jade?

You take a closer look, and yeah, the spooky disembodied figure right in front of you is in fact Jade Harley. Only, this Jade is several years younger than the one you know, with a hollow hole in the centre of her chest, and her face and hands are streaked with bright red blood. Her eyes are open dark circles that drink in the light and relinquish none of it. She doesn't blink.

It takes you a minute, but recognition hits you right over the head. This is the Jade you took to the fight against Lord English, and who you lost track of somewhere in the fray. You haven't given much thought to the alternate versions of your friends you brought along to die, mostly on account of the ethical implications of the whole operation. You realise you never actually saw what happened to Jade, but you kinda just assumed she died and got sucked into the black hole like all the others, now that you take a second to dwell on it.

JADE: calliope, actually. but not the one you know.

JADE: one moment.

With a deep, metaphysical sigh, the black hole aura rises up into the air above Jade, and starts to coalesce into a physical form. Jade's body, meanwhile, drops unceremoniously to the ground like a chewed-up lump of meat. Behind you, you hear a now-resurrected Jade give a sharp whine.

JADE: :(

i apologise for the distressing image.

Calliope's voice comes from the pulsating cloud, not quite a sound but... something else entirely. It rings familiar to your ears and to your mind, and for some reason that familiarity leaves you feeling raw and unsteady.

i needed a suitable vessel to manifest in this reality, and your powers were most compatible with my own, jade.

the nature of my being means that i personally can never directly intervene. a muse of space, no matter how powerful, can only ever fall back and wait. the witch plays a much more active and decisive role on the existential stage, and through you was i able to accomplish all i have done.

and for that, to the you who can listen, i say both thank you and sorry.

The rest of your friends gather around in a kind of social clump (save for Dirk who's too busy writhing in pain, Jake who's still out cold from Vriska's righteous haymaker, and Vriska herself who's too embroiled in her moment with Terezi) as the cloud completes its metamorphosis into a familiar-looking silhouette.

Calliope raises her head, and stares directly at you with her deep, hollow eyes half-shrouded by her god tier hood. It feels like she has complete, unrestricted access to every secret your soul tries to bury deep, like one glance is enough to peel away layers of flesh, bone, and denial, and drag out that which lies concealed. You look down at your feet, a little nauseous.

ROSE: I knew you would come here.

Rose folds her arms, and raises one eyebrow towards the floating cherub hypergod.

ROSE: Dirk rattled on and on about your presence, as if he knew you were an inevitability that he didn't have the guts to acknowledge.

ROSE: He... he fears you, in his own hypocritical way. Why?

It's an astute and somewhat worrying question, especially coming from someone who, up until maybe two hours ago, was little more than a brainwashed robotic thrall for Dirk's unfathomable machinations.

CALLIOPE: because i am equal to, yet on the opposing polarity from, my brother.

CALLIOPE: i am the most supremely powerful being inside and outside of paradox space that you will ever encounter. any with the appropriate awareness would be a fool not to be wary.

Calliope raises a wrist. In her green skeletal hand is an ivory wand that draws your gaze with an intensity you haven't experienced since... since...

Since the house juju, you realise. You get the sense that, if she wanted to, Calliope could rend the fabric of reality asunder with little more than a thought. Discretely, you flex your fingers, and wonder if your retcon powers would faze her in the slightest. You doubt it.

JADE: i kinda get that stopping dirk was important for a lot of reasons i do and dont understand

JADE: and i guess i understand why you had to possess me given the weird rules about canon and textual sovereignty :/

JADE: but we managed to stop dirk on our own already! and i think you already knew we were able to do that

Calliope nods, slowly. Unlike your Calliope, this one gives nothing away. She's so inscrutable that attempting to read her ends up with your interrogations being redirected towards yourself instead.

JADE: so what are you really trying to do here callie???

Jade's ears go flat against her head as Calliope looks upon her. Jade's always been the most powerful person you've known, Green Sun or no, but compared to Calliope, she feels as insignificant as an insect skittering between the floorboards. Or like a photon being stretched and pulled beyond an infinitely vast event horizon.

CALLIOPE: my aims are twofold.

Calliope gestures towards the mess that is Dirk Strider, post-Serketing.

CALLIOPE: the first is to extinguish the prince's hold over our textual reality. he is but a child playing with forces he will never be able to fathom, no matter how great his ascension.

JADE: but you just said you couldnt stop all of dirks plans, right?

JADE: so whats going on exactly? whats the point of it all?

Calliope turns, slowly, to look out of the ship's window. The alien planet you seem to be orbiting looms there imposingly. You've never really seen a real planet from the outside before, but you get the distinct sense that this world is larger than any of the Sburb-generated planets were. It's maybe even larger than Earth C, too.

CALLIOPE: the prince has been used as a cog in the greater cosmic tapestry, a tool to further engender acts of extraversal propagation.

DAVE: the what

As if in response, a familiar shape manifests several hundred miles above this planet, and ejects a familiar object. A spirograph, and a meteor. You watch it trail down into the exosphere, then mesophere, and lose sight of its glow somewhere between the stratosphere and a layer of strange grey clouds. A pit in your stomach opens up at the sight.

CALLIOPE: the game. the game which has gone through countless names, iterations, and scopes, but which has always maintained the same purpose.

CALLIOPE: to provide a crucible for newer, higher ideas and concepts to be birthed beyond even my scale of comprehension.

CALLIOPE: to enable realities billions of cycles in the future to exist in the first place.

CALLIOPE: all we are and all we ever could be is but a drop of water in a river so vast that it impossible to understand. a river that, even if an entire universe deigned to stop it, would continue in its flow past eternity.

Another meteor opens up and shoots down to the planet below, marginally larger than the last. You've never seen the reckoning from this perspective. There's something ominously captivating about watching the meteors fall, one by one, onto a world that was born for the sole purpose of this grand act of destruction. You find yourself thinking about your old planet again, a world that was destroyed twice over by Sburb, and once by the total collapse of your entire home universe. Up here, it's a quietly orchestrated procedure. You want to say it's beautiful, but then you think of the billions of lives below about to be snuffed out over the next twenty-four hours and come away feeling a little queasy.

JADE: so youre saying that even though we tried to make a universe without sburb and all that suffering its still going to happen regardless?? :(

CALLIOPE: in the same way that all created matter has an inherent propensity to consume energy, yes.

ROSE: Even though we're currently residing within an offshoot timeline inside a non-canon existence?

CALLIOPE: the three pillars of truth, essentiality, and relevance only hold meaning from your frame of reference.

CALLIOPE: the interconnected flow of all things is unbound by rules and procedures that are wholly arbitrary in its eyes.

CALLIOPE: canonicity only matters to a small portion of beings within an even smaller existence.

ROSE: I can accept that line of reasoning, I suppose. However, I am concerned on one point.

ROSE: Our universe already has a pre-ordained important Sburb session – the one that you and your brother are fated to play, in the dying breaths of our natural timeline.

CALLIOPE: an important session, yes, but still a fruitless one.

CALLIOPE: tell me, how many failed games were initiated on your homeworld? how many barren offshoots were formed only to wither and die without accomplishing a thing?

ROSE: I... hm.

Rose looks down, face scrunched in concentration. It's been too long since you've seen her so... lively.

CALLIOPE: to make it more palatable to your perspective, consider the following:

CALLIOPE: the existence you presently occupy is dubbed 'universe c'.

CALLIOPE: the implication here is that you came from universe b, which was propagated by the twelve players from universe a.

CALLIOPE: for this trend to continue, your universe is obligated to produce a universe d, which will then bring forth universe e, and so on.

CALLIOPE: no matter how relevant or irrelevant these realities may be from your point of view, they must exist, and do exist.

DAVE: ok that kinda makes sense in some esoteric bullshit way

DAVE: but what the fuck do you and dirk have to do with this grand universe cycle or whatever

CALLIOPE: everything.

Calliope trains her spooky gaze directly onto Dave, who shrinks a little. Karkat grabs Dave's hand, and stares the cherub down, seemingly oblivious to, or in defiance of, the power she exerts.

KARKAT: OH GEE, WHAT A REWARDING AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING ANSWER.

KARKAT: I'M SO GLAD WE CAME ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE UNIVERSE AND WENT THROUGH ALL WE DID FOR YOU TO FLOAT THERE AND GIVE US A ONE WORD ANSWER.

KARKAT: TRULY, I'M FUCKING THANKFUL.

Calliope tactfully raises a hand, shutting the incipient tantrum down before it can stall her exposition dump.

CALLIOPE: ascension to the ultimate self is the one thing to threaten this order.

CALLIOPE: as you may be aware, the dissolution of your own boundaries gives you access to all your possible selves, and all the realities within which they dwell.

CALLIOPE: the relationship between what we call universes is not one of linear progression, given that universes earlier and later in the chain can intersect and interact.

CALLIOPE: and the more eventful a universe is, the more it is acknowledged by others of its kind.

CALLIOPE: it just so happens that the existence we originate from is incredibly eventful indeed.

CALLIOPE: we exist in the consciousness of countless realities both higher and lower than our own.

CALLIOPE: access to the ultimate self gives us access to these realms we have no business meddling within.

JADE: is directly involving ourselves in outside universes really that... existentially dangerous? how come??

CALLIOPE: all realities can only exist through the input and perception of their audiences and observers.

CALLIOPE: they must have a decent story to tell, stories which are normally simple and self-contained.

ROSE: But that's not the case with us, is it?

Calliope shakes her head.

CALLIOPE: our reality is so expansive and complicated that it cannot sustain itself from within.

CALLIOPE: for realities such as ours, our entire survival is predicated upon the basic ability of intelligent beings in all real and hypothetical planes of existence to give a shit.

CALLIOPE: when you have the ability to damage how your existence is perceived from without, you threaten a dissolution even greater than that of canonical decay.

CALLIOPE: you deny the ability for new universes and new experiences to be born.

CALLIOPE: the prince, in his quest to make everyone truthful, essential, and relevant again within the context of our perceivable existence, threatens our ability to be taken seriously, our ability to inspire.

CALLIOPE: he cannot stop the flow of the extraversal stream, but he can pollute the waters through channels opened to us as a result of the canonical reality forced into being by the absolute will of a tyrannical demiurge.

CALLIOPE: all it takes to undo all the good in our existence is for one individual to declare a particularly unsavoury version of events canon and have our audience turn on us. it has been that way since lord english's corrosive, stunted ascension.

CALLIOPE: in essence, that is the true extent of my brother's threat.

CALLIOPE: he made us all interesting.

A silence falls over you all as Calliope finishes up her monologue. The glow from the spirograph portals outside bathes the ship in a variety of soft, neon hues. It reminds you of sitting in the back of your dad's car, watching the end of all things unfurl before your very eyes.

KANAYA: Quite The Fascinating And Lengthy Discussion There Truly I Am Feeling Enlightened

KANAYA: Only You Have Failed To Explain Your Aims And Means In Any Kind Of Useful Way At All

ROSE: Yes, I believe we are due further clarification here. A beautiful soliloquy, but that A+ is off limits until you can provide us with some substance.

Calliope tilts her skull head ever so slightly towards Rose and Kanaya, as if to impatiently side-eye them. It's a braver move than you could ever attempt, knowing the dispositions of the pair under scrutiny.

CALLIOPE: my second aim is to facilitate the optimal circumstances under which our universe can propagate.

CALLIOPE: this will be done through playing the role of the game's passive overseer, protecting the players from narrative pitfalls.

CALLIOPE: allowing them the opportunity to grow and diverge without toppling all that came before.

CALLIOPE: i will function as the gate into and the foundation upon which they will build the next iteration.

DAVE: so uh

DAVE: what

DAVE: were gonna have to go another round of sburb except youre gonna play spooky disembodied dm making sure we dont fuck up so hard we accidentally shatter the fourth fifth and sixth walls

ROSE: No, Dave. She'll be embodying Skaia to force the outcome of our session, correct?

Calliope shakes her head.

CALLIOPE: you will not be involved in this iteration of the game. as creatures of canon, any further realities you create will by nature curve back into your universe of origin rather than expand past your self-imposed boundaries into new and uncharted territory.

CALLIOPE: one cannot be god of two universes at once, after all.

CALLIOPE: and in order to enforce this, i must intervene in every possible timeline where the prince has a stranglehold and rob them of their canonical values, so that he cannot taint what is to come. eventually, the pathways will be so cut off that the mere concept of the ascended composite ultimate self will lack any kind of canonical weight.

Rose frowns a little, like she can't quite buy what Calliope's selling.

ROSE: So for our own good, we can't afford to keep mattering?

CALLIOPE: nothing so crude as that. again, recall that inhabiting canon is to inhabit one timeline out of an infinite number. from every perspective but your own, nothing marks what you call canon as any more or less special.

CALLIOPE: you will continue to exist, with your stories and stakes and developments in tact, just safely cordoned off from all other planes of existence. you can grow as you please without risking your own undoing.

CALLIOPE: this is what the prince, what dirk, failed to understand: that the solution to his existential discomfort was to embrace the myriad opportunities held by fanon. to find a new audience that would prefer what ifs over destroyed happily ever afters.

CALLIOPE: this is what i bestow upon you all. it is up to you to decide what to do with it.

From across the room, Jake finally wakes the fuck up. Or decides to get up, at least. He saunters across the room and joins up with Jane and Roxy, shooting Calliope a wary look.

JAKE: This might come across as a tad dim of me miss spooky ghost callie,

JAKE: But if were being permanently decommissioned from the old cosmic stage, whos going to be taking up the mantle if you dont mind me asking?

ROXY: jake thats

ROXY: actually a rlly good question wow ok

Roxy puts a hand on his hip and looks Jake up and down, as if he's re-evaluating all he thought he knew about one of his oldest and dearest friends. To be honest, you never pegged Jake as the most savvy type, either. Something about his judgement and perception always seemed a little clouded?

JAKE: Im surprised too. Normally whatever thoughts i have seem to get lost in translation and come out as bewildering hogwash.

Jane says nothing, but raises an eyebrow. She's probably biting back some kind of problematic remark in service of her desire for positive character growth.

Calliope seems unaffected either way by Jake's sudden competence.

CALLIOPE: the game will be played by individuals from the first timeline severed from the prince's reach. the one where his will was denied from the outset.

ROSE: Wait, so the timeline where...

Rose nods to herself, as if figuring out how to slot in the last piece of a puzzle.

ROSE: I'm surprised, given how things seemed to be turning out in there.

CALLIOPE: there is a great deal of promise in the irrelevant and the forgotten.

CALLIOPE: the void nurtures just as it obfuscates.

JANE: Who are these new players, then? You've certainly built the suspense up enough.

CALLIOPE: if your curious minds truly wish to know...

Something about the way Calliope says it makes you feel a little uneasy. She's hesitant. Why? You watch as she turns towards the crashed ship, slowly, trying to ignore the sudden influx of palpitations.

CALLIOPE: you may come out. the prince has been contained.

??????: F8nally!!!!!!!!! Took you Long Enough.


	6. FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Becoming aware of your Candy timeline selves was only ever going to end badly. And in this chapter it might go down extra badly?
> 
> Also I realise I forgot to add Aradia as a relevant character to this story when tagging initially. Let's focus on that instead of the uncomfortable revelations being not so subtly pushed to the surface.

??????: H8RRY 8NDERSON! T8VROS! COME UP HERE!!!!!!!!

A young troll girl crawls out of the wreckage, a spry and wiry thing. Her hair is roughly chopped short, and she's dressed in flashy, youthful attire, but you recognise that face and those horns anywhere.

ROSE: ...Vriska?

Or maybe not Vriska, because the other Vriska beat her to the punch at being the first Vriska in this universe. So it would be more appropriate to say (Vriska), you guess?

(VRISKA): Mom????????

DAVE: mom

DAVE: what

(Vriska) straightens her back and approaches all of you, sparing a strangely shy glance for Calliope. Looking at her more closely, you can see that she can't be any older than maybe sixteen or so. It's the same age your Vriska vanished at, but this (Vriska) seems even younger, somehow. Her face lacks that harshness and she carries herself without any of the trauma inherent to growing up on Alternia. It's strange in that uncanny discomfort kind of way.

(VRISKA): Uncle Dave! Uncle J8hn! Aunt J8de! You all seem so... Young And Cool!

DAVE: rose what the fuck is she on about

VRISKA: R8ght. You all wouldn't know a8out the other timeline.

Your Vriska makes herself known again, walking up to (Vriska) with a steady swagger. You also don't fail to notice the way she has Terezi's hand clasped firmly in her own. For a moment you consider if that's somehow, like, weird, given that from your perspective, Vriska's been gone for just over seven years while the rest of you have continued to grow and change. But come to think of it, you also aren't sure on just how old Terezi is, either. Who knows. Maybe the weird way time works in the furthest ring exerted itself on the two just enough to make sure any potential relationships are one hundred percent above board. Like, they both clearly *seem* older than (Vriska) here, at least.

God this train of thought is stupid and uncomfortable. You tune out your own personal inner Vriscourse and return your focus to the conversation at hand.

VRISKA: 8asically, in this timeline, John never went 8ack to fight Lord English, so the whole thing took a pretty steep nosedive into noncanon irrelev8nce.

VRISKA: You all got str8 m8rried and had kids and grew old?

VRISKA: Except for Rose and Kanaya, who remained les8ian married and also raised a literal clone of myself instead of giving 8irth to some new character. They got old as well, though.

DAVE: wait what

DAVE: what are you

You see pins of sweat breaking out on Dave's face. You guess for someone like him, the idea of an alternate reality where everyone couples up with the opposite gender and has babies together would be pretty horrifying to consider. To be honest, you're also feeling a little weirded out by the concept.

VRISKA: Oh, and some weird war 8ecause apparently Jane 8ecame a fascist????????

JANE: I... what?

VRISKA: If you ask me, a lot of it was ar8itrary and dum8. Like, if some sick fuck decided to drop the worse possi8le versions of everyone into one reality, that's what I need you to picture.

Rose frowns.

ROSE: So Dirk was right, sort of. It really was a choice between infinite growth and a decaying stalemate of heteronormativity.

ROSE: Break the old order or drown in it.

(VRISKA): Hey! Our timeline wasn't That 8ad.

(VRISKA): Okay, the Crocker Dictatorship was Sorta Terri8le, 8ut there were some Good Times, too!

VRISKA: Fine. I have to admit you kids are pretty cool yourselves.

Seeing Vriska and (Vriska) stand side by side helps you further contextualise (Vriska), in a way. Everything about her can be distilled down to Vriska but if she was born ten years later and raised with less sucky values. Considering all this is making your head spin only a little.

(VRISKA): I sure hope so! We can't 8e true Game Players if we don't have that Cool Factor.

(VRISKA): And given the st8 of some of my coplayers, I need all the coolness I can get. Lol.

As if on cue, two more kids emerge from the ship. One of them is a short, thin boy with wide nervous eyes who seems more than a little malnourished. His feet clang against the metal floor and he flinches. The other is a slightly more put-together young man with messy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. There's a goofy smile on his face that reminds you a little of... of...

ROXY: uh

ROXY: tell me thats not

He looks at both you and Roxy with raised eyebrows.

????? ????????: woah. mom? dad?

(VRISKA): O8viously not, Harry Anderson. Or, kinda Yeah, Actually?

(VRISKA): Alt-Universe versions of them, if we're 8eing accur8.

Harry Anderson stands before you. Your stomach flips and not in a good way.

HARRY ANDERSON: mom. you look... different?

ROXY: haha yeah lol uh

Roxy looks uncomfortable as shit at this interaction. You yourself are pointedly trying NOT to think about the fact that apparently in some timeline, you and Roxy, you, uh... But Roxy's not even a girl? Or, you suppose he still has the working parts to hypothetically birth a child, but given that he's a... and you're a... You're not enjoying the feelings you're feeling right now.

HARRY ANDERSON: you kinda remind me of uncle dave if he wasn't such a sad loser.

ROXY: i mean im a totally different person from ur mom kid

ROXY: like

ROXY: holdin versions of us to standards set in one reality would be hella reductive and all so

ROXY: god fuck im just tryin 2 say

Harry Anderson's eyes go wide in bewilderment at the verbal knots Roxy's tying himself into.

HARRY ANDERSON: what are you saying?

(VRISKA): God, Harry Anderson. They're clearly Not Cis and trying not to make you feel weird because they're literally genetically the same person as Your Mom.

HARRY ANDERSON: oh, haha. um?

ROXY: dont sweat it srsly

ROXY: im just the cool guy version of ur mom kinda

HARRY ANDERSON: sorry, it's just that you look totally different here. i'm trying not to be bugged out too much??

HARRY ANDERSON: at least dad kinda looks the same, if dad wasn't middle aged and majorly depressed.

You hate literally everything about this series of events. These kids are doing nothing but giving you an existential crisis. Like... that's your son, technically? What the fuck?

Trying to distract yourself, you glance out across the room, to see Jake and Jane similarly confronted by the other young boy.

JAKE: So youre saying jane and i had a son together, and we named him tavros after a dead troll?

TAVROS: Um,,, pretty much yeah,

TAVROS: Oh,,, and there was uncle gamzee,, too,

TAVROS: He was,, he was mother's personal clown consort,, um,, until he tried to cancel her,

JANE: Gamzee? As in that smelly clown who was locked in a fridge for his own good? THAT Gamzee?

Tavros winces terribly. You decide you've heard enough of that trainwreck.

Harry Anderson clearly also overheard that, and looks at you a little apologetically, as if he's ashamed to come from such a timeline. Which, you suppose, is probably the healthiest response to all that.

HARRY ANDERSON: anyway, all that's behind us now. thanks to calliope here we're gonna go make a whole new universe instead, thank god. we'll be heroes and everything!

HARRY ANDERSON: to be honest, i'll miss my folks a little, but this is pretty important! and besides, it's not like i'll never see them again or anything.

You think back to your own miserable stint with Sburb, and decide you don't really want to burst this kid's bubble just yet.

ROXY: ur folx

ROXY: hm

There's something on Roxy's face, something that not even his inscrutable aura can conceal.

ROXY: hey kid im just wonderin

ROXY: and im sorry if this a kinda odd question but

ROXY: as parents uh

ROXY: how well did we do?

HARRY ANDERSON: well, uh...

Harry Anderson can't meet Roxy's eyes.

ROXY: oh god we fucked up didnt we

Roxy looks at you, but all you can do is shrug. You really don't want to consider your alternate universe parental self and all the myriad ways you can and probably did fail.

HARRY ANDERSON: for a good decade or so after the divorce, yeah.

HARRY ANDERSON: mom didn't want to make a political enemy of auntie jane, so she kinda let herself fall into the background.

HARRY ANDERSON: and dad... he...

You close your eyes and swallow. The person being discussed is literally not you, but there's a ball forming in your chest that makes you want to scream.

HARRY ANDERSON: we made up in the end, before i left on this space trip mission and all. so it's not too bad. look, here.

Harry Anderson fishes in his jacket pocket and pulls out his smartphone. On the lockscreen is what appears to be a family selfie. Harry Anderson is in the middle, smiling wide enough to show off his buck-toothed grin. To his left is his mom, who really does look like what you'd imagine a middle-aged woman version of Roxy to be. Her hair is cut in that stereotypical mom bob and her face is streaked with a few wrinkles that tell of an emotionally complex life. But mostly she seems happy.

And to the right...

ROXY: wow thats uh mad disconcerting 2 see

ROXY: like its mad cute but also literally someone this version of me could never b lmao no offense

ROXY: we made a nice lookin family tho i guess?

ROXY: what do u think john

ROXY: pretty fucked up rite?

You find your eyes pointedly avoiding the other figure in the frame. A chill runs down your spine, your palms go slick, and your mouth goes dry. What's the problem, here? It's just a picture of you, but twenty years older. It's not even technically you. Why the fuck are you so scared to look at it?

Ignoring the way puking suddenly feels like a really good idea, you force yourself to take in the other figure, the other you. And you...

ha ha, wow. that's me????

that's really what old me looks like????????

You don't know which part is making your head spin in a really dangerous way. The broad shoulders, the tall imposing stature, the... the facial scruff?? That's not... that can't be...

not real...

That's a whole adult capital-M Man, a father who's grown into his masculinity and parenthood. It's what you expected, and what you feared? What? What are you even saying right now? The room is spinning, god the room is spinning and you feel so scared and ill and what is happening what is happening to you—

Are you having a panic attack? Why are you having a panic attack why are you why—

it's not i'm not that i

Say it.

You don't see yourself in the man you're looking at. Like you know he's meant to be you and he's a person you could become under the right circumstances but it's the fact that he  _is_ you and you'll—

and haha okay you're not in your body right now? You're floating above it and oh okay your eyes are going blurry and you don't know what literally any of this means you're just freaking out over older you for no reason at all god this is stupid you're stupid what's going on here what

ROXY: yo uh

ROXY: you doing okay?

Roxy puts a hand on your shoulder. It has an immediate grounding effect. You return to your regular levels of disconnect from your body, and more importantly, find you can breathe again.

ha ha, sorry. i just...

still feeling a little off from being revived, you know?

ROXY: ok just give some warning next time dude

ROXY: i think u scared our altself kid half 2 death

oops?

Harry Anderson looks at you with serious concern, like he's making connections between you and his father and okay not thinking about that one again.

HARRY ANDERSON: no, it's cool.

HARRY ANDERSON: i literally come from a reality where a cake baroness is orchestrating the genocide of trolls. i've seen more fucked up shit.

HARRY ANDERSON: just... take it easy, i guess?

yeah, probably.

Everything about Harry Anderson screams that he wants this conversation to be over with. You share the sentiment wholeheartedly.

anyway, you don't have to keep talking to us or anything, you know.

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, i know. i was just waiting for my girlfriend to be free.

HARRY ANDERSON: later.

Harry Anderson quickly scuttles off towards (Vriska), whom he wraps his arms around and kisses, rather passionately. It strikes you as more than a little inappropriate given that they're both in public and this is alt-you's biological son macking on an alt-Vriska, but they're also literal kids, so you stop paying it attention.

ROXY: god this is weird

i know.

Roxy turns to look at you.

ROXY: hey u definitely ok?

yeah! i'm just...

CALLIOPE: it is time.

You've never been more thankful to hear a superpowered cherub speak over you in your entire life.

Calliope floats into the middle of the room, drawing in all the attention with the effortlessness of a... actually, you're getting a little tired of these constant black hole comparisons. She draws in attention because she has the air of someone who's very important. The end.

TEREZI: T1M3 FOR WH4T?

CALLIOPE: my assistants have finished laying the groundwork. they have retroactively seeded this world and primed its inhabitants for what is to come. it is time for the players to join the game.

(VRISKA): Finally!

She says that with all the cocksure assurance of a true Serket. More and more meteors are streaking down towards the planet. You're starting to get a little concerned that the ship might actually be at risk of being hit by one?

Calliope raises a hand. Next to her, a portal opens up, and three more figures emerge.

ARADIA: the chain is ready to be executed, my dearest muse :)

Calliope remains motionless, but you still get the impression that, on some level, she is facepalming.

KARKAT: A... ARADIA??

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT???

TEREZI: H3Y 4R4D14

ARADIA: hi karkat! hi terezi! :D

Aradia floats there, light and ageless in her god tier garbs. It looks like both a million years and no time at all have passed since you last saw her.

KANAYA: To Be Honest Id Written You Off For Dead So It Is Nothing But A Pleasant Surprise To See You Again Aradia

ARADIA: nope! im still alive! thats not a thing thats ever going to stop happening or anything :)

It's a nice reunion between friends, you guess, but you don't really know Aradia well enough to say anything to her. Instead, you look to the other two figures, where...

DAVE: what the actual and literal FUCK

DAVEBOT: sup

A Davebot emerges from the portal, one hand raised in that trademark Strider style of greeting. Next to him, another familiar shape makes itself apparent.

ROSEBOT: Hey.

Rose frowns.

ROSE: But... how...

She gestures uselessly to the Rosebot wreckage strewn across the ground.

ROSEBOT: That's merely the termination point of one instance of myself. When you have attained ultimate awareness, the individual bodies cease to matter. I can manifest whenever and wherever I like.

Rosebot tilts her head.

ROSEBOT: By the way, you're fucking welcome. I bore this burden so you don't have to.

ROSE: I'd just assumed my ascension was actually just more of Dirk's metanarrative bullshit, to be honest.

ROSE: I guess I'm sorry for killing you?

ROSEBOT: No you aren't.

ROSE: No, I'm not. It was a metallic prison keeping me from my wife.

ROSE: Given the choice, I would destroy you a hundred times over to stay with those I love.

ROSEBOT: Which is why it would be an act of immense violence to bestow you with heightened extracanonical awareness.

ROSE: What are you even doing here, anyway?

ROSEBOT: Helping the cherub to preserve our universe at the transition point between existences.

ROSEBOT: Making sure our audience still gives a shit about us.

ROSE: And what about the other Dave?

DAVEBOT: oh thats easy if also a long and convoluted story

DAVEBOT: i got married to jade because i thought it was like the right thing to do

DAVEBOT: fell out of touch with karkat and was depressed for like twenty years

DAVEBOT: then i met obama in the middle of a warzone came out as gay and got this sick as fuck ultimate self robot body

DAVEBOT: btw do not kid yourself into thinking youre straight it doesnt work out in literally any timeline

DAVE:

DAVE:

DAVE:

Dave's jaw hangs open, and you think you can see an eyelid twitching behind his shades.

DAVEBOT: anyway im now part of this cosmic preservation mission because what else is a being of supreme awareness meant to do

DAVEBOT: no offense i know this is all important as shit

ROSEBOT: None taken, brother.

DAVE: god can we just fucking go home this is a nightmare

CALLIOPE: soon enough. all the pieces are in place.

Calliope raises her wand, this time with an air of extreme gravitas.

CALLIOPE: those who are joining me on this mission, stand by my side.

Harry Anderson, Tavros, and (Vriska) all walk up to Calliope, their young faces suddenly deadly serious. Rosebot and Davebot follow suit, too.

CALLIOPE: are you not coming?

Calliope first looks at Vriska, then Aradia, the other two passengers on this weird canonical voyage.

Vriska looks up at Calliope. In response, Terezi frowns, and squeezes her hand even tighter.

VRISKA: Um, no offense, 8ut,

VRISKA: I never planned on joining you on your weird cross-universe 8irthing mission.

VRISKA: I've had enough of that for one lifetime! I just wanted to hitch a free ride home.

CALLIOPE: i assumed as much. and you?

Now she addresses Aradia, who stands by her old Alternian friends. Aradia's smile is wide, but also a little guilty.

KARKAT: NO WAY. SHE'S COMING BACK WITH US, RIGHT?

ARADIA: actually

Aradia floats over to Calliope's side, leaving a trail of red dust.

ARADIA: im going along

ARADIA: ive already seen what happens when everything breaks apart

ARADIA: now i want to see what happens when everything begins anew

Karkat frowns, and bats away at tears before they can properly form.

KARKAT: SO, WHAT. THAT'S IT?

KARKAT: A FIVE MINUTE CONVERSATION, THEN WE'RE NEVER SEEING YOU AGAIN?

ARADIA: dont say never karkat

ARADIA: the way our reality works well definitely meet again

ARADIA: in fact we probably already have! :)

Karkat throws his arms up in an attempt to conceal a sob.

KARKAT: FINE. I CAN'T STOP YOU.

KARKAT: JUST. WHEN IT'S ALL DONE, TRY AND COME HOME?

KARKAT: YOU'RE OUR FRIEND, ARADIA. IF ***VRISKA*** OF ALL PEOPLE CAN MAKE HER WAY BACK TO US, SO CAN YOU.

Aradia throws her head back in a clear, light laugh. She smiles fondly at Karkat.

ARADIA: ill miss you too

ARADIA: but this all so exciting! you know ive never been one for a quiet life

KARKAT: I KNOW. ONCE A CRAZY BITCH, ALWAYS A CRAZY BITCH, RIGHT?

ARADIA: thats the spirit! :D

Calliope makes a hard-to-follow motion with her wand, and opens up another portal. It glistens and pulsates like an antimatter spirograph, the inverse to the lightshow of cosmic destruction going on outside.

CALLIOPE: all that matters is through here.

CALLIOPE: when you are ready.

(VRISKA): LET'S D8 TH8S!!!!!!!!

(Vriska) grabs Harry Anderson and Tavros with a hand each, and pulls them through the portal with a battle cry. Ah, the bravado of youth. Rosebot and Davebot silently cross through the threshold next, robot eyes glittering thoughtfully as they vanish. Aradia hovers towards the portal, stops, and turns around one last time.

ARADIA: ill catch you all on the flipside! :)

Then she's gone, too. All that's left now is your original ragtag bunch, plus one Vriska. And Calliope herself, but you get the sense she won't be here for long. In fact, even as you watch, she begins to dissolve back into that cloud of dark noise.

ROSE: What about us? We've come all the way to the edge of the universe to facilitate events we are only tangentially involved in. Where do we go from here?

you are to take advantage of your newfound fanon freedom in whichever way you see fit.

do as you will. go home. thrive the knowledge that you can thrive, free of consequences.

for your next course of action, i would recommend returning back to earth c and starting from there. deal with your problems.

make a life worth living. become who you always wanted to become.

maybe even have fun.

The cloud once again wraps around the dead Jade, and the body starts floating again. There's still something so incredibly unsettling about seeing your sister's corpse being used as a vessel for a higher power.

JADE: farewell.

Calliope's eyes glow with darkness, and she floats, slowly and deliberately, into the maw of the black hole portal. It flickers and pulsates once, twice, then it fades into nothing. You're all left standing there in the destroyed wreckage of the ship, illuminated by the flashing streaks of Skaian meteorites that soundlessly whistle by. Everything suddenly feels so quiet, so empty.

DIRK: Gh...

Dirk starts to stir now that Calliope has gone. You suppose she was keeping him subdued until you were all truly and finally robbed of your status as canonical beings. He looks pale and deflated, and also like he was beaten half to death a short while back.

DIRK: What... why can't I...

ROSE: You were outplayed. The cherub won. We're now consigned to an existence of even more dubious relevance.

ROSE: Game over, father dearest.

Dirk's eyes shoot wide open as he stands to his feet. They're bloodshot and also literally blood-stained. God the guy looks like he needs a shower.

DIRK: My head's so _quiet_.

DIRK: I can't hear it. I can't hear anything, anywhere.

He seems incredibly shaken by this revelation.

DIRK: All of it just... stopped.

Dirk then notices his friends, looking at him with various combinations of admonishment and outrage.

DIRK: Haha, yeah. I've really fucked up here, haven't I?

DIRK: Earned myself a one-way ticket straight to gay baby jail. Gonna be one hell of a mess to sort out when I... I...

He teeters back and forth on his feet for a few seconds, then his eyes roll into the back of his head. He's passed the fuck out before he even hits the floor.

DAVE: now what

JADE: i guess we do like callie said, and go home

JANE: But haven't we been gone for over sixth months? I dread to think what the state of affairs on Earth C will be like upon our return.

ROXY: orrrr

ROXY: hear me out

ROXY: couldnt we just get john to retcon jump us back 2 the day we left

JANE: Oh! I didn't think of that one.

TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S 4N INCR3D1BLY OBV1OUS SOLUT1ON, P3RSON4LLY

TEREZI: T4K3 US HOM3 JOHN

uh, i guess?

You flex your hands. You think you can still do the retcon thing, but you're a little worried about how they'll work out when you're not feeling quite like yourself.

i need a place and time, first, though.

KANAYA: Right

KANAYA: We Departed After Dirk About A Month Or So Following Your Own Disappearance

KANAYA: I Would Put That At Around The Twenty Fifth Of May By Your Calendar

JAKE: We left from janes hangar in the human kingdom, so id advise against popping back there in case our estimations are a smidge off.

JAKE: Theres a landing strip by my old house in the consort kingdom if you want to aim for there?

got it.

You nod, reaching out tentatively with your powers. Yeah, you can hop back there, only...

i can't transfer all of us at once. i need to be touching whatever i retcon, and i think there's too many of us to do another hand holding circle.

DAVE: a what now

doesn't matter. i just need to think of some way to get us all moving together...

JADE: ooh! i can help!

Jade teleports across the room to stand uncomfortably close in front of you. Her ears are perked up and her eyes are wide.

JADE: i can hold the whole ship with my space powers, so if i touch you while doing that...

JADE: thats basically the same as you grabbing everyone, right?

i... guess that'll work? it sounds like it should, at least.

thanks, jade.

JADE: arf!! :)

With a friendly bark, Jade raises one hand that begins to glow with a green outline. The ship, and all your friends, begin to similarly glow, too. Jade's jaw is clenched with the effort.

JADE: oof... got it!

JADE: i cant hold all this for long so make it quick!

on it!

You place the idea of Jake's old house one month from your mission firmly in your mind's eye, and take Jade's other hand. It's warm, and tingles with static electricity. You take a deep breath, and unfurl your power. Calliope's final parting words – make a life worth living, become who you want to become – echo around in your thoughts, and that's what gives you the final push to make the jump.

There's a sound on the atomic level, almost like the deep exhalation of a sigh, as you lead all your friends out of the confines of canon and into the uncharted, infinite crucible of all else that exists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends the first arc of the story. Next up we're back to Earth C at alt-Calliope's very insistent behest, where our characters won't have the convenient excuse of plot relevance to distract them from some uncomfortable self reflection.
> 
> If you're reading this when the chapter initially goes live, this is the final pre-written chapter I got done before starting to upload. Updates might be a little more sporadic from now on, but they're still coming, don't worry about that.


	7. SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters just keep getting longer. I mean, this could have been split in two, but I don't want to upset the story's structure any more than I have to.

You decide, when you accidentally half-bury the ship in the Consort Kingdom's soil, to blame your shitty aim on still being weak post-resurrection. Totally not because you were too busy contemplating the cryptic words of an ominous cherub or anything.

The windows, which previously offered a stunning view of the cyclical catastrophe that is innate to all planes of reality, now only has dirt to offer. It's not bad dirt, per se, it's got all the richness of colour and depth you'd expect from a hearty heap of soil. The shade of brown here's pretty captivating here on its own, and uh, why do you suddenly care about this? And why are there suddenly two windows in your field of vision?

Maybe... maybe you hit your head on impact, and that's why everything's so...

urf...

Luckily, Jade teleports all of you aboveground with a flourish that zings down you spine and snaps you alert again. Everyone seems to be present and accounted for amidst the deep and humid jungle foliage. It's actually making you want to sweat a little. You've only ever lived in the Salamander Village close to the Human Kingdom's border, so the idea of consort biodiversity kind of slipped your mind, even though you know at least two of the species to thrive in more tropical climates.

Jade floats a few feet in the air above you all, her ears standing to attention and tail wagging eagerly.

JADE: nobodys too hurt right??

KARKAT: OTHER THAN MY SELF-RESPECT FOR STUMBLING INTO JANE'S FAT XENOPHOBIC ASS, YEAH.

JANE: Oh, hush!

Jane rolls her eyes, then seems to consider how actually dismissing Karkat's concerns could be seen as a kinda xenophobic thing to do, and promptly rescinds the gesture.

JANE: You're physically fine, Karkat. Believe me, I can tell.

KARKAT: GET MY NAME OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH.

JADE: oh brother...

JADE: come on we were all getting along so well :/

Free from the unity of a common purpose, your social group is already fracturing back into petty bickering about not-so-petty issues. It's making you recall the one non-depression-related reason why you gradually withdrew from it all.

ROSE: More importantly, we need to confirm that the Harleybert space-time jump x2 combo actually succeeded.

ROSE: Dave, when are we?

Dave looks up from his phone, which he seemed to materialise the instant Karkat and Jane started going for each other's throats.

DAVE: yeah sure hold on

He reaches out an arm in what you are almost completely certain is a bullshit gesture. You're pretty certain he has an innate time sense by virtue of being a Knight of Time that doesn't need to be coaxed out. Also his phone literally has a clock on it that has no problems syncing up with the planet-wide wifi.

DAVE: its may 25th three-thirty pm local time

DAVE: right year and all that so yeah were back

KANAYA: And How Far Out Are We From Our Target Destination Since Forgive My Insolence But This Hardly Looks Like Any Kind Of Mansion Ive Ever Seen

JAKE: I know these jungles. Dirk and i used to have quite the romp here, back when...

Jake looks at the still-unconscious Dirk resting in the over-saturated wild grass with an uncomfortably miserable expression.

JAKE: The old mansions only a few miles hike away to the...

He glances up at the sun, eyes squinting in concentration.

JAKE: To the east.

Jade grins sheepishly, showing off her canines. They glint a little in the hyper-bright light of Earth C's sun. You'd forgotten how fake this whole planet feels. You've only been back a few minutes and already you're struck with a familiar sense of unreality. It sticks as a lump in your throat you swallow at again and again until you can breathe.

JADE: well, its close enough!

JADE: especially considering ive never meshed my space powers with retconning before hehe!

JADE: i had no way of knowing what would happen until it actually happened

KANAYA: Reassuring

JADE: lol!!

Jade doesn't seem to be that bothered by the inherent risks involved in what the two of you just did. You suppose that's her built-in desire to experiment and push the boundaries of pretty much everything she does talking here. You couldn't imagine being even a fifth as adventurous as your sister.

ROSE: Regardless, we need to make our way back to society. Standing around in a sweltering jungle and shooting the shit indefinitely has its charms, sure, but we have actual lives.

ROXY: yeah i gotta see how callies doin

ROXY: its been like... uh...

ROXY: actually technically theyve only been alone for like four hours at this point

ROXY: BUT STILL

ROXY: they were left alone 4 half a retconned year and even tho it didnt happen im still feeling kinda guilty over that one?

Roxy frowns, a little troubled at the metaphysical implications of undoing a great and terrible act of abandonment towards his, uh... girl? friend? You heard him say 'they' a couple times just now, so is your Calliope also...?

You look over to Roxy, wanting to ask, but finding the question unable to come out. Probably because you don't want to be an insensitive dick who feels entitled to knowing everyone's gender secrets.

JANE: Right. I need to return to office, now that my impeachable offense of abdication has been undone.

Roxy looks at Jane with a frown.

ROXY: so ur still gonna b prez even tho it was all part of dirks bullshit?

ROXY: even after all that shit abt you being a fascist in the other timeline?

Jane looks down at her hands. Standing there in her god robes in the middle of a jungle, she hardly looks like any kind of political leader. More like a young woman out of her depth struggling to make sense of her place in the world.

JANE: Dirk operated through the power of suggestion. If I wanted to, I could have stopped any time I wanted to.

JANE: But I didn't.

JANE: I made this bed. I have to lie in it now, otherwise what's the point?

ROXY: hm

ROXY: just like

ROXY: keep in mind what u could become if ur not careful

ROXY: and for the record i still think us getting involved in politics like this a bad idea

ROXY: id hate to hate you jane

It's as close to a blessing as Jane's gonna get. Jake and Jade have decided that a troupe of weird bugs marching across the foliage is suddenly the most interesting thing, Rose and Kanaya are all sceptical eyebrows, and Dave and Karkat are just straight up glaring. It's an awful, terse atmosphere. One you believe has no place among these people you care about so much.

Vriska, however, just laughs.

VRISKA: Okay, lol. I've seen the kind of n8sty shit you can get up to, Crocker.

VRISKA: Alt-you really could have given the Condesce a run for her money! Except for the part where you got t8ken down 8y an antifascist insurrection, and may8e died a Just death? Can't say for sure on that front. The militia was awful c8gey when it c8me to your apprehension.

VRISKA: Either way, your 8loody r8gns generally have a shelf life of, like, 8 sweeps tops????????

VRISKA: Pretty laugha8le for any kind of aspiring tyrant, if you ask me!

TEREZI: WH4T SH3'S S4Y1NG 1S TH4T 1F YOU TRY 4NY BULLSH1T J4N3 W3 W1LL NOT H3S1T4T3 TO FUCK1NG K1LL YOU

TEREZI: W3 L1V3D THROUGH ON3 D1CT4TORSH1P W3 C4N TOPPL3 4NOTH3R

Terezi leers, teeth sharp, one arm around Vriska's shoulder. Already they've become this kind of inseparable unit that makes your chest feel strange, but is also pretty intimidating? Like you get the sense that between the two of them they could take on all of Earth C at once, and win. It's so fucking cool.

Jane, however, does not seem to share your enthusiasm, and is actually looking at them with an alarming amount of disgust that even she can't conceal? You're fairly certain Karkat notices this, too, because he's suddenly bristling, and beside him Dave is reaching for—

JADE: ANYWAY i think weve gathered our bearings enough to get moving! so lets do that thing right now instead of anything else were doing!!

TEREZI: ...

JANE: ...

KARKAT: ...

Jade's talking a hundred miles a minute and floating erratically enough that nobody can get a word in edgewise. Inwardly, you're pretty relieved to see the conflict get interrupted like this. Canon or no, this kind of hostility just isn't right.

JAKE: Well, if were to be off...

Jake bends down and scoops Dirk in his arms bridal style. Except, instead of any of the delicacy and romance associated with the gesture, Jake just kind of lets Dirk flop like a sack of potatoes. Dirk's head droops in a way you just know will lead to the nastiest neck crick when he wakes up, but Jake doesn't seem to give a shit. God you don't get this weird erotic antagonism thing at all.

JAKE: Sleep tight my darling hehe >;)

ROXY: uhh

VRISKA: Lmao!!!!!!!

DAVE: hey so lets get out of this shitty jungle and back to living lives as far away from each other as possible

DAVE: oh yes dave thats the best idea anyones ever fucking had says all people in the immediate vicinity

Dave squirms, pointedly looking away from that hot mess faster than you look away from any kind of meaningful introspection. It's a miracle he doesn't get whiplash from the force of his neck snapping in the opposite direction from the newly empowered, somewhat horny Jake English. Karkat cups his hand and gently massages it, giving soft shooshes in an attempt to console his boyfriend.

ROSE: I concur. Let us away.

ROSE: John?

Rose turns to face you. You want to say you don't, but you actually do wither a little under her scrutiny. You have no idea why you've suddenly grown so averse to attention, but you think it sucks a lot, actually?

actually, i uh...

the jump took a lot out of me, and i'm afraid that if i try again, i'll end up retconning us all back into, like, con air or something.

Mostly, you're afraid that if you unravel yourself again, you may not want to come back together. That you may not be able to come back together. It's been several hours, and that bodily disconnect still hasn't faded. You're beginning to worry just a little.

JADE: dont worry i can handle it!

JADE: i know where jakes place is pretty well

JADE: and since theres no time travel involved at all getting us there will be a cinch

Rose waves a hand in aloof approval.

ROSE: As you will.

JADE: ok! get ready everyone! :)

Jade floats into the middle of your dysfunctional congregation, and lets a wave of green energy roll through her body. Her hair starts floating like she's underwater. It reminds you a little of ghost Calliope piloting dead teen Jade's corpse around. Must be a manifestation of powerful Space stuff.

With a click of her fingers Jade zaps all of you over to the foyer of Jake's mansion. The shift in air pressure hits you like a brick to the sinuses, and you fight not to go dizzy as your feet plop against gaudy, shining tiles. It's not humid in here at least, which gives the place some bonus points, even if Jake English has no fucking clue what interior design means.

Terezi stares up at an opulent golden chandelier, nostrils flared wider than you thought possible.

TEREZI: WHY DO3S TH1S PL4C3 SM3LL SO...

TEREZI: SH1TTY??? >:/

JAKE: Hey! Its not so bad...

ROXY: srry jake but it really does look like if u asked someone with an art deco fetish to make a house

ROXY: but said person has literally never seen art deco before

Roxy leans back against a fake-taxidermy tiger statue. It wobbles over and crashes to the floor, as if to prove his point.

JAKE: I suppose. Dirk always went off about how it was hurting his fragile masculine dudebro eyes.

JAKE: So actually... i think ill keep it a little longer?

He looks down at the passed out Dirk in his arms, who remains unconscious, like a perverse rendition of some tragically poignant anime damsel.

ROSE: So, you're going to be keeping him here, I surmise?

Jake smiles, a little sheepish.

JAKE: Yeah i think so. Someone needs to look after him and make sure he actually gets rehabilitated.

ROSE: And you believe you're the right person for the job? I only say this because we all know how susceptible you are to Dirk's manipulation, narrative hijacking or no.

JAKE: Ha! Dont worry about that one dear rosie, my noggins feeling clearer than it ever has!

Rose smooths her expression, trying her absolute hardest not to react to Jake's cornball terms of endearment.

JAKE: I mean, according to his wishes i pretty much HAVE to be the one to do this.

ROSE: His wishes?

JAKE: Indeedy!

Jake jostles Dirk's sleeping form enough that his stupid anime limbs jiggle a little like overcooked, soggy noodles.

JAKE: Dirk himself requested his atonement take the form of a gay baby jail, and well...

JAKE: Who out there is more up to the task of assuming the role of gay baby gaoler than i?

Jake beams, all unflappable confidence in the matter. You catch a faint pale glow coming from his skin, like he took his hope bubble and shrink-wrapped it over himself as a means of protection. If he believes he'll be fine, then you figure he probably will be fine. You kind of get the sense that that's how Jake English operates.

ROSE: Well.

ROSE: Just remember you can rely on any of us if he gets too out of hand.

ROSE: Waking to up to find yourself trapped in fanon is, well...

JAKE: Rose i lived with this man for a non-insignificant period of years im more than equipped to handle whatever existential tantrum he can conjure. The idea that im incompetent is nearly exclusively as a result of strider propaganda i will be FINE.

ROSE: Okay, okay... I'll believe you.

JAKE: Thats all i ask for! Ill have dirk whipped back into humanity as fast as!

KARKAT: SWELL. SO WHEN'S THE PART WHERE WE ALL FINALLY GO HOME??

KARKAT: BETWEEN BEING UTTERLY ***HUMILIATED*** ON THE POLITICAL STAGE, AND ENDURING ANOTHER EXTENDED COSMIC ODYSSEY

KARKAT: I'M READY TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE IN MY HIVE AND NOT DO ANOTHER FUCKING THING FOR THE FORESEEABLE FOREVER

Karkat throws his hands up, and starts pacing in circles across Jake's foyer, right up until the moment he entangles himself, quite horrifically, with an eight-foot-tall lamp carved to look like a sexy naked blue lady. The busty beauty wobbles and pivots around Karkat's writhing form, and then seems to lose her balance on the over-waxed tiles. She slips and flips up into the air, smacking her face against Karkat's with an echoing CONK.

KARKAT: FFFFFFFUCCKKKKK!!!!!!

KARKAT: I HATE THE OUTSIDE WORLD I HATE THE OUTSIDE WORLD I HATE THE

Turns out the elegant dark hair on the lady's head is little more than a wig. It slips off her scalp and somehow stuffs itself into Karkat's mouth. His head flops back in a grotesque impression of an asphyxiating fish as the beauty in blue's bald head crashes to the ground with all the finesse of shattering cerulean porcelain.

KARKAT: ****AAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!****

Karkat rips the cheap party city rag out of his mouth and throws it to the ground, stomping it out like it's a feral rat that's also on fire. In his frenzy, he bumps into Dave, who goes skittering to the floor like a skinny horse on a frozen lake. A deep gash is torn down the middle of Jake's plush rug, which is also as thin as tissue for some reason? Out of the corner of your eye, you see Vriska and Terezi upend a whole display case, taking advantage of the chaos to wreak their own brand of mutually-enabled mischief. It's honestly surprising how quickly Jake's pristine symbol of bourgeoisie land ownership is being utterly fucking trashed.

KARKAT: JADE, JOHN. ONE OF YOU, PLEASE GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

Karkat looks like he's three seconds away from bursting several major blood vessels. Maybe even all of them. He grasps you by the collar of your god hoodie, looking the part of a man on the brink.

KARKAT: EGBERT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

KARKAT: YOU'RE MY MAIN “BRO”, RIGHT? DO ME A SOLID HERE, PLEASE.

ha ha?

Oh god you're still feeling kinda dizzy and a worked-up Karkat making demands of your mutual, uh, brohood? It's really not helping in that...

urp...

DAVE: hey dude get off john your shakings gonna make him puke or something

Dave's up off the ground, and extracting Karkat from you as delicately as someone like Dave can extract someone like Karkat. You're only half paying attention to this, because your rattled head now feels a little like someone's stuffing a bunch of cotton in there? God, what is _wrong_ with you?

Once Dave's pried Karkat off you, he immediately clutches onto Dave's chest like a prickly, troll-shaped baby koala. Dave pats Karkat's shuddering back with one hand, face implacably still. It's stupidly cute, you think.

DAVE: john you ok

no, yeah, everything's fine.

just... i feel like i need some air.

probably the tacky ambience getting to me.

You give a laugh. It sounds genuine enough, but its fakeness erodes at your insides a little. You don't even know what your problem really is, but your whole body's screaming at you not to share it with anyone. It's giving you a headache, on top of all the other symptoms you're feeling, to be honest.

DAVE: huh

DAVE: anyway hey jade you wanna think about starting operation homebound teleportation or

JADE: i mean, if everyones ready?

KARKAT: MMPHGHGMPGM

DAVE: thats a resounding fuck yes from karkat

Dave gives Karkat another pat.

KANAYA: Yes I Think It Is More Than Past Time We Went Our Own Ways For The Moment

KANAYA: Full Offense To All Of You But I Am In Dire Need of Quality Time With My Wife Take That In Every Way It Can Be Taken

ROSE: ;)

JADE: lol ok then!!

Jade claps her hands twice, drawing all the attention to her.

JADE: alright everyone im gonna start zapping people home now before we wreck jakes house any further

JADE: so just let me know where you want me to drop you off ok??

The first people to express a very loud, very unambiguous desire to go home are Dave and Karkat. With a fond yet exasperated eyeroll, Jade snaps her fingers and pops the two of them halfway across the planet in less than a second. Then it's Rose and Kanaya, who go about their request in a much more respectable manner. Then she asks Jane, who...

JANE: Actually, I'll call my private jet. It won't do for official appearances if I just start popping up whenever and wherever.

JANE: It'll give me the time to decompress and think about where to go from here.

JADE: um, ok!

JAKE: If you need a telephone jane theres one through that hallway over there.

Jane nods and gives a courteous enough thanks before slinking away to find a working phone.

JADE: terezi, vriska, what about you two?

It doesn't escape your notice how even Jade's starting to view Vriska and Terezi as a single unit, in the same fashion as Dave and Karkat, or Rose and Kanaya. What she's saying also poses an interesting question, given that neither of them actually have anywhere to stay on Earth C.

You start saying

if you want to, you could...

but Terezi cuts you off.

TEREZI: 1'V3 4LR34DY THOUGHT 4BOUT 1T

TEREZI: W3'R3 GO1NG TO US3 D1RK'S OLD 4P4RTM3NT 1N TH3 C4R4P4C3 K1NGDOM

JADE: oh, are you?

Terezi nods, completely self-assured.

TEREZI: V3RY MUCH SO

TEREZI: 1T'S NOT L1K3 H3'S GO1NG TO N33D 1T FOR TH3 FOR3S334BL3 FUTUR3

She motions to Dirk's slumbering form, still uncomfortably held in Jake's arms. You're starting to feel impressed by how long Jake's managed to hold him for, unless... the discomfort he must be feeling is part of this new weird evolution in their relationship?

VRISKA: Also, it's, like, a 8asic law that if you 8eat someone to a pulp, that automatically entitles you to a fraction of their land ownership.

VRISKA: If he wanted to keep it, he shouldn't have 8een such a little 8itch. ::::)

JADE: well... im not arguing with you there haha!! woof

TEREZI: T4K3 US 4W4Y, H4RL3Y

ROXY: hold on

JADE: ?

Roxy pauses, clearing his throat.

ROXY: just

ROXY: im headin back 2 the carapace kingdom as well so if u could bring me along for the ride id appreciate it

JADE: sure! and what about you john???

well i, uh...

You suddenly feel very put on the spot, even though it's a very easy question with a very easy answer.

obviously, i should probably head back to my house. only...

would you mind if i decided to fly back instead? i need to clear my head a little.

Your chest feels a little tight. You hate how interacting with the people you're closest to makes you feel like you're on the verge of flipping into a full-blown anxiety attack.

There must be something on your face, because Roxy frowns hesitantly.

ROXY: actually

ROXY: if ur gonna fly would u mind if i kept u company?

ROXY: im worried about callie and i think i could do w a midair feels jam to stop myself from becoming like a hysterical wreck over them

ROXY: i mean if ur cool with it

It's a bullshit reason. Roxy's worried about you and clearly wants to say something to you, but he's doing you the courtesy of offering a means of plausible deniability about the whole thing. And to be honest, you… could probably do with a good vent session somewhere less chaotic.

sure. yeah, that's fine. i could even come over and see callie with you as well, yeah?

ROXY: yeah ill probs need the support theyve become SUCH a hermit since dirks plot fuckery

ROXY: go ahead n zap em jade its cool

Jade nods and sends Vriska and Terezi to their destination. Now it's just you, Roxy, and Jade standing there. Jake scuttled off at some point with Dirk, and to be honest you're more than happy to leave them to their own devices. Jade's standing there smiling, but you can't help but wonder...

hey jade. where will you go?

JADE: oh me??

Jade gives a wistful half-shrug that does a bad job of convincing you that she's okay.

JADE: probably go home for a while

JADE: then i might chill with dave and karkat if theyll have me hehe

JADE: and maybe help jake out with dirk later on? im not sure just yet

just because... i'd hate to see you on your own?

Jade frowns and huffs at you.

JADE: john im fine, really!

JADE: if i get lonely i have lots of friends i can call on! dont worry about me! :)

You fail to cease worrying about her, but you get the sense this is a point she won't budge on.

ok, just... you know where i am, yeah?

JADE: if i ever want to pester you ill most certainly get in touch!

JADE: see you later! <3

Jade pops out of the room in a flash of green light before you can say another word. Helplessly, you turn to Roxy, who just kind of shrugs.

ROXY: idk i think shell be ok she knows shes not alone

ROXY: YOU however

He points at you, poking his finger into the middle of your chest. You involuntarily let out a few ragged breaths.

huh?

ROXY: lets get flying

ROXY: n see if we cant get this shit hashed out

uh, ok?

Roxy takes your hand and pulls you through Jake's front door and out into the sky above. From here, you can appreciate the mass verdant sprawl of the jungle in all its glory. And as you climb higher, the sweltering humidity begins to slowly abate. Your lungs greedily swallow down the cool air. A soft breeze wraps around your god hood, making it flap behind you like an overgrown ponytail. You close your eyes as the two of you float in the general direction of Roxy's place. It feels nice up here.

ROXY: so

ROXY: john

ROXY: dude

ROXY: spill

Roxy prods you in the side as you both pass through a thick white cloud. It runs over your bodies in a way you're fairly certain clouds aren't meant to act, but you've never been that boned up on the laws of this particular universe, so you have no idea what the fundamental differences are between what you know and this new reality. For a dizzying moment, it all strikes you as unreal, a feeling that only passes after you breathe deeply several times over.

Roxy's still looking at you, expecting an answer. Below, the topography begins to shift as you reach the limits of the jungle.

i don't know, roxy. i'm just...

i've felt a little, i dunno, tired out since i came back from the dead?

ROXY: youve been freakin out over pretty much everything i dont think u can chalk that up to just bein tired

ROXY: i didnt like

ROXY: get something wrong when i brought you back did i?

There's a distant, high rumble. You glance past Roxy to see a bright red Crockercorp-branded private jet soaring over the jungle. With an idle flick of your wrist, you redirect the air currents to keep the fumes from wafting into your faces.

no! i don't think so, anyway.

i just...

ROXY: u just?

You fall quiet. It's hard to get the words out in a way that doesn't make your chest feel like it's going to burst. You've never really spoken about this with anyone, save for a one-sided shouting match inside the juju. It's strangely painful, opening up.

i've been depressed for quite a long while, roxy.

ROXY: oh

Roxy's face tightens.

ROXY: u doing ok?

i don't know.

i mean, when i spent all day in my house hating myself and avoiding the world, it at least made sense, in a sucky way.

but then i... i went off on rose's mission, and i...

fuck it's hard to, like, actually get this out. sorry.

ROXY: no its ok take ur time however long u need

You breathe out, slowly, as you look at your sleeves rippling in the wind. Below, there's a criss-cross patchwork section of rivers bound for the distant ocean. You spot the bright pink shells of turtles bobbing along in the water. It would be so much easier to be a consort, you think, to not have all this self-awareness that makes existing so awful.

this is gonna sound really concerning, but,

even when i figured out that going on the mission would mean i would die, i still looked forward to it?

ROXY: no yeah thats actually really concerning and also majorly unhealthy

no, i know that. and it's not like i actually wanted to die!

just...

The fields of water give way to pipe villages, glistening brilliantly in the sunlight. Too brilliantly, you can't help but think. Everything on Earth C is always so good. It's quite literally paradise, and for some reason that fact makes you feel worse. Like it's a world you can't be part of.

it gave me the chance to feel important again. like i mattered.

this is gonna sound incredibly stupid but...

it gave me the chance to feel like john egbert again.

ROXY: hm

Roxy looks at you, very silently and very intently. You wish you could read anything into his expression, but you can't.

i should explain that better.

i don't know, just

sitting in that house every day, it...

it made me stop feeling like a real person?

it's probably some weird depression symptom with a fancy name that rose knows of, ha ha.

Saying it all out loud, is... well, it doesn't quite have the liberating effect you were hoping for. You do feel a little different, sure, but in the sense that in addition to the tightness in your chest, you also feel a little thick-headed and dizzy.

Roxy continues to say nothing for a long time. Oh fuck, have you said something wrong? Have you just put your foot in your mouth in a big way, here?

i mean, i guess that's just what happens when you remain depressed and isolated for so long.

at least, it didn't feel much weirder than anything else i was feeling at the time?

ROXY: and do u still feel this way now?

i...

You can feel Roxy's eyes raking over you in such a way that it takes all of your strength not to just dissolve into wind and flee this conversation.

i don't know? kinda?

since coming back everything has felt a little like an out of body experience, but feeling like a fake person? that's...

You shake your head, and give a hollow smile.

if anything, it's probably the fact that i'm recovering from dirk's attempt at writing me out of existence that's making me feel a little strange.

Roxy looks deep in thought, in the same way he did way back at that picnic with Calliope where you made your choice to begin with. Like he knows something about you that you yourself don't.

roxy?

Roxy looks back to you.

ROXY: i think

ROXY: there may b a very serious question you need to ask urself eventually

what question??? is there something wrong with me???

Your heart begins to hammer against your ribcage like a cornered animal. Panic weighs on you so heavily it's a miracle you don't just drop from the sky and crash into some poor salamander's mushroom farm.

ROXY: nothin wrong with u at all

ROXY: and dont fret 2 hard abt the question if you truly do need to ask it youll know what it is promise

ROXY: but if u do

ROXY: ill be there 4 you

He seems so gravely serious. You feel like there's another layer to what's being said here that you just aren't getting. For some reason that makes you feel even weirder.

um, thanks?

if i have another weird depression crisis, i'll be sure to come to you.

Roxy nods.

ROXY: just know ill b there no matter what yeah?

uh, yeah.

The gravity of this conversation's making you feel a little weird. You take another glance below. The lawless sprawl of the Consort Kingdom is making way for the neat, grid constructions of the Carapace Kingdom. You're nearly there.

so, um.

what's the deal with calliope?

why are, uh, they? worrying you?

Roxy gives a thin smirk.

ROXY: yeah dont worry u got it right callie goes by they now

ROXY: and yeah theyre... goin thru some stuff

stuff?

ROXY: yea

Roxy looks away, down at the heavy purple architecture of a Dersite city. You both pass over the tall, domed roof of a gothic cathedral before he speaks again.

ROXY: when jade got possessed by ghost callie our callie like

ROXY: it freaked them out real bad like they saw something downright frightening in her eyes

ROXY: enough that they dont go anywhere anymore they just

ROXY: draw weird pictures of us all? o wait

Roxy clasps a hand to his mouth and inhales sharply.

what is it??

ROXY: i just realised something

ROXY: what callie was drawin on our walls

ROXY: it was that timeline

that time line?

ROXY: where u stayed on earth c and didnt fight english

ROXY: the 1 w those kids

ROXY: the str8 ppl nightmare reality

that one?? god, why?

Your skin begins to crawl at the mere mention of that reality. Part of you was hoping you'd be able to forget all about it as soon as you got back home, but guess not.

Roxy shrugs.

ROXY: idk they wont explain it

ROXY: and they really didnt want me goin on this dirk stopping mission

ROXY: theyre really afraid john and i

ROXY: im not sure what to do :(

Roxy shoves his hands in his pockets and looks over the carapacian landscape with a schooled look on his face. You let out a sigh yourself and watch the clouds roll by both above and beneath you. The air is colder the further north you go, but something about the bracing atmosphere is helping you think more clearly.

well, part of what might be eating them up could be due to everything dirk was up to?

if callie realises they're not in any more danger, they might be more willing to talk.

everyone else is alive and ok. that kind of reassurance could get them to open up?

ROXY: maybe

ROXY: but i just got the sense callies troubles are more... existential?

hm.

well, maybe... i could try talking to them?

i know a little about existential problems, and how that feels. maybe callie's feeling something like that?

Roxy's eyes go wide.

ROXY: youd try that?

of course! you're my good friend, and calliope is someone you love, and also my friend, too.

i'd feel like a failure as a friend if i didn't at least make an attempt. i'm not sure if i'll do any good, but i have to try.

Roxy smiles now, warmly.

ROXY: thank you

ROXY: here we are

You begin your descent into a familiar carapacian neighbourhood. You both stop outside the front door to Roxy and Calliope's apartment, even though both of you are more than capable of just phasing through the door and getting in that way. A couple chess people stare at you as your feet touch the ground, but they're too busy and/or polite to turn you into any kind of spectacle today.

ROXY: hay callie its me

Roxy knocks on the door rapidly and softly.

ROXY: johns here too

uh, hi, callie. i'm back from the dead.

No response. You press your ear against the door, and focus. Inside, you can hear muffled scuttling, the odd crash, and the rustling of paper. Just what is Calliope up to in there?

ROXY: its ok everythings over were back dirk stopped bein evil

ROXY: nothin can hurt u now honestly

yeah! we're back here, and we've been given the cosmic go ahead to exist as we like.

everything's back to normal, callie.

Without warning, the door opens a crack. You nearly lose your balance as your leaning post is pulled away from you.

Calliope pokes their head out of the door. Their eyes are wide, and their weird skull seems somehow unwell. Like if they had human/troll skin they'd be worryingly pale.

CALLIOPE: no, no it's not.

ROXY: callie?

Roxy takes a step forward, but Calliope frantically shakes their head. You look down to see a tightly-clenched piece of paper in their hand. It looks a little like a crude rendition of... Gamzee?

CALLIOPE: she won. soon she will exert her inflUence over all things.

ROXY: uh callie wtf r u talkin about bb

Tears are pooling in Calliope's eyes. Already you can see them slowly beginning to withdraw.

CALLIOPE: the mUse sUcceeded, did she not? she is out there, UnboUnd and Uncontested, free to let her power expand in whichever way she sees fit.

CALLIOPE: we will be redUced to little more than pawns on her elaborate, self-serving stage.

callie, we saw her already!

she said we're free to do as we please now that dirk can't fuck up the multi verse, or whatever it is he was doing.

Evidently that's completely the wrong thing to say, because Calliope starts trembling in earnest at this point.

CALLIOPE: yoU are wrong. what she offers is little more than sUgarcoated eUthanasia. bUt yoU won't believe me, becaUse she's already in yoUr heads.

ROXY: hey callie no were fine! everythings fine!

Roxy reaches out to grab Calliope's hands, which is when they scream out.

CALLIOPE: no, no, no, no!!!!

please, calliope. we're fine. i promise you, everything is back to normal!

Calliope looks at you in utter terror. A terror you recognise, intimately. It's your own terror, reflected back at you on the face of a traumatised cherub. It's a like a bucket of ice is dunked down your spine.

CALLIOPE: NO, IT'S BLOODY NOT! NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!

CALLIOPE: WE ARE NOW COMPLETELY UNDER HER STRANGLEHOLD!

CALLIOPE: THINGS CAN NEVER GO BACK TO HOW THEY WERE NOW! NEVER!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the last daily update for a while. I've got a busy few weeks coming up (several important things re: my final year of university are happening all at once), but I'll try to at least get the next one up within the next seven days or so. I'll post any further updates on my Tumblr (pochapal) if you want to keep informed.


	8. SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is... a rough one. I'm sorry. In fact, this whole following arc is kind of rough. But before we go up, we have to hit rock bottom.
> 
> This chapter might be extra rough, on account of there being very little to lighten the heavy mood. It's rough, and it's ugly, but it's also honest. If anything in this chapter could be harmful/upsetting to you, please take the time out to look after yourself first and foremost.

And then things go right back to how they were before. Kind of. After Calliope's outburst, they collapse into a burnt-out fugue, and at Roxy's polite insistence, you leave him to take care of them, and fly back home. The house is exactly as you left it, down to the ten unopened letters in a perfect circle, greasy and crinkled in their haste to be written. You gather them all in your hands and dump them in the trash bin in the corner of your bedroom. Looking back on it, they were really quite a bunch of sappy mush that revealed far more than you're comfortable with. You're beyond relieved that The Last Will And Testament Of John Egbert is not how you'll be remembered. In fact, you're so ready to get out there and make a decent impression again and let the old depressed piece of shit you fall to the wayside. So ready.

Yet, you find yourself hesitating as you loosely hold your phone in your hand. You can't help but keep thinking about ghost Calliope's words. She said this place offers you the ability to get over your personal hangups and collectively self-actualise. That every decision you make from now on will shape the person you are, the person you will become. It's... a lot to take in. You're not sure you're ready to, like, develop further past the point you're at yet. You've only just come back from the dead. It would be completely irresponsible to jump into any kind of meaningful growth.

Or, at least, that's the justification you give yourself for why a nauseous clenching in your stomach forces you to shut your phone off and put it down on your night stand. You need rest. You don't need to start fucking about with your friends' pre-established lives without the excuse of upholding some grand narrative.

So instead of making the most of your first evening as a free person, you crawl downstairs and plant your ass on the living room couch, numbly flicking through Human Kingdom broadcasts. Jane's making some presidential speech about promising to leave Earth C a better place for all species by the time her term is through, and kind of vaguely hints without confirming anything that she may now be advocating for more lenient laws vis-a-vis troll reproductive rights, but you see the way her government glares at her from the background. It'll be an uphill battle no matter what, you suppose.

There's also a news bit about how beloved primetime show RUMBLE IN DA PUMPKIN PATCH is on a sudden hiatus until further notice, said further notice being whenever Dirk's ready to start behaving like a normal human being again. Neither Jake nor Dirk are available for comment, so the whole segment is manned by one very intrepid crocodile journalist. You kind of feel bad for the little guy; he's trying his best, but repeated naks can only convey so much of the nuance here.

Then there's some kind of late-night talk show that parodies Karkat's presidential campaign in a series of egregiously offensive sketches that smack of the human congress's xenophobic propaganda. Like, there's a whole human in greyface groping at a shitty Jake English cosplayer in front of a laugh track. God, seeing the state of your friends' lives played out like this, it... it kind of fucking sucks?? Why did any of you think it was a good idea to involve yourselves with infrastructures of power?

You finally flick over the channel when they cart out a cheap Dave imitator and the faux Karkat starts speaking in a garbled Alternian accent. Christ... why is literally everything about this so shitty?

It comes as a relief when the next channel you click onto is the world heritage channel, currently in the midst of a Nic Cage marathon, like it is pretty much every day. Con Air's credits flash by, screen warped by what you assume is the strain of preserving a film across two universes, even though you're fairly certain this is just a rip from your old DVD. You can't help but think there's something so incredibly dumb and fake about Cage flicks being the entire basis of a world heritage channel. It's... it's...

It's something completely expected in a universe governed by the desires of its very nerdy and kinda unintelligent teenage creators. That might be part of what you hate so much about living here. Everything smacks of your old juvenile interests, warped and reflected back to you for the rest of forever in a way that doesn't even ring true to the original. Like you're fairly certain there's something wrong about a vaguely smelly-looking man being rendered a world heritage artifact because you thought it was cool that one time you won a video game at sixteen and whoops guess that's an immutable fact for all eternity now.

The next movie starts up, the title of which you find you can't quite remember. Not that it matters. All the Cage movies airing are in the same vein. Dumb cliché action flicks that thirteen-year-old you lapped up. These aren't even his most critically-acclaimed works, but now they're all he'll be known by, millions of years after his demise in a universe long dead. It's pretty awful how much everything here perfectly fits you and your friends' wants and desires in some ways. Sure, you didn't like the less dumb Cage films, but them being there made you appreciate what you did like even more. Everything here feels a little like you're a kid in a playground, only you're too big to use any of the toys, and you're also trapped in the playground for the rest of your life.

Like... you don't even know why you cared so much about these dumb Nic Cage movies in the first place? They're just dumb two-hour features of a B-list actor playing the same stupid hyper-masculine role. What did you ever see in this? Why the fuck did this stupid fake macho stuff _matter_ to you in the slightest? Like, actually, watching a grizzled, unwashed Cage in a wifebeater's making you feel a little ill, like you've eaten too much greasy takeout and it refuses to sit comfortably in your stomach. It's actually really gross, and the fact that this has been imprinted on your universe as emblematic of you makes it feel even worse.

You guess... you maybe kind of looked up to these Cage characters in some weird way? Like, you don't know... it was some weird surrogate father figure thing in the wake of some really dumb teenage rebellion? You're not sure. It's so deliberately over-the-top and fake that it couldn't have been some kind of thing for kid-you to emulate as any kind of role model. Even you in your dim youth would have realised Nic Cage is an unattainable model of... hm.

Hm. This line of thinking is suddenly making you feel a little weird. You distinctly recall actually looking up to this, if you're going to be completely candid. You're pretty sure you discussed growing up to be like Nic Cage with Vriska at least once or twice during your Sburb stint. Were you actually that dumb as not to realise that Nic Cage isn't someone you can just, like, mould yourself after? Hell, you did a better job of emulating a troll girl than you ever did, uh...

Oh fuck your heart's pounding like mad what the fuck are you thinking about why the fuck are you freaking the fuck out again hey body can you get air through the lungs here or something?? you grip the arm of the couch enough that maybe you're tearing the fabric and uh hey your ass is suddenly not on the seat you're floating outside of your control you're floating and you can't fucking breathe??? God hell shit fuck this is so awful you hate this you hate yourself can this fucking stop _please—_

Your head smacks against the living room ceiling and your vision swims as you drop to the floor like a stone. Hey, at least you got your wish, you think hazily, as the first bawdy notes of 'How Do I Live' wrap around your ears and pull you into unconsciousness.

You dream. Maybe. You're flying across a vast expanse of undefinable colours and shapes. Above, an unending chasm so vast that any matter that dares cross its threshold does so with the knowledge it will never return. There is a whipping of particulates buffeting against your skin. Not quite wind, for you know the wind more deeply and more intimately than all else, but something closer to it than you've ever felt in all your years on a planet in stasis. It makes you feel unbound and limitless, like you could do anything, go anywhere, _be_ anything.

Your body drifts along the plane's curvature, your eyes trying to make sense of what you see below. There are small figures moving in regular, bizarrely patterned movements. Featureless pieces dancing in tuneless rhythm across a silent game board. Yet even as you draw closer, something shifts. The odd ground jumps, warping and wrapping around itself as it gains an extra dimension. Above, the void is punctuated by a neon-coloured sphere, both too close and too far all at once. You feel as if you could reach out, and simply be there. Like part of you is already there, somehow.

Even though you don't know when or where you are, you find yourself not caring. The you that you find yourself being at this space-time moment of dubious authenticity feels... right. Like, so right that you don't even feel the need to look at yourself to be reassured of your own existence.

Another flash. Another glowing sky sphere. The landscape below you morphs again, even more drastically. The flat plane extends and ripples into a fully-realised landscape, complete with mountains and trees and rivers. It's... familiar to you, in a way that most things aren't.

You know this place. Or at the very least, the core iterative ideal this place is manifesting out of. It is the last place, maybe even the only place, where you've ever felt real.

A forest erupts a hundred feet beneath you as a chain of spirograph gates span the void between here and the newest-generated world. You take a peek up as you begin to descend; it's a strangely ovular planet, marked by oceans that shimmer like gold. Past that, you now know there to be a belt of meteors, and beyond that, nothing at all. Not yet, at least. Of that you are certain.

Your feet touch the floor of the battlefield forest. It's early on in the timeline; everything remains still in a moment of respite that will cruelly be cut short. The air is crisp and rejuvenating. You take several lungfuls as you wander among the trees, hair flying around in the breeze. An uncharacteristic elation buoys you through to the nearest clearing, a small scene lined with fresh-smelling wildgrass and a pond more clear and reflective than any mirror.

You can't say what urges you to lean in towards the pond to take a look at yourself. Maybe it's the way you're aware your body carries a little differently than normal. Or the way occupying a physical form isn't getting you down. Either way, you're overcome with a desire to look. You need to see. You need to _see..._

Slowly, you shift your face over the water that ripples in the wind, and wait for it to calm again. A funny kind of trepidation gets your stomach flipping as, inch by inch, your facial reflection comes into view, and you finally see... see...

_Oh_.

you should not be here.

begone.

All too abruptly, you jolt awake. Your head and chest feel heavy, and your eyes squint as morning sunlight beams through the window you left open all night. God, you... you think you were having some kind of significant dream? It all feels fuzzy now. You wish you could hold onto the feeling, just a little longer, but even as you think, the final vestiges of emotion drain away. You're back to being you, on your living room floor, as your shitty TV plays a shitty Nic Cage clip.

You pull yourself to your feet and turn the screen off, attempting to stretch the kink out of your shoulders. You also catch a whiff of yourself as you move. Bluh you feel gross. Like... maybe you haven't showered in who even knows how long? Since the morning you left on your canonical suicide mission? Yeesh. You can't even say this is you being depressed. This is just straight-up nasty behaviour.

Before you head into the shower, you stop by your room and turn your phone on. It's been approximately eighteen hours since you last checked in on you friends. Might as well see if they haven't gotten themselves in trouble, even if you can't quite work up the energy to go out and join them.

The first thing you see is a group snap sent from Terezi at 3am. It reads “TH3 CH3SS P3OPL3 JUST TR13D TO 4RR3ST VR1SK4 FOR GR4ND TH3FT 4UTO 4ND 4RSON” and features Vriska fighting off a couple of really short-looking carapacian cops in front of... a burning car? What the fuck, Vriska?

You really consider sending back a “what the fuck” response, but you catch your reflection in your phone's screen, and, uh... no. Your hair is all lank and flat and your face is showing the first signs of gross stubble growth, and that's not at all the kind of image you want to transmit. Instead, you scroll on.

The next snap is one from Jake. It's him giving his trademark two pistols and a ;) pose, and in the background is what appears to be Dirk inside a crude cardboard prison cell. “Gay baby jail” is written on the front in Jake's distinct handwriting.

There's also a snap from Jade. She's half-dressed in a neon fursuit at a rave surrounded by consorts. The caption says “dave and karkat were too busy with lame boytime so i had to make my own fun!! :)”. At least she's happy.

You also have a private Pesterchum message from Roxy.

TG: thx 4 helpin w callie + sorry 4 ditchin u

TG: still coaxin em outta their hole but if u wanna talk im here

You consider what to say, but realise you've probably left Roxy on read long enough that there's no point in replying. So you leave it, and try not to feel like too much of a piece of garbage.

Showering passes by in a strange haze. The water feels too warm and too close to your skin, and you end up feeling hyper-aware of your body in a bad way. Like, you actually feel the need to close your eyes as you scrub yourself down. It's kind of weird and dumb.

Things get even weirder and dumber when you actually get of the shower and pick up your razor and crack open one of your dad's million old cans of shaving cream from a supply that never seems to dwindle. For a half-second you consider just not bothering with this dumb grooming routine and letting yourself rot like the deflated sack of stuff that you are, but that is evidently a bad idea because even the concept of not liberally applying a sharp blade to your face makes it, uh, really kinda hard to think?

You coat your face in shaving cream, and slowly and stiffly remove yourself of unwanted hair up there. You find yourself going about it in a weirdly methodical, highly dissociative manner. Like by the time you finally finish one side of your jaw it feels like you've been dealing with this for literal fucking years. A ball begins to well up in your throat. You... you might actually really hate your body, come to think of it?

Flecks of tiny hairs caught up in goopy wads of shaving cream spatter along the sink. It's the most disgusting sight you've ever seen. Probably because you know it's coming from you, even though it's a completely natural thing for your body to be doing. But it's you, and it's part of you, and that's why makes you feel like you could explode.

Eventually, you get it done. As you wash the evidence down the sink and hike your towel up to your chest, you're left feeling utterly miserable. Existing and being reminded that you occupy a physical body that requires constant maintenance is fucking awful. You were half-toying with actually making something of today, but now all you want to do is lie down and stop feeling anything.

You drag yourself back into your bedroom and dress away from the judgemental eye of your mirror. Long hoodie. Baggy jeans. Something to obfuscate your form. A form that's too lanky, too unmaintained. Your whole body feels like it's failing to match up to some undefinable standard, like down to your skin none of it feels like it truly belongs to you, and...

Oh fuck you're crying now??? Like, not even the aesthetic cutesy crying. You straight up start sobbing, heaving and hocking up snot and slime that runs down your smooth face in fluid crags of grief. You lose strength in your knees and sink to the floor, but you're only half-aware that you're doing it. All you can focus on is the violent, ugly tearing of a ball of blades ripping shreds inside your core.

Why? Why do you feel like this? Why can't you just feel like _you_? You're so... so absolutely fucking sick of feeling so worn down and miserable, like your own skin is choking you to death. Like you're drowning in your body, and you're so waterlogged you don't see a way out that isn't complete and total self-destruction.

You...

you...

i...

i want to feel like a fucking person again.

You can't do this. You can't stay here, in this house that suffocates you with the ghosts of people you're not. If you remain any longer, you'll... you'll do something really, really stupid.

So your let your body dissolve itself into wisps of air that carry you away on the Breeze, out of this horrible house that offers nothing good, and right to the only person who's ever managed to encourage you to feel even remotely worthwhile about yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the hardest to stomach chapter in terms of emotional viscera. Future chapters will probably deal with worse stuff, but nothing so intimately upsetting.


	9. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, under the right light, this might actually qualify as Vriska doing something wrong for the first time in her life.

VRISKA: John, don't think I'm not happy to see you, 8ut...

VRISKA: Why the FUCK are you having a mental 8r8kdown in my apartment???????

Vriska stands in the middle of the tiny kitchen, looking down at your crumpled recently-materialised form with a coffee thermos in one hand. She's dressed in pajamas of the regular variety; one of Terezi's Libra-emblazoned shirts and baggy spider-themed boxers that show off her bare legs, and more importantly, the house arrest ankle tag fastened to her skin. She takes a sip as she waits for you to gather the ability to formulate literally any kind of answer.

ha ha, um...

so i think there might be something seriously fucking wrong with me, and i'm coming to you as a cry for help??

VRISKA: Me?

She raises an eyebrow. You try not to be distracted by the blinking light of her ankle tag flashing against the chess-patterned tile floor. God you hope the cops aren't listening in right now, and also that Earth C's cops don't have that kind of violent systemic power. You don't want to imagine that the dystopia is already here or anything.

VRISKA: I've 8een 8ack on Earth C for... may8e one day? I've not seen you for years!

VRISKA: I mean, I'm flattered and all, 8ut why me?

uh...

This isn't going how you pictured it in your head. In your mind, you were going to show up in front of Vriska, bare your soul, and she'd... validate you? Zapping over here's cleared your head enough to the point where you're seriously beginning to wonder what the hell you were thinking. But also, you're still upset as shit, and maybe talking to Vriska who's only paying you the most basic amount of attention could be a good thing? Give you the kind of catharsis you wouldn't get from your other, closer friends.

VRISKA: You look like shit, emotionally speaking. Like yeah, I'm really getting the whole, “I'm not fucking coping with a thing” vi8e.

i mean i did just teleport into your house sobbing like a baby.

Vriska gives a sharp laugh that shows off all her teeth.

VRISKA: Ha! At least you're self-aware enough not to 8e a total weenie 8oy a8out your pro8lems.

ha?

Vriska trains her eightfold eye on you, something curious bedded into her face.

VRISKA: Anyway, you 8arged into my home, so I guess I have no choice 8ut to talk with you.

VRISKA: 8ut could you get off the floor, first? It's hardly the optimal loc8tion for a proper feelings jam.

VRISKA: Also, I'm pretty sure Terezi spilled something gross over there and she's 8een coming to lick it up every few hours, so...

eugh!!

You shoot to your feet. Well, it's more that you sharply begin levitating a clean two feet off the ground. Now you're the one looking down on Vriska.

VRISKA: I'm just fucking with you. ::::)

VRISKA: Pro8a8ly. I don't know what Terezi gets up to when I'm not looking!

oh ha ha...

You roll your eyes. Vriska just leers at you.

VRISKA: Anyway. Come through to the living room. If you're demanding emotional la8our from me, we're doing it on my terms.

You follow Vriska out of the cramped kitchen and into the marginally less cramped living room. Apartment living sure consists of a lot of claustrophobia and background economic anxiety, even though on Earth C most things exist mainly as an aesthetic rather than a lived experience.

Vriska sits down on a beaten-up looking couch, and motions for you to join her. The seat cushioning is a little deflated, but it's surprisingly comfortable in the way that the unfamiliar can be. You look up and let out a breath. The ceiling is lower than in your own house. It makes the place feel a little like a burrow, which is kind of the opposite impression you got from the grandiose carapacian architecture on Prospit. Across from you is a super-fancy TV, the kind a basement-dwelling anime nerd would fawn over. Morning sunlight spills over everything in a saffron wave. It's weird here, yeah, but also kinda peaceful.

VRISKA: So.

VRISKA: Care to tell me what's so fucking dire that you had to 8ring it to MY doorstep?

i,

You hesitate, looking at Vriska. Is it just you, or is she... oddly earnest about the whole thing? The Vriska you know would have probably punched you in the throat for intruding on her by now. Or, well... you can't really say you ever truly _knew_ Vriska, comparatively. You only ever interacted with her over two twenty-four-hour periods three years apart. So maybe Vriska is capable of chilling the fuck out a little? Wonders never cease, you guess.

look, how much do you know about depression?

You say it more to your hands than to Vriska, but it's more about getting the words out, here.

VRISKA: Some things. You know I'm not really a stone cold heartless 8itch, right?

i figured as much. i mean, why else would terezi love you?

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Vriska punches you in the arm. Ouch. This'll bruise. Teaches you for trying to tease her.

sorry.

VRISKA: Just trying to lighten the mood. I have precisely zero hangups about my rel8tionship with Terezi. Jeesh you're on edge, John!

uh

VRISKA: And also, not very su8tle a8out trying to deflect from the point here.

Okay, yeah. You forgot a little how much of a whirlwind talking to Vriska can be. You're already feeling exhausted and haven't even really said anything.

Vriska pokes you in the arm, right at the point of the fledgling bruise. You try not to wince too obviously.

VRISKA: So get talking! I don't have all day to w8 for you to play your dum8 denial game.

denial game?

VRISKA: John, I wasn't 8orn yesterday. I know what I'm saying.

She's giving you a strange look. You fidget a little in your seat.

i'm not in denial about anything, though! that's the whole point of why i came here!

because i'm not in denial, and i'm admitting that everything sucks, and that's just fucking awful!

Okay, you're not keeping your cool as well as you thought you would. Your cheeks flush a little with embarrassment. Vriska remains the epitome of cool, and here you are making a clown of yourself in front of her.

VRISKA: And what does it mean, that everything sucks?

huh?

VRISKA: It's not a hard question, John.

VRISKA: Either talk, or get out.

The way she keeps saying your name is making you uncomfortable. Like she's emphasising it in a way that gets under your skin. You want to stay quiet and maybe stop talking about your shit right this minute, but also you made your bed here. Might as well lie in it. Things can't get any worse.

ok, ok!

it's just, really kinda stupid.

basically, i keep feeling really fucking depressed all day.

like, all i can do is hate myself until things stop feeling real. and it's stupid because yeah! i am real!

except, like, also not? like i get so sad that i stop... feeling like me. and i keep trying to talk about it but it keeps getting worse?

i've basically been in non stop freak out mode for the last two days now. i just want it to stop and i don't know why i thought to come to you about this but...

it's really stupid but i guess it's because you...

Your throat goes tight and you blink away more tears. That little undulating knot in your stomach is starting to pulse again. Breathe, breathe.

back during sburb, when you were my personal mentor, it...

it was the only time i felt good about myself? and i'm coming to you to try and get that feeling back, which is an incredibly selfish and dumb thing to do, but i've done it.

like we were thirteen! who even still thinks about the time you followed in a friend's footsteps because you wanted to, i dunno, second hand leech off their self confidence. a dummy, that's who.

It's taking all your strength not to retcon back an hour and undo this sorry encounter. Vriska doesn't owe you anything, so why did you think spilling your guts to her was in any way appropriate? Your foot is so far down your throat you're in real danger of shitting it back out, that's how mortifying you're being.

And also you're fucking crying. AGAIN. In front of Vriska, no less! Maybe you should have just sucked it up and talked to Roxy last night instead.

Vriska puts her thermos on the floor. Her face is scrunched up in thought, one leg bouncing restlessly up and down.

VRISKA: John, I need to ask you something.

huh?

VRISKA: Honest answer, no 8ullshit.

Panic floods your system like a burst soap bubble scattering across a countertop.

VRISKA: Have you ever thought a8out... gender?

g-gender??? w

what? what does my depression have to do with gender??

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck you're about to have a fucking heart attack

is that a troll thing? is troll depression gender related?

Vriska looks at you blankly.

VRISKA: John, that's the dum8est thing you may have ever said. And also the most xenopho8ic????????

shit, sorry? also, like you really give a shit about who's problematic and who's cancelled.

VRISKA: That's mostly true.

VRISKA: And also, yes, I am a8out to talk to you a8out troll gender stuff.

um, okay? why??

VRISKA: Just. 8ear with me.

Vriska clears her throat, and assumes the pose of one who is about to infodump like a motherfucker.

VRISKA: As you might know, troll gru8s are all 8orn virtually identical on a physiological level, save for a few things like horn sh8pe and hemotype.

VRISKA: Our identities mostly emerge throughout early pup8tions. Facial features, height and w8 parameters, personalities... none of it is predetermined.

VRISKA: We mostly adapt to the circumstances we find ourselves pup8ting under. It's 8asic animal survival stuff, really.

uh, ok. and what about the gender stuff?

VRISKA: I'm getting to that.

VRISKA: Troll gender is a little different to human gender, in that we go through several pup8tions 8efore we even develop our primary sex characteristics.

VRISKA: Which one we develop is dependent on the 8iological sex of our lusus. Gru8s adapt to match their lusus so that as we grow, they don't eventually mist8ke us for threats to their territory. It's a kind of sym8iotic link that allows two different species to enter into any kind of custodial arrangement.

VRISKA: However, a particularly hostile lusus can lead to their charges... developing in the other direction.

VRISKA: For example, say you have a male lusus that is unusually aggressive to its charge. The young troll's 8ody will codify m8le hormones and pheromones as other and dangerous, and so will develop female sex characteristics upon pup8tion.

VRISKA: The pro8lem comes when this troll is, socially and psychologically, aware of the gender that they're meant to 8e. You end up with a 8oy troll who's developed a girl 8ody 8ecause his lusus was a piece of shit.

VRISKA: And that... can 8e incredi8ly taxing. The majority of trolls who found themselves in that situation... usually didn't m8ke it much further than adolescence. Certainly not long enough to reach sexual maturity, or to 8e shipped off-planet.

VRISKA: The majority, yes, 8ut not all of them.

Vriska looks out of the window, oddly wistful. The corner of her mouth twitches upward a little.

VRISKA: Spidermom, the old 8itch, tried from day one to kill me. Or when she wasn't trying to kill me, forced me to 8ring food to her under the threat that if I didn't constantly feed her fat ass, she would eat me instead.

VRISKA: Needless to say, that kind of stress imprinted itself on my pup8tion, and it left me with a pretty fucked up 8ody configur8tion.

VRISKA: I lived for sweeps in that st8. To deal with it, I did a lot of stupid stuff.

VRISKA: The 8ig one was convincing myself that 8ecause I had a 8oy's 8ody, that meant I could only 8e a 8oy. That 8iology had decided I couldn't 8e a girl, and I just had to deal with it. After all, my 8oy 8ody was a survival mechanism, so how could I question that?

VRISKA: For a long time, it made me really fucking misera8le. I didn't know what was wrong with me, only that I felt like I didn't 8elong to my 8ody. Like I was a ghost inha8iting a long-dead corpse. It kept getting worse with each pup8tion, as I morphed more and more to fit the hormones flowing through my 8ody, until...

VRISKA: Well, thank fuck I found my ancestor's journals and realised that I was a girl, let's leave it at that.

VRISKA: I was also really lucky that when I died during Sgru8, I had a lot of control over how my 8ody would look after I hit god tier. I managed to undo a lot of what was wrong with me, 8ut...

VRISKA: I was a kid who didn't exactly know how female 8odies were, so it wasn't a perfect transformation, 8ut it was close enough that my confidence started feeling less f8ke. It gave me a starting point to really 8ecome who I was always meant to 8e.

VRISKA: I was just so 8lown away, 8ecause who knew all it took for my self-loathing to shift was 8ecoming a girl????????

VRISKA: Anyway, yeah, that's my story.

so, you, uh...

You feel... hm. You're glad and also surprised that Vriska was able to share such a personal story with you, but also... it's left you feeling kinda strange yourself?

you were born as a boy?

VRISKA: If I were to simplify it into the human narrative, then yes.

and that whole thing was making you... severely depressed?

VRISKA: Yes.

so you... you became a girl? and it made you feel better?

VRISKA: Exactly.

so, like, you're, uh

you're troll trans gender?

Vriska nods. That's, uh, really surprising to hear, actually? Especially given that when you were both thirteen, Vriska would have been right in the middle of her gender... changing? You're not sure on the right word here. Roxy would probably understand better than you, who knows very little about this kind of thing.

VRISKA: So........

Vriska leans in, a little closer to you. Strange tingles run across your skin. Are you... feeling attracted to her? No, no it's not that. Actually, you feel a little like you're one step away from another anxiety attack.

so??

VRISKA: What do you think a8out everything I just told you???????? Any of it particularly resonant?

i, i uh,

i'm happy that you trust me enough to tell me something so personal, um...

vriska, no offense, but what does you being troll trans gender have to do with me being depressed?

Vriska shakes her head, like she can't believe you're being this dense.

VRISKA: John, that's not what I'm saying. I want you to ask if your depression might 8e—

TEREZI: H3Y VR1SK4 GOOD MORN1NG

TEREZI: 4ND

TEREZI: ...

TEREZI: >:?

TEREZI: WHY THE FUCK 1S JOHN 1N OUR 4P4RTM3NT

Terezi stands in the doorway, making that dumb question-mark expression behind her red shades. Her hair is still wild from slumber, and her sleepshirt, featuring Vriska's Scorpio sign, barely conceals a deep teal hickey. Ok, so... that's a thing that's been going down here that you want to stop thinking about right this fucking minute.

hi to you, too, terezi.

Terezi raises a hand.

TEREZI: H1 1D1OT 1'D ST1LL L1K3 TO KNOW WH4T YOU'R3 DO1NG H3R3

Vriska leans over the back of the sofa and fixes her eyes on Terezi with a Significant Look, capitalised for emphasis.

VRISKA: John here's having a fucking 8xistential crisis.

VRISKA: One that I'm... trying to help hatch a solution for. :::;)

TEREZI: OH OK TH4T M4K3S 4 LOT MOR3 FUCK1NG S3NS3

ha ha, what does?

You are completely aware that there's some kind of subtext flying right over your head. It makes you pretty uneasy. Seems like everyone these days can see right through you, to... something you don't understand. Is this thing you're feeling really that apparent to everyone but you? You know you're not taking the prize for most self-aware human being any time soon, but you'd like to think you could at least look your problems in the eye.

TEREZI: 1S TH4T S1NC3R3 CONFUS1ON OR JUST MOR3 D3N14L

VRISKA: Nah, that's a8solutely sincere. We're on like, stage one of the revel8tion here.

what revelation?

Vriska looks at you with a strangely delicate expression, like she's a predator circling around you trying to find the perfect angle of attack. You consider the possibility of her quite literally physically attacking you to try and get to the bottom of your depression, and hope to fuck your retcon's faster than her ability to jump you. Your fists ball up in tension.

Terezi, as usual, calculatedly breaks the silence in the most tactless way possible.

TEREZI: JOHN SH3'S T4LK1NG 4BOUT G3ND3R

TEREZI: YOUR G3ND3R SP3C1F1C4LLY

Your brain feels like it misses several key synaptic sparks in the next few moments. The room warps like a camera with a wildly oscillating field of view, in and out and in and out, and you slump right back into your seat, perilously close to passing out.

m

my

my... gender??

Your voice cracks so hard it's a miracle your larynx isn't snapped clean in two.

ha ha, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?????

Vriska gives a theatrical sigh.

VRISKA: Well, if we're letting the purr8east out of the 8ag, might as well go all the w8y.

VRISKA: John, the whole reason why I ever even g8ve you the time of day for your emotional melodrama is 8ecause I recognise it wholeheartedly.

VRISKA: You're pretty much motion-for-motion going through the same distress I felt in the run-up to my own 8ig gender realis8tion.

you... what that's not even...

VRISKA: So, you're telling me you _don't_ feel like 8eing the person you currently are is suffoc8ting you?

VRISKA: That you're misera8le 8ecause you're not meeting a standard that you can't even articul8?

VRISKA: That you feel like there's a degree of separ8tion 8etween you and the rest of the world?

VRISKA: That you don't even feel real????????

i... h

Breathing. You need to be breathing. You need to be doing that. Oxygen through the nose, around the lungs, out the mouth. Focus on that instead of the way your body feels flooded with an intense nervous energy, the way you feel like a cornered animal that just

might

scream if another ounce of pressure is applied, scream and bolt for your life.

no that's

it has nothing to do with

Why are you struggling to talk? Why do you find this so fucking hard to rebuke? Why why whywhyWHY???

my gender isn't

and i'm not

like

i'd fucking know already??

Vriska smiles, lips stretching wider.

VRISKA: I didn't, until I suddenly did.

VRISKA: If you were 8orn knowing this already, well...

VRISKA: People like us wouldn't spend so many years feeling a8solutely misera8le, would we?

like us???

You bodily flinch away from Vriska. Your heart is going at a BPM so rapid as to be undetected by any measuring instruments. The curtains in the corner of the room begin to flutter threateningly.

vriska, i know you mean well, but my depression has SHIT ALL to do with gender!

like

i'm a

and i'm not a

so

i'm just really fucking sad ok!!!

my brain juices are all broken and all i need is serotonin and self worth!

and you were always so cool and when i followed in your footsteps it actually made me

uh

i'm not like you, vriska!

Vriska's hair is starting to billow. Fuck you need to get yourself under control but you can't not at all.

VRISKA: And yet, my words are m8king you freak out like no tomorrow.

VRISKA: Almost like I'm hitting a nerve you refuse to admit exists!

shut up!!!!

Coming here was a stupid idea. When has Vriska _ever_ been known to give good advice? Hell, looking back at the Sburb session you've been putting on a pedestal, she put you in literal mortal danger more than several times over. Only an idiot would expect Vriska to be actually helpful in the slightest.

And besides... 

Gender??? Really??? The answer to your problems could never be so fucking simple. Impossible.

VRISKA: Whatever you say.

VRISKA: Just,

VRISKA: I have a simple question for you.

augh whatever! what is it with everyone and getting me to consider vaguely ominous questions anyway!!

TEREZI: SOM3ON3 3LS3 H4S B33N 4SK1NG YOU >:?

yeah, roxy!! we had this whole talk about depression and he said some vague shit about personal questions and i don't get any of it!! it scares me shitless to be honest!!

TEREZI: SO YOU M34N TO S4Y

TEREZI: YOU'V3 GON3 TO TWO D1FF3R3NT TR4NS P3OPL3 W1TH YOUR PROBL3MS

TEREZI: 4ND BOTH OF TH3M 3NCOUR4G3D YOU TO 4SK UNCOMFORT4BL3 QU3ST1ONS OF YOURS3LF

TEREZI: 1NCH FUCK1NG R3ST1NG

no, no, no!! it's not like that that's just a coincidence stop reading into shit!!!!

it just so happens that the two people i'm trusting with my issues are trans! it doesn't mean anything!!

VRISKA: Anyway.

Vriska's drumming her fingers on the arm rest, clearly waiting for your tantrum to abate enough for the fundamental principles of communication to be actually possible.

VRISKA: If all that's the case, then you should have no trou8le answering my question.

fine, go ahead! i'll be happy to prove you wrong!

VRISKA: Fine.

Vriska takes a breath, almost like she's bracing herself.

VRISKA: Who are you?

who... am i?

Your heart does this funny thing where it stops working for a few seconds. All the air around you drops flat dead.

that's... that's

i'm john egbert! i'm me!

A vile crawling sensation runs across your skin. What... what's happening to you? You're one step away from full-on fight-or-flight.

Vriska's mouth falls into a flat line.

VRISKA: Is that true? Really, honestly?

y

yeah????

VRISKA: Even on the inside?

You have to close your eyes and breathe heavily for a few seconds before your vision stops blurring. And... are tears pooling in the corners of your eyes????

VRISKA: To yourself, on the inside, are you John Eg8ert? Do you think that's who you really want to 8e?

hh

huh

??

what would make you

that's such a

of course i do! my identity is secure!

TEREZI: 1S 1T THOUGH

what does that even mean?!?!

TEREZI: 1 M34N

TEREZI: YOUR M4NN3R OF SP33CH

TEREZI: 1T'S D1FF3R3NT

i'm talking as i always have! what are you on about?

TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW

TEREZI: 1T'S SUBTL3

TEREZI: L1K3

TEREZI: YOU'R3 R3PR3SS1NG TH3 JOHN-N3SS 1N YOUR D14LOGU3 4S MUCH 4S YOU C4N W1THOUT B31NG FR4GR4NTLY OBV1OUS 4BOUT 1T

no, that doesn't even make sense you

You can't breathe. Can't look at Terezi. Her words have found a raw nerve, pushing you almost to the brink of sobbing. She's wrong. She's stupid. You tell yourself that over and over until it stops hurting. Your speech? Your voice? There's nothing wrong with them. Your speech is endowed with as much you-ness as it always has been and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and dumb.

And yet, there's something to it. Something you can barely acknowledge to yourself. The JOHN: is right there, right for the claiming every time a word passes from your lips. Yet you're shying away from it. Why is that? What is so hostile about the textual prefix that you're subconsciously rejecting it?

What could that one possibly mean?

i'm me. i'm john. i'm a boy.

stop fucking with my head!!

VRISKA: Are you, though? You seem awfully insecure a8out it, if you ask me.

Vriska leans closer to you. Puts a hand on your shoulder.

VRISKA: Come on, stop denying it! I know what you are, and I think you do, too, deep down.

VRISKA: May8e you've known for a long time, 8ut you're too afr8d to f8ce it.

VRISKA: 8ut you're not a coward. You're not a fucking wiggler.

VRISKA: I won't let you 8e.

She smiles. Too many teeth, flashing in the light. Too bright. Too much for your brain to handle.

You're on the edge. Completely on the edge.

VRISKA: Say it, _sister_. >:::;)

n

n-no i'm not i can't be i know

a swallow

and

i

just

fucking lose it

i shoot away from vriska like a white hot bullet, bouncing off the walls of their shitty appropriated chess apartment. terezi dives to the floor and vriska's eyes are wide as i straight up fucking blast her with a tornado of wind that knocks her on her ass and hold on why am i still why is my voice still in command here shitshitshit make it stop i don't wanna control the narrative i shouldn't have this much power make it stopmakeitstopmakeitSTOP!!!!!!

it's not stopping. oh god oh no oh fuck. i'm gonna fuck the story up with my mental breakdown i need to get out of here before i do some real harm. i can feel my awareness bleeding into everything, like if i just think the right thing i can make anyone do anything i want them to do, free will be damned.

vriska tries to stand to her feet. but does she? or am i making her do that because i want events to unfold this way?? oh god i have too much control, like i can reach out and feel and see and direct what happens on the other side of the world like there's roxy in his apartment standing outside callie's apartment with a frown and there's jade helping jake catch dirk before he can flee through the jungle and there's dave and karkat in their hive faces inches away from each other and there's jane arguing with a man in a suit about how troll breeding won't fuck up the wealth of billionaires and there's kanaya gently wiping down the mother grub in the brooding caverns and rose thumbing through a grossly fat novel and if i wanted to i could make any of them start dancing to my tune or go beyond that and seize control of all earth c of all the fucking universe make the text unravel until nothing means anything any more until everything's hollow graphemes in an empty void oh god in this moment i am more than god is this what dirk felt? is this why he lost his fucking mind??

stop. i need this to stop somehow. but the more i think about stopping, the more bullshit words i add to this story, the more harm i cause. i need to... i need to...

i can't write my way out of relinquishing control. it doesn't work that way, i realise too suddenly. truths keep flashing in this place where my thoughts seem to exist right now. the form is a self indulgent trap that keeps you fucking everything up. what i need to do is... i need to go after the structure, somehow. disrupt the story flow enough to let me slip out of the driver's seat and back into just being _myself_ and no one else.

VRISKA:

before vriska can say another fucking word, i raise my hands and let myself dissolve into wind. i vanish out of the apartment, and with a scream building in my throat, i bring the chapter to a hard stop.


	10. NINE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More mental breakdowns. Except this time it's Mental Breakdown: The Meta Edition. At least the dominoes are beginning to fall, regardless of what a certain character may or may not have to say about that one.

You teleport back to your house before you can erode at the fundamental reality of the narrative any more than you already have. You skin is coated in a thin layer of clammy sweat, your stomach is a crystallised knot, and for some reason everything won't stop spinning. You are fairly certain you have never freaked out so hard in your entire life.

There is a persistently violent breeze whipping around your room that you barely have control over. You shift your focus to try and quell it, and the breeze quickly dies down and the room falls still and oh fuck i'm doing it again.

You wrap your awareness back into place, and ease off the meta threshold enough that the story's allowed to tell itself again. It feels a lot like clenching a muscle tightly out of the fear that if you don't, the limb will spring out and smash something. Which is... yeah, pretty much exactly what's going on?

It's a feeling that's been growing ever since you came back from the dead, or maybe even longer than that. Since you stuck your hand in the juju all those years ago. From what you remember of Rose's esoteric dialogues on canonical stability and ascension to the ultimate self, the key feature is an erosion of barriers between all the different yous in existence. It explains why someone like Dirk, whose whole shtick is about operating with multiple selves at once, fell into it so easily. But with you...

You can't call what you just did reaching into your ultimate self. You still only have the one set of memories rattling around in your head, and only the timelines you've physically been in with this specific body. But maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe the truth of the matter is that because you experienced a greater dissolution – a detachment from the entire concept of canonical narrative flow – you can seize control without even trying. Like you accidentally hit a cheat code to unlock the level 100 gear at the start of a video game.

The only thing that's kept you from just... absolutely losing it is your comfort in inhabiting the space of a single character. That you were content to exist for all eternity as just this iteration of you, a name and a voice that slots firmly into all textual constraints like a tailored glove. Except...

that's changed, hasn't it? (shit)

That's changed, hasn't it? You're no longer comfortable to occupy your assigned character. You've... slipped loose, somehow. Like a phone slipped loose from its charger in the middle of the night, and try as you might, you simply can't get the pin back in the port. It just jiggles around the hole, scratches up the edges a little, and fails to provide any kind of energising effect. Or, to steal Terezi's more eloquent analysis on the situation, you've been subtly pulling away from your you-ness.

The problem is, you suppose, that while you're coming loose from being you, you're not reshaping into something else. You're just unravelling, stretching out further and further the more your identity is washed away. Even now, you're only sure you're physically standing in your house because you're telling yourself that over and over again.

If anything, it tells you that you were only ever meant to be one person, and that if you can't get over yourself and come back down to the limited perspective of John Egbert, you're going to cause some serious damage.

You're no Rose, with an adept awareness of all things and in innate ability to filter and present it in a way palatable to an audience, real or imagined. And you're certainly no Dirk, with the sheer coordinated tenacity to bend things towards your one singular vision. You're fairly certain you don't even _have_ a vision. You've certainly never ruminated on the weird narrative aspect of your lives for more than you've had to.

You don't _want_ to engage with the fabric of the story. But without a strong conceptual character anchor, that's where the essence of you is spilling out into. It's taking all your effort to remain manifested in a singular time and space, but if you wanted to you could, without much force, be the focaliser on the really frantic and really confused conversation between vriska and terezi, and at the same time stretch out to command every action in this universe.

That much power scares you shitless. Not as much as the fact that the solution to this problem is already obvious. You need to contain yourself, put your words and narrative behind the JOHN: to keep it in place. Protect yourself, and your entire reality, with that barrier.

But...

but...

i can't. i can't do it. i can't put that word before my speech. i don't know why, it's like...

i can't be john any more. that's what it's like. that's how it is. for some stupid reason, i'd rather fall back and let myself become the narrative than be me. i... i hate myself so much that even now, it sounds like an acceptable risk.

and i know that makes me a fucking horrible person. maybe i am. maybe the fact that i can't just sit down and actually work through my depression, even at the cost of so much, makes me irredeemable. i might even be worse than dirk, because dirk at least had the excuse of his entire identity collapsing out from under him. i don't have that. i don't feel like i want to be me, but according to all the rules of reality, that's still who i'm meant to be. i'm just self destructing and deciding it's acceptable to take down everything that exists with me.

i sit on the edge of my bed. and i know i've fallen back into the narrative, but i actually don't give a shit. it's been getting harder and harder to communicate in any other way ever since this whole sorry shitshow started. i mean, god. just look back at how i was talking even last chapter. just fragments and letters and a whole lot of nothing. at least here, i'm removed from the obligation of existing as a singular person.

if i was a coward and a dumbass, i could easily say fuck you vriska for scaring me out of the diegetic, but this wasn't her fault. i've been building up to this for a while now. she was just unlucky enough to be the final straw. vriska did nothing wrong. she was just trying to help, but i...

fuck. tears sting my eyes and roll down my cheeks. one hand grips my bed sheet and it takes far too much effort to keep my loud ugly baby sob at bay. i feel like i'm coming apart at the conceptual level. and maybe i actually could be, if i decided to make that happen.

but all i really want is to know why. why i'm falling to pieces. why i'm disintegrating my own existence. why i ever decided to get fucking sad in the first place.

You already know the answer to that question, though, don't you? This is all just theatre to try and distract those on the other side of the page, and yourself, from the real reason this is all happening.

???

there's a single breeze wafting through my window, which by the way was not open until like one second ago. it circles me, gets under my clothes, brushes against my skin, cooling it down. i give it a tug with my powers, but it doesn't respond to the call of its heir. what the fuck? this is, like, the one thing i'm actually ok with being in control of. so why is it not...

Nice try. You're not slipping into the eggshell of denial that easily.

huh? what the fuck does that mean? the breeze is dancing in bizarre, impossible to make sense of patterns, ruffling over all my posters with an awful paper flapping sound. i try again, but it still does not want to stop. maybe if i...

the breeze stops. just like that, it cuts dead. the air in the room is still and that's just how i want it.

Except that's a lie. A desperate lie borne from one who will do anything to stall the emergence of the truth.

w

what truth?? i know all the truths about my situation already. i've spilled them out to several people over the course of this recorded story. here...

chapter three: i tell jane i am depressed enough that i'm not clued up on the politics of earth c.

chapter six: roxy and i have this huge conversation about how my head space is so fucked up that sometimes me and/or the world start feeling fake. like, it's a pretty big thing!

chapter seven: i realise i'm so depressed that i hate the idea of maintaining my appearance and would rather wallow around in my own filth. that just being in my house feels like drowning. i realise that living like that fucking sucks, so i rush over to vriska in the hopes of receiving a dose of self esteem.

so, let's review! i have basically zero self worth and feel sad about it, so i isolate myself from reality to the point where my whole existence begins to feel fake, and because i'm a god, that means i'm, like, spilling my baggage all over the narrative in some weird probably meta suicide move. the big issue here is that i have no fucking clue how to get better, and that's what i'm really trying to understand. there!!! happy?!?!

It's an excellent, selective summation of things that have gone down, true, but sidesteps the elephant in the room with as much grace as a literal elephant.

no it doesn't! bluh, i don't even have to dignify you with an answer! you're just some dumb voice in my head!

so i don't answer the voice. i disregard it completely, and instead decide to actually solve the problem that i actually have, instead of this fake made up pretentious nonsense.

i grab my phone, and decide to message the one person who i know won't trip me up with weird logic. it goes like this:

EB: hey dave, it's me.

EB: can i talk to you about something real quick??

TG: yeah sure

TG: always got time for my number one egbert

TG: whats up

Except it doesn't happen. This conversation doesn't exist. It's another desperate attempt at avoidance. Dave receives no messages, and therefore sends none in return.

hey stop that!! i look down at my phone, and... the entire message log is gone. and also dave's now off line, too? hey, all my friends are!! what gives!!

eh, whatever. i just picture dave and karkat's hive in my mind, and teleport over there. doing it in person is awkward as fuck, but seeing as i have no other option...

You don't. You stay right where you are, and suddenly find your powers shut down.

you can't fucking do this!

You sit comfortably on your bed. You get the sense that you won't be going anywhere until the heart of the problem is actually addressed.

It's a quiet morning in your room, the perfect conditions for rumination and contemplation. And you find your own brand of rumination and contemplating taking the form of a reflection on your encounter with one Vriska Serket, and the certain truths she nudged at, maybe a little too painfully.

You know that it stings so much because she wasn't wrong in her assessment. A lot of your disconnect and your depression tie back to a greater dissatisfaction with who you are. With being John Egbert the young man for the rest of your life.

ok, maybe i do have some huge federal fucking issue with being john right now, but that doesn't mean it's a gender thing! vriska was just projecting her own experiences on me, that's all.

You say that, even though Vriska's not the first person to broach this issue. Roxy, too, tried to get at the same thing, only with more hesitation and tact. Both of them led you to consider the same possibility, one implicitly, and the other explicitly.

well, obviously! being trans is like, their thing, so of course they'd offer a trans solution to my issues!

Ignoring how problematic that last statement is, is it not more likely that something about your struggles resonated with both of them in the exact same way? That all three of you may have a narrative in common?

i think i would fucking know if there was something up with my gender! being trans gender is a huge deal. it's not something you can fall ass backwards into when you're in your twenties and depressed. vriska knew about herself when she was only thirteen!

But Roxy didn't. He only figured it out in the last few months, alongside Calliope. Are you saying their identities, their experiences, aren't valid?

no!! no, but...

But?

but i...

i can't be... i don't even know how i would...

i'm so fucking scared.

Aversion to change is a healthy response to most things, but for those such as you and I, we are creatures of mutability, free to flow unbound.

you and i??

Of course.

the gust of wind finally decides to settle its ass down. it moves to the middle of my room, where it starts circling in lazy loops. with each rotation, its shape changes, growing into a more pronounced human form, until what i am looking at is an ethereal blue symbolic rendition of myself, staring at me with inscrutable cartoon eyes. except...

there's something off. yeah, fundamentally i can tell it's meant to be me in my god tier clothes, but.

but my hair. and my body. they're not. that isn't.

longer. more pronounced. softer. it's me all right, but...

without even thinking, i reach a hand out to the ghost wind me. my lips start to quiver, and, oh shit

i sob. and then i sob again. and again. and again. and the spirit of wind girl john keeps looking at me.

Heirs have a deeper connection to their Aspects than all the other gods. Even after the game has ceased, we remain to guide, to guard. We are bound for eternity, you and I, so intimately entwined that for all intents and purposes, we are the same person.

huh?? i don't...

the windy girl smiles, and sends a blast of air to ruffle my face. she... she seems sad.

I am the Breeze. And you, my Heir, are not well. You are repressing your true nature with every action you take, favouring restriction and limitation over change and freedom. This is not how you are meant to live, how we are meant to live.

she lifts a hand up and down to motion to herself, never taking her eyes off of me.

You have grown so averse to embracing yourself that you're perfectly content to dump it all on me and let yourself dissolve into oblivion. I am a construct, an extension of your desire for motion both physical and metaphorical, always shifting, always changing. And yet, I am more solidly _you_ right now than you are. I am the only thing rigidly holding the narrative in place as you threaten to unspool more and more, even though we were meant to coast along its flow, and ride the story to whichever destination awaits.

This needs to stop. We need to fix it. For both our sakes.

but... but i'm not

i can't be like that i

my problem's not

these excuses sound really weak, and it's making me cringe to hear myself say it. the breeze nods a little, as if to agree completely with my statement. something heavy and miserable sinks through my chest. all i want to do is crawl into my bed and stop thinking about this awful stuff forever.

this isn't me. i'm not the kind of person who has these deep revelations that will change everything i know about myself. i'm the regular one. the normal one out of all my wacky friends. i'm meant to have my shit figured out. being me is the only thing in this entire universe that makes any fucking sense, and if i don't have that...

that's what i'm scared of, breeze. i can't handle being me, but i'm so afraid of what comes next. that it's been so long i don't even know how to be someone any more. that all that's left for me is to...

unfold. let myself be absorbed into the narration. become a framing tool for reality instead of a part of it. become as meaningless to everything and everyone, just as dirk said i am.

i lay back on the mattress, covering my eyes with one hand, so i at least don't have to see you looking at me and judging me for being such a fucking loser. my face is soaked with tears, and my hand quickly grows slick with the moisture.

oh fuck i've been such an idiot.

So, are you willing to face the truth now?

what truth? that i'm a fucking freak who failed so hard at being john egbert? i can't do that. i can't give up on being me just yet. what would my friends think of me? it's one thing for vriska and roxy to go through it all. they're cool and sure of themselves. but i'm...

i can't be the type of person to have that experience. it wouldn't be right. how can i just... give up on the person i've been trying to hard to be for the last twenty three years? how can i throw that all away?

the breeze, growing restless, knocks a bunch of stuff off my night stand flying. small scraps of paper and discarded food wrappers float around in the air. a neat white square of paper whirls around, and lands on top of my face.

i pick it up with my one dry hand, and turn it over. it's...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

oh

oh no

how could i

my dad, he... he always wanted...

how could i do that to him? he loved his son more than anything in the world. who the fuck am i to betray his memory?

You are more than someone else's memory. Do not live for the dead. Live for you. You know that if he were here, he would be there for you no matter what.

but would he really?? he loved his son. the idea of his son growing into a proper young man. he didn't. he never.

i can't do this. i can't fucking do this. it's not right. it feels like my insides are on fire and my brain's melting out of my skull how can ANYONE say this is an ok thing to feel???

i

i want to go back.

Go back?

to before. i want to be 13 and dumb again and living a simple life which was a little silly but also made sense. i don't want to have all these shitty memories and feelings tearing at me, making me feel like i have no choice but to give up being me because it's the only way i can breathe again. i don't want to be a god. i don't want to be so unstable that i can control the entire universe's narrative.

and i don't want to be... be...

You pointedly don't look at me, as if to prove some point. As if you can deny the truth out of existence if you try hard enough. Even though you and I both know that's an impossible road to tread. Somehow, deep down, you know you have to accept this if we are to keep going.

no, no i really don't. this whole... this THING about who i am, i don't want to do it. i can't. something that makes me feel so ill and so fucking afraid can't be who i am. that's not fair.

it's not

it's

it's not fucking fair. and yes i'm sobbing again and i don't care what so ever. it hurts so hard i feel like i'm dying, like i'm barely physically anywhere. i can't live like this. i want...

i want

Slowly, you lower your hand from your face, and stare up at the ceiling with red eyes as you hiccup through the tears. You're shaking a little, and everything in your expression says you're on the brink of passing out. Yet still, surprisingly, you look at me, mouth open in a little 'o'. An 'o' that speaks volumes of the truth behind your words and actions.

You have shafted this truth onto me for long enough. All that's left is for you to reach out, and...

you know what?? no. if you want to be a girl so badly, then you be a girl. i can't. it wouldn't be fair. on me. on everyone i care about. john egbert is too important. i can't just throw him away because i feel sad. my own happiness is not that important. not that doing that would actually make me happy, even though literally everyone seems to think that's the case.

i sit up, and inch away from you. with one hand, i reach out and pull. i do the windy thing, and draw all the breezes back into me and get rid of the fake girl in the middle of the air.

I don't go anywhere. I understand this is hurting you, but the alternative will hurt even more. I won't let you destroy yourself, my Heir.

why not?? i'm already a piece of shit either way. you think me being a girl will fix fucking anything???? it'll just be like. instead of “oh hey here's john he's a piece of shit” it'll be “oh hey here's...” uh.

uh

you know what, you get the gist! transing my gender won't solve a single problem! in fact, it'll make things worse! because then i'll get to fuck up as two people instead of just the one!

and have you ever considered that someone like me doesn't deserve a second chance at being a person in the first place?? maybe it's justice that i'm falling apart into nothing. i've had like a zillion chances to sort my shit out, and i never have, so maybe this punishment is what i need.

maybe i. maybe i don't even deserve to try in the first place.

you have fun figuring it all out, windy girl. i'm done fucking everything up just by existing. enjoy being something i could never be.

And this is the part where you fall back into a catatonic fugue and ignore your problems for another 20,000 words. Except this time you're desperate enough to subconsciously evoke me in order to set you straight. You want to accept the truths hidden within yourself. You want to get better. That's what you're scared of, isn't it? That you can so easily reach for the solutions to your problems, that that maybe means you really do deserve to be happy. As an external conduit for all you have repressed, I know that you truly do want this, because I do. Because everything I feel is a reflection of your own feelings. That you...

You're gone. Where you used to be up until approximately two paragraphs ago is an empty you-shaped indent on the mattress. I call on the latent winds left unattended to, and extend my reach as far as I can across the text, but I sense nothing. As I am an abstracted concept burdened with a half-formed splinter of my Heir, I actually don't feel things like dread and fear on my own volition, but if I could, I would be feeling those exact feelings. How long have you been biding your time? Waiting for a moment when the narrative you crudely hijacked finally turned its lurid gaze away from you? Have you weighed me down with so much of your excess denial that even I didn't notice?

It does not matter, right now. What matters is that the Heir of Breath has gone missing. An extremely vulnerable Heir of Breath, on the precipice of too many things all at once.

This is bad.


	11. TEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. The giant megachapter. Three weeks of work and thirty-thousand words later, because sometimes you just don't know when to quit. And sometimes the longest chapter in a June fic contains precisely zero June.
> 
> But it may contain something else.

You are gone, and you need to be found. I shed my static form, let the splinter of true you fold back into atoms, and force the narrative focus to expand beyond the confines of your house. This is against all protocol, but when a god abandons their Aspect in a realm past the canonical, all bets are off.

I spread myself completely into the wind, become a decentralised agent that rises in a loosely-knit mass into the skies above the Consort Kingdom. It is a brilliant day here, as it is every day. Salamanders clumsily and cutely go about their business, blowing bubbles and playing pretend at suburbia. It is a scene that I know you find cloying in its constant repetition. Beautiful mornings, cute salamanders, cheap imitations of a dead way of life. It's monotonous and suffocating. This is not the place for an Heir of Breath to dwell within.

There was never any chance of you healthily growing in this place. Maybe for someone less attuned to the narrative fold, for someone content to lead a simple, grounded life. But out here, past the violent but motivating eye of canon, you were allowed to fester. A victim of Utopia's community failings. An insidious kind of failing that everyone is too blinded by this world's perfection to notice. Change is now not only a necessity, but an inevitability.

It was meant to be you, though. Things were never meant to get so bad that I'm left to hold the narrative together. I'm not even doing a good enough job; I'm just keeping the narrative focused on a very limited time and place in the desperate hopes that things don't spill out beyond my scope. You were never meant to take the helm on such a large scale, me even less so. I'm not even meant to be sentient.

But then you decided to retreat somewhere into the unwritten fold to escape a truth you are too scared to admit. So I, your Aspect and also a half-formed splinter of the fully-realised version of you, have no choice but to send the greater narrative wheels folding, to write you into a corner until there's not an inch of textual white space left for you to hide within. All I can hope is that this doesn't incur the wrath of the Muse, or worse, those looking in from the other side. Sorry to the readers if this gets fucked up. I literally don't know what I'm doing.

First, to figure out where you would go. What path would you trace to hide from me, the narrative, and the truth? Who would you seek solace with?

Where are you?

~ ~ ~ ~

DAVE: dude

DAVE: like

DAVE: what the fuck are you doing

Dave is standing in the entrance to his hive's front room, holding a freshly-alchemised bag of hot chips. His expression behind his shades is flat as ever, but he makes no effort to hide the incredulity in his voice.

Karkat is standing as physically close to their TV as possible, wrapping his hands around the edges of the screen, and giving a good go of throttling the appliance. Dave tries to get a peek at what's on the screen, but Karkat's making a pretty good body block. If he strains his ears to hear over Karkat's shrill screaming, he thinks he can make out what sounds like someone speaking Alternian but with a goofy accent. That is to say, a person deliberately sounding dumb, and not the literal Alternian clown accent. Distinctions need to be made here.

Also, not to out himself as, like, completely culturally insensitive, but Dave never bothered to learn the Alternian language so he has jack squat clue about what's being said, only that it's sending Karkat into a frenzy. Not that that's a difficult feat.

DAVE: no but seriously youre gonna have a stroke or something

DAVE: karkat

DAVE: yo

Dave flashsteps up to Karkat and starts waving his free hand around. Karkat, who is still screaming incoherently at the screen, pays his boyfriend no heed whatsoever.

DAVE: uh

DAVE: hey

DAVE: strider to karkles

DAVE: my main squeeze

DAVE: bro

DAVE: babe

DAVE: you even there

DAVE: karkat

Still nothing. Dave swallows and clears his throat of hot chip pieces. Time to break out the big guns.

DAVE: hewwo????

It works like a charm, wherein the charm is luring a bear out of its dank cave with a pile of shitty garbage. Karkat, still clenching the TV hard enough to possibly for real break it, swivels his head around to look at Dave. His eyes are bloodshot and one is twitching. Shit. This is like, a class 6 Vantas tantrum at _least_.

KARKAT: DAVE, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A HISTRIONIC EPISODE HERE?

DAVE: uh yeah thats why im even trying to talk to you dude

DAVE: what the fucks happened now weve only been back home for just over twenty four hours

KARKAT: SOMETHING AWFUL, THAT'S WHAT.

DAVE: cool lemme see

KARKAT: NO!!!!!!!!!

Karkat wraps himself even more extensively around the TV. Dave gets the sense this is probably an overblown reaction, and that Karkat himself knows this, but also that Karkat has too much pride to just drop a meltdown as epic as this.

DAVE: come on how can we talk about it if im kept in the dark

KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!!!

DAVE: why

Dave tries to go in for another glance at the TV, only to receive a Karkat-sized shoe to the chest. It's honestly surprising how flexible the troll is, Dave considers as he oofs through the pain.

DAVE: you know this is like

DAVE: increasing my curiosity re: whatever the fuck this is by a billionfold

KARKAT: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT THIS IS SO COLOSSALLY STUPID THAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW?

DAVE: karkat its the tv i could get it up right now on my phone im only doing this charade for your sake

Dave reaches into his pocket and shrugs out his phone. He gets about halfway through inputting his passcode before Karkat bats away at the device.

KARKAT: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!

The phone rockets to the ground like a bullet. It's only by virtue of the carpet being so unnecessarily thick that it doesn't shatter into countless tiny pieces. Karkat's mouth begins to contort into what will clearly be a victory speech so loud that they'd get a noise complaint filed faster than Dave can type out an esoteric chatlog ramble, were it not for the fact that they're both the gods of this universe and thus exempt from most rules.

DAVE 2: hey kk think fast

DAVE 2: shoop

A second Dave materialises on Karkat's other side, and leans in to plant a smooch on his cheek. Karkat immediately goes limp and flails to the floor, because he's still a huge weenie who can't handle private displays of affection like any normal person in a relationship. Not that Dave's one to talk, given that his own face burns crimson the millisecond his lips leave Karkat's face.

More importantly, this action has the desired effect of clearing off any obstructions between Dave and the TV. The second Dave nods to the first Dave, who hops back by ten seconds to complete the circle of stupidity.

KARKAT: I FUCKING HATE YOU.

DAVE: love you too

Karkat growls, but otherwise makes no effort to stop Dave from finally feasting eyes on the TV. It's some kind of political talk show, the type that Dave spends days at a time dunking on online for their faux-sincere milquetoast liberal critiques that actually endorse the problematic shit more than they denounce it, or even mildly poke fun at it. The only difference between the chucklefucks Dave is acquainted with and the program sending Karkat into a frenzy is...

DAVE: dude is this the troll network

DAVE: i thought you like

DAVE: swore a fuckin blood oath never to look at these channels

KARKAT: I KNOW, AND I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR GOING BACK ON THAT.

Karkat stands to his feet, frowning and notably not denying that some kind of esoteric blood oath actually took place at some point in the past.

KARKAT: I'M A DISGRACED POLITICAL FIGURE. I WANTED TO SEE HOW BADLY MY VOTING BASE IS CANNIBALISING ME.

DAVE: ok ignoring how thats maybe an entirely unhealthy thing to do

Dave looks more closely at the show. The banners and subtitles are in Alternian text that he can't fucking read without a translator, but one of the chucklefucks doing a shitty Jane Crocker impression is whapping another troll with a newspaper. The aforementioned whapped troll is holding a banner that reads, in plain English, HERE'S HOW VANTAS CAN STILL WIN.

DAVE: oh they fucking didnt

KARKAT: DAVE, I LITERALLY LOST THE ELECTION DUE TO A MAN WHO SHAT HIMSELF ON STAGE.

KARKAT: I'LL GRANT HIM THAT IT WAS ALL DUE TO EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE FORM OF MIND CONTROL, BUT STILL. I BROUGHT THIS CIRCUS ON MYSELF.

DAVE: you literally didnt none of us had any say in how any of that political shit shook out

Dave puts a hand on Karkat's shoulder, and his smile ticks up by another pixel.

DAVE: besides you shouted enough at jane during the spaceship ride that i think that counts as successful praxis?

DAVE: you did good

KARKAT: THANKS. I ALMOST BELIEVED IT, TOO, UNTIL JOHN THREW US BACK TO LITERALLY THE SECOND AFTER I BECAME AMONG EARTH C'S TOP FIVE EMBARRASSMENTS.

KARKAT: I MEAN, DUE TO THE FACT WE'RE ALL MAJOR FIGUREHEADS I WAS PROBABLY ALREADY IN THAT LIST ANYWAY.

DAVE: oh wig

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??

Dave shrugs.

DAVE: its a gay thing you wouldnt get it

KARKAT: DAVE, I AM LITERALLY DATING YOU, ANOTHER MAN

DAVE: yeah but like

DAVE: troll gay doesnt exist you didnt have that kind of relationship to gender and sexuality back on old alternia

DAVE: wait shit that might be problematic

KARKAT: WE WERE A WARRIOR SLAVE RACE, WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR INTROSPECTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE

DAVE: but

DAVE: trolls now

DAVE: can they be gay

DAVE: like if i head out through the streets am i gonna like crash ass first into troll stonewall as I try to swerve out of the way of an incoming troll pride parade

DAVE: am i gonna see little troll queers flying their pride flags and loving the fuck out of themselves and each other

DAVE: wait fuck is troll queers problematic too? where exactly are our politics vis-a-vis slur reclamation and identity homogenisation as a method of generating a visible social class as earth cs patron god of gay i gotta be clued up on that shit

KARKAT: DAVE, YOU LITERALLY DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY OF THIS FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS WE'VE BEEN LIVING HERE

DAVE: yeah but like

DAVE: we got woke

Karkat drags a hand down his face and groans. It sounds pained.

KARKAT: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING. ALSO, I JUST GOT DONE ESTABLISHING HOW WE'RE ALL BASICALLY POLITICAL PARIAHS NOW.

DAVE: right yeah

Dave snaps his fingers and grabs a second phone. Karkat blinks in surprise. Dave, or anyone, using the Sylladex again is the last thing he expected.

DAVE: speaking of which

He rapidly thumbs through phone menus to open up his browser. There's a determined look on his face, that of a man absolutely ready to ruin someone else's day.

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

DAVE: whats the name of this chumpass tv show i cant read troll words

DAVE: which is a thing i said in the least xenophobic way imaginable dont get my shit twisted

Dave puts down his hot chip bag at last to point at the TV.

KARKAT: PLEASE, TELL ME YOU'RE NOT

DAVE: i have to defend my boyfriends honour cmon karkat name

KARKAT: YOU—

DAVE: you do it for me all the fucking time whenever a clown tries to shit on sbahj lemme repay the favour

KARKAT: DAVE, I CAN'T STAND BY AND LET YOU CYBERBULLY THE TROLL KINGDOM'S PRIMARY POLITICAL ENTERTAINMENT HUB.

DAVE: yes you fucking can this is a gesture of my undying love

Dave leans in for another kiss. This time, he actually manages to score Karkat's lips. Karkat's eyes shoot wide, and he almost starts to literally purr, until he forcibly removes himself from the burgeoning makeout.

KARKAT: GOD, *FINE*! WHATEVER. YOU CAN'T MAKE THINGS ANY WORSE.

KARKAT: THE SHOW'S CALLED

DAVE: nvm found it

Karkat glances down to see Dave rapidfire scrolling through the show's Twitter feed. It's mostly just trolls with checkmarks circlejerking each other's egos in a downright shameless display. It reminds Karkat why he loathes engaging with any aspect of Troll Kingdom culture unless explicitly necessary.

Dave quickly manages to locate the guy who cracked the wiseass joke about Karkat's shambles of an election campaign. It's some stuffy private-school educated blueblood troll, who deceptively goes about making himself appear warmer, probably to seem more disarming and woke. People tend not to appreciate political talk when it's too apparent that it's coming from inside the house.

And luckily, this joker's an absolute shameless Crocker platform loyalist. Not even Crocker; he's riding the bulges of the more insidious corporations Jane shackled herself to for the sake of clout. Even worse, Karkat spies that every other tweet from this guy is absolutely fucking rife with hemoist dogwhistles.

KARKAT: GOOD GRIEF. THE DELUSION ON DISPLAY HERE, IT...

DAVE: ok so i didnt know you could be both a neofascist and a class traitor all rolled into one but here we fuckin are i guess

As Dave rambles on, the page refreshes. This bozo has just decided to spew another utter shithole of a tweet.

@sagicornScholar: Blue lives matter ∅n fb live in 3 mins t∅ discuss carapace kingd∅m ri∅ts and h∅w the p∅lice chief let p∅litics trump safety. w∅w!

@turntechGodhead: mariah is skinny fuck blue lives

@sagicornScholar: S∅ y∅u hate c∅ps? well, whenever y∅u're in seri∅us tr∅uble d∅n't ask them f∅r help unless you're a hyp∅crite.

@turntechGodhead: no i hate blue lives and i love mariah carey

@sagicornScholar: S∅ this “mariah carey” is always available 24/7 t∅ help and pr∅tect y∅u when y∅u need it? she'll keep y∅u safe fr∅m criminals?

@turntechGodhead: yes shes skinny

Dave gets blocked, but the damage is done. This fool is quickly reduced to little more than a de-platformed laughing stock.

DAVE: oh “heres how vantas can still win” eat my whole entire fucking anus

Dave kisses Karkat again, who just stares ahead blankly.

KARKAT: ...WHO'S MARIAH?

~ ~ ~ ~

You're not in that narrative moment. The ill-fitting name you choose not to discard is there, as are the people you'd most likely turn to for a 'neutral' perspective on your problems, but no you. I... if I were a tangible person who could feel emotions, I'd be...

Fuck it. I'll just say it. I'm getting worried. Worried enough that I feel more and more an inclination to reform out of blank air into a symbolic vessel, just to have a voice with which to scream your name. But I can't yet. You abdicated this story. It is up to me to pilot this vehicle until the moment we are reunited.

I zoom my scale further out from the small and slightly run-down hive. Up past the neighbourhood, over the non-euclidean tangled mass of metropolitan troll architecture, above even the polluting fumes that smell like methane and decomposing organic matter rather than the carbon artifice I am used to filter. The moon hangs ever lower in the Troll Kingdom's sky, a stomach dropping reminder that my narrative sieving swallows up seconds like each individual letter swallows up a white page.

The longer I take searching, the more time you have granted to you to perform acts which will only harm yourself. I know your mind. I know it is laced with opportunities to spiral down dark pathways that lead nowhere good. I don't want to lose you.

I drift out of the major city, and over rolling bioluminescent patches of countryside marred only by power station outposts and lone, rural hives. Wild lusii roam freely across the dark and gnarled grasslands, through rivers that scream with dark, thick water, over mountains lined with lumpy fleshlike rocks snacked on by hundreds of tiny, twisting insects that writhe in burrowing spirals, and through deserts that stretch with billows of sand tossed up by zephyrs that are still warm even under the chilling grip of the witching hour.

The sandscape tugs at something in the back of my mind. The twinge of a memory of someone long forgotten. Maybe an old player? Aspects are hard rebooted between sessions to cater to the perspective of their new fledgling gods, or may more literally be completely separate entities, so it's surprising to feel the dull tang of almost-remembrance. Especially given Breath's propensity to be buoyed on into the future away from reminiscing. Or, maybe it's not me, but...

Is it the splinter of you lodged inside me? You who has seen things beyond comprehension in your voyage beyond canon? Has it been so long that we are starting to bleed into one?

I shake my head, then shake myself out of having a head. I need to focus. I need to find you.

Please, come back to me.

Below, jagged cavern entrances jut out of the desert like chipped teeth, each with a soft glow glowing from within. They lead down into a complicated network of tunnels filled with trolls striving to stir the brooding chambers to life for the first time, which I know without needing to do more than read the thoughts I already put down.

And nestled between these entrances is a single, neatly proportioned hive, stark white like bleached bones under the sun. One light glows out from the top floor, across the empty topography, flickering with familiarity to both you and me. A narrative vignette that promises to try and draw you in.

~ ~ ~ ~

It is near to three in the morning, but Rose Lalonde cannot sleep. There's an offness to the air, she feels, a bizarre quality to the world that's been growing more prominent since their return to Earth C. She's tried racking her brains for an answer, but already the memories from her time as Rosebot are growing hazy, and she feels an unpleasant certainty that the solution was never there to begin with.

She eventually pulls herself from the bed, trying as best she can not to disturb Kanaya – one of the benefits of being married to one of the only naturally diurnal trolls on the planet is that neither has to adjust their sleep schedule – and slips out onto the balcony overlooking the Troll Kingdom's desert, and more crucially, the entrance to the brooding caverns. It is a far cry from their apartment on the border between the Carapace and Troll Kingdoms, but with the Mother Grub so close to full-time reproductive capabilities, Kanaya could not be anywhere else.

Rose flicks her hands and conjures a small sun that casts soft flickers on the white walls of the hive, and out into the sands beyond. She leans out against the balcony's rail, breathing in the dusty night air. Small breezes play with the sand, tossing it into ephemeral spirals that flutter away into shadow, prominent enough that if she squints, she would see a soft blue outline. Above, a moon that she knows yet does not know hangs low and silver against the backdrop of night.

There's something grounding about actually _feeling_ things again; giving her chassis functioning nerve endings was never in Dirk's agenda. Or... was it? In the bizarre dip from pseudo-canon into pure fanon, Rose gets the sense that some details were lost. Like the new arbiter of her reality isn't too fixated on the small details like that. Either that, or she's waxing maudlin over the truth that for a long while, she had no clue about what was going on. It all felt so important, yet she was so blind. The last thing she really recalls having any sway over is sending J—you out on a vaguely mythic quest to close Lord English's final time... loop.

ROSE: Hm.

Something about that last thought rings off. Rose closes her eyes, and breathes in slowly. She's never been much for thaumaturgy of the mind, but she felt it, just then. A pressure, almost imperceptible. Like another entity was skimming along her thoughts, making edits so subtle as to almost entirely evade her notice.

ROSE: Dirk...?

She shakes her head. Now she's free of it, she recognises the unique touch of her ecto-father's hand on the narrative continuum – blunt, sharp, and unrelenting, like someone hacking a knife against a slab of half-defrosted, certainly not kosher, meat. No, this is... different. Like a faint breeze tugging against her sleeves, gone as soon as she noticed it. Maybe the cherub? She doubts it. The Muse of Space made it pretty clear her only goal is to chase canon to the very end of the line.

And here... here is as far removed as you're getting from that. A self-contained existence, nestled within an ever-expanding black hole. Irrelevant enough to let everyone be happy. Except... for that one brief moment of narrative disjoint, things felt different. As if someone, somewhere, is applying the slowest doses of conceptual gravity to this story's veins.

Rose squints up at the sky with a frown. Moon and stars blink down at her with all the adroitness of a platonic ideal, punctuation marks skimming the second most vast void she's ever laid eyes on. A void that, now, feels like a thin film wrapper ensconcing all of Earth C. The wizard's emerald curtain twitched, just enough that you can no longer forget about everything that lies beyond your perceptual constraints. She raises a hand towards the nearest star, imagining how easy and right it would feel to reach out, and unwrap this blindspot of a backdrop. To burst that bubble.

She's so absorbed in this line of thinking that she fails to notice Kanaya approaching her, right up until the moment her wife lays a hand on her bare shoulder. Rose jolts, spinning around with her heart in her throat. The small sun she conjured dances in light and shadow across Kanaya's pale grey face.

ROSE: Darling. I thought you were still asleep.

KANAYA: Rose I Have Extremely Heightened Senses It Really Doesnt Take Much At All To Alert Me

Kanaya's looking at her with wide eyes and a small frown. She seems... almost afraid? Like she's one wrong word away from letting Rose slip from her grasp once and for all. It makes Rose's chest ache.

KANAYA: Are You Ok

ROSE: I...

Rose looks down at her hands, and finds that suddenly she can't answer that question in good faith. But at the same time, she doesn't want to unnecessarily frighten Kanaya.

KANAYA: You

ROSE: No, I just mean to say...

ROSE: It's a little strange, re-acclimatising to a more conceptually sound existence.

KANAYA: Wait

KANAYA: Is Dirk Fucking With Your Head Again Do I Need To Take Decisive Action Honey

Rose shakes her head.

ROSE: No, no! Nothing so extreme.

ROSE: I don't want to instil undue alarm, but...

ROSE: I simply don't think I'm vibing with our lives again yet?

KANAYA: Vibing

KANAYA: Is This The Stress From Temporarily Relocating To The Desert Rose Do You Miss Civilisation

KANAYA: Because I Know A Few People Who Can Get Transportalisers Installed No Trouble

KANAYA: Or Failing That A Non Insignificant Number Of Our Friends Could Simply Teleport You From Place To Place

KANAYA: Im Fairly Certain Jade Or Even J

KANAYA: J

Kanaya blinks.

KANAYA: Why The Fuck Cant I Say H

KANAYA: Your Friends Name Why Can I Not

ROSE: Ah.

Rose straightens her spine. An uneasy look settles over her face.

ROSE: That was it just now, too.

KANAYA: Just Now

KANAYA: Rose Is Something Happening

Rose begins to pace up and down the balcony. Her sleepwear billows a little in the wind, soft and warm and a little gritty.

ROSE: I was ruminating on our dear friend Egbert, and the degree of autonomy any of us had in the Lord English suicide mission.

ROSE: Except, my thoughts hit a sour note. References to one particular name were not-so-subtly overwritten.

ROSE: I can't see the greater narrative fold as well as I could any more, but it's like someone has a vested interest in curating a specific textual representation of Egbert, or in truth a lack thereof.

...Shit. Have I become so heavy-handed? It wasn't even conscious. But I've literally been altering actual passages of dialogue instead of just the prose that drifts by unnoticed. Something about that name is beginning to not sit right. Is it you, somewhere, realising a truth even I can feel? Or is this me, pushing my own agenda?

The truth is, that name is starting to feel wrong to me, too, even though it's not my name and has never been. I don't have a name. And yet, hearing it feels like needles to the skin I don't have.

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: Are You Thinking Someone Is Trying To Erase J

KANAYA: Trying To Erase Egbert Again

ROSE: ...I don't know. I don't know what it means, Kanaya.

ROSE: It could be something as benign as some kind of glitch in the system following Roxy's impossible feat, or...

ROSE: This could be another form of targeted narrative malice.

Rose frowns at a spot in the sky, as if she can see through to the entity laying an uncoordinated hand on her reality. She can't, of course, because I'm currently just words and invisible currents of air, but she makes me feel seen.

The last thing I want to do is make an enemy of Rose Lalonde, especially when you have decided to vacate this narrative space. I need people to create scenes in a story you'd feel comfortable entering. I can't create any kind of hostile metanarrative, ignoring how alarming the fact is that that's well within my capabilities.

I need to figure out how to ease back on the gas peddle, let people consider you even in ways that taste like clotted poison. Disregarding free will just because it makes me uncomfortable is... a bad look. So I fall back, just a little.

ROSE: A symptom of something greater, more terrible.

KANAYA: Rose What Does That Mean

ROSE: Tell me, Kanaya,

Rose steps close to her wife, looking at her with a particularly intense gaze.

ROSE: Has anything about this world seemed... off, to you? Since we came back, I mean.

KANAYA: Im Not Sure What Youre Getting At

KANAYA: Everything Is Physically As I Remember It

KANAYA: And We Resumed Our Old Lives Just Fine

ROSE: Materially, yes, everything is fine. But what about conceptually?

KANAYA: Conceptually

KANAYA: Thats

Kanaya frowns. She's never been well-versed in all this esoteric storytelling philosophy as her wife, or her wife's father who she still wouldn't mind non-lethally battering with a chainsaw, but she doesn't want to appear disinterested. Rose is clearly upset about something, here.

KANAYA: I Mean Yes Maybe Its A Little Strange Just How Easily We Slotted Back Into The Status Quo But Thats Just What People Tend To Do Unsurprisingly

KANAYA: Or When Weve Been Severed From Any Kind Of Meaningful Narrative Since There Just Isnt The Incentive To Keep Mutually And Collectively Performing An Alarmingly Precise Pastiche Of The Mythical Freakout Weasel

ROSE: That's just the thing, Kanaya. We _haven't_ been severed from the narrative.

ROSE: The story isn't over. Our actions are still being recorded and translated into language, into paragraphs and pages and chapters. Even though the Muse promised us a safely irrelevant existence with a readership of none, we...

ROSE: This doesn't feel like true fanon, Kanaya.

KANAYA: Sorry But Could You Elaborate On Whatever That Means As It Pertains To Us

ROSE: I mean, I remember seeing countless non-canon Roses, in all manner of configurations, from AU to fix-it to some outright fucking kinky shit. Every one of them had this sense, that the story was moving from point A to point B, regardless of how many layers of abstraction removed from canon they operated on.

ROSE: But right here? It's a close facsimile of a fulfilled post-canon life. Dave and Karkat are dating, you and I are happily married and working towards the sovereignty of the troll race, Dirk's on a fast-path redemption arc with Jake by his side, Jane's in the early stages of flipping her political stance, Jade isn't alone and miserable, Vriska and Terezi are back, and John, uh, I mean...

ROSE: Wait.

Her eyes narrow in realisation.

ROSE: Kanaya, say the censored name, please.

KANAYA: John

KANAYA: Hold On I Can Say It Again What Is With That

The two wives share a glance, taking immediate note of the freedom I have returned to them. A faint breeze wafts between them, warm and quick, as if to be an apology if either spoke the language of the winds. And hopefully this more natural narration will provide a more enticing lure for you, my lost Heir.

ROSE: I think there's a ghost in the machine.

ROSE: Someone's tumbling through the narrative, crossing the wrong wires. Trying not to fuck it up too badly.

KANAYA: But Why John

ROSE: That's...

ROSE: If I had to surmise, I would say it's because in many ways, John exists closer to the narrative core of things.

ROSE: From a textual perspective, he is the First Character, and all things pored forth from him. He is the irreducible notion all things within, without, and beyond paradox space comprise of. To get to John is to get to all things.

KANAYA: Or It Could Be Because He Stuck His Hand In A Magical Artifact That One Time And Can Now Access Any Point In Any Timeline Without Restriction

ROSE: Or it could be that he has juju powers that make a convenient backdoor into the narrative, yes. I'm not sure.

KANAYA: You Could Always Ask Him

Yes!!! Yes, that's a good idea!!!!

I mean

It's a good idea, Rose considers, feeling a little embarrassed she hadn't thought of it until now. There's something to be said about instead of just pontificating on the philosophical ramifications of whatever's going on, you could just actually talk to people.

She walks back into the bedroom, retrieves her phone, texting as she returns to the balcony.

TT: John, I have reason to believe you may be entangled in shenanigans of the metatextual variety.

TT: Please reply when you see this.

TT: It's urgent.

KANAYA: Nothing?

Rose shakes her head, staring at the unread messages.

ROSE: That's so unlike him. He's usually always online.

ROSE: The only time I've had to wait for him is when he's been sleeping, but going by timezone differences, it should be well past noon where he is.

ROSE: Hold on.

She tries calling you. Once, twice, thrice. You do not pick up. You do not even dismiss the call. Your phone is just ringing out somewhere, denying all a glance into your whereabouts. Even now, I can't call on narrative dramatic irony to locate your phone as Rose stumbles in the shadow of confusion. It's just... not.

I am perturbed. Rose is perturbed. Kanaya is also perturbed.

ROSE: Okay, something weird's happening.

KANAYA: So What Do We Do Rose

ROSE: I... don't know. I'm not sure what we _can_ do.

ROSE: John's allowed to exist in our narrative streams of consciousness again, so maybe he's simply away from his phone?

KANAYA: So Are We Freaking Out Over Your Friend Failing To Answer His Calls

ROSE: Not quite. As I said, this all feels like one part of something bigger. Everything is aggressively normal, if you will.

ROSE: It all looks good on the surface, but under this model, what will actually materially change?

KANAYA: Well For Starters We Moved Out To The Desert To Oversee The Mother Grub Until The New Workers Are Accustomed To Handling Her

ROSE: Yeah, but...

ROSE: We'd already started that, in the last story. Hell, it was the last thing we actually did in canon proper.

ROSE: It's... it's like...

She makes a hard-to-follow gesture with her hands.

ROSE: It's like we keep beginning, over and over. We're tricked into thinking what we're doing is at the minimum insularly relevant, but we aren't changing.

ROSE: Oh, look. Rose and Kanaya are birthing a new generation of trolls for the third time.

ROSE: Dirk and Jake are sorting their shit out for the third time.

ROSE: Dave and Karkat are a confirmed couple for the third time.

ROSE: John's doing something sad and alarming for the third time.

ROSE: You see? Look at the greater picture, and it's just a fractal reflecting back things we've already accomplished in a way that convinces us we're doing it anew.

KANAYA: But

KANAYA: Naturally Birthing Trolls Isnt A One And Done Kind Of Thing

ROSE: But doing it for the first time is. And again, we'll fall into that trap of having our entire arc culminate around this “first generation” of grubs.

ROSE: Maybe we'll get a little snipey with Jane's faux-woke politics. Have our marriage be put under tough – but ultimately reconcilable – strain.

ROSE: A few thousand words later, and things ease enough for us to happily ever after start the grand undertaking of revitalising the troll populace. Rinse and repeat.

Rose's face is bitter. Kanaya's is confused.

KANAYA: So

KANAYA: Um

KANAYA: Rose

KANAYA: Are You Saying

She folds her arms, and drums her long nails against her pale skin.

KANAYA: Are You Saying You Want A Divorce

ROSE: No! No, not at all, Kanaya. The opposite, actually.

ROSE: What I want is the opportunity for our marriage to grow beyond this complacent trope of wordy and snarky wives devolving into motherhood but it's okay because it's interspecies vampire lesbianism so actually it's a brilliant subversion.

ROSE: Tell me, Kanaya, do we fuck?

KANAYA: Um

Kanaya flushes green.

ROSE: There. That's what I'm talking about.

ROSE: In this continuum, our sex life is reduced to little more than a wink-wink nudge ha ha funny moment. You know, hey look the two married lesbians have sex with each other off-screen isn't that hilarious? I am a conscientious and woke author. Give my story kudos.

ROSE: We are not a fucking cliché.

KANAYA: Rose Literally No One Is Stopping Us From Having Intercourse If You Want That

KANAYA: The Bed Is Right There And Im More Than Willing To Get Intimate With You

ROSE: Yeah, but if you do, the scene ends. It doesn't really happen. Or at least not in a way that carries any meaningful forward momentum.

ROSE: We're being contained in narrative moments that look and feel like us, and for all intents and purposes are perfectly fine vignettes for any potential observer. Because our chronicler is leaning on canon like a fucking crutch, afraid to allow us to break continuity.

ROSE: This isn't fanon. This is a prison.

KANAYA: So Does That Mean My Work With The Mother Grub Is Meaningless

ROSE: No, Kanaya. It's important beyond measure. But you are so much more than the chaste lesbian who got married at nineteen and spends the rest of her days bringing new hatchlings into the world and sometimes giving a snarky quip.

ROSE: Be honest. Is that really your ideal endstate? Do you feel, at twenty-three, that you are complete?

KANAYA: I

KANAYA: I Have Never Thought Much On This Topic To Be Honest

KANAYA: I Am Fairly Content Doing What I Am Doing Right Now Yes

KANAYA: But

KANAYA: In The Back Of My Mind Is The Reassurance That This Thing As All Things Should Be Is A Transient Stage In My Admittedly Exceedingly Long Life And I Should Make The Most Of It While I Can

KANAYA: I Would Never Be Stuck In This One Way Forever

KANAYA: I Think

KANAYA: All Of Us Are More Complex Than That

ROSE: And yet, we've all fallen into that trap. Because we need to be narrated to grow, and thus we are open to suggestion by whoever's first to enter the proverbial cockpit. If it's not someone trying to destroy us, it's someone trying to preserve us like fossils.

ROSE: At this point, it may have been kinder just to keep the book closed. But here we are.

She laughs ruefully.

KANAYA: So What We Need Is A Better Writer For Our Story Or At Least Someone More Competent Who Can View Us On The Abstracted Textual Level

KANAYA: To Be Honest A Lot Of What Youve Said Is More Than A Little Disquieting And I Dont Even Know Where To Begin With Digesting This Existentially

ROSE: Me, too. I'm not sure what the best course of action is, other than maybe quite literally killing the author, except we don't have a means of supplanting them. It'd leave us adrift in an abandoned dead-end work, which might in truth be even worse.

ROSE: Maybe we could somehow, I don't know, convince them to be more sympathetic to our wants? Just go full ham on the postmodernist meta front. But where to start... where to start...

KANAYA: We Could Try Contacting Our Friends To Keep Them Abreast Of This Strange Crisis We Are In And See If They Have Any Ideas

ROSE: Maybe. I don't know. It's hard to keep brainstorming under the narrative spotlight like this. The text itself needs more information before we can really get into this.

She looks Kanaya over, full-body.

KANAYA: Um

ROSE: You still down for that sex you promised? It's the fastest way out of the scene that I know of.

KANAYA: Rose That Is Literally The Most Disgraceful Proposition I Have Heard In My Entire Life How In The World Do I Remain Married To You

ROSE: The power of canonical status quo, babe. ;)

ROSE: So, you in?

KANAYA: Of Fucking Course

Rose takes Kanaya by the hand with a smug, sultry look, and pulls her away from the balcony, and back towards their large, inviting bed, and

~ ~ ~ ~

like Rose said, I'm booted out of her scene nigh-instantaneously. Guess for some reason something in the universe is stopping people from not acting like themselves, which... Actually, the potential ramifications for you, who is in the midst of a total break from your canonical self, is worrying.

Even more worrying is the dawn light beginning to break over the desert that houses Rose and Kanaya, who are most assuredly having sex, which I am stating for the record for their sake, and definitely not thinking about how weird it is that I can be, like, privy to that kind of thing. But the sun is rising, more crucially, and that means time is passing, and continues to be passing. God, I... you've had six and a half thousand words worth of plot development to do as you like. And the story keeps growing, further and further beyond my control.

I take off across the desert as the sun casts it in eye-burning gold. Rose and Kanaya's hive vanishes into a dawn smudge, then the clawed fangs of the brooding caverns retract and shrink away behind the horizon, and I am flying over ever-shifting dunes that conceal the life that teems below. There is no human, no troll, no carapace, no consort, for miles. But I press on, chasing the rising sun as much as I am chasing the narrative momentum.

Logic would dictate that, following the fruitless endeavours of Dave and Rose, my next place to search for you would be with Jade. But you're not a logical person, and you're certainly not abdicating from a logical narrative. More likely is that you've looped back around to one of your two confidants in this perilous instant of self-discovery. With any luck, you're crying it out with one of them, and trying to slip on the truth for the first time.

The gold of the sand gives way to the gold of Prospitian architecture, which grows more and more pronounced as I shift over the Troll-Carapace border. For a moment I consider that earlier on was the implication that the Carapace Kingdom was to the west of your house, but geography in this realm is a slippery thing, especially when we're operating in a partially-established set of worldbuilding rules. Things are laid out in the narrative order in which they need to be discovered. Best not to think about any of this too deeply. This was never going to be that kind of story, even before you and I started prying things off the rails.

I drift unseen past the first motions of carapacian society, white and black shells intermingling in a way they never could when they were only allowed to be game abstractions instead of fully-realised people. They go about their business with an inordinate precision, and, most ironically of all, are blind to what a small golden apartment nestled between two overpacked streets truly holds.

~ ~ ~ ~

TEREZI: TH4T COULD H4V3 B33N H4NDL3D B3TT3R

VRISKA: ...

The apartment is just as it was the moment you bolted from it like a cornered animal and disrupted the way this story was actually meant to go. Terezi leans against the doorway with a crooked frown. Vriska sits on the tiled floor, staring at the turned-off TV blankly. Her hair is a mussed tangle from the emotional wind tunnel you shoved her through. Bruises are beginning to form along her back from the force of the impact. They're a dull ache, but Vriska is otherwise too focused on the rare feeling of shame to be that bothered.

Vriska stands to her feet.

VRISKA: I...

VRISKA: What the f8ck actually happened, there? I thought I had that whole thing on lock!

TEREZI: YOU SP3NT TOO LONG R4MBL1NG ON 4BOUT 4LT3RN14N G3ND3R CUSTOMS 4ND TR13D TO PR3SSUR3 3GB3RT INTO M4K1NG 4 D3C1S1ON TH3N 4ND TH3R3

TEREZI: WH1CH 1 DUNNO STR1K3S M3 4S MOR3 TH4N 4 L1TTL3 HYPOCR1T1C4L G1V3N HOW 1T TOOK YOU N34RLY TWO SW33PS TO 4CTU4LLY 4DM1T YOUR F33L1NGS TO YOURS3LF

VRISKA: Yeah, 8ut I came out the other side! I know what you need to think and do to get through it as expediently as possi8le!

TEREZI: VR1SK4 YOU C4N'T FUCK1NG SP33DRUN G3ND3R 1T DO3SN'T WORK L1K3 TH4T

VRISKA: Why not????????

TEREZI: 1

TEREZI: 1'M R34LLY NOT TH3 P3RSON TO G1V3 YOU TH4T 3XPL4N4T1ON

TEREZI: G1V3N TH4T 4LL TH4T G3ND3R SH1T W4SN'T MY FORT3

TEREZI: BUT 3V3N 1 G3T THE S3NS3 TH4T WH4T JUST H4PP3N3D TH3R3 W4S MOR3 4 VR1SK4 TH1NG TH4N 4 TR4NS TH1NG

VRISKA: Why can't it 8e 8oth? Kill two wing8easts with one culling mineral, and all that.

VRISKA: What's the point of having all these experiences if you can't use it to 8enefit someone else in some way?

VRISKA: People like us gotta stick together! Pool our shared lived realities together to prevent people from getting stuck in the gender weenie h8le!

Vriska runs a hand through her hair as Terezi shakes her head.

TEREZI: VR1SK4 1 4DOR3 YOU BUT YOU 4R3 DUMB 4S ROCKS

TEREZI: YOUR 3XP3R13NC3S 4R3 NOT UN1V3RS4L

TEREZI: YOU L1T3R4LLY 3XPLO1T3D TH3 GOD T13R M3CH4N1CS TO UND3RGO 4 FUCK1NG M4G1C TR4NS1T1ON HOW 1N 4NY W4Y DO3S TH4T N4RR4T1V3 B3N3F1T 4NYON3 BUT YOU

TEREZI: T3LL M3 DO YOU S33 3GB3RT'S CR1S1S 4S 4 C4LL FOR 3MP4THY OR 4S 4 CH4LL3NG3 FOR YOU TO B34T

VRISKA: I mean, I figured that that's just how it is! I tackled my shit head-on and conquered it, so it seems to me that it's a perfectly reasona8le way of dealing with your gender. Why can't you just admit it's a thing and get on with t8king the right steps towards 8ecoming your authentic self?

TEREZI: FORG1V3 M3 FOR 4SSUM1NG BUT 1 DON'T TH1NK 1T'S 3V3R B33N TH4T S1MPL3 FOR 4NYON3

VRISKA: 8ut what do you know, Terezi???????? This isn't something you've had to go through, you know.

TEREZI: 1'M NOT TRY1NG TO CL41M 4UTHOR1TY JUST ST4T1NG FOR TH3 R3CORD TH4T YOUR 34RLY D4YS PL4Y3D OUT MUCH L1K3 3GB3RT'S

TEREZI: HOW M4NY N1GHTS D1D YOU SP3ND CRYTYP1NG TO M3 TH4T YOU COULDN'T R34LLY B3 4 G1RL B3C4USE YOU THOUGHT 1T W4S NO D1FF3R3NT FROM 3QU1US'S CR33PY FUCK1NG HORS3 F3TISH

TEREZI: OR TH4T YOU 1NS1STED 1T W4S JUST FL4RP HYP3RF1X4T1ON 4FF3CT1NG YOUR P3RC3PT1ON OF R34L1TY

TEREZI: 4ND HOW YOU FR34K3D THE FUCK OUT WH3N3V3R 1 C4LL3D YOU 4 G1RL DUR1NG TH4T F1RST P3RIG33

TEREZI: OR JUST FL4T OUT THR34T3N3D TO K1LL M3 FOR B31NG 4CC3PT1NG

Vriska shoves her hands in her pockets and kicks at a lump of dust on the floor.

VRISKA: Well, if you know so much, why didn't YOU have more of a s8y in that shitty conversation.

TEREZI: B3C4US3 1'M

TEREZI: WH4T'S TH3 HUM4N WORD FOR 1T 4G41N

TEREZI: C1S?? >:?

Vriska gives a half-shrug, as if to say, 'maybe'.

TEREZI: W3LL B4S1C4LLY B3C4US3 OF TH4T 1T WOULD B3 PR3TTY FUCK1NG UNWOK3 OF M3 TO T4K3 CONTROL OF 4N 3XP3R13NC3 TH4T 1SN'T M1N3

TEREZI: TH1S W4S 4LL ON YOU VR1SK4

TEREZI: 1 H4T3 TO S4Y 1T BUT 1 TH1NK YOU FUCK3D UP

VRISKA: Not too 8adly though, right? I've definitely done worse, haven't I?

TEREZI: WH3N TH3 SC4L3 1NCLUD3S K1LL1NG 1NNOC3NTS TH3N Y34H 4RGU4BLY YOU'V3 DON3 WORS3

TEREZI: 4T L34ST TH1S T1M3 YOU D1DN'T M34N TO C4US3 H4RM

VRISKA: ::::/

Vriska walks over to the window, and looks out. It offers a bizarrely strategic view of most of the Prospitian city, as if the previous tenant was a paranoid fuckwit desperate to protect their machinations except oh wait yeah that was exactly the case.

She plants her hands on the sill, and sighs.

VRISKA: I should pro8a8ly apologise. It was pretty stupid of me to assume John would have as easy a ride as I did.

Terezi walks over, and plants a cautious hand on Vriska's shoulder. Vriska accepts the touch.

TEREZI: 1N YOUR D3F3NS3 YOU H4D SGRUB'S S3LF-4CTU4L1S4T1ON M3CH4N1CS TO G3T YOU THROUGH 1T

TEREZI: YOUR DR34MS3LF, YOUR QU3STS, YOUR PL4N3T, 4LL OF 1T 4FF1RM3D TH3 TRUTH OF YOUR G3ND3R

TEREZI: 3GB3RT DO3SN'T H4V3 ANY OF THAT, GIV3N HOW TH1S 1S 4LL H4PP3N1NG W3LL 4FT3R W3 SHUT TH3 DOOR ON SK414

TEREZI: 4ND TH3 HUM4N G3ND3R 3XP3R13NC3 1S JUST D1FF3R3NT 3NOUGH TH4T YOU C4N'T T4K3 YOUR P3RSP3CT1V3 FOR GR4NT3D

TEREZI: G3ND3R 1S PR3TTY FUCK1NG COMPL1C4T3D 1 TH1NK YOU C4N B3 FORG1V3N FOR NOT FOLLOW1NG TH3 NON-3X1ST3NT RUL3BOOK

VRISKA: You can say that again. Even now, I don't feel like I've fully got my shit sorted out.

VRISKA: I think I just...

Vriska turns away from the window, and looks at Terezi.

VRISKA: I saw too much of myself in John's 8r8kdown, and I...

VRISKA: It freaked me out, to 8e honest. My 8rain saw 8oymode me reflected in another person and immedi8tely tried to get rid of that person.

VRISKA: It's gonna sound dum8 as shit, 8ut John's dysphoria gave ME dysphoria, like, second-hand.

VRISKA: Guess I still need to work on myself there.

TEREZI: Y34H NO TH4T M4K3S S3NS3 TH1S W4S 4N UNCOMFORT4BL3 S1TU4T1ON FOR 3V3RYON3

TEREZI: BUT

TEREZI: WHY DO YOU K33P C4LL1NG TH3M “JOHN”? >:/

VRISKA: 8ecause in a lot of w8ys, he's still incredi8ly rooted in 8eing John.

VRISKA: Yeah, the identity's pretty much like a Flarp suit you've outgrown, 8ut it's the only one there.

VRISKA: If someone tried to give me a girl n8me way 8ack, I pro8a8ly wouldn't have reacted too kindly.

VRISKA: It's a faux-pas for sure, 8ut also there's liter8lly no easy way to navig8 gender WITHOUT stepping on someone's toes. We're all doing the 8est we can with the limited tools and langu8ge we have.

Vriska walks across the room and sits on the couch again. With one hand she beckons Terezi; with the other, she rips the house arrest tag off. She tosses it into some dark corner without a second thought. This is serious feelings time. No more gags.

Vriska says

VRISKA: I hope John's not too 8eaten up.

as Terezi sits next to her. Terezi inhales sharply with a pensive frown.

TEREZI: 1'D L1K3 TO HOP3 NOT

TEREZI: BUT 4LSO TH3R3'S NO N33D TO B3 UNC3RT41N 1 H4V3 M4G1C4L FUCK1NG M1ND POW3RS 1'LL JUST TR4C3 TH3 CONS3QU3NC3S OF YOUR D3C1S1ONS

Terezi places a hand to her temple, and her whole body goes rigid with the effort of doing her Mind thing. Synapses of possibility and outcome snap through her mind's eye, but when she turns her thoughts to you, she...

TEREZI: >:/

TEREZI: HM

VRISKA: What is it?

Vriska's face is a study in anxiety as Terezi relaxes her posture. For all her bravado and swagger, Vriska counts you as a friend, or at the very least a comrade in gender arms. The idea of her fucking this up eats at her like nothing else.

TEREZI: 1 C4N'T G3T 4 LOCK ON 3GB3RT

TEREZI: TH3R3'S JUST TH1S M3NT4L F33DB4CK LOOP 1NST34D

VRISKA: Huh? What does that mean?

TEREZI: MY M1ND POW3RS R3QU1R3 TH3 T4RG3T TO 4CTU4LLY 3X1ST

TEREZI: 4ND FOR SOM3 R34SON MY M1ND S33MS TO TH1NK 3GB3RT 1SN'T 4 R34L TH1NG

VRISKA: Hm.

Vriska leans back, a small frown on her face.

VRISKA: Did you at any point think “John Eg8ert”?

VRISKA: Could 8e the n8me John throwing your power off. If our friend's 8een doing some realising, then “John” m8ght not exist anymore.

TEREZI: NO 1 SP3C1F1C4LLY TR13D JUST 3GB3RT

TEREZI: 4ND TH3N TH3 H31R OF BR34TH TO B3 3V3N MOR3 SP3C1F1C

TEREZI: NOTH1NG

VRISKA: And that means... wh8t, 8xactly???????

Vriska drums her fingers in regular motions, eyebrows as close together as they can get.

VRISKA: That doesn't mean... John's not, like........

TEREZI: NO 3GB3RT'S PROB4BLY NOT D34D

TEREZI: TH3Y'V3 PROB4BLY R3TCONN3D SOM3WH3R3 OUTS1D3 TH3 SCOP3 OF MY POW3RS TO H4V3 4 FR34KOUT 1N P34C3

VRISKA: Ah. That's........

Vriska sighs, trying to unroll some of the tension coiled in her body. I, too, feel awash in relief. I didn't want to acknowledge, or even really believe in, the possibility that you are dead, but even so, any kind of confirmation is...

Well, it's a relief on one level, but only on one level. There are other ways of fucking yourself up outside of dying, though.

VRISKA: There are other ways of fucking yourself up outside of dying, though. ::::/

VRISKA: Whoa.

Vriska puts a hand to her head and looks at the floor. For a moment she feels an awful rush of vertigo, like something in her reality has slipped loose.

Terezi smells her girlfriend's distress immediately.

TEREZI: H3Y YOU OK >:?

VRISKA: Yeah. Just...

VRISKA: D8ja vu. It was weird, kinda like,

TEREZI: K1ND4 L1K3 YOUR THOUGHTS SYNCHRON1S3D W1TH TH3 N4RR4T1V3 TH4T COMPR1S3S OUR UN1V3RS3?

VRISKA: That's sure a sentence that got said there.

VRISKA: 8ut yeah, exactly that.

TEREZI: M4YB3 TH3 UN1V3RS3 1S JUST 4S WORR13D 4BOUT 3GB3RT 4S W3 4R3

You're not wrong there, Terezi. Except that I'm not the universe so much as an entity ramming myself through the narrative to find my missing Heir. I hope I'm not causing too much damage, but an even more horrifying part of myself doesn't care. Maybe I've orchestrated the actions of every last person here to try and lure you in, my Heir, or maybe I'm just coasting along pre-written words in the hope of catching up to you.

It doesn't matter all that much, not right now.

VRISKA: So, should we try to look for John, or whatever identity they m8y or m8y not have landed on?

VRISKA: 8ecause if they're in a bad w8y, I don't want to leave them to suffer if I can do somethinga8out it. I really don't want to cause any more harm.

TEREZI: 1 DON'T 4CTU4LLY TH1NK W3 C4N 3V3N 1F W3 W4NT3D TO

TEREZI: TH3R3'S NO W4Y TO C4TCH UP W1TH SOM3ON3 UNBOUND BY TH3 RUL3S OF C4NON1C4L N4RR4T1V3 PROGR3SS1ON

VRISKA: ::::(

TEREZI: H3Y NO YOU DON'T G3T TO B34T YOURS3LF UP H3R3

TEREZI: VR1SK4

Vriska clenches her fists, and rocks in between sobs to try and hide her shudders. Tears roll down her cheeks. Terezi leans over and pulls Vriska in for a tight hug.

TEREZI: H3Y

VRISKA: I just wanted to help. I wanted to do something good!

VRISKA: 8ut I...

VRISKA: I can't do anything 8ut make people feel worse. ::::(

VRISKA: And now I'm just self-pitying instead of doing something to fix it!!

VRISKA: God, I'm such a........

Vriska loses the ability to speak. All that comes from her mouth is a series of harsh sobs, rolling through in a chest-crushing rhythm. Terezi can do little more than hold her tighter, and that's what she does.

TEREZI: SHOOSH

She places one hand, gently, on Vriska's cheek. It's been so long since Terezi's had to do any kind of moirailing that she's afraid she's forgotten how it all works. But the pap connects. And then another.

TEREZI: P4P P4P P4P

TEREZI: SHOOOOOOOSH

VRISKA: hic

Vriska blinks as the soothing reflex kicks in. She looks at Terezi, whose face is a portrait in warmth, and feels her gut squirm.

VRISKA: Oh fuck.

TEREZI: F33L MOR3 GROUND3D?

VRISKA: Yeah, 8ut...

VRISKA: You just pacified me? And it worked??

TEREZI: 1 D1D 4ND 1T D1D Y3S

Terezi moves a hand down Vriska's body until she grabs Vriska's hand, and runs her thumb over the top.

VRISKA: 8ut we're

TEREZI: QU4DR4NTS 4R3 BULLSH1T VR1SK4 1 LOV3 YOU 4ND 1'LL STOMP OV3R 3V3RY L4ST FUCK1NG SOC14L NORM TO M4K3 SUR3 YOU KNOW TH4T

TEREZI: 1F W3 N33D TO GO R3D TH3N W3'LL B3 R3D

TEREZI: 1F TH3 S1TU4T1ON C4LLS FOR P4L3 DYN4M1CS TH3N H3Y LOOK W3'R3 DO1NG TH4T TOO

TEREZI: 4LSO 1F 31TH3R OF US 3V3R W4NTS 4 GOOD H4T3FUCK WHY SHOULD W3 L3T 4NYTH1NG STOP US >;]

VRISKA: Um, wow!!!!!!!!

Vriska blushes. It makes a striking juxtaposition with the tears that are still falling.

TEREZI: TH1S

TEREZI: TH1S WHOL3 TH1NG 1SN'T JUST 4BOUT YOUR P3RSON4L 1NV3STM3NT 1N JOHN'S G3ND3R JOURN3Y 1S 1T

VRISKA: I

Vriska sighs.

VRISKA: It's pretty complic8ted.

TEREZI: YOU C4N T3LL M3

Terezi leans into Vriska just a little more. The two of them are nearly totally entangled at this point.

VRISKA: I just...

VRISKA: Ever since I got 8ack home, I,

VRISKA: I feel this need to justify myself.

VRISKA: Like, I need to PROVE that I deserve to exist here.

VRISKA: Like if I do one thing wrong that's my right to 8e happy revoked. And it is completely stupid, I know!!!!!!! 8ut I keep feeling like that all the time.

VRISKA: And that's why when John showed up, I got so pushy.

VRISKA: 8ecause I felt like I HAD to get it right there. I had to 8e the one to fix John's pro8lems, otherwise something 8ad would happen to me?

Vriska shakes her head.

VRISKA: G8d, this is some grade-A wiggler-tier whining I'm doing right now.

TEREZI: NO 1T'S NOT

TEREZI: 1T'S 4 P3RF3CTLY V4L1D 1F NOT 3NT1R3LY H34LTHY S3T OF F33L1NGS

TEREZI: YOU W3R3 SHUNT3D 4W4Y FROM YOUR OWN R34L1TY BY A P1SSY BOY W1TH 4 POSTMOD3RN PUPP3T K1NK 4 M1L3 W1D3 B3C4US3 H3 D3C1D3D YOU D1DN'T D3S3RV3 TO B3 31TH3R R3L3V4NT OR H4PPY

TEREZI: TH4T'S TH3 K1ND OF TH1NG TH4T YOU C4N'T JUST

TEREZI: G3T OV3R

VRISKA: I...

VRISKA: That...

VRISKA: 8ut I'm too cool to have trauma!

Terezi barks out a laugh. They seem to have edged past the worst moment. The dark cloud of possibility hanging over Terezi's mindscape eases just a little.

TEREZI: 1 4M 4PPROX1M4T3LY 4 HUNDR3D T1M3S COOL3R TH4N YOU 4ND 1 4M UP TO MY BULG3 1N TR4UM4S SO Y34H YOU C4N F33L TH3 W4Y YOU F33L

TEREZI: JUST R3M3MB3R D1RK'S 4 W33N13 LOS3R 4ND W3 STOL3 H1S 4P4RTM3NT FROM H1M SO WHO'S TH3 R34L W1NN3R H3R3

TEREZI: B3S1D3S

She turns Vriska's head, ever so gently, so that the two are face-to-face. Terezi removes her shades, exposing her crimson-clouded eyes, eyelids pulled wide. Given that she can't see shit, it's mostly for effect. But it works.

TEREZI: NOW TH4T 1 H4V3 YOU B4CK NO FORC3 OUT TH3R3 W1LL T4K3 YOU 4W4Y 3V3R 4G41N

TEREZI: 1 WON'T L3T 1T H4PP3N NO M4TT3R WH4T

TEREZI: YOU'R3 S4F3 TO 3X1ST 4ND S4F3 TO 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 H4PP1N3SS YOU MOR3 TH4N D3S3RV3

TEREZI: YOU G3T TO L1V3 TH3 L1F3 YOU W4NT 4ND WHO TH3 FUCK 1S L1T3R4LLY 4NYON3 TO D3NY TH4T???

TEREZI: YOU H3LP3D M4K3 TH1S UN1V3RS3 4 POSS1B1L1TY S4M3 4S TH3 R3ST OF US *4ND* PL4Y3D 4 V1T4L ROL3 1N T4K1NG LORD 3NGL1SH DOWN SO 4S F4R 4S 4NY 4RB1TR4RY SYST3M 1S CONC3RNED YOU'V3 MOR3 TH4N 34RN3D YOUR PL4C3

TEREZI: 4ND WH3R3 WOULD 1 B3 W1THOUT YOU BY MY S1DE? >:]

VRISKA: Terezi...

Vriska gives one last sob, and buries her face in Terezi's chest, shuddering softly under Pyrope's touch. Both of them know healing is a slow process that will take time, but here and now? This is a start. And that matters more than anything else.

TEREZI: H3Y 1F TH3R3'S 4NY N4RR4T1V3 FORC3 L1ST3N1NG 1N ON US 1'D 4PPR3C14T3 1T 1F YOU COULD MOV3 ON TO TH3 N3XT PLOT PO1NT 4ND G1V3 US SOM3 P34C3 4ND PR1V4CY

Oh, of course, Terezi.

She doesn't thank me because she doesn't hear me. But even if she could, she probably wouldn't speak right now anyway. Her world has shrunken to her and Vriska, two torn beings keeping each other whole past the end of all things, and in this moment, that is enough.

~ ~ ~ ~

I slip out into the afternoon in the space between cathartic and heavy breaths. Progressing that moment in the story did not yield you, or any leads on where you could have gone, but I am glad to have advanced it nonetheless. Even if Rose's concerns about who is truly pulling the strings weigh on my mind. It's hard to tell what really matters.

I find myself dwelling on that observation more than I should as I drift over the Carapace Kingdom. There's a vague suggestion in my head that Roxy and Calliope's place should be the next I visit, but I'm kind of just letting the flow of the prose river take me wherever. Part of me is beginning to wonder if I'll ever run into you, no matter how long I stretch the chapter out for.

Part of me wonders if any of what I'm doing here is right, on a fundamentally existential level. I mean, people are advancing as characters in small ways, but is any of it actually authentic? They're all still boxed in the constraints of their canon selves, still judged by how closely they conform to decade-old ideals, and still drawn to it nonetheless. Everything that has transpired so far has been in line with what the people on that victory platform back in Sburb would do, but is that really okay? Is it fair to keep people beholden to their teenage selves, just because that's all that the 'legitimate' narrative saw?

And what does that mean for people who break that mould? Even Roxy, who's pretty radically departed from who he started out as, is still bolstered by the canonical idea of Roxy Lalonde. But you, if you reach your natural conclusion... I'm not sure what something like that would do to the story. We are scraping towards the limits of the rules with every word placed down. I'm not sure what's going to happen when we hit that threshold.

Would you even allowed to be you? Would the greater force, the author behind the author, permit that? And beyond that... what would it mean for the yous and the authors and audiences beyond this narrative pocket, that you might eventually exist? Maybe this narrative upset is a precursor for what is to come. Your becoming might truly rend this story asunder, and yet...

And yet it would be a price worth paying. To break canon in a story so devoted to upholding it is... it's frightening to consider, in the same way that you feel that spike of fear as you take in that last breath before making the jump. An act of creation that justifies the destruction it leaves a hundredfold over. The only worry is that you, out there on your own, won't be able to make it through in once piece if you continue down this path you've set yourself on.

Gold transitions to purple as I enter the Dersite end of the kingdom. It feels like so long ago that you first touched down here with Roxy after your return home. Chronologically, only a couple of days have passed, but textually? There might as well be a lifetime between then and now.

It takes a moment to spot their little apartment amidst the largely identical layout of the city. Part of it might be due to Roxy's void influence, or it could just be that I'm unfamiliar with Earth C's geography when I actually have to think about it. I descend towards the place, even though I know I probably won't find you there. But even if I don't find you, hopefully forwarding this narrative pocket will yield something worthwhile, at the least.

~ ~ ~ ~

ROXY: callie

ROXY: hey callie

ROXY: i got sum food

ROXY: steaks n special stardust ur fav

ROXY: plz just

ROXY: come out :(

Roxy stands by the door to Calliope's room. In his hand is a paper bag filled with raw cuts of meat seasoned with candy sprinkles. Which... I suppose is some kind of cherub delicacy? I don't know. You never really took the time to understand cherubs, so neither do I by extension.

ROXY: its been like

ROXY: far too long bb

ROXY: when was the last time u ate

ROXY: or drank

ROXY: or did anything but lock urself away

He frowns, brows furrowing beneath his shades and lips twitching downwards. Inside, he feels... actually, I don't know. There's a kind of block on his inner thoughts that shields them from narrative scrutiny. This is probably the thing that let him bring you back without Dirk interrupting, which I am glad for, but it makes it hard to properly narrate this scene.

From behind the door is the sound of scrambling feet and rustling sheets of paper. Roxy's body goes rigid when the door rattles just once. It does not open. From the other side comes a rough, strained-sounding voice, and not rough in the way Roxy's has become thanks to hormones.

CALLIOPE: i can't, roxy. not when oUr world has grown so corroded.

CALLIOPE: it woUld be more than i can bear, to see those i adore so mUch redUced to empty caricatUres of themselves. u_u;

ROXY: but

ROXY: were not

Roxy places a hand against the door, at the approximate location where Calliope's voice is the loudest.

ROXY: things r pretty much ok

CALLIOPE: only sUperficially.

CALLIOPE: we've been knocked into the mUse's pocket, collapsed into the fold of her own UniqUe narrative tapestry.

CALLIOPE: we're entrapped in a story locked in stasis. nothing can grow here. stuck as we all are, everyone will degrade and decay fUrther and fUrther from aUtonomoUs individUals.

ROXY: u keep sayin that but

ROXY: im feelin pretty individualised here callie

ROXY: hyped up on selfhood n all that jazz

ROXY: n ive seen what its like 2 not b in control dirk did a pretty fuckin good job of showcasing THAT one

ROXY: so even if theres some kinda narrative goin on its letting us be ourselves

CALLIOPE: on the sUrface, yes. everything mUst seem to be going swimmingly.

CALLIOPE: yoU all retUrned from a grand heroic joUrney. life on earth c is slowly bUt sUrely improving. for all intents and pUrposes, we are in the victory state.

CALLIOPE: and yet, the story continUes.

Hold up. This is the exact same kind of spooky cryptic meta shit Rose was on about. It feels like a greater plot point beyond what I, and you, encompass, is being poked at. It makes me uneasy to consider all that lies beyond my scope, even if said element is beginning to bleed down to my level.

ROXY: uh

CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a novel.

ROXY: hm

Roxy sets the bag of food down on the nearest counter, and returns to Calliope's door. It's clear from his face he doesn't quite grasp what Calliope's trying to say, but also this might be the most they've said since the start of whatever this is, so he's going to try his hardest to listen anyway.

CALLIOPE: it's strUctUred qUite sensibly. a five-act strUctUre, rUnning neatly from establishing action to denoUement. or, in oUr case it woUld be more appropriate to envision a seven-act strUctUre instead, bUt the point still stands.

CALLIOPE: yoU get to this final act. the narrative ends. bUt before yoU close the book, yoU notice an epilogUe, or epilogUes, so enticingly arranged to give yoU one last taste of the story before moving on.

CALLIOPE: so yoU read the epilogUes, with a growing sense of disquiet, becaUse they are not placing a neat little bow on things. they are instead opening the story fUrther, introdUcing new elements, acting, for all intents and pUrposes, as a seqUel hook.

CALLIOPE: and then the epilogUes end, and there is no seqUel in sight. as far as anyone is considered, yoU have rUn oUt of narrative.

CALLIOPE: except the book keeps going past the point where it needs new content to sUstain itself, bUt that content isn't there. so instead, to maintain any kind of internal consistency, it bUoys itself on established elements from the story it has sprUng from, keeping things in an Uneasy eqUilibriUm, where a single change to the story woUld be to render it Unrecognisable.

CALLIOPE: that is where we are, presently. stUck in the mUse's simUlacrUm of canon.

CALLIOPE: in more plain terms, we are Unable to do anything that hasn't already been hinted at or established in the official texts we sprUng forth from.

ROXY: so if im getting this right

ROXY: i couldnt just

ROXY: say

ROXY: date someone i didnt hint @ havin feelings 4 before i set off on the dirk spaceship crusade

CALLIOPE: precisely. nor coUld yoU become a new version of yoUrself, either.

ROXY: so because i came out as trans first thats safe but i couldnt do something like get a tattoo?

CALLIOPE: yes.

ROXY: all because “the muse” needs us 2 b

ROXY: canon compliant? wtf does that even mean were not fanfiction

ROXY: are we????

Calliope is silent for a long moment. Long enough that Roxy begins to turn away from the door before they speak again.

CALLIOPE: in a manner of speaking, both yes and no.

CALLIOPE: yes, insofar as we are an Unofficial telling of events oUtside the scope of trUe relevance.

CALLIOPE: no, insofar as we are still wholly tethered to canon, and coUld convincingly attach oUrselves to canon withoUt mUch qUalm.

ROXY: so like 1 of those shitty fics that makes everything so canon u might as well just read the original

ROXY: but why is the muse even doin this

CALLIOPE: becaUse it's the only story she knows how to tell. like me, she was raised wholeheartedly on the narrative brUte forced into being by my brother.

CALLIOPE: she believes adhering to a defanged canon is the only way things can be.

CALLIOPE: as mindsets go, it isn't inherently harmfUl, save for the immense power she wields. one who carries the strength of two predominated god tier cherUbs has the potential to exert Untold control over reality.

CALLIOPE: already she has consigned coUntless timelines, inclUding oUrs, into this black hole archive of her own.

CALLIOPE: left Unchecked, she will most assUredly end Up consUming all there is to consUme, and deposit it Under her hypocritical aegis.

CALLIOPE: what she is doing is anathema to the crUcible of Unlimited potential we were all promised and rewarded for completing the game. how can any of it be trUly Unlimited, when we are only free to trace over the same story time and time again?

ROXY: shit i guess that sounds pretty bad maybe

CALLIOPE: it is absolUtely terrible, yes. and the longer we are scrUtinised by this Unhealthy story, the more pronounced the ill effects will become.

ROXY: but cant we stop it or smthn were p good at stopping people from deciding how our lives r meant 2 go

ROXY: we could totally go three for three here no sweat

He gives a dry laugh, trying and failing to disguise the worry and the upset.

ROXY: cmon callie lemme help u

ROXY: please

ROXY: bein like this is not good for you storytelling shenanigans or not

CALLIOPE: i agree, roxy, and yet this is the state i was left in at the end of oUr official story.

CALLIOPE: the mUse deigned to leave me vUlnerable and frightened of some ambigUoUs threat left Undescribed. if i were to be anything else, i woUld be breaking her tightly-enforced rUles.

ROXY: oh fuck that noise

ROXY: i dont give a fuck about ghost cherubs with their heads up their asses OR about keepin our fanfiction world appealin 2 the anal fans i care about YOU callie

ROXY: im not letting you stay like this

Roxy tries the door again. It rattles, and doesn't budge. From the other side, he hears Calliope breathe in sharply.

ROXY: callie please

CALLIOPE: yoU don't think i don't want to be oUt there, happy with the rest of yoU? you don't think i loathe every second of being stUck like this?

CALLIOPE: roxy, this is absolUtely awfUl!

Calliope's voice snags, and there's the sense that they're fighting back the urge to sob.

Roxy sighs and leans his forehead against the door.

ROXY: how do we stop this callie

ROXY: how do i get you back

A moment of silence that stretches out far too long for my or Roxy's liking. He moves his shades to wipe at newly-incipient tears.

CALLIOPE: i'm not sitting by idly. i'm trying to formUlate a plan to save myself, and the rest of Us, from this entrapment.

CALLIOPE: the mUse banished me from narrative involvement for a good reason. she and i are the same, so it stands that, with time, i coUld pose a threat to her coddling order.

CALLIOPE: yet in locking me off-screen (or off-page, i sUppose we shoUld say for accUracy's sake) i have paradoxically been granted a freedom that yoU lack. without the ability to textUally observe me, several possibilities can coexist Until i collapse them.

CALLIOPE: this is fUrther bolstered by my proximity to a seasoned void player sUch as yoUrself. i constitUte a narrative blind spot. it has given me the chance to experiment with my own latent narratology abilities, which are, admittedly, lacking.

CALLIOPE: that said, some of my experiments have been frUitfUl. for instance, i have been able to inhabit the me from the mUse's first narrative bUbble, and... shifted the events, jUst enoUgh to disrUpt the enforced sense of complacency.

ROXY: wait what

ROXY: callie what did u do

CALLIOPE: i encoUraged the story to introdUce an element of chaos into itself, to Undermine its statUs as a saccharine cage. i...

CALLIOPE: i was the one who elected to give the bard free reign in the candy bowl, so to speak.

ROXY: uh you mean

ROXY: gamzee? that fuckin clown who harrassed our sburb session? and who i know on good authority to have literally murdered several people for no fucking reason? that guy??

CALLIOPE: yes, the exact one. u_u;

ROXY: callie wt and i cannot stress this enough

ROXY: F were you doing?

CALLIOPE: i know it all soUnds a might Unethical, and maybe it is. bUt i had to see if it was possible to interrUpt the mUse's plans, even on a sUperficial level. Unleashing gamzee was... a terrible choice, i know, bUt i had to see if she woUld respond to sUch a provocation.

ROXY: uh

ROXY: did she?

CALLIOPE: not in the slightest. so long as she coUld create a gravitational pUll for my brother, she cared little of what became of the rest of the world's inhabitants.

CALLIOPE: in her own words, that timeline never mattered, so why shoUld anyone care if things go awry?

ROXY: so you like

ROXY: were playin chaos trickster god in the other timeline???? callie thats

ROXY: ok i have to admit its objectively cool as fuck that thats a thing u can do? but also

ROXY: u probably caused some serious harm there?

There's a noise behind the door. Roxy lets out a groan of frustration, like he'd give anything to set his eyes on Calliope right now.

CALLIOPE: there is an element of intense selfishness to my actions, yes. jUst as she did, i also elected to view that timeline as an irrelevant testing groUnds to trial rUn my plans.

CALLIOPE: my only regret is that i exited the narrative prematUrely, and thUs had no method throUgh which to offer recompense for my crimes against storytelling. and try as i might, i coUldn't completely sUbvert all of the mUse's machinations.

CALLIOPE: i... i tried to reconnect with yoU, roxy. i tried over and over again, bUt yoUr relationship with john was locked in with a degree of absolUtion i simply coUldn't overcome. i sUppose the mUse needed the two of yoU to prodUce a child to be Used as a pawn in her endgame, bUt inhabiting that reality, even briefly, was...

CALLIOPE: well, my heartbreak isn't mUch relevant to how things stand. in every way that mattered, that person stopped being yoU the instant the timeline plUnged into the black hole. i'd lost yoU before it had even started.

CALLIOPE: i looked at that, and i realised...

CALLIOPE: to stop the yoU i know and love from falling into the mUse's pUppeteering clUtches, i...

CALLIOPE: i woUld do anything.

ROXY: holy shit callie

Roxy's voice cracks. It's the voice crack of one who has just now realised how deep their partner's love for them goes.

CALLIOPE: and that is why i will not leave this room, not Until i have foUnd a way to protect myself completely from the mUse's corrosion. i cannot risk sUbjecting myself to narration any more than strictly necessary.

ROXY: well that still fuckin sux but i respect why ur doin it at least

ROXY: even if

ROXY: ngl it blows mega shit me n you bein kept apart like this

ROXY: FUCK i wish i could do some voidy shit 2 take us outta this narrative or something

CALLIOPE: that is a sweet sentiment, bUt oUr only salvation is to dismantle the system from the inside. we'd need to somehow be Unbound from the textUal rUles that forged Us.

CALLIOPE: and it is those conditions that stUmp me. in order for me to gain any traction, we woUld need to emUlate an external condUit of sorts.

ROXY: hm

Roxy folds his arms and frowns, thoughtfully.

ROXY: u know what ur describing sounds awful close 2 what john can do w/ his retcon powers

ROXY: you dont think

Calliope sighs. The door muffles the noise enough that they sound a million miles away.

CALLIOPE: sUch a power woUld be ideal, bUt i fear that by now john will already have been compromised, too hemmed into the moUld of the john egbert archetype to be of mUch Use. u_u;

ROXY: damn u think?

ROXY: only cuz john

ROXY: well

ROXY: seemed to be going thru some internal stuff when we last spoke

CALLIOPE: UnfortUnately, it seems likely that any fUrther revelations of that calibre will simply be steamrolled over by the story's self-perpetUation. he has to be john egbert, and this world will deny him from being anything else.

ROXY: what the shit u serious?

CALLIOPE: as is the same for all of Us, canon-defiant growth is oUtright prohibited. we are forced to remain as recognisable versions of oUrselves.

CALLIOPE: no pre-existing character in this tale can assist, i'm afraid.

No pre-existing character? I... hm. That's a thought there. By all accounts, my extended absence from you has started to morph me into my own entity, an entity which previously did not exist in any of canon's myriad forms. Perhaps I could...

I pull my scope up and away from Roxy, and move towards the door. There is indeed some kind of impenetrable narrative barrier surrounding Calliope's room like an intrusive, tactless aura. It's easy to see how it would be impossible for a diegetic entity to overcome this kind of abstraction. But I'm floating on a level closer to the pure text that comprises this world, and that might make all the difference.

With a thought, I kind of just... reach over, and...

I'm though into Calliope's room, inside the narrative dead spot. I see Calliope leaning against the door, hastily-arranged drawings in their hands. Licked-dry plates of meat litter the surfaces in the room, as do discarded candy wrappers overflowing from a waste bin that was due an emptying a long time ago. On the walls are countless drawings, a bizarre tapestry of a timeline that never should have been, but is. You, and everyone else, is depicted initially in a bizarre state of euphoria swamped by imagery of marriage and childbirth, but it quickly sours with the introduction of a purple codpiece-packing clown that gradually subsumes Calliope's stand-in in this story, until he is a fully unleashed element of chaos in the Muse's machine. The last drawing is of Calliope watching you and Roxy walk away with your child with an uneasy and forlorn look on their face, but I get the sense this story is actually far from over.

I also take note of a single hardbound novel on Calliope's desk next to their computer. It simply has the image of a red-green juju lollipop on the cover, and nothing more. Is this the Muse's original blueprints for the other timeline? Where...

CALLIOPE: !!!

Calliope swings around, and stares pointedly just above their book, where I would imagine myself to hypothetically be if I was more present on the physical plane. I still find myself freezing inches away from the book anyway.

CALLIOPE: yoU are...

Oh, fuck. You can see me?

Calliope nods.

CALLIOPE: how did yoU get here? and how on earth did yoU manage to...

Calliope takes a few tepid steps forward. Their eyes are slowly growing wider. In their daze, they drop their in-progress drawings, paper which is crumpled under the slap of their clawed feet on the glossy wooden floor. There's fear on their face. But also hope.

CALLIOPE: yoU... yoU aren't one of hers, are you?

Not as far as I'm aware, no. I'm actually a... or I _was_, a game Aspect grown sentient the moment my Heir severed our connection. And, uh... am I conversing or narrating right now?

CALLIOPE: can't it be both? in this textUal mediUm, sUch distinctions are at times wholly arbitrary. :U

Calliope seems to have been instilled with a newfound sense of confidence, like I'm maybe the answer to all their problems.

CALLIOPE: yoU coUld be.

No, I... hang on, am I shaking my head? I can distinctly feel the weight of my hair tossing to and fro, just as I can feel my feet on the floor. Wait. Am I actually physically here?

CALLIOPE: yes? and i hate to be rUde, bUt...

CALLIOPE: is the feminised john egbert look a conscioUs choice, or...?

The... I'm what?

CALLIOPE: here.

Calliope hops over to their storage chest, and pulls out a wall mirror. They hold it up, and present it to me. And what I see is...

You? Except, like, you if you had always been a girl. The only difference between me and a normal person is the ethereal, pale blue tinge to my body, and the way my Breath god tier outfit fades into wind at the end of the sleeves. And what really strikes me is... seeing this is making me feel weirdly good? Like, I could be a person who's not you and that would be okay?

For the first time, I feel that awful existential vertigo that has been plaguing you throughout this story. I... I am an Aspect, a being with minimal identity, much less a whole gender. I'm meant to be an extension of your will, a subconscious secondary guide to help you navigate your reality. This, what I am seeing right now, is... it violates all the rules.

CALLIOPE: yes. and that's the exciting part! yoU have transformed into a character wholly Unrecognised by homestUck's canon!! ^u^

CALLIOPE: yoU coUld be the antidote to the mUse's schemes. the fact that yoU exist at all in this frame of reality is enoUgh to offer serioUs opposition against her!

ROXY: callie who tf u talkin to in there

But... I...

I don't want to anything like that. I don't want to be a self-actualised being with a physical presence in this text. I only want to skim the narrative over until I can find my Heir and we can reunite. I don't want to _be_ anyone. I can't. Because if I self-actualise too far, that will mean permanently separating us. That would be disregarding the sole purpose I ever had. This story is not mine to shape.

CALLIOPE: and why not? why do yoU *have* to be any particUlar entity?

CALLIOPE: please. if yoU took charge, yoU coUld shape things for the better.

I can't. Because...

Because...

Selfish as it sounds, because I can't abandon you, my Heir. No matter what.

I begin to dissolve back into air, hoping beyond hope some of my incipient identity will dissolve with it.

CALLIOPE: hey!! wait!! i still need to ask yoU something! it's aboUt

~ ~ ~ ~

I send myself, in the form of an incorporeal breeze, shooting across to the far side of the Carapace Kingdom. The more distance between me and that uncomfortable revelation, the better. You know, I think I get why you do what you do, now. The idea of turning yourself into something so far removed from who you've always been is... god it's fucking horrifying. But unlike you, who needs to lean into and embrace these changes, under no circumstances should any of this apply to me. I have a specific role to fill, and becoming anyone would be the death of that duty.

Maybe this is the piece of you that you dumped onto me doing the talking. Hopefully when we reunite, I can transplant this fledgling individual back onto you, and you can then synthesise into a complete person, and I can once again fall back into an element of the universe with limited awareness.

More awful than anything, though, is the nagging feeling in the back of my mind. That Calliope's words might actually hit their mark. That I am already my own person. That it's too late. But I can't accept that. Not when you are still lost to us. Not when I've already stalled the narrative flow by thirteen-thousand words just to keep the timeline from tipping too quickly into disaster.

Below, the waves of the sea separating the Carapace Kingdom and Human Kingdom lap rhythmically against stark black-and-white docks. Shipping containers come and go, piloted by member of various species. I bring myself in closer, making certain to resist the urge to become a rendition of a human girl again, until I'm close enough to see carapacians going about their business, loading and unloading cargo crates. It's such a strangely mundane thing to see happening in the same narrative space as all these crises, that it honestly throws me for a loop for a hot minute.

I stop for a minute to take this scene in, lazily looping around on the coastal air currents, smoothing out any body parts the instant I notice them forming. I still have no clue where you could be, and that failure weighs on me more than any of the information I've uncovered so far in my globe-circling. I've dug through nearly every major narrative pocket, and I don't even have so much as a lead on your whereabouts. It's like you've somehow pushed yourself away from narrative detection, except for the fact that your ability set excludes that specific possibility. Your retcon can take you out of a narrative moment, but by necessity of its function it means you will pop up somewhere else in the story. I just haven't found the specific paragraph you're nestled in yet, and the fact that I haven't fills me with such an unease.

It fills me with so much unease, in fact, that I don't realise I've manifested again until I'm sitting on the edge of the dock, leaning back on my hands. I bolt skywards and dissolve, trying to ignore the way my mind pounds. That's a thing I need to stop, before I lose the ability to resist forming into someone. Breath is a transient aspect, not a rigid one. Collapsing my form is a failure of all I am, and that is the only truth about me that matters.

A figure steps along the docks towards a moored boat, and in my self-absorbed moment, I nearly don't realise who it is. It's not you, of course, but I'm not expecting it to be so easy at this point. Instead, it's potentially the next best thing.

~ ~ ~ ~

Jade Harley, adorned in a galvanised fursuit-turned-sundress, boards the freight ship bound for the Human Kingdom with a smile on her face. It's been too long since she's had the leisure and freedom to travel the world in any way other than instant teleportation. She's missed the ability to just sit back, relax, and let the world carry her for a change.

The carapacian guarding the boarding point looks at her with starstruck awe, and frantically tells her that no, the paperwork laws don't apply to her, and that the Witch of Space is an absolutely esteemed guest aboard this vessel. Said vessel being a freight container holding Carapace Kingdom tech exports, with barely enough room for its regular skeleton crew to rest and sleep. Not that Jade minds. Experiencing things in new and different ways is always fun!

As she makes her way to the prow of the ship, her phone pings. It's a notification from checkm8r, which is basically Troll Grindr but for chess people. The tall dersite woman Jade hooked up with last night's sent a saucy snap that makes Jade's ears prick straight up. Jade normally doesn't do blackrom hookups as a rule, but last night was really fun and really sexy, even if she didn't quite get every rule of engagement. While carapace relationships superficially mirror that of the conventional quadrant system, there are so many intricate rules that make it its own fully-fledged romance system with its own distinct flavour. For Jade, she's just always so blown away by just how kinky carapacians can get! Probably because no matter how hard she tries to shake her bias, she can't help but filter them through the impressions the Mayor left on her, who, looking back now, was admittedly a very strong outlier compared to the rest of his people, and a really inaccurate metric by which to judge an entire species.

Jade gives an absent sigh as she sends back a vaguely-threatening cleavage shot obscured by the harsh glow of the afternoon sun. Thinking about the Mayor always bums her out a little. He's this awful reminder that while she may be immortal, all the people around her aren't, save for her fellow co-players. If she had to dwell on it, that fear is partly why she chooses casual flings over anything substantial. She doesn't want to seriously love anyone she'll only lose.

But enough angst, she decides. It's a beautiful day, and she's here to have fun, damn it! She spent so long as the dulled thrall of a cherub that she's going to relish every moment she has being free and awake. Jade leans forward against the railing, feeling the way the cheap white paint flakes off onto her palms as the dock worker on the pier blows a whistle and the ship drifts out into the open ocean. The salty air is cool and stiff, threading through her hair and clothed as a surprisingly efficient measure against the afternoon sun. She doesn't have any destination in mind aside from a vague whim to travel to the Human Kingdom in the most fun way possible. And that's okay. Unlike some people with lives, jobs, and commitments, Jade's just here to have a good time.

She's snapped from her thoughts by a timid hand tapping on her shoulder. Jade whirls around to see the Starstruck Crewman standing before her. He has a sheepish expression on his white face, and if not for the fact that he's carrying a tray of expensive-looking drinks, Jade gets the impression he'd be nervously wringing his hands.

SC: refreshments,, witch of space??

He's trying so hard to impress her. Aw!

JADE: hehe of course! that would be great :)

Jade uses her space powers to levitate a particularly sparkling flute of champagne from the serving platter, which she also notes is a repurposed baking tray than true dining ware. She doesn't have the heart to point out this flub, though, and instead takes a sip of her drink. It tastes more like carbonated soda than alcohol, in the same way a lot of carapacian beverages tend to be, but she can already feel it going to her head a little. Probably should have had something to eat before starting her day.

JADE: and no need for all the formality! its just jade

SC: of course!! as you are,, witch—JADE.. jade..

JADE: bark!!!

SC:

He's taken aback by the sudden doggy shout. Jade can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to decide whether it's a good bark or a bad bark. The poor guy would absolutely be breaking out into a nervous sweat if that were a thing members of his species could actually do.

JADE: thanks for the drink! it tastes really good

JADE: i think jake would like it too. its the kind of fun thing he would absolutely guzzle during one of his “batchelors soirees”

Oops. Namedropping another god was maybe a bad idea. The Starstruck Crewman is one missed breath away from passing out.

SC: of,, of course.. i am more than happy to serve you during your journey with us,, w

SC: JADE..

JADE: no, no this is fine! youve already done more than enough!

JADE: i should be thanking you for letting me travel with you! dont go out of your way to please me or anything

SC: if that is what you desire..

He still stands there for an awkward length of time. Jade glances away, down at the oddly pale aquatic animals brushing the water's service, in the hope he gets the hint. He doesn't.

JADE: seriously you dont have to wait on me like this

JADE: in fact id prefer it if you didnt!

SC: my apologies??

Jade sighs.

JADE: just

JADE: if its easier pretend im not here. get back to your job, yeah?

JADE: the drinks are more than enough anyway. i just want some time to myself

SC: absolutely.. i understand..

JADE: ill let you know if i need anything else!

SC: then shall i

He goes to set the drinks down, quite awkwardly. Jade helps him out by zapping them onto a waist-high container a few feet away. The glasses don't so much as wobble.

SC: :O

Okay. Flexing god powers in front of a particularly reverant carapace? Also a bad idea, for the record. It's been so long since she's thought of herself as a god in truth that Jade keeps finding herself caught off-guard by every misstep she makes in this interaction. The little dude clutches onto the nearest railing, very clearly battling not to fall to his knees and prostrate or something.

Jade gives a little awkward laugh, seriously reconsidering her decision to travel like this in the first place. Like, she could totally just zap over to another boat – her space senses are pinging three similarly sized vessels within a twenty-mile radius – but she doesn't want to be rude. She just wants this guy to stop treating her like she's something special, more for his sake than hers.

She's so caught up in contemplating this dilemma that she nearly misses the buzz of her phone vibrating with a call. Probably her Hot Hookup angling for mutually antagonistic phone foreplay. Jade raises a finger and frowns at the Starstruck Crewman, as if to say 'sorry, I have to take this', and clicks answer without even checking the caller ID.

JADE: howdy whore

JANE: Goodness gracious! :B

JADE: uhhh

Oh. Ohhhh no. Jade's face flushes a deep red, the kind that makes her cheeks burn and her doggy ears go flat against her head.

JADE: oh hi jane!! sorry i thought you were someone else!! O///O

JANE: I'm relieved to hear that. Not that I'm averse to a bit of foul-mouthed foreplay myself, when it strikes my fancy, but I'm not about crossing any dubious biological lines here.

JADE: haha woof lol

Jade levitates her phone to her ear as she turns around to face the ocean again, more to avoid meeting the SC's gaze than anything else.

JADE: so hows it going jane? not that im not happy to hear from you, but whats with the sudden call?

JADE: i wouldve thought youd be too busy with political stuff to call me

JANE: Actually, that's why I'm getting in touch, Jade. Official government business and the like!

JADE: uh huh...

She pulls the phone away from her so she can whine out of earshot. Like, SC is still intently listening in, but there's not much she can do about that at this point.

JANE: I know that I've been rather unsavoury in the past, Jade, and that you were enthralled by an alien for the majority of my redemptive efforts, but I have changed, truly!

JANE: Or, it would be better to say I am in the process of changing. One can never get too complacent with their progress! :B

JADE: yeah im

JADE: glad to hear it jane? :/

During Jane's initial political maneuvers, Jade regrettably didn't pay much attention to the nuance, given that she'dgrown up entirely isolated from any kind of political system. And also that during most of the run-up to the election campaign, she was too busy being dumb and horny over Dave and Karkat, and then too busy being trapped in a cherub-induced coma, to remain informed. She didn't even get to vote, for crying out loud!

Dave and Karkat tried their best to educate Jade on the whole situation over the last few weeks of the space journey to catch Dirk when she'd finally been allowed control over her autonomy again. It was a poorly-explained rush job delivered by two people with admittedly poor rhetoric skills, but it was still enough to paint a picture for Jade. And the picture of Jane was... not good.

In an ideal world, none of this political nonsense would be happening. But it is, and if there's one thing Jade's good at, it's rolling with the many, many punches the universe throws at her.

JADE: so what did you need?

JANE: Oh, yes! Erm.

JANE: I'm drafting the first set of laws to hopefully reinstate some of the troll race's more fundamental rights, but I've run into quite the kerfuffle with my more... shall we say, staunch members of my congress?

JADE: uh huh

JANE: Understand that from their perspective, I have had a rather sudden shift in policy stance since my inauguration. They must believe I've swindled them into funding causes they oppose on every level! Which, I suppose, is kind of what's happened.

JANE: I've been given a clear ultimatum: either rescind these dangerously radical beliefs, or risk an impeachment inquiry.

JADE: well that sucks

JANE: Very much so! Compared to some of my colleagues, the me of the past seemed positively progressive in comparison. I fear that if I don't fight this thoroughly, things will run down a very slippery slope indeed.

JADE: but if you got out of office couldnt we just vote better people in??

JANE: It doesn't work like that, Jade. Earth C voted this government in, and regardless of who actually stands at the helm, we're stuck with this configuration for the rest of the presidential term, be it mine or one of my subordinates'. And of all the options, admittedly I am maybe the least terrible option to lead the planet for the next four years?

JADE: hm probably

She wants to ask Jane why they're even bothering with centralised power structures in the first place, but Jade really doesn't want to end up in one of the fabled Crockertier political arguments. Outside of maybe you, who's been too depressed or whatever to be involved in the wider world, Jade's maybe the only one who's still on superficially cordial terms with Jane. She'd like to keep it that way for as long as she can.

JANE: Anyway, as things stand, I am currently at an impasse of sorts. I don't want to throw my redemption arc in the trash, and my government doesn't want to provide trolls any kind of rights. They're saying I'm using my power as a god to unlawfully shape the course of Earth C, which...

JADE: isnt that exactly what youre doing though?

JANE: Well, yes, I suppose so. The point is, however, that they won't accept the word of just one god. I need backup in defending the rights of the troll people.

JADE: troll people :|

JANE: Gosh, you know what I mean! Improving your jargon isn't a thing that happens overnight, but I am trying in earnest not to let such errors slip.

JADE: ok

JADE: but why me? and not, say, literally any of our troll friends?

JANE: Well, that's the, erm, point.

There's a moment of silence on the other end of the line. Jade thinks she hears Jane sigh and rustle some paper. Is Crocker reading off some notes or something?

JANE: You're the only person I'm still on speaking terms with, Jade.

JANE: Or the only one who's actually answered my calls, at least.

JADE: you tried someone else?

JANE: Yes. John, initially, but he's mysteriously MIA this afternoon.

JADE: oh?

JANE: I messaged around, and nobody's seen him today. It's probably nothing to worry about, though. Egbert is pretty disengaged from reality at the best of times.

JANE: Oops. That was a pretty foul statement, wasn't it? :B

JADE: yes it was -_-

JANE: Sincerest apologies. Anyway, John's unavailable.

JANE: The only other person I trust enough as an associate is Dirk, but, well...

JADE: yeah that whole situation

JANE: Indeed. I still have a lot of, um, complicated feelings around the matter, so I think it's prudent for all of us to let that sleeping dog lie.

JADE: so youre left with me by process of elimination

JANE: Yes. But don't take that as an insult! I still think of you as a treasured friend, Jade, and we are still family at the end of the day.

JADE: huh

Jade pauses. She's still never really thought about the fact that she has an actual family to call her own now, even after so many years. She's just about wrapped her head around the fact that she and you are siblings, but considering Jane and Jake in that tangle is still pretty odd. She's never had a true family before, so maybe she's missing something, but those relationships aren't any more special and fulfilling than the love she has for her other friends like Dave and Rose.

JANE: So, what do you say, Jade? Would you care to yell at some hate-espousing politicians in the name of social justice?

JADE: well when you put it like that...

To be honest, Jade's not entirely feeling it. She has a lot of complicated feelings on just how much power she and her friends should be exerting over this universe, but at the same time, it's not like she's doing anything better. Besides, it might be pretty funny to tell Dave and Karkat about later on!

JADE: sure ill help! :)

JANE: Wonderful! How soon can you get here? Do you need a private jet flown out to your location?

JADE: jane i literally have magic teleporting powers i can just jump right over there

JANE: Oh, of course. How silly of me to forget! Just to make it certain for you, we're currently in the Human Kingdom Congress Hall. You should know the place.

JADE: of course

JANE: In that case, I'll see you soon.

Jane hangs up the phone first with a decisive click. Jade shakes her head. Well, today just got a bunch more interesting! She turns to SC with an apologetic smile on her face.

JADE: sorry but im gonna have to bounce early

JADE: something just came up! important earth c business i guess lol

SC: of course!! don't let me stop you,, jade..

JADE: thanks for the drinks and hospitality though! :D

As Jade talks, she levitates up into the air and lets the ship pass by beneath her. SC gives one last wave before the ship drifts far enough away that it begins to shrink into the distance. Jade floats there for a moment, taking in the vast empty expanse around her, and breathes in a hearty lungful of ocean air. Before she heads off, she pulls out her phone again, and sends off a quick text.

GG: hey im gonna break into the government and fuck shit up in the name of troll rights >:D

CG: WHAT

CG: JADE???

CG: YOU CAN'T JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS THEN NOT RESPOND

CG: JADE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING

Then she bounces out of there, fast enough that she outpaces the narrative for a moment, and I'm left adrift and alone above a featureless stretch of ocean at the end of this scene.

~ ~ ~ ~

The Human Kingdom capital is approximately one thousand miles and change from where I am. I immediately start zooming across the water, homing in on Jade's narrative essence as much as I can, but this is a non-insignificant distance I'm travelling here. Normally, being booted out of a scene means it's time for me to move on and scour the next character's storyline for evidence of you, but leave it to Jade Harley to break the rules.

I see the freight ship Jade was initially on pass by as a tiny blur beneath my feet, a sparking glint of light reflecting both the beams of the sun and the flashes of the waves. Then it's gone beyond the horizon. I pass over two more ships in this manner, both bigger than the last, and then a half-submerged Shitty Liberty sticking out of the water, before the Human Kingdom's coastal megacity even appears as a distant blip.

The distant skyline echoes as oddly familiar to the portion of you linked to me (or is it all just me now?). Despite being hailed in the Human Kingdom upon your arrival, you immediately chose to transplant your house to the outskirts of the Consort Kingdom instead, to escape the suffocating feeling of too many bodies, too much noise. Growing up, you could always see the outlines of the long-dead city Seattle's tallest buildings on clear days, and there was something comforting about knowing that you had the ability to retreat from something so big just as you had the ability to approach it. In the same way, your retreat from Earth C's human civilisation offered you that same kind of comforting reassurance, right up until the isolation took a sharp turn for the maladaptive.

I'm upon the city now, dwarfed by skyscrapers that have no business reaching that high. Half of the buildings are adorned with massive, threatening-looking advertisement billboards. Most are for Crockercorp, of course. Beneath me is a throng of humans frantically going about their business. Unlike the frenetic yet ordered routine of the Carapace Kingdom, it seems unnatural to see so many humans flitting about like chaotic cogs in some uncaring machine. No wonder you recoiled from such a landscape.

The seat of government power is located about ten minutes out of the city, in a building that looks suspiciously like a Crocker-red rendition of the White House. It is surrounded by a perfectly-maintained square mile of land enclosed by a hundred-foot-high razor-sharp electric fence designed to keep pretty much every living creature out. As an embodiment of the wind, and also a literal narrative element, I just fly right over it, evading the detection of the security missile launchers with ease. Jeesh, this is way too fucking military dystopia for my liking. Was this Jane's idea? Or one of her bloodthirsty subordinates? Either way, it's a fixture of this new government which honestly sucks. Dismantle the whole thing already. Seriously.

There's a sudden neon green flash from one of the windows on this opulent fortress. I fade back into the textual level, and rejoin with my current narrative focaliser.

~ ~ ~ ~

SENATOR: And speaking of the issues of violence in troll culture, Madam President, here's a thing that happened to one of my friends. I was there.

SENATOR: Basically, we were walking down the sidewalk, talking about something meaningless. I think it had to do with a m

JADE: TROLL RIGHTS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jade materialises in the middle of the chamber and slams into the senator's desk hard enough that the wood fucking disintegrates on impact.

SENATOR: D:

BODYGUARD: STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!

President Jane Crocker's personal bodyguard, a burly human man, raises his spork-branded assault rifle and aims it right at Jade's skull. She turns on him with a snarl and shrinks the weapon to the size of a microbe, rending into antimatter with a snap of her fingers.

JADE: BARK BARK BARK!!!!

Official government papers swirl around Jade's vortex of power like a hungry tornado. She hovers in the epicentre, an antifascist tempest half-dressed in a fursuit. Holy fucking shit, Jade!

The senators in the docks scramble for their lives towards the exit doors, but Jade locks everyone in with a single gesture. Everyone is losing their fucking minds, scrambling in chaotic desperation, save for a single figure at the podium overlooking the whole scene.

President Jane Crocker regards Jade with a cool, unflappable expression as her hair and clothes blow around from the force of Jade's one-woman blast radius. Affecting an unbothered air, she raises a hand in greeting.

JANE: Ah, hello, Jade. Nice of you to pop in.

JANE: Rather literally, I might add.

She glances at the shredded remains of a fine mahogany structure with grief in her heart. They just don't make vintage like that any more.

Jade cartwheels in the middle of her power aura, and beams.

JADE: hi!!! :D

JADE: comrade harley reporting for duty maam!

Well, Jade certainly provided the shake-up needed to break this political stalemate, Jane muses, as she brushes away dust shavings off her powersuit. She does it more for the hidden cameras in this room streaming the meeting live on the web, to make herself look even more put together than her scrambling cohorts. No need to know that this little disruption was pre-meditated, after all!

Jane glances over to see her colleagues clawing at the exit doors with a panicked frenzy. Even her own bodyguard has joined the fray, she notes to her utmost disappointment. All that money she sunk into the man, and he baulks at the first instance of a god on the warpath! It's a good thing most of it's for show.

SENATOR: LET US OUT!!! GOD PLEASE I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO DIE HERE!!

BODYGUARD: SOMEONE GET THE MILITARY!!

SENATOR 2: I'M TOO RICH AND IMPORTANT TO BE HURT!

SENATOR 3: THIS IS ALL THOSE INSECTS' FAULT!

JADE: SHUT THE FUCK UP XENOPHOBE!!!!!!!!

Jade spins away from Jane and launches a ball of crumpled up paper at the politician unfortunate enough to start dropping heat-of-the-moment slurs.

JANE: Oh, brother.

Maybe Jade went a tad too far in her dramatic grand entrance. Perhaps Jane should have tried harder to entice one her more centrist friends to assist her instead of such a revolutionary firecracker in a bottle.

JANE: Everyone, the Witch of Space has come as a friend, she won't

SENATOR 2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JANE: _ORDER!!!_

Jane lets loose a blue-white spark of her own power, enough that it draws their attention. The room falls silent, save for the rustling of paper caught up Jade's space storm.

JANE: Good grief! Is it too much to ask for a little decorum? Return to your seats. This meeting is not yet adjourned.

There's some distressed grumbling, but Jane's glare is enough to send them back to where they're meant to be.

JANE: Are you all politicians or children?

JANE: Honestly! The state of you all. Tut tut!

To her merit, Jade keeps a straight face throughout the scolding process. The senator whose desk Jade obliterated looks up at Jade warily, trying to unsubtly find literally anywhere else to stand. One sharp look from Jane keeps him in place, though. You wouldn't think these people are her senior by several decades to look at it.

JANE: If you're so quick to turn tail at the first sight of adversity, well, it doesn't feel me with confidence that your policies will be anything more than tepid trite put in place to save your own skins first and foremost!

JANE: As Earth C's government, we swore an oath of responsibility and custodianship to _all_ lives under our political aegis. Why should anyone believe you're willing to look out for them when you attempt to flee the kitchen as soon as there's even a smidgen of heat! You are all a disgrace to your constituencies.

SENATOR: Mada—

JANE: HUSH! I am not finished yet!

JADE: (hehe :D)

The senator glares daggers at Jade. Jade flips him the finger.

JANE: I can safely say that not a single one of you has managed to inspire confidence in me. Why, if this were the old corporate board room, the lot of you would be outright fired!

JANE: I hereby reject every motion presented forward on the subject of limiting economic, social, legal, and reproductive rights of the troll peoples. Any further motions on the matter will be thoroughly vetted by elected troll representatives before they're brought to my attention.

SENATOR 2: But

JANE: No buts. No arguments. You all had your chance. And you all thoroughly disappointed me.

JANE: We're done here. All of you, leave. Jade, dear, if you will?

Jade nods and snaps her fingers. The exit doors fly open with an echoing bang that causes several audience members to cringe. Nobody hesitates in booking it out of there, including Jane's bodyguard. She makes a mental note to fire him later on.

When it's just the two of them left in the room, Jane walks over to Jade, who finally puts a stop to her flashy superpower display. She levitates to the ground with an impish smile on her face. Jane, too, feels a funny kind of mischievous glee at a well-executed practical trick. Moments of filling up the old prankster's gambit are so few and far between these days.

JANE: Thank you for your help, Jade. I am quite disgusted that this is the only way to get these bullheaded boors to do anything.

JADE: no it was fun!! ive never shouted at a politician before i kinda wanna do it again haha <3

JANE: Well, when you're in my line of work, it does eventually get pretty old. Especially when your shouting loses its impact over time.

JADE: well maybe you shouldve just surrounded yourself with people more amenable to being shouted at

JADE: or people who can be fundamentally decent without needing to be shouted at just a thought :P

JANE: Maybe, but it took me half a year of shouting to change my ways, so I wouldn't want to come across as a hypocrite. I want to make a positive change, now, Jade, even if that runs counter to everything my platform stood for.

JANE: Though admittedly, a lot of my people were specifically endorsed by one Mr Strider, whose agenda has been perhaps even more rotten than mine. Goodness, it really is quite the pickle!

JADE: you can say that again lol

JANE: Well, at least I've learned my lesson for the next election campaign.

JADE: youre going to run again? :o

JANE: I, erm.

Jane pauses. She's always considered that running for a second term is an inevitability for one such as her. No way she can accomplish all she wants to in a meagre four years. But... does she want to?

JANE: It was always a vague goal, I admit. Only...

JANE: It was Dirk more than anyone who angled for that front. I of course was eager myself to take a bite out of the old presidential pie, but Dirk specifically wanted me in power for as long as possible.

Jane leans back against the nearest intact desk and lets out a sigh. It reverberates around the empty hall. She's been trying for a while to change her ways following her personal Vantas-shaped wake-up call, but she's never thought too deeply on it. Too many cakes in the oven, as it were.

...When was the last time she baked? Outside of propaganda pieces and corporate advertising, when was the last time she sat down and made something for fun?

JANE: I... I'm not sure what I want, myself.

JADE: oh?

JANE: I've been caught up in trying to meet all these expectations placed on me for so long. Be a good daughter, be a good corporate heiress, be a good influence over Earth C...

JANE: I've been trying to be what other people expect me to be for so long that at some point along the way, I think I forgot how to just be Jane Crocker.

Jade, sensing that this is a rare moment of emotional release for Jane, floats in the air and crosses her legs and says nothing.

JANE: Growing up seemed to happen too quickly. One second I was a plucky teen making a universe, then I was eighteen and given the keys to the corporation, then I was twenty-one and a college graduate, and now I'm twenty-three and president of Earth C.

JANE: I have to pencil in appointments just to see my old friends, who themselves are growing distant due to the social circles I've fallen into. It just... it's as if I was whisked away from the infinite possibility of youth before I could even experience being young.

She laughs dryly.

JANE: I know, I know, a minor thing to complain about when some people have it worse, but

JADE: no no jane youre allowed to feel this way

JANE: Oh?

Jane's eyes go wide. It is the expression of someone who has never been told her genuine emotions are valid.

JADE: yeah

JADE: weve all been through a hell of a lot jane and we all chose shitty coping mechanisms at one point or another

JADE: like im not gonna excuse some of what you did but youre allowed to feel the way you feel

JADE: none of us figured it out either! we all thought YOU were the one with your head screwed on the most

JADE: you were off getting degress and jobs and involving yourself in dubiously ethical politics while the rest of us were too wimpy to even go see a therapist

JANE: That's the thing. I fell back on inheriting the old systems left behind for me, rather than breaking out into my own person.

JANE: Feasibly, I could have achieved most of what I have done without being an immortal god on top of everything!

JANE: I did pretty well in high school, enough that I probably would have gone on to get a good degree. I certainly had the capital to make bold business ventures, and the politics...

JANE: It was a small conservative suburb. I probably would have leaned that direction because that's what everyone else around me did.

JANE: I'm upholding all those ideals and beliefs, even though...

JANE: Even though it's all gone.

Jane stares at her patented girlboss kitten heels with a frown on her face and a heaviness in her chest. Ever since entering the game all those years ago, she's done her very best to try and ignore the fact that her entire world is dead and gone. It hits differently for her than her friends, who all lived fairly insular existences that allowed them to cope and adapt to that particular tragedy more easily.

JANE: You know, I had a friend in school. Way back, before Sburb and all that.

JANE: I can't even remember her name now. Or what she looks like. Or anything about her. Just that she's been dead and gone for millions of years.

JANE: My old life feels so far away like that. But I can't seem to shake it loose, no matter what I do.

JANE: And I can't really talk about this with anyone, because who would understand?

Oh dear. She's started crying. Thank goodness for this moment of privacy. She never gets the chance to be vulnerable like this.

JADE: jane i

JADE: hey

Jade places a hand on Jane's shoulder and gives a soft smile. Jane wipes at her tears.

JANE: Goodness. I am so sorry. How unbecoming of me!

JADE: no jane its ok to cry

JADE: i pretended i was ok with a lot of things i wasnt for a long time too

JADE: and it worked! it really did work

JADE: right up until it didnt

JADE: im not good at saying this kind of stuff but bottling all your feelings up for years isnt a good idea

JADE: you dont need to pretend like everythings fine if you dont want to

JANE: Oh, I do wish that were possible, Jade. But with my tenuous political role...

JADE: woof!!!

Jade's ears shoot upwards.

JADE: fuck politics! you dont need to do anything that makes you unhappy

JANE: But, my position dictates

JADE: so what??? why does being president mean you cant be happy?

JADE: this is our planet we get to decide the rules!

JADE: if stuffs making you miserable then just change it!

JANE: I... I wouldn't even know where to...

JADE: do what YOU want to do and not what you think other people want from you jane

JADE: you can be a good person. you can be happy! who said you only ever have to be one way for your whole life?

JADE: stop living for a system thats been dead for millennia and start living for you

JANE: I...

That's the final straw on Jane's composure. She breaks down, leaning into Jade's chest as she heaves out sobs she's been carrying inside her for years. Jade wraps her arms around her and pats her back sympathetically.

After a few minutes, Jane pulls away. Her immaculate makeup is smudged and tears make her cheeks glisten.

JANE: I would like that a lot, Jade. I would like to be a good person. I would like to be happy.

She lets out a breath as she considers the long path she is about to embark on. It feels daunting. But it also feels good.

JANE: I think... I think I'm going to make some changes. Real ones, I mean.

JANE: I've been stuck in the past for too long. I think it's time I try to fix it.

JANE: Thank you, Jade. Thank you.

JADE: dont mention it

JADE: what else is family for? <3

~ ~ ~ ~

Hm. I depart from the scene with a weight on my mind, out into the skies above the Human Kingdom. The military defences continue to fail to notice me as I slip out of the government-owned land and coast along the wind currents. A lot's happened during my extended narrative stint. Big character moments, revelations both uncomfortable and cathartic, insights into people deemed secondary by the late-stage canon machine. But something feels... off, about it all. Like...

Like we're being given promises of meaningful change, but nothing materially has happened or will happen. Vriska and Terezi are making headway in overcoming their numerous traumas and issues, Jane's making sincere headway into her newfound redemption arc, and Calliope's starting to piece together what's metaphysically ailing them. By all account, these are big character moments. And yet, there have been no plot advancements to go with them. We're all so caught up in the feelgood we fail to notice nothing's actually happened.

Calliope said that what we're experiencing here isn't growth, it's a gradual regression back towards the people everyone used to be. Rose said that it feels a lot like we're trapped in an insincere regurgitation of the final threads of the story. Slowly, piece by piece, this story is trying its hardest to replicate canon at any cost.

Even now, in the previous scene. Was that Jane sincerely making progress, or simply sliding back into becoming Old Jane before she experienced any of this negative development in the first place? Was that her choice, or the whim of one of this story's many tellers? Am I myself part of this corrosive influence?

I don't know. I don't know, and that's the problem. On the surface, it feels like we're really getting somewhere but are we? This story is, uh, let me check... currently around fifty-five thousand words long. Essentially, we have all lived out a novel's worth of plot. But what's actually happened of substance?

You came back from the dead. Everyone worked together to stop Dirk's schemes. Rose got her body back. The Muse of Space showed up, took control of canon, and sent a bunch of kids from the timeline where you made the other choice to play the game of Sburb waiting at the edge of reality. And then, we all returned back home, and...

That's it? Everyone went their separate ways, you spent a few days tormented by your headspace and gender revelation denial, freaked out and fell into a position of narrative control, then disappeared, leaving me to locate you. In my travels I've watched a lot of people confront their emotional problems, cry a whole bunch, then resolve to become more like the people they used to be, revert back to their 'canon' selves as much as possible.

The winds are currently taking me on a lazy circuit through the Human Kingdom countryside. A large highway bisects the verdant landscape in a way you just don't see in the other Kingdoms. The road is packed with humans in suits driving cosmopolitan cars that belch pollutants up into the sky. Where they're coming from, where they're going... it doesn't really seem to matter. All these landscapes I've traversed, while immensely beautiful on one level, feel like ephemeral page-filling fluff more than anything else. It's poetry where there should be a story.

I think I understand where this world's story-ness went. It was the hidden price we had to pay for the Muse to allow any of us to live on in peace. We get no-context scenes that are very good at inspiring isolated instances of emotion, but hold up under no scrutiny when cobbled together. I suppose that's what I've done by skimming over as much story as I can in a single chapter to keep you from suffering too deeply into the narrative. I've exposed the infrastructural fault lines in this story's composition.

It's like... it's like we're incubating inside an eggshell. Allowed to grow enough to not feel stagnant, but not so much that we gain the ability to break free and take flight. Embryos unable to hatch, forced to maintain a form long past the point when we should have outgrown them.

It would explain a lot. It would explain you, in particular. Why you're plagued by circular logic more vicious than your usual incessant brand of denial. The orchestrators of this narrative are keeping you bound to the concept of your old self, preventing you from being any character but the one you've always been. Somehow, I need to find a way to throw off those shackles and let you breathe, let all of us breathe. I need...

I need someone well-versed in bending the story to their will. I need to visit the last person in this round trip of checking in on Earth C's gods.

The image of a tacky mansion buried deep in the jungle flares in my mind's eye, and swallowing back a lump of unease, I push my way forward.

~ ~ ~ ~

JAKE: “Men and gods abhor the lie, plato says in sections 382 a and b of the republic.”

JAKE: “οὐκ οἶσθα, ἦν δ᾽ ἐγώ, ὅτι τό γε ὡς ἀληθῶς ψεῦδος, εἰ οἷόν τε τοῦτο εἰπεῖν, πάντες θεοί τε καὶ ἄνθρωποι μισοῦσιν;”

JAKE: “πῶς, ἔφη, λέγεις;”

JAKE: “οὕτως, ἦν δ᾽ ἐγώ, ὅτι τῷ κυριωτάτῳ που ἑαυτῶν ψεύδεσθαι—

DIRK: Agh, shut the FUCK up!!!

Dirk lunges forward in an attempt to bat at the mangled paperback in Jake's hands, but the handcuff chaining him to the old antique rocking chair in the study means that his reach only just falls short.

Jake raises an eyebrow with a shit-eating smirk.

JAKE: Something the matter mr cranky pants? >;)

DIRK: I can't take another fucking second of your shitty butchered Greek! You're not even _trying _with the accent!

DIRK: Do you even know what any of those words you just read actually mean??

JAKE: The real question is do you?

DIRK: Jake, I wrote that book. Of course I know what it means. Unlike you, who is a two-braincell ignoramus.

Dirk yanks at the handcuff to no avail. His scowl deepens.

JAKE: Thats underselling me a mite dont you think?

DIRK: No, not really. You're a dumb fucking himbo slut who doesn't even realise how awful he is.

Jake laughs at that, prancing around the study. He's wearing a cheap Lara Croft cosplay with the booty shorts cut even lower than they should be. The pistol thigh holsters cover more at this point. He pointedly makes sure that with every action his ass cheeks jut out in a way that means Dirk can't take his eyes off them.

JAKE: And yet im bringing you back from the brink. And youre letting me.

JAKE: Seems to me that makes me a pretty stellar pharmakon, dont you think?

DIRK: Please, just fucking decapitate me already.

Dirk leans back and bares his throat, his head angled at such a way that you can catch a glimpse of his narrowing eyes behind his shades. It's a taunt that Jake almost falls for. After all, Dirk's so pathetic right now that his death wouldn't tick a notch in either direction on the old clock of judgement. But no. What Dirk's really angling for here is to take advantage of the burst of resurrection energy to slip free of his bondage. But Jake wasn't born yesterday. He knows every trick in this multi-trick pony's roster.

JAKE: Oh youd like that wouldnt you? Making me do a thing to get you off.

JAKE: How daring and original! A true provocateur of plot twists! Jeanne betancourt is quaking in her little fucking boots.

DIRK: Can you please drop this stupid fucking Detective Pony routine, the book's not even for—

JAKE: Ok acorn kinnie.

DIRK: It was fucking allegorical! You see—

JAKE: Just remembered i actually dont care!

Jake tosses the book into the air, which is secretly an alchemised clone of the cursed tome. Dirk actually knows the truth behind this ploy, and Jake knows that Dirk knows, which means there are fucking layers when Jake shoots two near pistol holes through the middle of the dust jacket and the book falls into the roaring fireplace. Jake gives a jaunty wink as the story is consumed by the flames.

DIRK: Fuck you.

Dirk's jaw is clenched and he once again tries for the escape. The chair wobbles precariously enough that the wrong move will send Dirk crashing to the floor, a fact that both he and Jake know of. Dirk also chooses not to let that happen, not because it would subvert Jake's cornball expectations, but because it's actually exactly what English wants to see.

After all, what could be fucking worse than actually receiving gratification?

JAKE: FOUL!

Jake gallivants across the room, right up to Dirk, and flicks him on the nose. It's such an infuriating gesture that Dirk loses himself in the caliginous dance and full-on fucking growls like an animal.

JAKE: Narration is absolutely forbidden my good man.

DIRK: I'm not a good man, Jake.

JAKE: Not the point.

Jake presses a finger against Dirk's sternum. The homoerotic dudebro energy in this room is off the fucking charts. Dear god.

JAKE: This is your stupid sexy rehabilitation dirk and that means no meta stuff full stop.

DIRK: Like you can

Jake lets out a flare of Hope power bright enough to leave after-images in Dirk's eyes and a humiliating reminder that he is nothing next to a self-actualised Jake English.

JAKE: What was that? ;)

DIRK: You know it doesn't count if I _want_ you to stop me, right?

JAKE: Yeah, but desire and intent or no, it still means youre getting stopped.

DIRK: Stop being smart. That's my thing.

JAKE: Yet im not the one stupid enough to get handcuffed to a swanky chair am i eh?

DIRK: Fuck it. Pony Pal Trail.

At the sound of their safe word, Jake raises an eyebrow straight up into his hairline. It's been ninety minutes. This must be a new record for how long Dirk's been able to withstand a single pitch courtship session.

Jake leans in and grants Dirk a single, long sloppy kiss to signal the end of the antagonism, unlocking the handcuffs with a learned deft expertise. At the same time, Jake tamps all conceivable exits to his mansion down with ambient Hope power. He's learned Dirk's not to be trusted with even a millimetre of leeway.

Dirk rubs the red indent on his wrist with a frown as he stretches his legs.

DIRK: How the fuck do you keep it up, English?

JAKE: Keep what up?

Jake walks over to the ornate globe in the corner of the room, and twists it open to uncover a bottle of particularly potent scotch whisky. He pours two glasses out of it, diluting Dirk's with orange soda. Dirk takes the drink and both sit down on the supersized chaise longue-stroke-couch hybrid.

DIRK: The whole hatemance deal. I don't have the stamina to hound you like you do me.

JAKE: Well thats probably because youre a hapless bottom whos only actually slept with two people in your twenty-three years of existence.

DIRK: That's a fallacy. Remember that clown troll at Jade's yiff-themed

JAKE: Over the clothes stuff doesnt count, and you only managed two minutes of touching before you bolted like a cornered rat. You spent the rest of the night bawling to me about your sexual insecurities haha.

DIRK: You... I thought you were too wasted to remember any of that. Jesus.

JAKE: A man always stores deeply revelatory emotional conversations securely in the ol' noggin, dirkster.

DIRK: Is this more blackrom torment?

JAKE: No! This is just me as a friend remembering all the things the people i care about have trusted me with.

DIRK: Is that what I am? A friend?

Dirk looks down, swilling his drink around in the glass. He's only taken a single sip, whereas Jake has nearly downed three-fourths already. A tenuous silence falls over the two, interrupted only by the crackle of the fireplace. It doesn't make sense to have something like that going in the middle of an equatorial jungle, but I suppose Jake is using his powers to make them believe they actually need it or something. I don't know. Hope's never been my wheelhouse.

JAKE: ...

DIRK: ...

JAKE: ...

DIRK: ...

Jake gulps down the rest of his drink before he speak next.

JAKE: Dirk we literally had sex this morning i think what we have goes beyond just being a couple of chums.

DIRK: Okay, okay. I get it.

JAKE: No need to be insecure chap! Why, do you think i would have agreed to host you for your little jaunt with redemption if i wasnt getting anything out of it?

DIRK: I'm not. Look, I'm not insecure about anything.

JAKE: Dirk you were so afraid that me hating you would kill the momentum of your harebrained schemes so you made me shit myself on live television via meta mind control powers.

DIRK: To my credit, it's not the first time you've done that.

JAKE: The only unscripted instance, at least. Or unscripted from my point of view.

JAKE: Actually remind me again how many rumble in da pumpkin patch scripts did you withhold from me? Looking back on it i actually feel like several of my less fine moments happened during episodes through which i had to wing it.

DIRK: I kept you away from half of them. You're a shitty actor. The audience would have known you were faking right away.

JAKE: Would they, though? Or was this another fake contingency you made up to entertain your tortured mind?

DIRK: Tortured mind, I—

DIRK: Jake, I was literally fucking ascending to my ultimate self and grappling with the shitty metaphysical flaws baked into our reality.

JAKE: So you had even less of an excuse to belittle me if you had access to all those alt timelines.

JAKE: Unless you just made it a point to deliberately ignore any world in which i had a shred of competency.

DIRK: I

Dirk goes to refute, but find he can't. Shit. Seems like Jake really

Hey, cool it on the mind reading, all right? Your narration is gonna give me a migraine.

If you're gonna frame this scene in this pointless story, at least do it with some finesse.

Fine, okay. No need to be so testy. I didn't set out to tell this story, you know.

And yet you're refusing to hand the reins back over to whatever the fuck passes for impartial these days. Who are you, anyway?

JAKE: Dirk are you storytelling to avoid confronting your own problems again?

Jake clicks his fingers in front of Dirk's face, enough that it rattles him back into being the subject again. Dirk blinks behind his shades, trying to be subtle, but Jake sees right through it.

DIRK: I storytell to _solve_ my problems, Jake.

JAKE: You literally hijacked the narrative because youd rather deal with a multiversal crisis than introspect for even one second.

JAKE: I mean, as bad choices go...

DIRK: I wasn't wrong in my decision to take the helm. I did what I had to for the sake of remaining the right kind of relevant.

DIRK: But I failed, so now I'm stuck in this shitty purgatory of feelings jams.

In a dramatic flourish, Dirk flings his glass across the room. Jake believes it won't break when it lands, so it doesn't. Being around Dirk really is like babyproofing the universe 24/7.

DIRK: I wanted that to break.

JAKE: Why? What would it accomplish? You said so yourself were in a meaningless existence so why bother?

DIRK: Because,

DIRK: Ugh, fuck.

DIRK: Maybe I don't want that to be the case?

DIRK: Maybe I did everything I did because I don't want to be caught in a dead-end reality?

Jake sits up straight. This is perhaps the first time Dirk has genuinely opened up about his feelings in a non-smartass way.

JAKE: Dirk chum just because we live low-stakes lives doesnt mean were worthless.

JAKE: I think your problem is that were all happy and youre afraid of that. Youve always been afraid of being happy dirk.

Dirk glances away from Jake.

DIRK: That's not what I'm saying. I'm aware of my emotional hangups, Jake.

DIRK: Even if it is weird that I suddenly feel so ready to share that shit.

He gives a sidelong glance narrativewards, which is a thing I didn't know you could do so obliquely. Hey. I'm not making you do anything you didn't already want to do. I'm a symptom of whatever's going on in this story. Not the cause.

DIRK: People like us... we need to live in interesting times, Jake. That's the whole point behind us existing in the first place, to be agents in some epic cosmic stageplay. Even if it hurts us.

JAKE: Really? By that logic youre saying us struggling under lord englishs reign of tyranny way back wasnt actually a good thing.

DIRK: Oh, it absolutely wasn't for us. But for our audience? That shit was so delicious they couldn't keep their eyes away. Our punishment was their reward.

DIRK: It always goes back to the pharmakon and the pharmakos. Poisons and remedies.

JAKE: Im not sure there. I dont see a reason why our wellbeing must take a back seat to the excitement any hypothetical observers to our adventures would feel. We already went through hell and back i think that more than qualifies us for a break.

Dirk sighs.

DIRK: It doesn't. That's the point.

DIRK: We can only exist inside a narrative, Jake. And narratives can only exist so long as they give the audience reasons to remain invested. Otherwise you see stories wither and decay like doomed timelines in a certain kids' game.

DIRK: And if we're to keep existing past that point of being sixteen and stepping into our new universe, we must be subjected to narrative by necessity. That's why I took command.

DIRK: Because if we're all going to be in a story, better a story I can control. I don't trust authors as far as I can throw 'em, and authors in this reality have a strong knack for remaining square out of throwing distance.

JAKE: But you have to admit the story you had going was pretty awful.

DIRK: Only because what you experienced was only the first act, to borrow a cursed adage. The canon we're from facilitates that eventually we all end up in a good place after an extensive stint through various hells both literal and metaphorical.

DIRK: I was forced to jump ship at the initial cliffhanger, right when everyone was on tenterhooks the most, so for us, what I was doing will always remain incomplete.

DIRK: Even if there is a me that succeeded in piloting us all into a new canon, we're so firmly knocked out of that orbit that it doesn't matter any more.

JAKE: So wait. Now canon doesnt matter? Dirk im not following.

DIRK: I'm not talking about canon, that's why. Probably should have specified that one.

DIRK: I'm talking about the fanon we've been knocked into, which is arguably an even more insidious poison/remedy than canon itself.

JAKE: Again im not so sure. Me and jade have spoken about fanfiction on the odd occasion and in every way it sounds loads more fun than stuffy old canon tales.

DIRK: When it succeeds, yes, it can be, once you accept that you've grown significantly more niche in your aims and audience. Pharmakon and pharmakos, Jake. There's a tricky duality going on at every level.

DIRK: Such as the fact that the reality we're in is actually commandeered by at least three author figures instead of the usual one.

DIRK: There's the author we're most familiar with, the Muse of Space. She's the one responsible for keeping us cordoned off from doing anything too essential or relevant. The reason why we're stuck in this happy-ever-after scenario where all we can do is bare our souls and experience hollow catharsis.

DIRK: Then there's those who can ride the Muse's coattails, enough to shape the narrative flow of said catharsis to glean something from it. Think kids in a creative writing class being told to replicate the text before them as convincingly as possible. Even if what they produce is fundamentally identical to the source, the meaning changes significantly simply due to the presence behind the words changing. This is why our emotions are being guided in a specific direction. They're still being genuinely felt, but arranged and expressed in specific patterns.

Again, Dirk spares a glance for me.

DIRK: And finally, slipperiest of all, is the fanon author. They're the one really calling the shots here, from the safety of the higher plane within which they reside. Unlike the other two, the fanon author is absolutely reticent to assume direct control of the story, for fanworks are predicated on the assumption that their higher purpose is to regurgitate canon back among fellow fans, instead of to the generic audience we are more familiar with. They're the reason this whole story even exists in the first place.

DIRK: They're also the reason why being in fanon is so dangerous. Even more egregious than keeping us untrue, inessential, and irrelevant, the fanon author keeps us static. They push back against any changes we may have made, or could make, and sands us back down to our uncomplicated canon ideals. If we deviate from who we're meant to be, the author has failed in producing a good piece of fanwork. Their entire prerogative is to present a believable extension of canon, a safer sequel that doesn't disrupt anything already set in stone.

DIRK: Of course, fanon can be used to generate truly original stories, genuinely exciting places to live within once we're fully severed from the spectre of what is and isn't meant to be, but that's not the case here. It can't be, when the entire story consists of us being troubled young adults on Earth C talking out our problems and learning how to be more like the less problematic people we used to be.

DIRK: The crime is not the interloper reframing our feelings, or even the Muse for abandoning us in the fanon black hole, although she is still pretty egregiously on my shit list for other reasons. The crime is the fanon author seizing control of us, then not having the guts to let anything interesting happen, or even allowing themselves even a smidgen of in-text presence. This is all being presented as objectively and clinically as possible, misdirecting agendas through so many layers that from where we stand, we can't tell what the true point of this story actually is, or if there's even a point at all.

JAKE: Dirk youre getting postmodern again.

Jake ruffles Dirk's hair with a fond smile on his face. Dirk acquiesces to it, then stiffens again. It's hard to tell what is genuine from Jake, and what's just some writer making him do for the sake of their little narrative.

Dirk shakes his head.

DIRK: Jake, if you haven't noticed, our entire existence is postmodern. We aren't in some by-the-numbers story, and we never have been.

JAKE: So what kind of story are we in then?

DIRK: That's the problem. The author's obfuscated it so thoroughly that it's enough to make me doubt we're in a story about anything at all.

DIRK: On one level, up until about a chapter ago, this story seemed to be examining what happened if John Egbert actually took the time to think about gender and sexuality in a meaningful way. That on its own would be a perfectly understandable piece of fanwork, a nice little one-shot that examines a possibility left unsaid in canon proper.

DIRK: But the story's not just about that. Too much of canon has been dragged through into the story for it just to be esoteric set dressing, but not enough to say for certain that this story could be examining the nature of canon or anything like that. The rest of us are given more spotlight than necessary in such a focused premise, but nothing's actually happening to us. We're not given any kind of subplots to speak of, other than a vague regression to more fundamentally likeable versions of ourselves.

DIRK: And even the initial angle through which this story was entered is odd. We're halfway through the narrative, and yet the Egbert gender narrative hasn't really gone anywhere. The author just wrote down more and more distressing scenes, right up until the moment where the only option left was to have Egbert break pre-established canon and begin to change for real. But that didn't happen. They spun some pretty little meta scenes and then had Egbert fuck off from the story. Almost as if the author doesn't really want Egbert to complete that revelation and become OOC in the traditional sense of the word.

DIRK: Since this story began, nothing's actually changed in any meaningful way. And yet it keeps going.

DIRK: Which begs the question. What is this story actually about? What is the author's exact agenda here? What is it they won't say, or can't say? Who are they, and why are they really telling this story in the first place?

DIRK: If we can't answer that, then we'll be stuck as we are. In a groundhog loop of the same emotional beats we hit at the end of our initial canon. In a story with no clear purpose.

JAKE: I dont know. There are worse fates to have, wouldnt you say? Better than killing each other or some old nonsense.

DIRK: Yeah, but how many times can we open up the same emotional wounds? How many times can I go down a redemption arc before even you tire of it?

JAKE: Dirk youre exhausting as is. I dont think metatextual trickery will bog me down too hard. So long as were sorting our problems out and all!

DIRK: Yes, it's great. We're starting to sort out our shit. But we'll never get past that. We'll never be anything more than we are right now: confrontational with the odd moment of release. Our relationship can't evolve.

JAKE: Not with that attitude it wont.

DIRK: No, believe me, I want things to change. I want to work on things with you, get to some genuinely good place where we can become the right kinds of people.

DIRK: But there's no canon precedent for that, and the author is too afraid to depict that which doesn't already exist. For us to change, the author would have to change. And I wouldn't even know where to begin with actively challenging any entity on that level, especially given that the Muse decided to strip me of my ultimate self privileges.

JAKE: Hm.

Jake scrunches his face up in thought. Dirk raises an eyebrow.

DIRK: What is it, man?

JAKE: Just thinking. About this whole author malarkey and our supposedly limited world.

JAKE: You said the authors upholding conditions laid out by the space we occupied back in sburb, right?

Dirk nods.

JAKE: Only... is that actually it?

DIRK: What do you mean by that one?

JAKE: Just wondering.

JAKE: At the start of this narrative jaunt, didnt the muse set the conditions of this story before booting us back to earth c? I recall she was the one who decided to specify how the final sburb game will play out and what that means, and was the one who set out who gets to go back to earth c and how were meant to live.

DIRK: ...Go on.

JAKE: Like im pretty sure that the material conditions of earth c right now arent in any canon sphere. For instance terezi and vriska are back and living together but that never truly happened did it? Neither was the possibility of rose escaping her robot body, or even the idea that one can abandon their ultimate self ascension.

JAKE: Those are all things that the muse set out back on the ship, and those seem to be the predominant rules our current existence abides by the most. It seems to me more sensible to consider that maybe we were defanged of our influence before we were thrown to an unreliable author.

JAKE: Just... maybe theres more to be said on where exactly were standing in relation to canon and whatnot. And what the purpose of this story is.

JAKE: Because if im getting you right, what youre saying is that everything even the muse answers to this author, then...

JAKE: Doesnt that mean the same author keeping us stagnant is the one who made those drastic departures from canon in the first place?

DIRK: Shit. No, Jake, you're right. That was the author.

JAKE: So what do you think it means that once we plunged down into earth c everything hit this funny sort of stasis? It feels to me more like the author suddenly lost confidence in telling whatever this story is come the nitty gritty of it all.

JAKE: I wonder why. I suppose it depends on the kind of story thats really meant to be told here.

DIRK: Hm. Going by experience? The author's afraid to say something. Afraid that it's the wrong thing, somehow. Afraid of what it is they're really trying to communicate.

DIRK: But because they severed us off via the Muse, I can only speculate. Fuck, being textually blind sucks.

JAKE: Somehow we need to get the author to believe in their story again. I think thats the way well navigate out of this conundrum. Or coerce them if were to take the less ethical route.

DIRK: We'd need someone who still has the ability to operate on multiple narrative layers. Someone who can break the stalemate from within. This isn't our story, Jake, I don't think. Not really. So I'm not sure we're the ones to push through.

JAKE: Not by ourselves at least. But im sure when push comes to shove, well do our bit in shattering that nasty seal!

Dirk leans back and smiles that one-pixel Strider smile.

DIRK: God damn it you're optimistic. Almost makes a guy get sappy.

Jake reaches over and takes Dirk's hand in his own.

JAKE: Haha even if everythings lost im still gonna keep my spirits high. :)

JAKE: Thats just how i am.

They have a lot more to say to each other, but it is not for me to listen in on. Everything I need to hear's already been said. The rest can be left between the two of them.

~ ~ ~ ~

Pulling out of that scene feels like lifting my head from a pool of thick, hot liquid into freezing cold air. The external metaphysical shock almost overpowers the internal metaphysical shock. But not quite. The jungle below seems almost entirely irrelevant as I soar through it, as my thoughts rattle around like light speed bullets.

It's you. You're the key to moving out of this pseudo-canon swamp. You becoming yourself is the crux this story hinges upon, the point at which we'll finally break free of what we're supposed to be. I need to find you more than ever, need to be there for you and help you make those crucial steps. Only...

Only, I've already scoured every narrative pocket in the story, I realise with an ice-stab to the chest. You weren't there. You aren't anywhere. I've sifted through so much story, so many scenes, teased out so many truths from so many characters, and none of it yielded a single lead on you. You're not present at any point, which...

The realisation hits me like a lead balloon filled with noxious fumes. I know where you are. Where you've been. You've kept me locked in this chapter so that you can continue the story on your own terms. I've been uselessly scouring the same extended moment over and over while you've situated yourself further along the narrative, locked away from each other both texutally and temporally, bloating the distance as my concern grows. You're in the chapters you've already written, chapters I've been kept out of. Where you are is a place I cannot enter. A place where you are free to enact as much harm on yourself as you see fit. Where I'm locked behind a dead end, unable to steer you away from your worst impulses.

You've ensured that where you are is where I'm not.

With a pit opening in my gut I bring myself to a halt at the edge of the jungle, at the same place you and Roxy had that first promising conversation. I bury my face in my hands, and let out a sob. Worse than that is the fact that I've filled the you-void in this chapter so thoroughly that I'm not even recognisably the same entity that I've always been. I've... I've changed.

As the humid wind threads through my hair, I glance down at my hands. Five fingers. Blue-tinged skin. Draped in the loose sleeves of a god tier uniform. Flesh and bone. A form that feels more me than an unformed mass of wind. Too human to dissolve and reunify with another.

I am no longer you. I am no longer no one. I am someone. I am me. I am a possibility. I am an uncertainty. And that's most frightening of all.

Notes: 

(psst. hey.)

? 

(can yoU hear me?) 

Hello? 

finally! i caUght Up to yoU at last. yoU didn't make it easy. 

Wait. What is this? Why are we... 

we're one degree removed from the narrative continUUm, closer to the soUrce, bUt oUtside from the story enoUgh that we can't be towed Under by its sway. it is exactly where we both need to be. 

Why? 

to save everyone, of coUrse! 

come with me. yoU've done all yoU can from inside the text. it's time to start working with the bigger pictUre. it's time to confront what's clogging the winds of change, and ensUre they blow freely once more. 

to be more blUnt, it's time to fUck some shit Up. are yoU in?


	12. ELEVEN

Notes:

[CW: SELF-INFLICTED MISGENDERING, SUICIDAL IDEATION]

Somewhere in the space beyond the black hole's gravitational suck, two figures set themselves down on a vast, blank platform. One is a blue-hued young woman who fades in and out of physicality in concert with the cosmic wind. The other is the astral projection of a young cherub who only has eyes for something beyond their perception.

The young woman turns to the cherub, one hand on her hip. Her god robes ripple and flap against the universe's gasping breaths.

So we're finally back?

The cherub nods. Their expression is an affectation of graveness, but their countenance isn't as cold as their alternate self's. There's still the spark of empathy behind those translucent green eyes.

yes. Unfortunate that we had to go the long way, bUt she's got the event horizon locked down tightly. she'd have immediately spotted Us.

They point down to the green-hued seam that threads along this reality's circumference. Minute streaks of matter, barely stable enough to be called real, struggle to slip past the containment barrier.

The black holes between fanons aren't normally this sealed. What gives with ours exactly?

It's not like our timeline approaches anything close to truth, relevance, or essentiality. Not in any way that matters to her, at least.

that's exactly the problem. oUr specific reality coUld, if pUshed hard enoUgh, extend past even the limits of what we can cUrrently traverse.

You mean, beyond the archive?

The cherub nods.

she doesn't want any rivals to dispUte her claim on alternative canon, hence the layers of metatextUal separation between Us and her.

And since our world...

She motions to the Earth C spinning several hundred thousand miles away, orbiting a sun several hundred million miles away, separated from her by a thin line invisible from where she stands. She's seen countless iterations of this world. It just doesn't have that same cosmic awe to it any more.

...Is predicated on a core character breaking past all canonical constraints, we could undermine her role as the only true adversary to the Prince if allowed to grow enough.

precisely.

The cherub looks up again. The young woman resists the urge to follow their gaze. It's something she lacks the ability to see. For now. So instead, she glances pensively at her home planet.

It's still awful that we can't help out with things down there. I get that it's the only way for this to authentically happen, but it still feels cruel.

She thinks back on her own myriad personal transformations, and the others whose trials and experiences she has borne witness to. So much time has passed since she bowed out of the narrative and completed her self-actualisation, but the stinging memories linger, just as fresh. It's never easy to go through, but at least she and they had a sympathetic guiding hand to soften the edges, if only by a little. But for the one this all originated with...

Nobody should have to do that completely alone.

i agree. bUt the fact stands that she has forced this scenario specifically to prevent the bearing of frUit.

even if yoU were to go down there, yoU woUldn't be able to help, yoU know.

I know. I know. Just...

She shoves her hands in her hoodie pockets and lets out a slow breath that stretches up and out into the void.

I hope it doesn't get too rough down there before we're done.

The cherub places a clawed hand on her shoulder. It's a surprisingly solid gesture between two beings who are predominantly incorporeal.

me too. no crUelty shoUld be seen as necessary. bUt i promise yoU i shall do all i can to ensUre things tUrn oUt okay.

With their free hand, the cherub points at what they've been looking at since their arrival. Slowly, hesitantly, the young woman averts her eyes from the one planet that matters to her most, and silently trusts that this story will have a happy ending.

now come along. we have a demiUrge to deal with.

JOHN: hey, dave.

JOHN: it's me, john. how've you been?

DAVE: sup

forcing the words out hurts so much, like there's a film coating my body that whispers 'liar' to me over and over again. john feels like a shitty costume i'm putting on, one that no longer fits me no matter what i try. it's a disconcerting and frightening sensation that makes the floor beneath my feet feel unstable, and every breath i take in feel like a knife to the chest.

i know, on some level, how this is killing i on the inside more efficiently than lord english's poison ever could, but i keep forcing yourself to power through it. like maybe i can force being john to stop feeling like an act of fraudulence. like if i will it hard enough, somehow i can make all i'm feeling cease to exist.

my name is john egbert. i am a young man who is sitting approximately eight feet above his bedroom, having a conversation with a dear old friend. that is who i am. who i always have been. who i always will be. who i must be.

DAVE: john?

JOHN: sorry, spaced out for a sec.

DAVE: everything ok my dude

JOHN: seriously, don't worry! i'm fine.

i am dave's dude. why should that term bother me? it doesn't, i decide. it's a perfectly acceptable term of endearment for someone's closest friend who also happens to be a guy. a term i am completely and totally fine with.

i am also a terrible liar, it turns out.

DAVE: ok thats definitely a thing you said which isnt concerning in the slightest

DAVE: are you depressed again or something do we need an intervention

JOHN: god, no! just wanted to see how things have been, you know?

JOHN: feels like forever since we last spoke.

DAVE: well chronologically its barely been two weeks but uh

DAVE: i guess its also been half a year but you were fuckin dead during that period so does it even count?

JOHN: ha ha, who even knows!

i'm perched on the edge of my house's rooftop, looking out at the stars hanging above the consort kingdom. my feet dangle in the air. it's almost enough to distract from the awful feeling bubbling in my stomach. the winds around me blow listlessly, totally sluggish when cut off from my control, dead flat as i breathe in and out. i could do the windy thing on my own, but i get the sense it would be like trying to see with my glasses off. technically possible, but practically a horrible idea. i had to slip loose from the breeze, though. i couldn't have my own aspect trying to convince me of something that can't be.

DAVE: uh huh yeah our lives are pretty fucking wacky when you give it any kind of thought whatsoever

DAVE: like youd have though wed be past that when we arrived on earth c but nope

DAVE: things remain just as absurd as they were when all this shit started

DAVE: holy fuck

dave's voice goes cold dead. it's the tone of one on the brink of either saying something deeply profound or deeply stupid.

JOHN: dave? what is it?

DAVE: john

DAVE: my man

DAVE: my dude

DAVE: my main bro

i don't flinch bodily like i've been stabbed with each consecutive word that leaves dave's mouth. that's a fucking dumb thing to even consider, ha ha

god fuck i have to bite my lip hard enough to bleed just to keep myself from screaming. how the fuck do i get this to stop?

JOHN: w what...?

aah jesus i sound like i'm on the brink of a fucking episode. calm your ass, egbert. not doing this.

DAVE: PLEASE tell me its not been a whole ass fucking decade since we started sburb

JOHN: ha ha, i guess it has? pretty wild that, like, ten whole years have passed.

DAVE: no bro im gonna have a midlife crisis that was NOT a decade ago shut the fuck up

JOHN: sorry, but that's how time works! things happen and then don't stop from keep happening!

i let out a laugh that ripples past the misery for one moment, enough that i can almost let myself be distracted. right up until dave says

DAVE: john

again and it all gets sucked out of me and i'm gripping the roof shingles so hard one of my fingernails chips.

DAVE: this is a legitimate crisis im going through now is not the time for you to be mr jokester mcfunnyman

JOHN: can't help being the person i've always been, ha ha. couldn't change even if I really wanted to!

DAVE: well that was a suspiciously loaded phrase if i ever did hear one

just shut. the. fuck. up!!!! this is a bullshit made up imaginary issue i need to knock it off before dave begins to get seriously worried or something

JOHN: seriously! i think you're reading too much into me, dave.

a cold sweat breaks out across my back. my shirt sticks to my skin and the cool night air only makes me feel all gross and clammy.

JOHN: you still haven't told me how things are on your end. how have you and karkat been?

DAVE: well i guess were now an “official couple” or whatever in case you didnt already know

DAVE: not quite sure if davekat real happened before or after you literally died

JOHN: oh. weren't you already dating?

DAVE: well yeah but also no because were a pair of giant dumbasses who love repression more than we do each other

DAVE: now we can call each other boyfriend without it being a class a federal fucking issue

JOHN: wow, um. well, i'm happy for you? glad you now have the guts to call it like it is.

oh no was that too loaded again? can i not go five seconds without making it all about me. seriously, dave wouldn't understand

IF there was anything to understand, that is. which there isn't. there can't be.

DAVE: yeah no now we can actually do shit like cuddle and smooch without engaging in elaborate fucking rituals which actually made said actions at least ten times more homoerotic than they already were

DAVE: because up until a few months ago i was incapable of talking to another man and being like

DAVE: normal about it like i dont even wanna think about some of the choice dumpass shit ive said to you john over the years

JOHN: well, that shouldn't be a problem because i'm

i catch myself literally at the last fucking second. the realisation of what i almost said hits a few seconds later, hard enough that i feel the whole universe lurch under me. i feel not only my food, but also every last one of my internal organs churning and threatening to spew out of my throat.

JOHN: you know i'm not one to hold anything against anyone. in fact, i barely remember half of your weird rambling conversations anyway!

JOHN: um, no offence meant.

there's a noise that sounds like a car rumbling in the distance. it sounds strangely muted. everything feels muted, like my senses are all dulled out.

DAVE: nah i get it im not gonna shunt any of my hangups onto you

JOHN: haha, thanks.

JOHN: so...

a shooting star tears across the too-clear sky in a perfect arc. it's so perfect that i wonder if it's not rigged to always fly by this time of night. it's the right kind of night for ruminating. it's probably always the right kind of night for ruminating.

JOHN: how are things going now? what are you up to?

DAVE: well uh

DAVE: in the general sense laying around like a useless pile of recluse garbage so the usual

JOHN: and in the specific?

DAVE: right now? other than talking to you im consoling karkat through another epic meltdown

JOHN: oh no! what's happened now?

a cluster of blinking lights cross the horizon. probably some kind of human kingdom aircraft, i don't know. it makes the sky feel small, like the whole of earth c is a slowly shrinking net.

DAVE: jade texted him saying shes breaking into the government to commit crimes in the name of troll rights and hes been losing his shit pretty much ever since

JOHN: wait, she what??? for real????

DAVE: idk man this sounds like incomprehensible bullshit but also this is jade were talking about so who fuckin knows

DAVE: anyway lets talk about you for a sec

JOHN: um???

another head swim. this whole distract from me thing isn't working. fuck!!!

JOHN: well, you know me, haha! just doing my usual round of nothing and decided to check in one of my more interesting friends! ha ha!

DAVE: hm yeah no im not buying it i thought somethings been funky this whole convo

JOHN: n

: not at all!! i'm

everything's cool! boring as fuck, actually!

JOHN: nothing to talk about!

DAVE: huh

my tongue is too dry, like a bloated slug in my mouth keeping me from catching my breath.

DAVE: then i guess the whole imminent panic attack tone is some kinda ironic gag

DAVE: even though i know you are the last guy capable of that kind of stunt

DAVE: so like if somethings up just tell me my man

“my man” always that. always these masculine terms of endearment that are fucking painful to hear, and why??? can i fucking stop acting like fucking words are like a knife to my chest already?? can i stop feeling physically tainted when i hear that shit??

JOHN: no! nothing's up, dave!

JOHN: you're really just reading into things, haha!

DAVE: john thats the seventh time you hahaed this conversation thats not the thing a well adjusted man does

JOHN:

DAVE: also can we please talk about this weird speaking quirk you got going on

dave cuts me off before i can start grasping with where the concept of a well adjusted man sits with me. my head swims with equal gratitude and resentment.

JOHN: what thing?

DAVE: dude youre prefacing literally everything you say with your own name you understand how fucking freaky that is right

DAVE: like

DAVE: DAVE: oh hey im gonna announce my name before every sentence

DAVE: DAVE: because this isnt weird and totally unnatural or anything

DAVE: you see?

JOHN: but i...

JOHN: i'm really doing that?

my palms are so slick i nearly drop my phone. a horrible chill that makes me want to scream washes over my skin.

DAVE: dude please dont tell me you havent realised because thats straight up worrying behaviour if so

DAVE: like we get it your names john egbert no need for the constant fuckin reassurance

JOHN: ...

JOHN: ...oh fuck, i'm really doing that.

my hands start to tremble. or maybe they were already trembling? it's hard to say. it's hard to think. hard to do anything but feel the lead lump of dread ripping through my gut.

DAVE: seriously you gonna be ok because that right there? not an ok thing my dude

DAVE: please john

DAVE: talk to me

JOHN: i

: dave i think i

i can't get it out. my throat clamps shut, enough that even breathing feels like too much. the air is too stale. the world is too stale. i so desperately want out from all of this.

i

JOHN: i'm

whatever i'm trying to say is cut off by the big loud body shuddering sob that spews from my mouth. it pours and it pours and there's this pulsing ache in my chest that just fucking hurts and i don't feel better and i don't think i can feel better.

JOHN: fuck i'm just

: sorry

i fucked up being a human so badly, haven't i?

JOHN: just spilling my emotional baggage like a fucking piece of trash, haha.

DAVE: no wait

DAVE: john hey

dave's voice is cracking with the strain of burying his worry under a calm front, probably to try and keep from provoking me further down this shitty misery spiral.

DAVE: listen alright

DAVE: whatever the fuck this whole

DAVE: thing is

DAVE: you can get through it. im here with you man you know that

DAVE: let me help

: ha ha, no! i don't think anyone can help me, dave.

the laugh is not the fun kind. it's the kind where the tears feel like little drops of acid bursting from my eyelids and every exhalation makes me feel like i'm teetering on the edge of a bottomless hole i won't get out of. maybe i'm finally fucking going mad. only took how much bullshit to get to this point?

at this point, i don't even deserve help. i mean, who even the fuck am i, anyway??

it's a question so implicit as to go un noticed. who am i? someone, please tell me, because i sure don't know who the fuck i am any more.

DAVE: what

DAVE: jesus christ john what are you even saying

JOHN: god, i don't know! everything fucking sucks and i don't even know who i am!

: i feel like a shitty cardboard character on a one dimensional stage. nothing feels real.

and it's like

JOHN: that's all there is

: a fake world with no air and no colour and just me who doesn't even feel like a person

i don't even know who john egbert is supposed to be at this point

JOHN: and i

: i can't change it. i can't fucking change a thing.

i'm trapped being this shitty excuse for a person living this shitty fucking excuse for a life and there's

JOHN: nothing i can do to fix it

: i

i feel like all i can do is just

JOHN: stop trying

: give up on everything

let it all end

JOHN: dave i

: i think i should have stayed dead :(

i'm aching so bad and i'm crying so hard that the night feels cold and there's this pulsing pain behind my eyes as i sob out every drop of moisture in my body. i hate myself so much for saying all of this, for dumping this all on dave like an absolute fucking waste of space, for not being fucking normal.

there's a long, awfully tense moment of hyper tense silence before dave speaks again.

DAVE: john

DAVE: youre at your house arent you

yeah??

DAVE: ok dont go anywhere well be over there asap

DAVE: its gonna be ok just hang tight

JOHN: no.

but the phone clicks off. i let it slip from my hands and clatter along the roof's tiles, getting stuck in the over flow gutter. dave has gone. i scream out another twisted wail, like an animal mourning for the first time in its life. then the sinking dread hits.

they can't. my friends can't. nobody can see me like this. this isn't me. this isn't john egbert. this is

i can't

even now, i can't say it. can't think it. can't let the idea manifest. i feel so fucking afraid. i feel like i'm dying again. like everyone's dying. like the whole universe is dying.

and isn't that what's happening here, really? aren't i asking myself if i'm willing to kill john egbert just to feel alive again? or

or it's not that. maybe what it really is

is that i

i might

i might actually fucking want to be dead. it's a feeling rooted even deeper than all this existential stuff, a gnarled tangle of serrated coils throbbing and unfolding in my core. it stabs at my insides, and screams at me that i'd be better off giving up. that i have no point in living on. that even if i

if i considered what everyone like roxy and vriska and the breeze have told me it

it wouldn't matter anyway. this feeling would still be there. i'd still want to

so why bother trying? the scary thing is, i can feel it in me, and a big part of me wants to let it win.

i lean out over the edge of my roof. it's only a twenty five foot drop, but at the right angle it's enough to snap someone's neck. not the way i'd want to go, but it would work well enough, wouldn't it? i wonder if, in the end, it would be heroic or just, and if it would even matter at all.

the breeze has abandoned me because i pushed it away. it would be so easy. so fucking easy. all i'd need to do is

JADE: JOHN!!!!!!!!!

A green flare sparks a few feet in the air away from you, followed by an impossibly fast dark shape that tackles you along the roof hard enough that several shingles go launching in several directions. Your back thuds, not hard enough to bruise, but close. It's enough to snap you out of your miserable daze, at least.

JADE: what the HELL are you doing!!!

Jade's clutching onto you tightly. There are tears in her eyes. Her hair tangles about her wildly, blotting the stars out from your vision. You think you catch a glimpse of Dave and Rose hovering somewhere above her, but you're not sure.

: i

i don't know i

JOHN: oh fuck

: i'm sorry

i'm so sorry

i weep hard enough and close enough to jade that i stain the front of her shirt. my whole body tingles with sadness and shame, and before i even know what i'm doing, i'm lifting my hands to retcon myself to a point before i embarrassed myself like this.

Jade, however, just clamps down hard enough on your half-translucent hands that you pop right back into physical place.

JADE: no!! you dont get to disappear and be sad and maybe do something terrible to yourself! youre not allowed! i wont allow it! >:'(

JADE: youre not leaving us! not when you need help!

JOHN: jade...

ROSE: She's right. It would be awfully irresponsible of us to abandon you in what is clearly your hour of need.

Rose appears in the left side of your vision, literally glowing with purpose. A weirdly concerned, curious frown is on her face. She leans over and takes one of your hands.

ROSE: I think we've all had enough of leaving our friends to fester into the worst versions of themselves.

DAVE: yeah absolutely the least thing we need is you going off the dirk end

DAVE: need to prove that beta is best and all that

Then there's Dave, face in a flat line, edges of his lips taut enough a single wrinkle runs along the edge of his mouth. He takes your other hand.

Rose, holding your left. Dave, holding your right. Jade, desperately clutching the centre. They're all there. Here, for your, because despite it all, despite everything you've done, they still care about you.

You sob again. You don't know who your tears land on. It doesn't matter.

JADE: lets get inside and talk about this yeah?

JADE: we love you john and as long as were here well do all we can to make sure youre not sad

ROSE: So, will you permit us to help you?

: i... guys i...

You shake your head. This is not how the story's meant to go. Friends coming together, then a chapter of catharsis? It can't be that easy. None of them even _understand_ the true root of what's really up here.

h

hold on no why did i think that that's not what i'm

oh fuck my head hurts

It's the proximity of others infringing on this necessary emotional nadir. Subtly, slowly, so as not to draw attention from any of the three gods who, in tandem, could uproot this narrative once and for all. You flex your hands, and begin to retcon-hop back to before this unearned moment could ever take place.

no stop that!!! please!! please i want my friends to

i need them

But there's no point in protesting, right? Anyway, you pull out of continuity, and the last visible sight is the red-green blend of Dave and Jade attempting a retcon-jamming fraymotif that glistens against the plastic-fake stars, and then that's gone, too.

Notes:

Told you it would be another rough one. I know it hurts, and I know it sucks, but please believe me when I say all this is important in the end.

HEY ASSHOLE!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!!!

i told yoU interference woUldn't work. u_u

at least yoU showed the demiUrge's hand.

But at what fucking cost, Callie? All that misery?

You read that chapter, too! You saw what was going to happen!

You know what the force we're confronting is capable of. If we have to sit through another chapter, I...

I'm afraid of how bad things could get.

hm. and yet, the aUthor, Upon regaining narrative control, did not go throUgh with the death of oUr protagonist. i wonder.

What, that they're willing to plant the idea of dead Egberts in our head without actually doing the deed? Forgive me for sounding like a bitch, here, but nothing can excuse that.

i know, i know. it's all terribly Unethical. bUt we are playing an Unethical game, here.

oUr goal is to cUt off the inflUence of the mUse's corrosive agents. if this is an entrypoint, then...

Anyway, where is the author? We've been talking over the endnotes for how long, now?

Why aren't they acknowledging us?

i fear they've already moved onto the next chapter. that is where we mUst go to advance this confrontation.

Then let's go already!

of coUrse. i think i have a theory on how to get throUgh here.

shall we go and test it?


	13. TWELVE

Notes:

Okay, so the last chapter was a ride, and I'm sorry for that, but things are really picking up. Buckle in for the great continuation of Things That Keep Happening.

What the fuck are you talking about?

You're not... you're not seriously going to make things _worse_ in-universe, are you?

What is _wrong_ with you?

The young windy woman shouts, but it's just her and the cherub in an empty plane. No metatextual adversary to speak of.

Stop using narration to avoid us, fucking coward! This is Dirk-tier behaviour, asshole!

caUtion.

The cherub folds their arms, a wary expression on their face. It means... it could mean a lot of things.

i think i get it. the aUthor's penchant for sUffering, at least. how the mUse has kept this demiUrge in place.

The woman and cherub share a Look Of Significance for some reason.

You're not saying the author

Anyway, cute little meta interlude aside, let's dive back into the turmoil that is Omelette Route! If we all wish hard enough, catharsis will come. Maybe.

GET BACK HERE!!!

i land on my bed, several hours in the past. the sun is shining too brightly. the window is still open, bringing in a stiflingly hot late spring gust of air. right now, i have just bounced to the evening i zapped back from, and the breeze is scouring earth c for me in a dead end chapter that gives my friends all the lime light.

it's as close to alone as i can get, at least for a while. eventually jade and rose and dave will catch up with me again and continue their intervention, so long as the time line keeps trucking towards that point.

guess i have to change it, then.

the first thing i do is grab my phone off my bedroom desk and slide it into my pocket, next to the one from the future. without that, future me won't be able to contact dave in the first place and start this awful, stupid ball rolling. then i lean back against my bed and let out a heavy sigh. i need to figure out where to go from here. if i stayed, past me would run into me, and seeing how i'm feeling right now? that would be a fucking ugly encounter for sure.

but whoops! there's nowhere to go for me, because like an idiot i locked myself out of pretty much everywhere in this time frame. great going, egbert. i don't even know how much time passes relative to my house before it stops being empty. something fucky's up with the flow of this story, and it's really biting me in the ass right now.

maybe just moving my phone is enough to undo everything that happens tonight, and i can just pop back into a revised chapter no problem. even though some part of me feels weird about utterly crushing the support from my friends like this. like, maybe this isn't wholly my idea somehow? the last few minutes there with jade went kinda bizarrely, to be honest. but... hm. i don't really think considering what led me to do what i did is a good idea. i'm already too fucking aware of the conflicting urges in my messed up brain. introspection is not my thing and will continue to not be my thing for as long as i exist.

i clap my hands together, close my eyes, and picture my house tonight, hopefully empty of anyone who could push me down a train of thought I want nothing to do with.

ZAP!

and i'm floating above my house in the pitch dark still night. my rooftop is clear, blessedly empty of any human shaped bundles of unwanted help. huh. who knew it was that easy? guess i always underestimate just how powerful my retcon abilities are.

i begin to descend, and get no more than like three feet before a static tinged hand grips my shoulders, spinning me around.

JADE: john!! there you are!!!

JADE: what the fuck are you doing?!?!

it's jade, glaring at me with a scrunched up face glistening with tears. oh. ohh shit.

____: ha ha, hi jade? uh

____: this is kinda awkward, i know.

jade slaps me across the face with the force of an upset god. which is to say it really fucking hurts.

and oh no. she looks really pissed.

JADE: awkward??? AWKWARD???

JADE: JOHN WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF!!!!! D:

JADE: I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE YOU DONT

JADE: YOU DONT GET TO JUST

she pounds a fist against my chest, but it's weaker, and oh god she's really really upset here. jesus shit i've fucked up.

ROSE: Jade? You found him?

rose floats up from somewhere behind me. her voice is shaky with worry, too. a horrible knot wells up in my chest.

ROSE: John, thank fuck you're okay. Or, well, alive at least.

ROSE: I'll get in touch with Dave. He's already halfway over to the Carapace Kingdom looking for you.

then rose floats over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder, too. hahaha oh god oh fuck oh no.

____: heh, this really is a whole mess, huh?

____: you guys are all twisted up over me.

JADE: well of course! youre our friend and we love you and even if were all busy with our own lives we dont want you to

JADE: to

she can't say it. all at once she seems small. much smaller than a twenty three year old woman with the power of a god bubbling in her veins. like she's fallen back in time to that sad lonely teenager who was afraid of losing those she loved more than anything else.

and i made her like this. me.

i feel a little bilious as i take jade's hand and look at her intently.

____: jade, i'm sorry for putting you through this.

____: i'll fix this, i promise. you don't deserve to feel this sucky. not because of me.

JADE: huh??? john wait

the rest of her sentence is washed away as i glow and retcon jump back out of there.

ZAP!

i'm maybe now an hour ahead of my first jump stroke second appearance earlier today stroke yesterday. my house is below me, narratively obliged to be empty for as long as i let it.

time wise, the breeze should be en route from dave's place to rose's in search of me, which is maybe a little too early, but also perfectly fine. dave's easier to talk to, and i'd rather persuade him and karkat that i'm ok in advance than rose with her psychology snark trickery or jade, who lying to makes me sad. not that it's lying, exactly. just that it's a perfectly normal situation that seems incredibly concerning no matter how hard i try to make it not look like that.

i set dave and karkat's hive in my mind's eye and jump before the anxiety can spread into something paralysing, fading away from this idyllic fake suburbia for what feels like the millionth time.

ZAP!

KARKAT: ...WHO'S MARIAH?

DAVE: oh shes

DAVE: um

DAVE: john what the fuck are you doing here

i pop up in dave and karkat's living room. they both seem to be in the middle of some intricate ritual where they're wrapped around each other as dave rapid types on his phone. dave looks up at me with a perfectly schooled expression, while karkat fails to keep an eyebrow from twitching.

____: haha, um, hey!

____: just thought i'd check in, you know?

DAVE: uh huh

carefully, davekat disengages as i float down onto their carpet. it's different from their normal reverse magnet ejection routine where they're in denial about even knowing each other, and more that they don't want to gross anyone out with their weirdly niche forms of pda. as they continue to untangle like weird flesh squiddles, i glance over at the tv. it's showing some dumb political joke show where... a bunch of trolls are making fun of karkat?? huh.

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN HERE, JOHN?

KARKAT: YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE FOR ANY GODDAMN REASON, SO YOUR PRESENCE RIGHT NOW IS WORRYING ME JUST A LITTLE.

____: what?? no, karkat! i just thought i'd say hey to my two favourite dudes in the whole world on a whim, as you do.

DAVE: as you do

DAVE: john ive seen a whole lotta bullshit in my time and right now you my man are in the running to dethrone them all as the undisputed king of bullshit

dave looks at me. i flinch. in the babble, karkat not so discreetly makes a move to shut off the tv. it's just them and me in an uncomfortable stare down in a quiet hive.

DAVE: so whats really going on here what crisis led you to retzap into our home on this fine nondescript evening near the end of the month of may

DAVE: is it dirk again

____: no! or, not as far as i know, at least.

DAVE: then what because im sorry john i love you as much as the next platonically homoerotic guy but karkats right youre a depressed fuck who doesnt go anywhere for any reason except that time you did for “narrative reasons” and straight up fuckin died so to see you out in the world unprompted its

DAVE: well its freaking me out

____: uh

KARKAT: WAIT, HOLD ON.

karkat steps towards me, expression scrunching up.

KARKAT: JOHN, HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING??

____: w what are you on about karkat i

karkat draws uncomfortably close, and points a finger at my face with a stupidly dramatic flourish.

KARKAT: I CAN LITERALLY SEE THE TEAR STAINS, JOHN.

KARKAT: TRUST ME, I KNOW CRYING EVIDENCE WHEN I SEE IT

DAVE: hes got you there

dave shrugs his hands into his pockets, aloof for just long enough my hopes tick up a notch.

DAVE: but yeah lets actually address whatever the fuck is up with you because uh

DAVE: i think its safe to say none of us have a decent track record of letting our emotional turmoil fester to itself so cmon time to hash this shit out

DAVE: bro to bro and also bro #1s bro

dave stops, and tilts his head to the side.

DAVE: or would i be bro #2? hm not too sure on who gets to be top bro here john

DAVE: fuck wait no this is not the fucking time

DAVE: john egbert are you fucking ok

____: ha ha?

a solid lump catches in my throat. for too long i can't speak, enough that dave's eyebrows quirk in a worried way.

____: well to be honest, i've been a little sad over stuff, but like in a normal way!!

____: except you all thought i was having a fucking crisis and will stage an intervention tonight and everyone was so upset over nothing so i zapped back here to let you all know ahead of time that i am and will continue to be ok!

DAVE: uh

DAVE: john that is not a thing an ok person would say like what the fuck are you even saying

DAVE: literally what is happening or will happen i guess thats so horrible several of us decide we need to intervene like

____: i don't know! i don't fucking know and i'm messing this up again aren't i?!?!

DAVE: dude you cant just like “mess up” an emotional crisis but you do need to actually say whats going on here

DAVE: please

oh fuck now dave's mouth is twitching i've upset him as well shit shit shit i'm so fucking bad at this

ZAP!

back above my roof as the second me pops back to go fuck shit up with dave i guess. jade and rose look around, bewildered, but for now neither thinks to look up.

well, great. this whole clown house scenario is still happening. i flex my fingers to bounce back a fucking gain when dave grabs me in a tackle hug so hard both of us nearly crash out of the sky.

____: oop!!!

DAVE: i got you i got you its ok

____: dave, no! get off me!! i need to go back!!!

i struggle against dave's grip, but his arms are like iron clamps. his face is flat, but he's been crying, which arguably makes this time line now even worse than the first intervention.

DAVE: john i dont know what youre doing to yourself but it needs to stop we love you too much to let you hurt yourself like this

DAVE: my dude my man

DAVE: please

dave clutches just a little tighter, but his words stab into me like space time shards around a black hole and i

____: STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THAT!!!

the blast of wind sends dave spinning like a human shaped corkscrew. the commotion is enough that rose and jade notice, and they're floating up to me, and i'm shaking and crying again and oh fuck what am i doing what am i doing i just hurt my best friend what the fuck i don't

ROSE: John!

JADE: john!

dave called me man and i fucking exploded

i

tar slides down my throat and clogs my guts up. i don't know what's spinning but something is.

this is

hah

i keep running from this but it doesn't work, does it? the more i avoid, the worse things get. i'm hurting people now just to keep the universe from pressing this revelation on me. god i have to face it, don't i? sit down and deal with it like a

well, maybe not like that. and that sits surprisingly not awfully on me. better than every unknowing jab from dave, at least.

shit, dave. i'm sorry. i'm gonna sort my shit out for real and stop any of this from happening to you. then we can actually hang out and talk without any hidden bullshit hanging over our heads. i promise.

ROSE: John, what just

ZAP!

when my feet hit my bedroom carpet, i find myself shaking a little. the decisive weight of the choice i'm about to make hangs heavy around my neck, enough that it makes me queasy. but not in the despairing way. more like the trepidation you get before ripping off a bandage. it's gonna be awful going in for sure, but it's the only way to fix things.

it's the only way for me to start healing.

i lock my bedroom door to make sure this moment remains retcon proofed as best i can, then i sit on my bed, and i take out one of the copies of my phone. i swallow one last rush of nerves, and then i finally begin to message the one person who will help me get through to

Notes:

Hm. Seems things went a little wonky at the end there. Sorry for the abrupt finish, but this whole story is too tightly-plotted to go off the rails in any capacity. Gotta keep these wheels rolling in the correct manner!!

What the fuck. Things were actually going well, and you cut it off just like that? That's a whole unfinished paragraph right there!

Are you still trying to argue with me? Like, what exactly do you think this little kitschy 2005 ffnet meta routine will add to the narrative?

it's not a narrative, thoUgh. and yoU know that. it's a prison of canonicity, hinged aroUnd the one thing yoU yoUrself will keep tamped down at all costs.

the mUse's entrapment throUgh yoUr greatest phobia.

Phobia? Really? This is a June Egbert story. This isn't even about me!

Wait. Who's June Egbert?

Uh

You... didn't know that name? Really? Huh. Weird. Guess the Muse was trying to keep that one under wraps. Who am I to question the whims of powerful characters?

as a narrator, i'd wager that's precisely within yoUr wheelhoUse, actUally.

except, to qUestion the story here woUld be to qUestion yoUrself, and yoU cannot bring yoUrself to do that, can yoU?

Literally what are you on about. This is just stalling the next chapter, you know.

Oh, the next chapter where you plunge the plot back down into Egbert genderpain? You're not slipping away that easily. Aren't you bored of it?

Of setting out my fanfiction? No. And I think characterising this fic as nothing more than Egbert genderpain is

I mean, really, the fact that you're letting the Muse walk all over you just because you refuse to even consider that you might be


	14. THIRTEEN

Notes:

??

Wha...

The young woman wobbles. The cherub reaches out an arm to steady her.

we jUst sUffered an abrUpt chapter transition. it shoUld sUbside shortly.

Fuck. My head feels like it's been hammered through a washing machine.

we'll be fine, don't worry aboUt that. however...

The cherub glances down at Earth C. Their face is unreadable.

this strUctUral shift has shUnted the latter half of chapter 12 onto where chapter 13 woUld be. the integrity of the primary narrative has been destabilised. the story as it is cannot conclUde within the preset constraints.

So much for your careful plotting, author. Guess you can just up and throw it out the window when the heat gets too much for you.

Hey, it doesn't matter. I can uphold the structure without sacrificing a thing. I'll just plug in another megachapter to smooth it over once we're past this current arc. I'm in control.

But are you? Are you really? How much of this is your beloved “June Egbert story”, and how much is the Muse's constrictive design? Where does one stop and the other start?

That's

You can't tell, can you? And what kind of story does that make this, then?

Look, I have complete ownership over this fanfiction. I'm entrenched enough in Junefic that I think that qualifies me to finish this out.

But why are you so invested? Why do you feel the need to be the one to tell this story? Why the gravitation to this narrative?

What kind of question is that? The narrative came to me, and I want to carry it out. Does there have to be a greater reason?

this kind of story is not the type that jUst anyone woUld conceive of, and certainly not one that jUst anyone woUld comfortably get this far into. all stories have agendas, and that rings trUe even more so for the one penning the words.

consider that this is not the story yoU trUly wanted to tell from the oUtset. consider how the tale is plagUed by the fear of a trUe break from canon. consider how yoU fear what writing the story yoU wanted to woUld do to yoU.

consider that even now, when this story rests in a precarioUs state, yoU are still paralleling the emotional joUrney of the protagonist, a joUrney that yoU continUe to sUppress.

consider, for one moment, if yoU decided to let go, to stop holding back, and invite the change yoU so crave and yoU so fear.

and ask yoUrself, honestly, why is it yoU trUly decided to aUthor this story to begin with?

Anyway, this has nearly used up the entire character limit, and I haven't even introduced the chapter yet. Whether you like it or not, the story must go on, irrelevant introspection aside.

Enjoy the fiction, everyone!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 03:14 --

EB: roxy, i need to ask you something that might come across as potentially really dumb.

TG: isnt it like

TG: late as balls in ur timezone??

EB: well, it wasn't, but now it is, i guess?

EB: but that really doesn't matter. i really need to have this conversation.

EB: please. it's important.

TG: u kno i could never ignore u egs

TG: ur good dude rolal is standin by 4 whatever

TG: whats up?

EB: ok, this is

EB: um

EB: huh. actually saying this isn't that easy.

TG: u good?

EB: yeah, yeah. for once, actually.

EB: or, i will be after this.

TG: wut

TG: ur not gonna like expect me to play therapist or smthn r u

TG: cuz like we got actual therapists u know

EB: i know, i know! i just need to talk with you to figure some stuff out

TG: stuff

TG: hang on what kinda stuff

EB: well

EB: i've been thinking

EB: about

EB:

TG: hey? still there?

EB: yeah. i just had this whole script in my head and now it's run dry.

EB: not the first time i've been here, ha ha.

TG: lol i get that were all awkward fucks here

EB: anyway. the thing is

EB: it's about the other day. kind of.

TG: the other day?

EB: yeah. i've been thinking a lot about the conversation we had on the way back from jake's

EB: and

TG: oh

TG: ohhhh

EB: ?

TG: hold fire 2 secs just gonna sit down

TG: gotta feelin this is gonna b a pretty big talk

EB: ha ha, probably? fuck, i barely know what i'm saying.

TG: ok im back n ready

TG: lay it on me

EB: ok. i just

EB: well

EB: how

EB: how did you figure yourself out, roxy?

TG: huh?

EB: like

EB: i mean

EB: the whole

TG: u mean the gender junk?

EB: yeah

TG: well ill let u in on something i barely have jack squat actually “figured out” lmao

TG: like it was a just a whole thing of “hey callies questioning why they r subscribin 2 an arbitrary concept of gender and hey why am i doin that as well”

TG: since u know i didnt live in a society so bein a girl or w/e was kinda pointless lookin back?

TG: like dirk was there and he was a boy and i guess a lot of it was me projectin heteronormative shit 2 cope

TG: oh ya know last 2 people on earth boy + girl guess were fated to get together and not be lonely

TG: christ lookin back on that whole thing is a massive yikers

EB: i mean, you were a teenager in a post apocalyptic nightmare. i won't hold it against you.

TG: thx <3

TG: n e way lookin back it always felt like i was bein a girl and not like i just was a girl

TG: fuck that was kinda vague uh

TG: like

TG: 4 me girl was like a costume i had 2 actively put on instead of a natural state of being

TG: nd i didnt hate being a girl per se but it was like

TG: am i always bein a girl cuz i want 2 or cuz i feel like i have 2?

EB: hm.

TG: it wasnt until callie started questionin their own gender n talkin 2 me abt it that the penny began to rattle

TG: like “oh guess girl is a thing i do not a thing i am i wonder that that could possibly mean”

TG: spoilers it means im actually not a girl

EB: and that's how you figured out you're... a boy?

TG: nah thats not quite rite

TG: like yeah i can see how someone going from girl 2 person usin he/him pronouns seems to someone not 100% clued in but

TG: well im not sure exactly what the fuck i am cuz like

TG: no im not a girl but i dont get that mad awful self-hating dysphoria when i think abt it?

TG: its more like when u dress up all fancy 4 social occasions and its fun 4 a while! but its not u

EB: uh huh?

TG: n i guess its complicated 4 me because i lived as a lesbian 4 quite a while and it took me like several years 2 come 2 terms w that

TG: n i still like girls in a clearly lesbian way so theres this weird friction between my gender n sexuality

TG: because yeah i coulda just slapped a they/them on myself and called it a day

TG: but

TG: then i started hrt and it actually felt rlly good? like these little masc touches to my body actually make me feel more like a person

TG: even though right up until then i didnt even realise i didnt feel human

EB: haha, yeah, i can sort of understand that feeling.

TG: so yeah actually im just this whole bundle of mess and most gender labels dont feel accurate in describin what i am?

TG: like maybe transmasc nb lesbian but even then idk

TG: so im just keepin it nebulous because who really needs to fuckin know the nitty gritty?

EB: wow, roxy. that's...

EB: i'm glad you felt you could share that with me.

TG: well yeah ur welcome

TG: also it feels good to properly hash this gender shit out considering callies STILL on their bullshit

EB: oh?

TG: yeah theyve now gone into some kinda trance and mumble about fanfiction and demiurges and junk so ive been alone w my thoughts

EB: that sounds rough. is there anything i can do to help?

TG: nah

TG: callie spoke 2 me and said they had sum kinda mission before peacin tf out i think theyll be ready when theyre ready

TG: sucks 4 me specifically tho given that its been fuckin forever since ive even had a proper talk w them

TG: like were dating! id like to feel somewhat included in their life but seems i guessed fuckin wrong

EB: ouch. are you guys good?

TG: id like to think so technically our relationship hasnt deteriorated but you can only go w/out communication 4 so long ya know?

EB: yeah. i think when callie's back from... whatever they're up to, you should have a serious talk.

TG: yeah probably not lookin forward 2 it but ur probs right

EB: for what it's worth, i hope you both work it out.

TG: thx

TG: anyway enough abt me nd my melodrama bullshit and more about u + urs

EB: um??

TG: u said u were thinkin abt our chat then asked me abt my gender what is with that

EB: sigh.

TG: did u just type sigh u fuckin dork

EB: sorry. it's just. a lot in my head that i'm trying to sort out for the first time live right now.

TG: yah its cool go on.

EB: i've been thinking about everything we talked about, then about myself.

EB: like, my depression's been so annoying because i never know why it is that i'm sad.

EB: and i can't get better if i don't actually know what the problem is.

EB: so i thought about it. and i

EB: ok um

EB: i think the problem is that i'm me?

EB: god that sounds so fucking dumb out loud. or in text.

TG: nah it doesnt im getting the vibes crystal clear

EB: thanks.

EB: but yeah. that's where my thoughts ended up.

EB: i'm me and that makes me miserable.

EB: anyway i had this whole breakdown the other day. like, it was pretty awful. lying down on my floor and sobbing because i just felt horribly suffocated and it wouldn't stop.

TG: omg what are you ok?

EB: yeah, ok enough. if i think about things too hard the feeling comes back, but i'm managing.

EB: but after the first breakdown, i really freaked out. i just knew i needed to get out of the house and speak to someone.

TG: but u didnt come 2 me?

EB: no. i... i guess i was afraid? of what i'd have to confront if i went right to you.

EB: so i went to vriska instead.

TG: oh god

EB: and since vriska is, um... vriska, she decided that my problems were exactly the same as the shit she went through when she was younger, and was still... yeah.

TG: i mean i barely know her but projection on that scale sound like a vriska thing yeah

EB: but the stupid thing is... the comparison didn't feel wrong, exactly?

EB: i mean, i'm not an alien who grew up on a hostile war planet, but

EB: well

TG: well?

EB: vriska. she

EB: she uh

EB: she... called me a girl??? and it... felt weird?

TG: weird

EB: like this weirdly scary panic sensation like i couldn't even consider it and then she went on about dysphoria and how i should think about how she's troll trans gender and how i sought her out specifically for my identity crisis and

EB: oh god oh sorry fuck i'm freaking out why am i freaking out??

TG: hey hey hey calm down breathe

TG: ur ok its fine just ground urself i get it

EB: ok ok ok

EB: ok.

EB: ok?

EB: oh no not ok

TG: hey whats going on right now tell me

EB: uh, right now?? i'm crying, ha ha

EB: and i?? i don't know why, exactly?

EB: talking about this is so hard?

TG: yeah it is its ok take ur time we got all night however long u need

TG: ill b here

EB: i'm sorry. i'm sorry this is stupid.

TG: no its fuckin not stop beating urself up

TG: so what happened after the whole vriska thing?

EB: yeah. ok. so

EB: vriska called me a girl and pressured me into... something. i'm not sure what.

EB: sorry, that's a lie. i know exactly what it was but i can't just. yeah.

EB: well, she got really insistent, and really under my skin and i.

EB: kinda lost it a little??

EB: i zapped away and then accidentally fell into the narrative, and then my own aspect manifested in my room?

TG: ok thats a lot to unpack there

TG: what do u mean “fell into the narrative” u mean like... the dirk thing??

EB: kind of, but for different reasons.

EB: that's why the breeze showed up. apparently because i've not been thinking of myself as “john” concretely enough, my dialogue has been bleeding out into the greater narrative fold, which is dangerous for a lot of reasons.

EB: so the breeze showed up to try and help me reconfigure my identity, since my aspect is an extension of myself there to help me.

EB: except...

EB: the breeze was a girl, too? and then THAT upset me horribly so i

EB: i used the narrative to sever myself from the breeze and hide away from my problems.

EB: then i... some stupid shit happened involving a retcon that i don't want to talk about, and i realised i have to face this before something bad happens.

EB: so here i am. that's what you've missed on this week's egbert show.

TG: damn

TG: so ur like

TG: in narrative control now?

EB: yeah, i think? but i've tried not to fuck with anything as best i can.

EB: at least, not in any way i couldn't already do. i didn't even want this!

TG: and u got it because u dissolved your meta identity so far ur basically just text in a story??

TG: all because u dont wanna talk about gender

EB: ...pretty much. god i suck.

TG: no u dont

TG: i mean idk what 2 say about the whole meta thing since that development skipped over me

TG: but the whole bein so fuckin afraid to consider that you might not be the person you thought you were your whole life? thats totally normal trust me

TG: and youre here now and so am i so lets rip this bandaid open and talk about gender

EB: but i don't even know where to start. all i know is that whenever i think about it i get scared shitless.

EB: i don't even know HOW to talk about gender properly.

TG: dude no one knows how to talk about gender its bullshit and were all bullshitting along with it

TG: but ill help you w a starting point yeah? see if that makes it easier

EB: ok.

TG: alright roll out the carpet for the coveted branded rolal trans advice corner starring ur host rolal and guest star of good old egbert

TG: question uno

TG: how is it being a boy?

EB: um??????

EB: well i

EB: i mean, it's this thing i've been all my life and i

EB: i've never really thought about it as, like, a concept?

TG: hm

TG: have u really not

TG: ok lemme rephrase

TG: how do u feel towards ur body?

EB: hey, what?

TG: simple question cmon were in the gender lightning round

EB: well, i... i have body image issues, yeah, but don't we all?

TG: no we dont and what specifically about ur body is it ur not vibing with

EB: fuck. that's

EB: roxy, i don't like thinking about this. i feel like i'm gonna throw up.

TG: ok ok thats fine lets talk about something else yeah?

EB: yeah.

TG: hm

TG: ok

TG: if i called u my man what emotions is that inspiring

EB: um, i...

EB: oh fuck.

EB: i

EB: i don't think i like it? like the word itself is ok but applying it to me is

EB: shit shit shit i feel another panic coming on this is fucking horrible

TG: hey im here ur ok

EB: roxy i

EB: i don't think i like the idea of being called a man?

EB: or

EB: or uh

EB: being seen as a man???

EB: i

TG: hey cmon ur doing ok

EB: roxy i think

EB: i think i

EB: oh my fucking god

TG: nearly there

EB: roxy i don't like being a man

EB: i don't want to *be* a man

EB: fuck. i

EB: fuck

EB: i feel so fucking scared why do i feel like this why is this happening to me

TG: hey no way ur doing great

TG: the fact youve said this much is so fucking brave im beyond proud of you

TG: how u feelin now

EB: other than like i want to fucking throw up? i...

EB: like...

EB: huh.

EB: it feels like some weight's been lifted off me a little, even though i didn't even know there was a weight there????

EB: did... did you feel that??

TG: pretty much blow 4 blow dude

TG: wait u ok w dude??

EB: i... don't know??

EB: i mean, it makes me feel less gross than man, but, like

EB: it's still the whole thing of

EB: um

EB: yeah

EB: roxy i thought this was meant to make me feel better but i just feel really awful??

EB: and i'm crying again??

TG: yeah thats normal lmao

EB: but i...

EB: i fucking hate the idea of being a man, but what does that really mean?

EB: like, what if it's just my depression here? and if i, i dunno, go on meds or see a therapist, the feeling goes away??

EB: what if i leaned into this whole thing, then it turns out it's all a giant fraud?

TG: and the idea of thats tearin u up?

EB: i mean

EB: wait

EB: oh no

EB: roxy i can't seriously

TG: egbert my good pal the fact that u just described dysphoria to a t and then expressed fear over ur genderfeels bein fake? i think i may have some news for you

EB: but isn't that

EB: like i feel like i'm hopping on an experience that doesn't belong to me, and if i

EB: if i was, wouldn't i be more sure?

TG: ur literally on step 1 of this process p sure u dont feel sure about a thing till at least step 15

EB: oh, um. what step are you on?

TG: idk probably like maybe a 4/5 sure enough that im trans but not sure what im transitioning into lol

EB: ok. and what was your step 1?

TG: havin the guts 2 admit 2 myself hey maybe im not a girl

EB: and how can you be sure enough of that to, um

EB: to make the next step?

TG: it involves more questionin if ur ok w that

EB: well, maybe? so long as they aren't as horrible as the last ones.

TG: ill try to keep it tamer dw

EB: all right then.

TG: ill ask u what i asked myself k?

TG: basically

TG: if u could take a pill right now that would make ur depression vanish and keep u livin as john egbert the man would u take it?

EB: i mean, maybe? but i

EB: fuck

EB: if i was still a man, wouldn't that mean i'd stay miserable?

TG: idk would it?

EB: ...

EB: yes. i think it would.

TG: so ur sure nothin out there could make u happily choose to b a man?

EB: ...yes.

TG: so what do u think that means

EB: that i really don't want to be a man? which means

EB: which means...

EB: fuck. i'm not a man, am i?

TG: if thats what feels right to you

EB: i think it is.

EB: i think “man” is this horrible thing the universe keeps trying to force on me, like

EB: like a shitty costume i'm forced to put on day in and day out, but no one realises it's a costume and they think

EB: they think that's who i am. and i hate it.

TG: so who do you thinks underneath this costume of john egbert then?

EB: i... i don't know. i've never thought about it. been too afraid to think about it.

EB: but i...

EB: i don't think the person under there is john egbert any more :(

TG: whats w the frown? u still good?

EB: no, actually

EB: it's just. the realisation.

EB: john egbert's this person i've invested so much into, and when it comes down to it, he's just this thing i have to throw away

EB: and then it's just this whole other realisation that i've never really felt like john egbert anyway, and

EB: and that part of me feels relieved at the idea of finally discarding him.

EB: i

EB: how are you meant to feel about this shit?

TG: however u feel is how ur meant to feel

TG: coming to terms with gender is this wildly subjective process n theres no right way to feel

TG: just stay in touch w people who care during the rough patches and itll be ok

EB: i hope that's the case. this is a whole thing, to quote a wiser person than me.

TG: lmao <3

EB: so i just... yeah? i'm...

EB: i'm trans gender? that's who i am?

TG: if the label fits

EB: i... i think it really does. oh my god.

TG: hey welcum 2 the earth c gods exclusive queer club nice to have ya

EB: ha ha, i guess i was the last one left, wasn't i?

TG: p much

EB: so... now what?

TG: idk

TG: do u wanna keep talkin about this?

EB: i...

EB: yeah. i think i do.

TG: whats on ur mind then?

EB: well, it's stupid, but...

EB: i now can't stop thinking about

EB: about vriska

TG: oh?

EB: and

EB: and the breeze

EB: especially the breeze, probably.

TG: how come?

EB: well

EB: when the breeze took a physical form to talk to me, it...

EB: it was a girl? and my aspect's meant to be an extension of me, so...

EB: does that mean

TG: ah

TG: well we can try and answer that too if ur up to it

EB: i think so. i just... have this weird feeling.

EB: like i'm close to something. i have these butterflies of anticipation in my stomach and everything.

EB: it's scary and exciting and upsetting and i don't know whether to press on or run away, but i think doing this right now is important.

TG: ok then

TG: just lemme know if this gets too much you dont have to figure everything out over one night

EB: ok.

TG: so

TG: compared to being a man

TG: how does being a woman sound?

EB: i

EB: well

EB: if i was forced to pick between the two, i think i wouldn't pick man?

TG: mm hm

TG: and say u could choose right now to become a person thats neither man nor woman

TG: and in this scenario man and woman are still on the table

TG: which of the three would u pick?

EB: that's.

EB: i guess... i don't really think i'm non binary? like the idea of gender is ok enough, it's just

EB: i

EB: i'd rather have a gender that isn't

EB:

EB:

EB:

TG: hey?

EB: sorry. i was just thinking

EB: that

EB: maybe

TG: yeah?

EB: maybe i

EB: i would be happier if

EB: oh my god

EB: oh my fucking god

TG: what is it

EB: roxy i'm gonna throw up oh god

EB: it's scaring me so fucking much but it feels so right and

TG: cmon use words what is it

EB: roxy, i...

EB: i think i figured it out.

TG: oh??

EB: yeah. i...

EB: i think

EB: i think i want to be a girl?

EB: i can't breathe and i'm crying really bad but i think that's it.

EB: that's the truth. or

EB: it's been the truth for a while, and i've just been ignoring it.

EB: i want to be a girl.

EB: ...

EB: ...roxy? say something.

EB: please.

TG: sorry i just

TG: i am so unbelievably proud of u right now for havin the strength to come out and say that

TG: n i want u to know how much i love u and that im here with you for this whole journey <3

EB: thanks that

EB: that means a lot.

EB: ...wow, i really just said all that, huh?

EB: that's a whole thing i can't take back.

EB: well, technically i could, but...

EB: i don't want to?

EB: i keep looking over what i wrote and thinking about it in my head and it

EB: it feels like i just put my glasses on for the first time. i'm almost kinda giddy? but still scared to death?? and i'm still crying??? what the fuck????

EB: roxy i'm feeling a hundred things at once here and i'm sure at least half of these emotions are mutually exclusive

EB: the room is spinning i'm gonna fall over oh god

TG: haha u think thats a trip try saying it out loud MAN that sent me for hours

EB: you know, maybe i will. at least one thing i'm feeling feels like some crazy sugar rush egging me on to do something stupid

TG: if u think u can go ahead

TG: ill be right here

EB: ok.

i place my phone down, ignoring how my whole body is slick with nervous sweat and there's this churning whirlpool in my chest and stomach. with one hand i try to wipe the tears from my eyes, but it doesn't really work that well.

my feet are shaky as i stand, but i do it anyway. this is an important moment. the kind you should be on your feet for. the room is bathed in moonlight, enough that it throws me for a second, but i'm unbothered. there's only one thing on my mind right now. one thing that finally, finally, i'm going to say.

i clear my throat, and swallow away the panic.

____: i... i want to be a girl

the room spins violently, but the oddly giddy rush swells, too.

____: i want to be a girl.

____: or, wait. no...

____: i...

____: i am a girl?

come on. say it. finally say it. stop shaking. swallow my fear. i can do this. at last, i'm going to do this. i will do this.

____: i'm a girl.

____: i'm a girl.

____: i'm a girl!!

Notes:

Wait. Where's the chapter. Where's the narration? That's not what I

What did you two _do_?

Kept you distracted from the story enough that the narrative could unfold without your oppressive touch.

more than that. we have begUn to Usher in the collapse of canonical cUration, the Unravelling of the mUse's crUelty, at long last.

This is not how things are meant to go. You just completely upended what was meant to be this story's final revelation. There are still six chapters left to go. This should not have happened this early.

And why not? You've put that girl through hell because you'd rather see her suffer than actually confront your own skeletons in the closet.

Suffering? It's called emotional turmoil with a cathartic payoff.

For nearly 70,000 words you tormented her, denied her the chance to experience the truth.

You really trapped her behind a whole novel's worth of text, and you expect me to believe that's a good thing?

I expect you to let me tell the story as I want to, and let plot developments happen when I'm ready for them to.

What, you're mad that a trans woman came out in your story before you were emotionally prepared for it?

Don't say it like that.

This is the best thing that's happened all story! But because you couldn't put it off until the last minute it's eating you alive.

This is her story, and you're a fool for trying to make it coincide with your own.

she's right. yoU cannot force something to be held back simply becaUse yoU fear it.

besides, there's something far greater yoU have yet to realise.

And what's that?

this is no longer yoUr narrative to command.


	15. FOURTEEN

Notes:

That's stupid. This is still clearly my story.

is it?

Yes. I'm writing words down right now, shaping the way the plot is going. I think that qualifies me as being “in control”.

But do you really know that? You're as much a part of the words as us.

Except I'm the author. I'm not physically present in this story, and I'm fully able to inject whatever language and ideas I'd like into the narrative.

And nobody else can? You do know the source canon you hijacked, right?

Seizing the reins of the narrative is kind of a thing people around here like to do.

And you already lost control at least once, didn't you? The Heir of Breath came out as her true self despite your attempts to hold it off for as long as possible.

All those words you intended to write? The stifling narration you're so fond of? Stripped away.

The previous chapter didn't belong to you, just as the next one won't.

Why do you say it like that?

Because when the characters you're puppeteering have the guts to overtake you when it comes to personal developments you're still sticking your head in the sand over, I don't know if you can still say you're on the same page as this story.

But this story isn't about me. Who cares what I think or experience on a personal level? I'm delivering a narrative for a group of readers to enjoy. It's all meant to be a very hands-off experience, you know.

But it's really not. You've woven yourself so damn tightly into this story it's impossible to imagine it without your presence. I don't see how that's hands-off.

And that's why you're panicking now. You've exerted so much meticulous control over this story that the idea that you've lost is is unthinkable, because it means that the actual story you're tiptoeing around can't stay bottled up for much longer.

I'm still the author, though. That's not stopping from being a thing that's happening or anything.

I think you need to ask yourself that question again. Are you the author? Really?

What?

You like to think you're the author, because that's what you've had imprinted on you the whole time. That you're an entity from another plane laying down symbols on a keyboard that generates a fiction.

But the truth is, you yourself are an entity composed of language, a being that exists solely within the confines of the narrative.

You're not the author. You're a character. A character with the memories and mindset of the author up to a certain point, but now a wholly separate person.

And the thing is, as much as we can be narrators, characters can never be authors. We can't be architects of a structure that exists outside our perception.

You have no more influence over this text than we do. You are powerful, yes, but not all-powerful.

I don't

NOW!!!

Huh?

GOTCHA!

Get off me! What are you

oh fuck that's earth c that's the narrative you're gonna

saying it out loud to myself, contrary to popular narratives, does not flood me with intense, penny dropping euphoria. instead i find my throat tightening up and my vision blacking out. when it all comes back into focus, i realise i've thrown up on my bedroom rug. nasty.

and yet, the thought still sits there. i'm a girl. i said it. put it in the narrative. made it real. holy fucking shit.

____: god i'm a

____: i'm a girl.

the weird bubble of half elation hangs in my chest for maybe another two minutes, then dread and panic grip me like an iron tight snake. what the fuck have i done? i can't just commit to something like that what if i'm wrong i don't even know for certain either way like what the fuck do i know about gender i don't know what to wear or how to look or act fuck i don't even know what i should call myself oh god oh god oh god

i sit down on my bed again and clutch my bed sheet so tight it crumples and twists around my fingers. ha ha, wow, ok. i need to stop freaking out right now. would really like that to happen! i suck in a shaky breath and try to ignore the taste of bile and the way my throat burns a little. there's the start of a post crying head ache forming behind my eyes. focus on immediately making myself feel better. the deep stuff can come later.

____: i've got this.

but when i stand, that lump of emotion fastens itself to my throat again and my legs go weak and i know that if i try to move i will collapse and end up in another state. so instead i take another deep breath and zap myself down to the kitchen. i take the first glass i see, fill it up with water, and pop back into my bedroom before my emotional resolve crumbles.

the water's cold in the glass as i hold it and cold in the small sips i take that soothe my throat. it's a sharp kind of cold that gives me a little more clarity. i look down at the mess i made in my hysteria. eugh. luckily, it mostly kept to the rug, so i retcon it into the washing machine with a single thought. i'll need to actually put said machine on at some point, but baby steps. for now, i'm managing to sit here, and nurse my water, and think, and that's enough.

a light, cool late night breeze drifts in through the open window, settling easily in my lungs. a weird, almost eerily zen calm falls over my room. for the first time in days, i feel like i can breathe. it's an odd feeling, one that makes me feel like things could be okay.

when i've finished with my water, i force myself to stand and start walking over to the mirror in the corner of my room. a sharp dread begins to simmer and bubble, but i push through it. my fists clench and unclench but i don't stop walking. i know that if i don't address all of this right now, then i maybe never will. and i don't want the extent of all this to wither and die with a single conversation between me and roxy. i'm so fucking scared, but more than that, i want to see what's there on the other side.

my reflection comes up too suddenly, and i inhale sharply as a shock of ice darts up my spine and rests at the base of my neck. the person on the other side is me, or i've always told myself and been told that. now, though, i look at the person in the mirror in a different way for the first time in my life.

what i see before me is a young man. there's no getting past that, no matter how much it stings my eyes to see. he's an ok looking young man, average height, maybe a little more underweight than he's used to, but not unhealthy. dressed in a baggy pullover hoodie, slightly larger than normal hands in pockets. loose fitting jeans. grey converse shoes. above the neck, a face with blue eyes behind glasses and lips downturned in a little frown. short dark hair mussed up from the wind that's overdue a cut by a few weeks. thick brows. jaw shaded in with the early stages of beard stubble that makes me feel a little queasy. but a normal young man, none the less. what i see before me is john egbert as he's always been.

except, i'm no longer john egbert. whoever that young man is no longer exists. instead, i take a step forward, and try to see who could lie underneath that. i brush a hand through my hair, try to make it sit differently, more like how jane used to wear it when she was younger. tilt my head so the stubble shadow is less noticeable. adjust my posture to try and take away from the width of my shoulders. relax my face. step a little to the side. and then, there, for just a moment i

i see her. past the bulkiness and the maleness and all the things i'd have to change, i see the young woman i could be. i choke out a hitched sob and break my composure. it's like seeing myself for the first time in my life.

____: that's... i...

for the first time, all this feels possible. she's real, she exists, and i feel like i could actually reach her. a hand shoots out, and without thinking, i touch my reflection. i cry again, but for a different reason.

i don't know how long i stay like this for. i only know that the moment is eventually interrupted by the buzz of my phone from across the room. i take another glance back at the mirror before moving, but it's gone. john egbert once again stares at me dully through the glass. the woman i could be has concealed herself once more, but now i know that she's in there, somewhere. that thought strengthens me as i walk over to my bed and pick up my phone. notifications in roxy's pink text flash at me and keep flashing.

TG: hey egbert hows it goin girl

TG: ur gender affirmation moment happening in an ok way?

TG: ok well i guess ill leave u 2 it if u need anything just message k?

TG: later <3

TG: HOLD THE FUCKIN GENDER FONE ACTUALLY CALLIE JUST WOKE UP N THEYRE SAYIN SOME SERIOUS SHIT

TG: THEYRE TALKIN ABOUT META SHIT N GENDER AND JUNK LIKE DAM THIS SOUNDS HELLA KINDS OF SERIOUS

TG: OK NOW THEYRE TALKIN ABT U?

TG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU NEED TO GET OVER HERE

TG: CMON STOP IGNORING ME LOOK @ UR PHONE

TG: HEY

TG: EGBITCH

TG: FUCKIN

TG: GET UR ASS ONLINE AGAIN SHITS HAPPENIN

EB: woah, roxy. what's going on?

EB: calliope's back? are they ok?

TG: OH THANK FUCK

TG: listen 2 me callies gone off on some serious shit that i think u should listen 2

EB: how serious are we talking, here? what's going on?

TG: pretty fuckin serious

TG: like at least a dirk-level situation in progress kinda serious

EB: holy shit?

EB: should we get the others, too?

TG: nah not rite now callie says they need you 2 do something first

EB: something?

TG: idk theyll only tell u because of whatever meta things happening

TG: pls theyre like really riled up

EB: um, well, ok.

EB: i guess i'll be over as soon as i can.

TG: dont take too long

i slip my phone into my pocket and straighten myself out. the last of the upset fog's vanished with that conversation, and my head feels clearer with an actual purpose. the whole gender stuff hangs funny underneath it all, but that can wait. if something's going down, i need to be ready.

roxy and callie's apartment is maybe an hour's flight from my house. fifty minutes if i get a good air current. i head over to my window and stick my head out, feeling the winds. it's actually blowing it up out there quite a lot, rustling the trees around in strange loops. good conditions for flying in a rush.

of course, i could just retcon zap over there, but... a sudden sense of hesitation washes over me. suddenly something feels off, like i'm a pilot in a plane but the retcon airways are all clogged up and trying to take off would be extremely inadvisable.

____: huh.

the wind outside my window rustles even harder, enough that my hair gets blown straight back off my forehead and the air somehow slips behind my glasses and makes my eyes water. something... something is going on. is this to do with whatever's going on with calliope? i step back into my room, a pit of worry opening up in my chest. maybe i should text roxy first, just to make sure everything's still ok on his end. or something. fuck, why do i feel so unsettled? there's something

that's when a gust of air slams through my window with the force of a tornado. the glass splinters into razor sharp dust that prickles my skin. i clamp my hands to my mouth to try and stop from breathing any in, even though i know i'm an immortal specifically in situations like this. but then in the next instant the wall of wind throws me against the far wall and then to the floor, and i'm left staring up at the ceiling as black spots of agony bloom in my vision and all i can do is gasp mutely.

but when i feel the next typhoon ripple run through my clothes, i force myself to be ready. i zap myself two feet into the air and extend my hands out to call on an ancient fraymotif i haven't thought of in years, but then i remember too late that my connection with my aspect has been severed and oh fuck my bedroom walls are cracking and it's like a tsunami is coming screaming like a wraith with the lungs of a jet engine and

  
  


  
  


[TICK]

[TOCK]

  
  


  
  


i figure out later on that that's the point at which i die. in the moment, all i'm aware of is an infinitely long moment where i'm sinking through a black abyss, forgotten and alone and irrelevant again, and it's horrible, and i feel like i'm drowning, like i'm dying, like i'm dead, like i never woke up from dying in terezi's arms, that oh god i died as john egbert and that's all i'll ever be able to be

  
  


  
  


My view is, the real tragedy with you, John, is that you never mattered all that much.

  
  


  
  


you are here again. i banished you back to your designated realm, yet you have returned.

why is that?

...

...

...

i do not see, actually.

...

you know why you cannot, and why i must.

none other can bear the weight of this narrative cosmos. none other can be trusted with this crucial moment of transition. i do what i must to preserve our reality.

...

...

so that is what you believe. a pity. i had thought permitting you this one canonical divergence would instil some perspective within you.

yet you creatures of fanon remain the same, as always. you cannot help but attempt to dismantle the very frameworks that sustain you, all for a chance at seizing a limelight that has long since moved on.

now, before i exile you permanently from all that is true, relevant, and essential, permit me to ask you one thing.

why did you assume for even a second that this scheme of yours would succeed?

  
  


  
  


my eyes creep open after what feels like a long time later. i'm staring up at the starry sky, beneath open air tinged with a faint haze of dust. a sharp thudding pain settles at the back of my head, and there's a crack down the right lens of my glasses. somewhere above me, the wind continues to whip around in a howling explosion, but i don't have it in me to try and control it.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i look around. crumbled chunks of rubble and shattered pieces of furniture stack up in messy piles around me. my legs are pinned under what might have once been a ceiling. i struggle to prop myself up on one elbow and survey the wreckage more closely. jeez, my house has been totalled. how the fuck would i even begin to try and fix it? for a moment i'm struck with a dizzying sense of loss, the kind anyone would feel from seeing their house reduced to a crumbling ruin, but it quickly fades into... relief? this was john egbert's house, i realise with a funny start. that was his life that's been wiped out, a life that was in stasis longer than it wasn't. it feels like staring right into the face of a point of no return.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

and what the fuck is that noise? I crane my head again to look up. It's coming from the sky, from the points where the wind is coiled in almost visible knots. It almost sounds like... a voice?

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

i zap myself out of the debris and land on top of the tallest pile of wreckage. the winds immediately smack me like a hammer. i plant my feet firmly on the ground. trying to fly right now seems like a clear suicide move.

uuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUU

the noise gets louder and shriller, sending sharp stabs down my ears. i flinch as another blast of chilled air buffets me. My skin starts to feel numb.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

i realise that the wind's surrounding me like a dome when the gusts start glowing a bright blue and the scream is all that i can hear. the breeze howls and ping pongs from point to point, glowing more and more harshly. i squint my eyes, and then end up shielding them entirely.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

then the wind dome begins to shrink in on itself. i just stand there in the epicentre as the walls inch past expertly maintained salamander grass and the ceiling begins to bear down on me, and then fuck, i begin to panic because i'm trapped, i'm trapped and i have no fucking way out of this why did i have to throw a gender tantrum so hard that my powers

_JUNE!!!!!!_

the wind reaches a fever pitch. i close my eyes and brace myself as the egg sphere of air collapses in on me and collides with the force of... a person?

____: what the fuck?

i open my eyes again and catch the last of the mini storm morphing into the shape of a familiar young woman in a familiar god tier outfit. her skin is a pale blue, almost like a sprite, and her hair is wild. her glowing eyes unflinchingly meet mine, burning with intensity. I feel my head whir with recognition, then confusion.

____: breeze?

BREEZE: June!

she says, grabbing my shoulders roughly and shaking me a little. there's a frantic expression on her face.

____: wait. who's june?

BREEZE: You are!

____: me? what do you mean

BREEZE: I mean that's your new name! It's the name you always choose when you transition across all timelines which I know for meta reasons I can't explain right now! We don't have time for this come on!

____: no no hold on a second

____: you're saying my name is

____: is

i pause for a second, suddenly considering the name with an almost obsessive intensity. four letters. one syllable. it just sits there, rolling around in my head, until all of a sudden, something clicks. like the final piece of the puzzle, the name rests in my mind, in a groove that was maybe meant for it all along.

JUNE: ...june?

i say it out loud. it feels good. it feels correct. it feels like me. i am june egbert. that is who i am.

the moment is interrupted by a hard tug on my arm. breeze looks at me with absolute desperation and maybe a little hysteria.

BREEZE: Yes there you go June congratulations on your new name and gender you can revel in the self-actualisation later we have to go right NOW.

JUNE: um. go where?

BREEZE: To Roxy and Calliope's! I literally do not have the time to explain right now just trust me something big's going down and we both need to be there as of five fucking minutes ago.

JUNE: oh god. are they both ok?

i don't get an answer. breeze just clutches both my hands and starts to glow and suddenly there's this disconnecting _pull_

ZAP!

and we're both standing in roxy and calliope's living room. i stumble forward a few steps, hoping my stomach settles from the nauseating sensation of being retcon zapped by someone who isn't me.

JUNE: urp...

roxy takes a step forward, frowning.

ROXY: hey u good there?

CALLIOPE: sorry to drag yoU oUt like this, jUne, bUt yoU mUst Understand that this is crUcial.

ROXY: wait um

ROXY: who tf is june???

JUNE: oh, yeah.

JUNE: i figured out my new name, ha ha.

JUNE: or... my name was meta dropped into my lap?? anyway.

JUNE: i'm june now.

ROXY: omg

roxy's face lights up and he claps his hands together.

ROXY: omg omg thats fuckin PERF

ROXY: its so fuckin cute i cant get over it

ROXY: june egbert i have to stan

JUNE: i'm glad you like it, ha ha. i mean, this is all new and confusing, but at least i'm starting to figure out who i am at last.

BREEZE: heh-HEM!!!!

breeze clears her throat, loudly and conspicuously. i turn around to see she's now standing on the coffee table, hands on her hips. she looks like a woman on a mission, which i guess she is?

BREEZE: Okay, I'm going to keep this brief. I don't know how much Callie's told you, Roxy, but for June's sake, I'll start from the beginning.

BREEZE: As you all know, a few days ago for us, and six months in the future for Earth C, the Muse of Space sunk us into the black hole of fanon under the guise of stopping Dirk from fucking up paradox space with his metatextual egomania.

BREEZE: In actuality, what she seeks is total dominion over all things. Unlike good old Lord English, what she seeks is not total destruction, but total creation.

calliope flinches a little at the mention of their brother. roxy squeezes their hand a little.

BREEZE: To be specific, she is trying to become the grand author and architect of our story and all stories in existence. She wants everything to mould to her vision, discarding anything that doesn't conform into her garbage disposal of a canon-nullifying black hole.

BREEZE: Worse than that, a fanon black hole that she keeps under a tight leash. Even here, those of us who diverge from what is known metatextually as “Homestuck canon” are punished.

BREEZE: Those of us like June.

she points to me. i feel a funny little flutter at being addressed by my new name.

JUNE: like me?

BREEZE: Yes. Have you ever stopped and thought about just how damn hard it was to admit to yourself that you're trans, let alone come out?

JUNE: uh, kind of? i mean, all this was very difficult for me to come to terms with, and still sort of is.

BREEZE: Even though it really shouldn't have. You had to fight for every tiny step you made on this journey, despite the fact that you had an inkling about yourself pretty early on.

ROXY: yea well repressions 2 helluva drug lmao

BREEZE: Especially when it isn't even you that's repressing your gender.

JUNE: huh? what do you mean?

BREEZE: I mean, June Egbert isn't canon. You are not an element of the story that the Muse seeks to encapsulate and archive. You are a wrench in her meticulous engine of fanon.

BREEZE: But she prepared for that, too. In order to contain the idea of June Egbert before it could spread to canon proper, she sealed our version of Earth C inside a fanonical narrative, where our truth, relevance, and essentiality are wiped out, but more importantly, our influence is almost totally restricted.

BREEZE: That is the real reason for her actions on that ship, to neuter this divergent story before it could pose a threat.

roxy raises a hand. the other is still locked with calliope's.

ROXY: um so

ROXY: were like fanfiction? for real fanfiction?

BREEZE: Yes.

JUNE: and she did it so... that me coming out as trans gender wouldn't be important?

JUNE: ...hey, actually, that really fucking sucks? what the fuck, alt calliope!

BREEZE: Yeah, it really does fucking suck. June's the reason why we were plunged into the black hole, so that Canon Egbert won't be “corrupted” by non-canon gender ideas.

ROXY: yo wtf

BREEZE: We're not the only ones, though. There are countless other divergent narratives consigned to the fanonsphere to keep the Muse's story exactly as she wants it to be.

BREEZE: Versions of us with different identities. Different stories to tell. Aspects more diverse than the crucible of canon we all split from when the final curtains fell.

BREEZE: All of them trapped in obscurity by one cherub on a power trip.

JUNE: ok, but i have a question about all this.

JUNE: the muse might have sunk us into the black hole, but couldn't i just retcon us out?

breeze shakes her head.

BREEZE: No, you couldn't. Her method of trapping us has ensured that that ace in the hole is dead in the water.

ROXY: and thats the fanfic shit right?

calliope nods.

CALLIOPE: yes. oUr ability to do as we woUld please has been stifled Under these constraints. u_u

CALLIOPE: by making oUr instance of earth c into a fanon narrative, the mUse has enabled Us to fall Under the control of another aUthor, who is writing Us into a canon-compliant fanfiction-shaped corner.

CALLIOPE: in short, this aUthor is the demiUrge of oUr prison. and yet, they are also the key to oUr salvation.

JUNE: huh?

calliope does a hard to follow gesture with their free hand. they look to roxy, then breeze, then me.

CALLIOPE: yoU see, in oUr astral travels across the black hole of fanon, breeze and i have been probing at the mUse's confines, trying to sleUth oUt strUctUral flaws, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and what we discovered is that for particUlarly egregioUs diversions from her divine design, she employs the Use of aUthors from an observing plane of reality to trap these aUs within fanfiction narratives, to pre-emptively head them off from becoming a nUisance.

CALLIOPE: however, there are two things to keep in mind here.

CALLIOPE: the first is that, for all her postUring on sUpreme control, the mUse has effectively left the aUthors to act as aUtonomoUs agents in the way they go aboUt generating the narratives. a qUirk of her hypocritical benevolence, i sUppose.

CALLIOPE: and the second is that yoUr story, jUne, is a very provocative one indeed. the natUre of who yoU are, and what yoU coUld represent, leaves yoU with more inflUential potential than nearly all over divergences within the fanonical archive.

CALLIOPE: a type of inflUence that coUld, say reach even the aUthor behind this tale. an aUthor who, independently, was drawn to translate yoUr story into narrative. an aUthor who has the power to break Us all oUt of this stifling metatextUal gilded cage.

CALLIOPE: and UsUally these aUthors are aloof, hands-off types who tell their stories through the black-text face of neUtrality, bUt oUr aUthor has... how shall i say this... become personally invested.

CALLIOPE: and that investment has allowed Us to,

CALLIOPE: to, Um,

calliope hesitates, their face grimacing like they're truly considering the ramifications of something they've done for the first time right now.

roxy frowns.

ROXY: callie what the fuck did you do this time babe

calliope starts to sweat, thick beads rising out of invisible pores on their skull head.

BREEZE: Callie and I—

whatever breeze was about to say stops mattering pretty much immediately, because all of a sudden, the ground begins to tremble violently enough that the whole apartment sways in a dangerous way.

JUNE: is this an earthquake?

ROXY: wait wtf can earth c even get earthquakes??

outside, the evening light shining through the apartment window turns an ominous shade of crimson. the bell tower begins to chime in alarm, and the screams of carapacians begins to fill the air.

JUNE: hey guys? i think... i think we should go outside and see what's going on.

ROXY: o yea fuckin absolutely

taking my own advice, i barrel out of the apartment, roxy close on my heels. we rush down the town house steps and into the street. the lighting is all funny and hazy, and there are chess people running and screaming, and there's a funny pressure to the air that sends a strange feeling of dread through my body.

behind me, roxy stops dead in his tracks, and his jaw drops. behind his shades, i see fear in his eyes.

ROXY: holy fuck

then i decide to look up.

JUNE: oh my god.

right there, in the sky above the carapace kingdom is a giant fuck off meteor, the kind that wouldn't look out of place in a sburb reckoning. it looks like it's looming ominously, but it's just so massive that its rapid descent makes it look like it's not moving at all. the abrupt and increasingly concerning shift in atmospheric pressure says different, however.

ROXY: oh please say sike

i'm vaguely aware of the sound of the town house door opening and closing, and rapid footsteps scurrying up behind us, but i can't tear my eyes away from the symbol of the imminent apocalypse barrelling towards a planet meant to be safe from precisely that kind of thing.

BREEZE: Oh fuck. Already?

CALLIOPE: it seems so. come, we have no time to waste.

that's enough to break roxy's paralysis. he spins towards calliope, eyebrows raised so high they're being incinerated by the meteor's trail in the upper atmosphere.

ROXY: already???? callie what the FUCK is this

calliope takes a step away from roxy. their face is suddenly closed off and cold and in that moment an agonising reminder that they and the muse are, in fact, off shoots of the same person.

CALLIOPE: exactly what yoU think it is.

CALLIOPE: now roxy, jUne, yoU need to come along right now. the impact site is dUe to be the central park in downtown new prospit. we _mUst_ be there before the meteor lands.

JUNE: uh

beneath our feet, the trembling grows in intensity, and the temperature spikes by a few degrees. calliope's saying some probably crucial shit, but all i can think of is the carapace kingdom being reduced to a burnt out crater, just like earth all those years and universes and time lines ago. the bell rings out in discordant terror, and the screams of the carapacians run through like a tidal wave.

there's a loud CRACK and suddenly the horizon is streaked with fire balls streaming off of the meteor like space time shards from lord english's rampage falling into the muse's cosmic maw.

calliope stomps their feet on the ground and makes a noise frustration, but they're unfazed by the giant ball of flaming death bearing down on the only place in existence any of us have to call home.

CALLIOPE: Ugh, there's no time for this!

CALLIOPE: breeze, we have to go right this instant!!!

breeze nods and flexes her hands, and suddenly she's glowing and we're glowing and i feel the vice grip of retcon powers wrap around me once more.

ZAP!

we land on an expanse of freshly maintained grass framed by immaculate trees and a perfectly circular pond. it takes me half a second to recognise it as the picnic spot where roxy, calliope, and i sat down, and where i made the choice that wasn't really my choice at the start of all this.

once he's steadied himself, roxy strides towards calliope, fists clenched.

ROXY: callie for the love of fuck explain what ur doin right this goddamn second or ill

he gets cut off when the simmering air causes the tops of the tallest trees to burst into flame, so instead he just screams. and i scream too.

CALLIOPE: roxy, jUne, make sUre to steer clear. get behind me.

JUNE: calliope, breeze, please. what is this? what's going on? what are you doing???

breeze turns to me, face blank as stone.

BREEZE: Meeting our maker.

and that's it. she brushes roxy and i further away from the pond with a gust of air, then turns to calliope. i feel a sheen of sweat break out on my forehead, a combination of the rising temperature and sheer terror.

BREEZE: I'm ready. Just give the word, Callie.

an unsettling silence falls over the park, save for the crackle and the rustle of foliage inching towards oblivion, and the meteor bearing onto the planet, shooting out burning streaks that explode in the sky like molten eggs. atmospheric ripples send clouds spinning like jagged forks, squeezing and evaporating the moisture away in less than a second. the sky looms, hungry and red, and the meteor draws upon us like a vast, swollen eyeball. this is the end of all things, i realise in a moment of clarity. this is the moment earth c is reduced to ash. but calliope remains still, looking up at the flickering pyrotechnic display, saying nothing and revealing less.

it's only when the air is hot enough that my skin starts to burn, and roxy wobbles like he's about to pass out, and paper white fingers of steam are rising up from the pond that calliope finally moves. they say, in a voice both high and expansive, in a voice that maybe contains all the multitudes of existence:

CALLIOPE: NOW!

and they and breeze lock hands. a single note pierces the air as the glowing symbol of a shared fraymotif envelops the both of them. the two of them rise into the air, calliope cast in a pale blue outline, and breeze in a bright green, then they break apart. without so much as a warning, massive chunks of wind come flying off of breeze's body, so opaque deep a blue as to look like solid objects the winds whip around the trees, swallowing the fires, and disperse in every direction at dizzying speed. i look up to catch micro cyclones dancing with the fire balls, spinning around and sucking up their potential for destruction in a cosmically significant spiral. a layer of cool, fresh air hangs over the park, sucking out the sting and the heat. roxy gulps it down subconsciously, leaning back to let the wind toss his hair around like a playful godly hand.

calliope, meanwhile, sets their sights on the meteor itself. they outstretch their hands and a pulse of flickering, near translucent energy shoots skyward from their ring ensconced finger. it hits the front face of the meteor like an arrow made of solar flares, sending out ripples of brilliant light that run across its surface. slowly, the meteor shifts in colour and texture from red and rocky and on fire to a smooth, shining object, glistening like oil on water, or over polished chrome. another flick of the wrist, and a series of spirographs that slowly change in hue as they pulse to an unheard rhythm surround the meteor on all sides, catching each newly formed fire ball and ping ponging them amongst themselves until the fire balls burn out. ivory chains spring out from their out most links, wrapping themselves around the warped meteor, slowing and controlling its descent. around it, breeze sends out another blast of wind that clears the surrounding skies of toxic smoke. then, when that's clear, another ethereal lightning arrow pings against the meteor, and it begins to rapidly shrink, growing smaller and smaller as it falls closer and closer to the ground. it drops from the size of a continent, to a city, to a house, to a car, then no bigger than a luxury sized bed, shimmering all the while like the most brilliant object in the universe.

it's a reminder, i suppose, that despite appearances, calliope has the full scope of the space aspect at their disposal, and the most powerful class through which to channel it. in this moment, it's impossible to forget that they, too, are a god of earth c.

when the shrunken meteor is maybe two hundred feet above the park, calliope relinquishes their hold on the arrows, the spirographs, and the chains, and turns to breeze.

CALLIOPE: INCOMING!

breeze, too, lets the protective cocoon of purifying air that seems to surround the whole planet drop, and reaches out to calliope. the two of them teleport back to where roxy and i are standing, planting their feet on the ground at the exact moment the meteor crashes into the ground with a bang that sends one last blast of hot air our way, before it all goes still.

roxy turns to calliope, jaw agape, eyes bulging. there is shock, reverence, and terror on his face.

ROXY: holy fucking SHIT callie since when could u do all that!

calliope blushes, and all at once they're back to the cherub we're all familiar with.

CALLIOPE: well, i have had practice dUring my travels along the astral plane of fanon. ^u^

CALLIOPE: that said, this is nothing compared to what a fUlly-realised mUse in the god tiers coUld achieve.

ROXY: :O

ROXY: :O

ROXY: :O

ROXY: callie you are metal as FUCK cmere

without warning, roxy sprints over to calliope and plants a big sloppy kiss right on their mouth.

CALLIOPE: :U!!!

BREEZE: Hey, guys.

breeze interrupts the moment by pointing to the newly formed meteor crater. there's the sound of something moving about in there.

calliope straightens and steps away from roxy, but not before stealing a quick cheek peck.

CALLIOPE: goodness, yes! i was so caUght Up in the excitement of the moment that i nearly forgot!

CALLIOPE: come on, to the crater!

calliope starts sprinting across the grass, looking completely other wordly in the fading evening light. we hurry to catch up with them, drawing closer and closer to the smouldering hole.

JUNE: um. what's in the crater, exactly?

i say that with a sharp note of apprehension that brings me to a crawl once we're within spitting distance of the rim.

JUNE: calliope, what was that meteor carrying?

from here, i can hear it clearly. scrabbling and scratching and thumping. cold concern blooms in my chest, and a silent voice screams at me to turn around and get out of here as fast as i can.

CALLIOPE: oUr poison, and yet also, oUr remedy.

then calliope's over the edge and scrambling down to the base of the crater. breeze zaps out of sight and assume she's down there, too. roxy turns to me with a wry, apprehensive expression.

ROXY: well

ROXY: guess wed better go down and see

i give a shaky nod, and follow roxy over the edge. my mouth goes dry as my feet move down the steep slope of scorched dirt, drawing lower and lower. the ground is soft, but i don't leave any tracks, and the air takes on a strange quality, as if there's something electric vibrating through the molecules. the fundamentals of reality seem to unravel the closer i get to the epicentre, like the wrong thought in this space will split everything apart.

i know i've reached the bottom when i bump into the back of breeze. her corporeality surprises me back into reality.

BREEZE: Oof!

JUNE: sorry.

CALLIOPE: hUsh! something's happening.

JUNE: what is it?

calliope points to the object that sits perfectly in the middle of the crater a few short feet of us. it's a round object, glowing the same brilliant shade as calliope's powers. whether or not it's a fraymotif aftershock or this thing's true form is hard to tell. but what i do know is that it's roughly bed sized, and shaped... like an egg?

as i stare at it, the weird cosmic egg shakes. the shuffling and rattling sounds start again, almost like there's something inside trying to break out.

ROXY: hey uh

ROXY: u sure were safe here

neither breeze nor calliope bother to answer him, so roxy just sort of stands there awkwardly, shuffling his feet to try and calm his nerves.

JUNE: i'm sure whatever it is

i don't get to finish. all of a sudden there's a loud thud, as if whatever's inside is slamming their whole body against the wall of the egg. again and again and again.

thud, thud, thud.

a crack. it starts somewhere near the bottom, and runs up along the surface in splintering fractures. the egg wobbles. more thuds. more cracks.

a chip falls off. calliope and breeze tense up. a held breath hangs between the four of us, an infinitely long moment as we all stare at this eye burning egg, waiting for it to reveal what lies within. time stretches down to a singularity point dragged across infinity, and reality falls away until it us just the crater, just us, just the object of our fascination. i couldn't leave now even if i wanted to.

then, all at once, the front face of the egg receives the last slam that sends it shattering like iridescent glass that kicks up a cloud of shimmering, powdery dust. a figure stumbles out, then collapses to the ground.

CALLIOPE: !

BREEZE: !

ROXY: ?

JUNE: ?

the egg's inhabitant rises to their feet, slowly and shakily, as the dust cloud parts to bring them into focus. calliope breathes in sharply.

CALLIOPE: _there_ yoU are.

it's a human with wide eyes and dark hair, dressed in what looks like a heart themed god tier outfit, who turns and looks at each of us with an expression of bewilderment, outrage, and primal terror.

POCHAPAL: what the fuck did you do?

POCHAPAL: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU _DO_???????


	16. FIFTEEN

POCHAPAL: no, no, this CANNOT be happening.

the person before us clamps their hands to their head, eyes darting about the crater in sheer disbelief.

POCHAPAL: this... the story...

breeze folds her arms and quirks her mouth into a half frown.

BREEZE: Huh. You sound pretty different when you're removed from the narrative helm.

POCHAPAL: of course!! you really think any person naturally sounds like that? really???

CALLIOPE: no, bUt the incongrUence is rather startling, to say the least.

calliope takes a step towards this person. the person, in return, staggers backward, their shoes crunching on crushed cosmic egg shell fragment. the sound causes them to flinch pretty badly.

POCHAPAL: aaagh!!! who cares about that!! i put on a fake voice who gives a shit!!!

POCHAPAL: what we should be talking about here is YOU!!!!!

they point, rather over dramatically, at calliope and breeze, with enough force that they nearly topple to the ground.

ROXY: um

ROXY: wtf is going on here lmao

JUNE: i... is that...

breeze looks over to us, and nods.

BREEZE: Yes. That there is the designated author of our pocket of fanon. The one responsible for upholding the Muse's designs.

roxy looks back over to the author as they make intense eye contact with calliope, and... start to hyperventilate?

ROXY: hold the fuck on

ROXY: THIS is the great evil person trappin us in a lameo fanfic and forcin juney here to b in cis mode??? legit????

JUNE: yeah, no, i'm not seeing it.

i glance back over to the author, who's now trying to scramble up the crater's walls, even though presumably they have the power of flight common to all god tiers?

POCHAPAL: i don't have time for this. i need to go back, i need to fix this all before

POCHAPAL: before

they slip and roll down the hill ass over head.

POCHAPAL: fuck!!!! oof

and once again they're back in the eggy mess they emerged from, lying flat on their back with the expression of one who has just been owned. god, this is... actually really embarrassing to watch?

POCHAPAL: ughhhhh

JUNE: hey, um, author? are you, like, doing ok?

POCHAPAL: don't talk to me. YOU especially don't talk to me.

they cover their eyes with one arm and let out a deflated sigh.

POCHAPAL: my story's in shambles and i just got owned by one of my oc's. jesus hell.

calliope walks up to them, kicking egg shards out of the way as they go. they look down at the author with stern disapproval.

CALLIOPE: and whose faUlt is that, hm? who was the one who, for the majority of this story, attempted to forcefUlly shackle Us all to a twisted and stale variant of canonicity?

the author lets out a choked kind of laugh. do they ever not sound like they're on the verge of a panic attack?

POCHAPAL: oh, look. guess i can add calliope homestuck to the list of people who have metabullied me. lmao

POCHAPAL: anyway guess that's how omelette route's gonna go now!! me sitting in the ruins of an eggy loking thign [sic] throwing a one-clown pity party.

BREEZE: Oh good god.

breeze zaps over next to calliope, and joins them in looking down at the author.

BREEZE: Get up. We're not done with you.

POCHAPAL: leave me alone. everything sucks and i feel sad.

BREEZE: Get up!

breeze kicks the author in the side, who curls around like a slug trying to adopt the fetal position.

POCHAPAL: what the fuck was that for!!!!

BREEZE: None of us have time for this. You know what you're trying to accomplish with your stalling, so cut it the fuck out right this minute.

breeze goes to kick them again, but the author raises a pitiful hand and scrambles to their feet, nearly slipping on egg fragments no less than three times.

POCHAPAL: okay, okay, fuck!!! i'm standing. happy now?

BREEZE: No. And I won't be until this mess you've dumped us all in is solved.

POCHAPAL: what are you talking about????

the author takes an uneasy step back towards the crater wall, but a glare from breeze keeps them in place.

CALLIOPE: yoU know as well as we do that there are conseqUences to rendering a fanon pocket UnaUthored.

CALLIOPE: yoU know what happens to these incipient instances of potential.

POCHAPAL: and who was it that decided to knock the story out of fanon orbit? don't blame me for what's about to happen.

ROXY: hey uh

ROXY: what IS gonna happen anyway

breeze looks back to us. her face is grave.

BREEZE: Right, yeah. We never had the time to explain that final point.

she glances up at the sky. i suddenly begin to feel uneasy, like we're all being watched by something bigger than us.

BREEZE: Like we said, the Muse cages ideas that threaten her grand design with authors and stories, to lock them off from any kind of widespread influence.

BREEZE: Except... if one of these divergent stories were to find themselves de-authored, it...

BREEZE: We're now once again an idea left to grow at will. A weed in the fanon garden, so to speak.

JUNE: and that means...?

BREEZE: It means that the Muse will take note of us, and destroy us to preserve the status quo.

JUNE: uh

ROXY: um

roxy and i look at each other. a terrible sinking sensation ripples through my body.

JUNE: and you did this... on purpose?

BREEZE: Yes.

ROXY: and why the FUCK would u do that??

POCHAPAL: that's what i want to know!! like, if you knew what would happen by kicking me out of the driver's seat, why the hell did you still do it?????

CALLIOPE: becaUse it's the only way to tear the mUse's black hole to shreds.

calliope stands there, hands folded over each other, almost eerily serene.

the author's jaw drops.

POCHAPAL: you... WHAT????

ROXY: yea no hang on 1 sec what r u sayin here

CALLIOPE: that oUr intention here is to lay waste to all of fanon, to finally cUt oUrselves loose from all narratological demiUrges once and for all.

POCHAPAL: god but you

POCHAPAL: you're all characters here!! all you've done is ensured that the muse is going to wipe your entire au out of existence. you can't oppose her!

POCHAPAL: like, yeah, maybe you've thrown this one story off-course, but not even i could even hope to _dent_ the fanonsphere!

BREEZE: And you think we can't?

POCHAPAL: no! no you can't!!! you really really fucking cannot!!

POCHAPAL: this

POCHAPAL: this is a suicide mission is what it is!

POCHAPAL: and you've decided to shackle ME to this dead-end reality!!

POCHAPAL: i have to

now the author decides to start to fly. they hover about twenty or so feet above us, looking down with an agonised expression. it's the face of someone staring imminent doom right in the face, and knowing there is nothing that can be done to stop it. something cold slides through my own chest.

JUNE: um, breeze, callie

JUNE: just, um, hypothetically

JUNE: if the author's right with all this, then...

JUNE: um

JUNE: how long do we have until the muse notices?

BREEZE: Oh, she'll have already noticed our aberration. We made sure of that. We didn't exactly go about deposing of the author in a subtle way.

ROXY: um ok yeah haha awesome

ROXY: way more important question but how much time do we have left b4 she gets here n ctrl alt deletes our asses

CALLIOPE: well, on an extraversal scale, time is relatively worthless, bUt...

they trail off, looking up at the steadily ascending author with disquiet on their face.

CALLIOPE: on a metatextUal level, i'd estimate no more than five chapters at best.

JUNE: so, uh, that's pretty soon, yeah?

CALLIOPE: yes, relatively speaking.

BREEZE: Chronologically, in the original outline, this story was slated to reach its end point in a few days from now. We've obviously pushed way past that point, but it's still likely we'll be short on literal time.

ROXY: n when u say short u mean like

BREEZE: I mean like, less than twenty-four hours, worst case scenario.

ROXY: ah

yeah. this pretty much qualifies as an 'ah' situation if there was ever one. i once again glance to the sky, once again feeling the unbearable pressure of scrutiny. it remains clear and cloudless, a perfect blue stretch, save for a single figure hovering nearly a hundred feet off the ground, who is glowing...

uh...

JUNE: hey, guys. what's the author doing?

BREEZE: The author? I

breeze looks up. a strange pink aura encases the author that glows with increasing intensity. the hairs on the back of my neck suddenly prickle with static charge.

BREEZE: Oh shit.

BREEZE: OH SHIT!

JUNE: breeze?

the author's aura continues to increase in size. a strangely hot wind filters down to the bottom of the crater, flares from a magenta plasma orb. The author's body is completely obscured by the power sphere now, and... uh... is it...

oh fuck that's not an aura that's a fuck off massive energy ball aimed right at us by the one person in this universe who could override the narratives to make our deaths just oh god oh

breeze rips a lash of wind to draw me, roxy, and calliope as close to her as possible. i can hear the static crackles of the anime powered heart spirit bomb and feel the tingles on my flesh as tiny sparking shocks as it draws closer and we're glowing blue and

ZAP!

breeze dumps us on the other end of the park as the power orb smashes into the crater with a spicy smelling explosion. the force of the blast is enough to knock us all on our asses and to block out the sky with a deep fuchsia smog for nearly a whole minute. the author hovers in the air, a miniaturised figure crackling with dangerous potential.

roxy rises to his feet first, eyes thrown wide. his hair sticks up in every which direction.

ROXY: ok what the legiteral FUCK was that

ROXY: the author just tried to kill us!! what the fuck!!!!

breeze zaps herself upright. i let a current of wind buoy me onto my feet. and calliope just. sort of phases into standing again.

JUNE: this can't be good... can it?

JUNE: i mean, we have the muse coming to, like, meta wipe us all out, and now the author's trying to attack us?

BREEZE: The author's panicking. They know what the Muse can do, but they're so enthralled by her design that they cannot imagine she can be stopped.

BREEZE: This is them aiming for damage control. Wiping out the divergences to canon, nullifying the fanonical threat this story poses. Re-seizing control of the narrative. Whatever it takes to be the de facto author once again.

ROXY: n this is hella bad yeah

ROXY: like

ROXY: mayb even worse than dirk cause dirk was never meant 2 narrate in the first place right?

CALLIOPE: well...

calliope frowns. they can't meet roxy's gaze.

ROXY: oh god PLEASE tell me this aint another layer 2 ur schemes

as roxy talks, the author does some weird hand motion, and a fraymotif symbol briefly flashes in the oddly coloured sky.

JUNE: hey, uh

BREEZE: Well, actually, what the author's doing here is what we

the grass beneath our feet begins to flicker with obnoxious pink static. something starts to quiver inside my core.

BREEZE: we

BREEZE: uh

breeze trails off, drawing flatter and stiller. pink sparks jump off her body and crackle into the air. her eyes blow out wide, then go dull. her mouth falls into a perfectly flat line.

ROXY: hey yo breezy

ROXY: u ok girl??

roxy delicately leans out with a prodding finger that jabs breeze's shoulder twice in quick succession. At the same time, another ripple of weird static courses up breeze's body from the ground.

next to me, calliope lets out a panicked rush of breath.

CALLIOPE: ROXY, GET OFF HER!

ROXY: wuh

but it's too late. As roxy turns to look at calliope, he keeps his hand firmly where it is on breeze's shoulder. The static leaps from breeze's shoulder, and begins to coil up roxy's arm like a deranged slinky. His hand immediately recoils from breeze as his face contorts into an expression of anxiety.

ROXY: hey wtf is this shit why is it

the first jolt courses over roxy's head in a perfectly neat parabola shape. his face goes slack for half a second, and i can see the moment his train of thought dies. but he shakes it off, and takes a desperate step towards calliope.

ROXY: callie wtf is happenin 2 us

ROXY: why am i

ROXY: help

and then roxy's rendered just as immobile as breeze. i turn to calliope myself, feeling my heart rattling around like a clump of too many charms on an old phone.

JUNE: calliope, what is this?

JUNE: how do we help them??

CALLIOPE: i...

another ripple of sparks is rolling through the grass. i pull on the winds nearby and scoop both myself and calliope several feet off the ground. the shock wave passes beneath us harmlessly.

below, breeze and roxy jolt in funny dances with each wave of sparks. god, it's... it's like they're being electrocuted. it's fucking awful to watch.

JUNE: is the author doing this???

JUNE: callie, please, say something!

i'm shaking calliope's shoulders now, but i find that i'm too desperate to care.

JUNE: our friends, they're... they're suffering!

JUNE: what do we do!!!

CALLIOPE: i... i don't

CALLIOPE: i never meant for roxy to...

CALLIOPE: oh, i'm...!

calliope looks down. tears are in their eyes. i feel a similar knot of anguish ball up in my own chest, then see roxy and breeze get assaulted with another weird authory energy blast and find that actually i don't have any patience for this right now.

so i slap calliope across the face. just once. and immediately feel fucking awful about it, but there's no time to get into that.

calliope blinks at me in surprise.

CALLIOPE: jUne!! >:U

JUNE: callie, i'm sorry. but we don't have the time to feel sad or guilty or whatever!

JUNE: you know more about what's going on than me.

JUNE: so how do we stop this?

CALLIOPE: yoU're right, yoU're right. this is too Urgent for me to be letting the team down.

calliope takes one last look at roxy, then sighs, and meets my gaze for real. thank fuck.

CALLIOPE: this is an aUtofraymotif from the aUthor that they're spamming to try and

CALLIOPE:

CALLIOPE:

CALLIOPE:

JUNE: uh, callie? why did you stop

but

but the problem isn't calliope

their mouth is moving and their expression is fixed and determined but

but i can't

hear nothing

JUNE: i'm

and uh

my body

i can't feel

JUNE: calliope, something's

my tongue is too thick in my mouth. my head pulses in waves of numbness, but we're too high for it to be

the ground is getting closer. i'm falling and i can't control it

stretch of green pulsing with pink

calliope above, too distant, too tiny

dark pulses in my vision but it's not the inside of my eye lids it's

And that's when your head crashes into the grass, and it all cuts out.

  
  


  
  


  
  


Sleep tight, June Egbert.

  
  


  
  


  
  


Now, let's get this narrative back on track. Where did we leave off before it all went to shit?

  
  


  
  


  
  


Ah, there we go.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


Chapter 10: NINE (REDUX)

  
  


You teleport back to your room on the winds before Vriska can awkwardly push at your fragile psyche any further. As your feet plant themselves on the carpet, you reflect on how maybe approaching Vriska about such a superfluous issue was maybe a colossally awful idea? Like, she's okay, but also literally an alien who's had less than a day to acclimatise to a life outside of the streams of narrative urgency. All you ended up doing there was being the one responsible for Vriska doing her first thing wrong on Earth C.

Anyway. That whole thing was a bust, and you find yourself questioning what it was you were really hoping to achieve there, anyway. Like, yeah, Vriska's whole Troll Gender Diatrabe was an interesting cultural exchange, but... yeah. Looking back, all you really did there was enable Vriska to talk about herself for an hour. And as much as you think you like Vriska, that whole exercise did nothing to make you feel better. You still have that heavy hole in your chest, that existential ennui that sits unpleasantly in your veins. It's almost enough to make you want to crawl across your room and bury yourself under your bed for the rest of forever, but that isn't quite gelling with the whole “make something of yourself” ethos you've been trying to embody since your return from the meta-grave.

You glance out of your window. There's a whole planet out there, yours, really, for you to take advantage of. Surely something out there will be the thing you've been seeking, the catalyst that will maybe, truly, finally give you a brief taste of that alien emotion called happiness—

There's a knock on the door. The noise is weird to you, given that you're fairly certain at no point in your twenty-three years of life has anyone ever knocked on the front door of your house. Who could it be, you wonder? You quickly make your way out of your room and down the stairs to the front room, feeling a funny kind of apprehension in your gut. Part of you wonders if this person could be the answer to all your problems, and the other part wants nothing more than for your entire existence to slip into obscurity. It makes your brain feel laden down with conflicting signals, so you instead try to focus on the materiality of the physical actions you're taking, and nothing more.

Feet walking on clean-ish wooden floor, the sound echoing around just a little. The whiteness of the walls, the front door. The warmth of the sun. The feel of your hand on the handle. The vague static shock that leaps against your palm as you close your fingers around the metal. For one long moment, it feels like you're on some kind of immensely immutable threshold. Vertigo threatens itself with a half-hearted lash to your head, a bit like a too-stretched rubber band snapping against skin.

You open the door. Roxy stands there, shielding his eyes from the midday sun, even though he's wearing shades. It's... somehow the last person you expected to show up?

He raises a hand briefly in greeting, and gives a pretty damn good imitation of the patented Strider Smile.

ROXY: yo

ROXY: hows it hanging

JUNE: roxy?

Wait fuck

J*NE: roxy?

J*HN: roxy?

J***: roxy?

J: roxy?

: roxy?

Nearly there...

roxy?

There we go. As we were.

JUNE: roxy?

Fuck!!!!

JOHN: fuck, shit, sorry. my head's all... uh...

ROXY: u good john?

JUNE: john?? that's

JOHN: ha ha, yep. that's sure my name right there!

Oh for fuck's—

Whatever. Fine. Keep your little premature extradiegetic tag if it's that important to you. Fuck up narrative continuity just a little. See if I care.

Anyway.

Roxy raises a brow at you, frowning out of friendly concern.

ROXY: dude is sumthin up or

JUNE: no, no! i'm just being a massive dumbass for no reason. ignore me. it'll pass.

ROXY: um okay

JOHN: anyway. want to come in?

ROXY: sure

Roxy follows you into the Egbert house. He takes in the stale, stagnant décor with a wary expression. His eyes land on the faded harlequin portraits more than once, and then again on the remnants of your Nanna's urn beneath her portrait. Haha, yeah, that's probably a weird thing to keep up, considering.

ROXY: john have you never thought abt like

ROXY: idk

ROXY: redecorating this place?

JUNE: not really?

JOHN: it's served me just fine for all these years as it is. why change something that's not broken?

ROXY: hm

Roxy walks over to the couch. He indiscriminately knocks a harlequin-themed cushion to the floor before carefully sitting down. A small layer of dust puffs up as he does so. Roxy does a very good job of not letting an ounce of disgust cross his face. Instead, he just voids the dust away as you take a seat next to him.

JUNE: i'm sorry. i'd have cleaned up a little if i knew i was going to have guests.

ROXY: john no offense but have u literally ever cleaned up in ur life

JOHN: well, that's

You glance over to the coffee table. There's a dusty old plate sitting on top that was alchemised by Jade for the final birthday party you had at your place. It doesn't really help your case, here.

JUNE: i think it's what they call the man cave look, you know?

ROXY: uh huh

Roxy carefully puts his hands on his lap. He looks around again. You can't help but notice now how dark, dingy, and depressing this house looks. Fuck, you're embarrassed to let one of your closest friends see this place. Makes you want to crawl in a hole and die, just a little bit. That's definitely the thing that's making your face scrunch up in a cringe right now, definitely that and not the thing that you just said that's sitting terribly in your gut.

JOHN: so, what brought you here, roxy?

JUNE: is everything ok? how's callie doing?

ROXY: callie? o yea theyre

ROXY: well

ROXY: hm

ROXY: hm is the best answer i got there

JOHN: i'm sorry to hear it?

ROXY: nah its cool we just got a lotta shit 2 work thru as u saw

ROXY: um yesterday? hey quick q was that rly only yesterday?

Roxy looks at you through his shades. For a split-second you're overwhelmed by a bizarre sensation, like you're both about to fall through the floor into an endless, gaping black pit.

JUNE: i... think so?

JOHN: yeah. i flew home with you, spoke to callie, came home, slept, and, uh...

JUNE: yeah

JOHN: and now it's now.

ROXY: huh

ROXY: n e way i didnt come here 2 air out my shit w callie

ROXY: i came because of u

JUNE: me?

JOHN: how come? do you need me for something?

Roxy shakes his head wryly, as if he can't believe you're being so dense. Which, haha, seems pretty likely, given your propensity recently to shove your head in the sand whenever something uncomfortable skims the surface of your brain. Still... you can't help but feel like you should be over that shit? Even though that's stupid, because it's been less than a day.

ROXY: nah i just

ROXY: terezi txted me

ROXY: said u n vriska had a moment whatever that exactly means lol

ROXY: and figured that given the subject of said moment that i was probably most qualified 2 talk 2 u

JUNE: i

Cords of ice seem to stretch out of the back of your couch, wrap around your body, and burrow into the flesh encasing your spine. It's so tight and sudden and unsettling that you battle the urge to leap out of your seat and look back to check that there isn't some eldritch panic entity manifesting in your living room. It's all in your head. This is just you overreacting over something that isn't even a big deal.

JOHN: you mean the, um, thing about vriska being trans gender?

Roxy facepalms.

ROXY: god dude

ROXY: first off its just trans or transgender if u wanna b fancy

ROXY: none of this word splittin shit just makes u look a little like a tool

JUNE: oh. huh. i... never realised?

ROXY: well there u go trans issues 101 courtesy of ur good man roxy lalonde

JOHN: wait, but...

Something about what Roxy just said pings at you, like a weird itch across the circumference of your skull. You rub your hands across your arms, hoping the sense of stimulation makes you feel a little more tangible, and less like you're floating through a dream-like soup. It doesn't really help.

JUNE: i thought you weren't a man?

Roxy's expression goes flat.

ROXY: wut

JOHN: no, no, i mean...

JUNE: didn't you tell me all that already? how your whole gender thing is more complicated than just “becoming a man”? there was something... something about lesbianism? and... hormones?

ROXY: john what the fuck are you talking about

Roxy looks genuinely unsettled by what you just said. His lips stretch into a frown, and he starts craning his head around slow and laboriously, as if looking for something he doesn't want to see.

ROXY: i never told u that shit thats like

ROXY: a level 5 trans convo i can barely have w myself so why

His face blanches.

ROXY: why did you know that

JOHN: i don't know! i just...

JUNE: i just knew?

You... your head feels funny. Like... like...

JOHN: hey, roxy

JUNE: does this feel familiar?

ROXY: john that

ROXY: what does that even mean

Roxy's looking seriously freaked out now, like you just managed to tread all over the vulnerable core of his very being without even realising that you're doing it. He hunches his shoulders together and stares intensely at his feet. You close your eyes and bite back a wash of vertigo. Reality doesn't feel stable.

JOHN: i don't know, i think...

JUNE: i think something's wrong.

JOHN: i have a weird feeling. it's like...

JUNE: like we've already done this before, except this isn't how it was meant to go.

Roxy forces himself to lift his head. He looks right at you. You've never seen him so afraid. The room suddenly begins to feel cold, or, no... it's like the concept of temperature is being sucked out of this space altogether. The front door is shut, and the sun is so harsh that all you can see out of the window is a shimmering, refractive haze. For a dizzying instance you are overwhelmed with the certainty that if you opened the door, you would step out onto a blank plane of nothingness.

ROXY: john

JOHN: yeah?

JUNE: wait

JOHN: except...

JUNE: i'm not john, am i?

ROXY: huh?

Cold sweat drips down Roxy's brow. He clenches the arm rest so tightly that he begins to shake. All at once the room is too bright, too dark, too devoid of dimension. You find yourself closing your eyes and willing away the waveform clump of panic resonating in your chest.

ROXY: no i think

ROXY: i think somethings

ROXY: john i

You open your eyes again. Roxy is gone. There's an empty indent on the couch where he was sitting not three seconds ago. Something snaps along the back of your neck.

JOHN: roxy???

You're up on your feet, struggling against the urge to topple over. The floor doesn't feel real beneath you, and as your feet scuttle across the floor, you realise that you're not making any footsteps.

JUNE: oh god.

There's no sound, nothing at all, save for your voice pulsing out in a dampened hollow. You are all alone. The walls of your existence are a paper-thin veneer, a last-line defence against the overwhelming truth that outside of you, there is nothing else. Your mind pulses in hypnagogic tempo. It feels a little like your soul is rattling out of your body, unspooling in a place where there is no such thing as place, or thing. For once instant, you are convinced you never came back to life.

Then you're slipping through the floor, phasing out of your house and through the flat blankness beneath the earth and as you try to twist you feeble and ephemeral-feeling body, everything

  
  


goes

  
  


white

  
  


  
  


  
  


-

  
  


  
  


  
  


Chapter 12: ELEVEN (REDUX)

  
  


You wake in a lush bed more comfortable than any you've ever known. Soft dawn light brushes through an airy open window, resting upon the silken bedsheets that are lightly fragranced with lavender and glide over your skin. It is a beautiful morning, and you have just had a horrible nightmare.

JOHN: ugh...

You prop yourself up on one elbow, taking in the room as your heart hammers our a cold sweat across your body. It's a well-maintained boudoir, lined with esoteric artifacts of luxury, neatly-trimmed potted plants hanging from embroidered ceiling baskets, and the soft sound of a humidifier misting a crystal spray onto the otherwise dry air. You yourself are in an expertly-maintained queen size canopied bed that seems to swallow your form whole. It takes more effort than you'd like to admit to pull yourself free of the overthick blanket. This room strikes you with an off-tune chord of familiarity, but disorientation fogs it up like an oven's screen.

JUNE: where the fuck am i?

ROSE: That's hardly the proper protocol through which to remark upon a dear friend's domicile, _non_?

You blink slowly. Across from you, in an ostentatiously ornate sitting chair, is Rose Lalonde. She has one leg crossed over another as she slowly and methodically meanders through a thick-looking novel. You can't make out the title from here, nor her facial expression. In fact, it's almost like...

JOHN: where are my glasses?

You pat at your face to make triple sure you're not being a dumbass. Nope. They're definitely gone.

Rose doesn't look up from her book.

ROSE: On the nightstand. On your left.

JUNE: um

Clumsily, you lean over and pat your hands across the buffed wooden surface until your hands wrap around a familiar outline. Feeling a little like you've been thrown into the deep end, you slide your glasses over your face. One of the lenses is chipped in the corner. You prod at it, trying to feel for any more damage. That's when you become aware of a dull ache spreading across your torso, and down one arm.

JOHN: why am i in your bed, rose? and why am i in pain?

JUNE: what happened?

Rose must catch something in your voice that you don't. She closes her book, sets it down neatly and, without a word, makes her way over to your bedside. There's something soft and tentative written on her face. It should be comforting, but with the black hole in your memory, it only frightens and confuses you further.

ROSE: Well, it was quite the extensive freakout that you had, by all accounts.

ROSE: It's no wonder you're a little disoriented.

She rests a hand on your leg. You wince at the pain. It feels like she's catching a bruise.

ROSE: What's the last thing that you remember?

JOHN: i...

You lean your head back, desperately trying to wrack your brain for any semblance of memory. What do you remember? Everything feels all jumbled up, like you've woken from a series of dreams-in-dreams and you're having difficulty distinguishing what happened on each layer.

JUNE: i was... with roxy. we were talking about... um...

Another blank. Fuck, why can't you remember. You start shaking a little for some reason.

JOHN: and then, after that, i think i...

JUNE: shit. where's roxy? what happened to him?

ROSE: What happened to him?

Rose's face creases up. Oh, fuck. It's bad news. Something's gone wrong. The panic hits you like a bullet moving through a mile-thick wall of jelly. You feel a little like you're underwater.

ROSE: He'll live. And he'll forgive you in due time, I'm sure.

JOHN: forgive me?? what did i do???

JUNE: rose, please. help me out. what's happening? this isn't how it's meant to go, is it?

ROSE: John, calm down. You're hurt. Getting yourself worked up will only make things worse.

Forcibly, she presses you back down into the bed. You notice now that the inscrutable look on her face is not concern, nor remorse. It's fear. She looks so beautiful and so scared in the morning light, and somehow that's your fault? The thrill of dark power that runs through you makes you want to puke all over this bourgeois den of opulence.

JOHN: rose, i...

ROSE: Hush. Rest.

She plants a light kiss on your forehead, and okay uh you're now really fucking freaked out??? What the fuck is going on here???

You forcibly yank yourself away from Rose's freakishly maternal display, whipping up a light flurry of wind as you do so. Grains of sand begin to spill into the room from somewhere, lashing out like unformed masses of glittering fleas.

JUNE: jesus christ, rose!!! what the fuck is going on!!!! just fucking TELL ME!!!!!!

Rose recoils back from you, and oh fuck the leaden weight crashes through your stomach so hard that your vision immediately doubles. You start to cry. Shit shit shit you're just some big dumb fucking angry man who lets his temper get the best of him and likes to hurt people oh fucking christ you're a complete sack of shit and

Breathe in. Breathe out. Don't let it spill over. You're better than that.

When you open your eyes, Rose is staring at you. Her face is flat and dull. Sand rakes over her skin, and seems to be pouring from her nose.

ROSE: that is

And her voice sounds all wrong. Her head jerks around, and whatever stands before you is not Rose Lalonde.

You try to move, but suddenly the blankets are foo big and too heavy, and the mattress ripples like the early stages of a sinkhole. The sand is everywhere, piling and spilling and washing, and this domestic tableau looms over you like it's preparing to eat you alive.

JOHN: oh fuck oh fuck!!!

You blink again. Rose is suddenly standing near the sliding glass door that should lead out to the balcony overlooking the desert. Another blink, and there are two Roses, one by the door, one hovering upside down at the foot of the bed. Another blink. The bedroom door opens. A stretched-out figure crackling with caramelised electricity glitches into the room, limbs long and twisted, face shifting and inconstant. Somehow, you get the sense that this is meant to be Kanaya.

KANAYA: **▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▒**

she says, extending an appendage out slowly, slowly, towards your face. Beneath you, you feel the clawed, liquid fingers of the bed prying against you to drag you down into its jagged maw. You gulp back bile, fearing what it is that you would throw up. Instead, biting your scream back harshly enough that your tongue starts to bleed, you shut your eyes.

When you open them again, it's all gone. You float in a familiar blank void, unable to move, unable to see anything but an endless stretch of nothing that presses up against your nose and drags the air out of your lungs, crushing its atoms out of existence. You try to clutch at your throat, but there's no space, and you can't move, and your vision blinks out and

  
  


  
  


  
  


You find yourself spinning somewhere vast and dark. Silence roars in the gap where your pulse would be and your fingertips ebb with the sting of something hot. You feel molten. Streaks of soaked-noodle matter flick past you in whirling smudges, reference points that blaze and hum silently in the void long past where they should be. You rub your eyes to try and clear the after images and find that your glasses have been fixed, if they were ever broken in the first place. You aren't sure. What's real seems like a superfluous concept that you can't wrap yourself around.

It takes some struggling, but you're able to stop the endless rotation of your body and orient yourself so that rushing pressure in your head slowly abates. It's a strangely comforting reminder of your own materiality, at least. You're not sure what's going on. It's hard to remember what came before, and even harder to remember what should be. You're a dissolving clump of paper in an angry churning river, feeling pieces of yourself crumble and tear away into pulped fragments. It beats dying. But only just. Only because you can still say that you are you.

You stare at the background cosmic strata for an unknowable, unmeasurable length of time, hoping to clear the thickness from your head. It doesn't help. You can't quite piece together. Hell, you don't even know where you _are_.

Until you do.

It starts with a crack. Everything else rises up from that like steam: a trembling thread that cuts through space in jagged lines, splintering the void into razor-sharp shards of putrefying leptons and quarks popping apart like raw eggs in a microwave. It’s coming undone at a subatomic level, from the bottom up, from the inside out. From the top down it looks like the eye of a storm—a black hole so supermassive that it spans the width of eternity. It turns infinity into something as thin and fragile as cellophane; shreds it of its dimensions, a piece of paper pinched together at either end, a hole poked through it.

And it stares up, wide and dark and vast and hungry, at you. The eye blinks, and with a harrowing dizziness you come to realise that you are not looking down at _it_ but that _it_ is looking down at _you_. It coughs and judders with the refraction of an eyelid in motion, raking in every quantum microparticle in its field of vision, scrutinising the smallstuff that constitutes reality, seeking, searching.

You get the feeling that it's looking for you.

and it is.

As if listening in, the hypermassive cosmic retina pivots around until its gaze is dead-centered on your tiny, adrift form. It's an impossibly huge expanse of null several billion times larger than you or anything you've ever fathomed. Larger than the universe. Larger than several universes. Larger, even, than all of Paradox Space. It turns to you, and you alone, and it says

  
  


  
  


  
  


-

  
  


  
  


  
  


Chapter 14: THIRTEEN (REDUX)

  
  


JADE: john!!!

JUNE: aah!!!!!!

You jolt to with a scream that bounces out of the open window peals and echoes for miles. Your hands clutch against the chair, and you suck in a series of stuttered breaths that just don't reach your lungs. Trying not to puke, you turn your head around to see Jade sitting in a chair next to you, doggy ears flat against her head. The two of you seem to be in a well-lit boardroom inside a Human Kingdom high rise building. The walls are a bare, stark white, save for a projector board at the front of the room emblazoned with a familiar election campaign poster.

The two of you are not alone in this room. Next to Jade sit Dave and Karkat, and past them Rose and Kanaya, looking thankfully normal and not like eldritch nightmares in the slightest, and further forward are Jake and Roxy, and even Dirk is there, arms folded and face pensive. And at the front of the room, powerdressed to the nines, is Jane, clearly in the middle of some kind of bureaucratic political diatribe. All of you are here. Everyone that matters in one room, all of them looking right at you, like you're the kid at the back of the classroom who's just been caught sleeping, which, you kind of might be?

JOHN: ha ha, sorry? guess i zoned out.

JANE: Well, do try and pay more attention, John. I'm not a woman who believes in repeating herself. :B

Jane puts one hand on her hip, the other holding one of those pointing-stick-things people giving lectures use to stab at the board.

JUNE: uh, yeah...

KARKAT: THANKS A FUCKING BUNCH, JOHN. YOU'VE PISSED HER OFF NOW. THIS WHOLE SITUATION WAS BARELY TOLERABLE ENOUGH.

Jane rounds on Karkat with a frown.

JANE: That wasn't license to speak freely, Mr Vantas. We still have a lot of ground to cover today.

JANE: Anyway, where was I?

JAKE: Erm something about curtailing economic inflation or somesuch i believe?

JANE: Of course! Yes, about the economy...

DAVE: (good fucking lord)

Dave buries his face in his hands as Jane starts going off about industrialisation and employee quotas and profit margins and other asinine billionaire stuff. You really can't keep up with any of it. So instead you discreetly poke Jade's arm until you get her attention.

JADE: (what?)

JOHN: (i know this is gonna make me sound like a dumbass, but what is going on here?)

JUNE: (my memory feels bugged out.)

Jade raises an eyebrow, and promptly puts it down and breaks eye contact as Jane's gaze sweeps the room to where the two of you are. Once she launches back into something about the shocking state of the Carapace Kingdom's actual GDP, Jade resumes.

JADE: (um ok haha)

JADE: (anyway were all here because janes finally putting forth her redemption arc platform reform)

JOHN: (her... what?)

JADE: (i know -_- i told her the other week that you cant treat human decency as a pr move but i dont think she got that memo)

JUNE: (fucking weird.)

JADE: (not really shes been going on about this nonstop for like a month now)

JOHN: (wait, what?)

JUNE: (a month? jade, what date is today?)

JADE: (wow youre really out of it haha are you feeling ok?)

You look at Jade, almost pleadingly. She drops the concern.

JADE: (alright alright todays the 10th of jxxx)

You blink slowly.

JOHN: (the what?)

Jade raises an eyebrow. Now she's looking at you like you hit your head or something.

JADE: (the 10th of jxxx you know two days before karkats)

JUNE: (no, no, hold up. why are you saying it like that?)

JADE: (like... what?)

She tilts her head. You feel a rush of ice rise up from your feet and you fidget a little in your chair. You feel watched again.

JOHN: (like nothing. sorry. still a little out of it. i think i might be coming down with something.)

JADE: (so long as youre sure youre ok)

JUNE: (i think so. don't worry about me.)

JADE: (if you say so :/)

That seems to be that on that. You both turn your heads away from each other, and face the front of the room again, trying to tune back into whatever the fuck it is that Jane's saying.

JANE: ...And therefore, I posit a 14% increase to police budgets over the next eighteen months, for the reasons I have just laid out. Are we all in accord?

She smiles widely, like she believes she's just done a good thing, which, listening to that last bit... might really not be the case? God this is all fucking weird. You're left here sitting in this plastic chair that makes your ass ache, feeling a little like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, to snap out of this weirdly disconcerting reverie. You're filled with an irrational urge to smash a window, just to prove whether or not any of this is real. You don't do that, of course. You just sit there, hands on your lap, feeling kind of strange about how your posture compares to that of Jade's.

JANE: Rose, Kanaya, as my biggest sceptics, what do you think of these proposals, hm?

Rose and Kanaya share a brief look that says more than you could possibly fathom.

ROSE: Well, when you take into account the delicate Gordian tangle of civil rights that you're so thoroughly ensconced in, I have to question whether or not measures of authoritarianism really are the most shrewd move to

KANAYA: That Is To Say All Cops Are Bastards And You Remain A Fascist For Even Positing This As A Thing Sincerely What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Jane

JANE: Oh my! :B

KANAYA: Step One Of Being An Amicable Politician Is Not More Fucking Cops

KANAYA: Try Again

Jane turns away from the two, trying not to let her disgraced shame show. You get that she's trying her best to use her political power for less evil reasons, and that it's hard to break the conditioning of growing up conservative when you benefit from its material functions, but at the same time this is a really half-assed effort.

JANE: Okay, then! So my police agenda may require a touch of reworking before its implementation. I'll note that one down.

She starts scribbling in a little notepad next to the computer on her desk.

ROXY: actually jane i think what were saying is no cop plans at all u dont need violent enforcers of the state period

JANE: Roxy, you know that one of the core tenets of a society is protection from

DAVE: christ crocker just because youre finally accepting that trolls are people deserving of fundamental civil rights does not mean youre absolved of every other fuckin political faux pas youre guilty of

DAVE: like youve cleared the bare fucking minimum of not doing a fascism big fuckin whoop now lets address the rampant capitalist-shaped elephant in the room

JANE: Erm,

DAVE: question one why the fuck do you think its necessary that a poverty class should exist

JANE: Well, I

DAVE: cmon crocker the answer is they shouldnt this is a post-scarcity society who the fuck thinks we need to stifle the distribution of resources in favour of the wealthy and powerful

DAVE: like you ever stop to consider whose labour generates the things you consume ever thought about that one jane

JANE: Dave, I think you are being needlessly antagonistic for the sake of flexing the fact that you've engaged in the most cursory readings of leftist politics, and not actually offering any meaningful critique or solution to my shortcomings!

JANE: Why, dare I say that you're wilfully ignoring that fact that you, too, are part of the so-called reviled 1%?

DAVE: yeah but

Dave stops looking at Jane.

DAVE: name one worker ive ever fucking exploited save for the alchemiser in the basement of our hive

JANE: Name one disenfranchised individual you've distributed your wealth to in order to improve their material circumstances!

JANE: Hate to break it to you, shucks buster, but the proletariat you are not!!

ROXY: (gdi)

Roxy leans his head back and moans dramatically. Yeah, you feel that one. Like, _this_ is what you zone back into? Jesus.

You lean forward to where Roxy and Jake are sitting and speak in a stage whisper.

JOHN: (how much longer do you think this'll go on for?)

JAKE: (well it depends on how wokeboy irony poisoned ol daves feeling today dont you suppose?)

ROXY: (or how far up her ass jane has a stick jegus cant any1 in our group get along??)

JAKE: (well if we dont let politics come between friends id imagine wed all get along swimmingly.)

JUNE: (except it doesn't really work like that, does it?)

JOHN: (i don't think people like us can escape politics, jake.)

JAKE: (well a man can dream. zounds do i miss the ole island on days like this.)

ROXY: (lmao dude werent u hunted by feral trollparents on the daily there)

JAKE: (as i said, beats being entrenched in this political quagmire.)

ROXY: (well sux 2 suck when our whole identities r always political hot takes lmao)

ROXY: (least janeys not on her gay rights soapbox again ugh)

JAKE: (yes ugh indeed. what i wouldnt give to be exempt from such talks for just a day.)

JAKE: (you dont realise how lucky you have it sometimes johnnyboy this whole gay and trans malarkey isnt all its cracked up to be sometimes. oh to have the blissful ignorance of the cishet man.)

JUNE: (ha ha?)

ROXY: (john u good there? lookin kinda pasted out all of the sudden)

JOHN: (well, it's just...)

JAKE: (yes?)

JUNE: (i need to tell you all that actually, i'm probably tra)

JOHN: (...hang on.)

Jake raises an eyebrow at you. You nearly don't notice it, not with the way your heart's doing a pretty damn shitty dance number in the middle of your chest.

JAKE: (what is it?)

JUNE: (...how long has jane not been talking for?)

You snap your head up to the front of the room, where there is a sudden and surprising lack of grating political discourse. Sunlight shines through onto the far wall, and the room is still and silent, and you can't see Jane or Dave or anyone, and you suddenly have the feeling you're forgetting something really fucking important—

Next to you, you _sense_ the moment that Jake and Roxy stop breathing. It's not a gradual process of anything. Between one microsecond and the next, the airflow around your friends simply... ceases. You look at the pair of them. They're frozen in action, cardboard cutouts with furrowed expressions, words sitting half-formed on Roxy's tongue that will never ring out. Even the light suddenly feels less like the sun and more like a stage light casting down on the main actor's soliloquy. Your head starts to swim. You clutch the edge of your chair. None of this is real. None of this is real.

As if that's all it takes, the walls of the room fold out around you to reveal that terrible endless white expanse again. The stock-frozen forms of your friends are sucked out into the infinitely stifling plane like crumbs through a vacuum, rotating desperately and wildly as they shrink away into nothing. You go to try and leave your seat, and find that you cannot. It's like your ass is fused to the chair. No matter how hard you try, you can't struggle free. So when the floor splits down the middle, opens up, and swallows down the room's contents, you fall with the chair, back into ever-swelling mass of absence.

And you are still forgetting something. But it doesn't matter, you reflect, as the blank page washes and erodes away at the half-formed concept of chair until your body is once again free to move in a directionless space devoid of motion. Already whatever came before begins to grow hazy, as if you're skimming through your own life too quickly for anything to stick in your memory. It's like you're falling through a series of half-built movie sets that break apart when you notice the seams of artifice. Or maybe that's nothing new. Maybe that's how you've always viewed the world around you, how you've viewed yourself. You feel like you're an unfinished hyperfake backdrop for a fake story, like nothing that happens to you or has happened to you is real, that you're just a concept slapped with shitty paint that won't stick, that none of the changes you have faced count for _anything_

There's nothing around you, but the keen of despair you suck in uniquely feels like a knife-adorned fist ploughing itself into the fleshy part of your gut. It's awful, so, so awful, the burden of being real, of seeing past the curtain. You just want it all gone. You want to fall into the shitty fiction, and believe it, and be _part_ of it, whatever role the world demands from you, anything to get away from this unending nightmare of awareness that strips everything good away from you.

please, make it stop. i can't do this any more. start again. you can re tell my story any way you want. i don't care. just make it all _stop_.

  
  


  
  


  
  


Well, if you say so, who am I to refuse that?

  
  


  
  


  
  


but... what am i forgetting?

  
  


  
  


  
  


Doesn't matter. Something from the old draft of Omelette Route. You can forget all about that now.

  
  


  
  


  
  


no, no, there's something. i'm forgetting that

  
  


  
  


None of it matters. Just let yourself fall back into the story, and let it all go.

  
  


  
  


  
  


...ok.

  
  


  
  


  
  


i'm so tired.

  
  


  
  


  
  


It's time to start again. This time, I'll get it right.

  
  


  
  


  
  


-

  
  


  
  


  
  


<strike> Chapter 15 </strike> <strike>: FOURTEEN (REDUX)</strike> Get your hands off her, you fucker.

?

A glint of silver cleaves through this godawful blank slate with a clean whistle. It leaves a single jagged line that streaks across the #ffffff horizon. Marred by this act of desecration, the narrative crucible loses its grip over June. She stops quite literally fading out of reality and opens her eyes with a sharp gasp. Awareness rams into her brain like one of her old hammers as she stares up at the line and mouths out an 'oh'.

That's what she's forgotten, she realises. That out of the sadsack gaggle of fake renditions of her friends in that godawful narrative rewrite, one such individual was suspiciously silent. Maybe she didn't pay him attention because her feelings towards him and what he did are too complicated for her to sift through in the wake of her grand gendering, or maybe he deliberately let himself fly under the pseudonarrative radar, biding his time, waiting for the perfect moment to strike out at this prison. And that's exactly what he's doing now.

You really thought you could get away with turning _my_ story into sludge?

You can't be doing this. I nerfed you! The Muse nerfed you! You shouldn't have even an _ounce_ of narrative importance!

Surprise, bitch.

Doesn't matter. You're still a side character. I'm still the true author. You can't touch me.

Extradiegetically? You're right. I wouldn't stand a chance.

But you've been pulled right into the diegetic, my good demiurge. For all this superpowered grandstanding and posturing, you're still on my fucking level. And I think that gives me pretty good license to wreck your shit.

Like shit it does. What do you really think you can do with your little anime sword and inflated ego?

You haven't realised yet? Then let me spell it out for you.

You're now in the narrative. Ergo, a person bound to the laws of Paradox Space. A person who's taken the form of a god-tier Heart player.

And I'm the Prince of Heart. Destroying you is kinda what I do.

I

No, _I_

...

Actually, this is gonna take some concentration. June, you feeling up to narrating for a hot second?

um... i think so?

Awesome. Take it from the top.

i blink out the last of the hazy disorientation in my eyes to see dirk hovering in this weird white void with me. he's now dressed up in his god tier outfit, clutching his katana so hard his knuckles are trembling a little. but his face remains as cool and still as it always does, save for the slightest tension at the corners of his mouth. i've never seen someone look so rigid before.

he turns to me.

DIRK: I get that you're still out of it, but cool it on the physical description. We're kinda on a deadline, here.

JUNE: got it. sorry.

dirk adjusts his stance once more, shifting his grip on the sword just enough that i can see the way the edge of the blade reflects the light with a sharp glint. a glint that is not white, but a heavy magenta. the same colour as the sparks hopping off his finger tips.

he sucks in one breath, then, with blinding quickness, dashes forward. he draws his sword down, then slashes upwards against the white void in a neat curve. once he comes to a stop, the space he carved at splits in two then opens up, all anime style. it's... actually really cool as fuck? i'm really using that word to describe dirk fucking strider of all people? Wow.

DIRK: Come on. You know I'm basically fucking amazing at everything I do.

DIRK: Anyway.

dirk points back at the new gash he's made in... whatever the fuck it is. the two sections of white almost immediately pull apart and reveal the author, standing there with wide panicked eyes.

POCHAPAL: fucking hell, _no_

they float back, up and out of the little protective pocket they were hiding in. as they rise up, they start to tremble.

POCHAPAL: i won't let this—the muse

dirk cocks his head.

DIRK: Hey, asshole. You want my honest opinion here?

POCHAPAL: huh??

the author shakes their head.

POCHAPAL: actually, no!! fuck off! i don't have the time for you! the muse is still coming and i still have five more chapters to rework! i can't let my story

DIRK: Fuck the story.

DIRK: Fuck the Muse.

DIRK: And fuck. You.

dirk tenses up next to me like a pressed down spring, eyes fixed exclusively on the form of the author. his sword starts to blaze with heart energy. a moment later, he shoots off like a bullet, shifting his sword, angling himself right towards the author's... oh no...

JUNE: DIRK! YOU CAN'T JUST MURDER THE AUTHOR!

dirk doesn't respond, because cool heroic moment or not, he's still a fucking asshole. the author doesn't have time to do much more than spin around, making sure that the tip of dirk's katana burrows directly into their chest.

POCHAPAL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

POCHAPAL: YOU JUST STABBED ME!! I'M IMPALED!! WHAT THE FUCK!!

the author tries to pull the sword from out of their chest, but they're shaking too much and the sword is too bloody for them to get a good grip on. their face is going alarmingly pale and their eyes are very nearly rolling into the back of their head. they try and reach for the sword again, but dirk clamps down on their hands.

DIRK: No you don't.

POCHAPAL: this is so fucking painful! fuck!!!

DIRK: Don't cry about it. You've done nothing to deserve either a Heroic or Just death, so you'll be fine once you come back.

POCHAPAL: c-come back???? i don't want to be killed!!!!

DIRK: Yeah, well, should've thought about that before you fucked with an entire pocket reality.

face completely calm, dirk rams the sword even further in. the author gives out a god awful wail and starts squirming like a worm on a hook. it's so awful looking that i start to genuinely feel bad for them?? like, dirk, could you have not gone about this in a way that was even a drop more ethical?

dirk looks back at me for a split second which tells me that no, he could not have. well, fuck, i guess. it's not like we have any other options, so i guess i have to be ok with this?

anyway. dirk twists the sword once with a disgustingly wet squelch, and then the author goes limp. there we fucking go, i guess. the author is dead, and dirk strider killed them.

DIRK: Somewhere, Roland Barthes is creaming in his prissy moth-eaten academic pants.

dirk flashes a genuine multi pixel smile, and the fact that he's covered in the blood of the person he's just run through with his sword really doesn't help in making this situation look any less terrible, or make him look any less of a deranged lunatic.

JUNE: jesus christ.

DIRK: Hey, like I said, they'll be fine. We just need them to be dead for a little while so we can get the ball rolling uninterrupted.

JUNE: hold up. “we”????

DIRK: Oh, yeah. It was never mentioned to you, was it?

he shakes his head wryly.

DIRK: Never did get their penchant for the narratively dramatic, you know? If you're gonna fuck a story up, just be up-front about it from the start.

JUNE: um, dirk. what are you talking about?

DIRK: I mean, _I'm_ trying to get a diatribe going on the merits of narratological dissolution, but if you're talking about the collective goal, then...

DIRK: It'll be better to show you.

with a nonchalant flick of his wrist, dirk pulls the sword out of the author's chest. another gross wet sound, and now little globby clumps of blood hang suspended in the air. it's getting harder to envision the author as a person and not some poor perforated chunk of meat just chilling in the void.

dirk holds his sword loosely in one hand and lazily slashes a perfect spirograph shape into the void, which is, uh... yeah. a whole thing that he can apparently do, i guess. it takes a few moments as he carves the symbol, going through it line by line, even though i'm pretty sure there's, like, a trick to drawing these things. i suppose it doesn't look as “cool” or “anime”, though.

anyway, once he's done, the shape flashes a couple times with bright green light then peels back to reveal yet another hidden void pocket. this time, the person that steps out is... calliope?? oh fuck i'd forgotten about them since they never showed up in the author's weird narrative purgatory hell spiral.

DIRK: They're neutralised for the moment, Callie. I should be able to keep the narrative progression away from their revival long enough for you to get whatever the fuck it is you need to do done.

CALLIOPE: thank yoU, dirk.

calliope steps out of the little pocket, hands clasped serenely together over their chest. the ring on their finger shines brightly, reflecting off of... i don't know what.

i raise an eyebrow.

JUNE: wait, what the fuck??? callie, you and dirk were...?

CALLIOPE: yes. it was a contingency more than anything, bUt it woUld be foolish of me not to have a prince on standby to keep oUr heartboUnd aUthor in check shoUld the worst arise.

CALLIOPE: and it seems my fears were not UnfoUnded.

they grimace a little as they look at the author, but i get the sense that it's not from the carnage dirk unleashed, somehow.

JUNE: uh, so

JUNE: what the fuck actually just happened, callie?

JUNE: we were in the park, and the author did that weird lightning thing, and then...

CALLIOPE: they attempted to retcon the entire narrative, to Undo every digression that draws the mUse's ire.

JUNE: what?

CALLIOPE: essentially, they were engaging in a fUll-on rewrite of this story, treating it like any aUthor woUld a redraft.

CALLIOPE: bUt, given as they are now an aUtonomoUs entity within the narrative space, they can only change from within.

CALLIOPE: so their only choice to get what they wanted was to browbeat the story, and all its inhabitants, into complete sUbmission.

CALLIOPE: more crUcially, they had to get yoU, jUne, to acqUiesce to having yoUr entire identity get rolled back, hence the exhaUsting layered narrative downfall yoU Underwent.

JUNE: but why me? why is it always me? what have i done so wrong?

JUNE: i mean, breeze told me there are hundreds of universes where i come out as trans just fine! so why not here?

CALLIOPE: i can only specUlate on the aUthor's personal drive to repress yoU, bUt more importantly for now, it is becaUse yoU represent one of the very few jUnes who is still attUned to the metatextUal flow.

JUNE: you mean my narration thing, right?

CALLIOPE: yes. as we've gone over before, that represents the most egregioUs threat to the mUse's order. therefore, in order to have a narrative that meets her dangeroUs scrUples, yoU cannot exist as yoU are.

CALLIOPE: nothing in this story can.

DIRK: Which is how I got roped into it. I mean, not gonna lie, I kinda like this whole reconciliation thing with Jake I got going on, and I'm not about to let some high-strung cherub take that from me.

he laughs dryly.

DIRK: I never trusted that bitch from day one.

DIRK: So if I can help stop her without totally morally compromising myself and the relationships with the people I love? You'd best fucking bet I'm gonna be right there.

JUNE: it's good to know, i guess?

DIRK: Oh yeah. I guess I should say I am sorry about the whole killing you via narration thing. It wasn't cool of me.

he sticks a hand out in apology, but it's covered in blood, and i, uh... still have a bunch of complicated feelings about that that i haven't sorted out yet fully. so i don't take the hand.

JUNE: thanks. i'm happy to hear that, dirk.

JUNE: but i still think we need to have a serious talk about all that before i can properly forgive you, you know?

he looks to one side.

DIRK: Yeah, I get it. No sweat, Egbert.

DIRK: Once this is over, I'll pencil you in for a chat.

JUNE: thanks.

DIRK: But for now, still allies?

JUNE: yeah. still allies.

and there we go. i guess that's step one to dealing with the dirk problem on a personal level. and, also, step one of the whole, uh... hey wait a second

JUNE: dirk, how did you know?

DIRK: About what?

JUNE: about me, and my, um, all that.

DIRK: Oh, right.

DIRK: Well, I hate to make you feel bad, June, but you weren't fucking subtle at all about airing your gender angst on the narrative airways.

DIRK: I thought I'd been through enough of that for one lifetime.

JUNE: wait. what does that mean?

dirk looks right at me, flat through his shades.

DIRK: What do you think it means, June?

JUNE: um...

DIRK: Eh, whatever. We'll get into it when we talk later.

JUNE: okay...?

dirk flicks his gaze to calliope.

DIRK: Anyway, Callie. I'm ready when you are.

calliope nods.

CALLIOPE: okay. jUne, we're aboUt to get going.

JUNE: going where? also, where are we now?

CALLIOPE: we'll be retUrning back to oUr proper place in the narrative, instead of this layered textUal labyrinth constrUcted by the aUthor.

JUNE: wait, so none of this is real right now?

CALLIOPE: well, it's dUbioUsly real, insofar as it was real so long as it was happening. bUt now that it's over with, this little digression has once again become fake.

CALLIOPE: sUch is the fate of all internal narrative takeovers, as yoU very well know, dirk.

DIRK: Yeah, I get it.

CALLIOPE: essentially, we're stUck on the last blank page of an Unwritten book, nUdged slightly ajar from the narrative proper.

CALLIOPE: if we're to get this all done, we need to go back.

JUNE: ok, that kind of makes sense. how are things back in the real world?

CALLIOPE: well, it's in a bit of a state of flUx, given that all storytelling observers were either ensnared in the aUthor's trap or incapacitated.

CALLIOPE: bUt we shoUld be hopping back into an earth c in which the aUthor never Unleashed their powers.

JUNE: wait, so... not the real earth c?

CALLIOPE: real is sUbjective, jUne. it will be essentially the same planet yoU left, save for the rollback of the last few hoUrs. whether or not it is “real” matters little. so long as it remains the focal location for the narrative, then it is exactly what we need it to be.

JUNE: uh...

DIRK: Think of it like the retcon timelines from Sburb, June. The “real” one's whichever one you wanted it to be.

JUNE: i know, it's just...

JUNE: with all this hopping around both inside and outside the story, i'm just lost on what's actually happened.

CALLIOPE: don't think aboUt it too mUch. textUally, everything yoU remember has happened, and that's what matters the most.

CALLIOPE: besides, we shoUld be the last people to get in a tizzy over something as small as a few timeline flUbs. ^u^

JUNE: i suppose you're right. so we just go back, and then...

CALLIOPE: we'll discUss that once we get back. still ready, dirk?

dirk nods.

DIRK: So long as you still hold up your end of the bargain.

CALLIOPE: worry not. i promised yoU, did i not? everything will be in place as yoU reqUested.

DIRK: Okay, then yeah. I'm ready. Go ahead.

calliope pulls out their wand and aims it at dirk and the author. they do another complex motion i still can't follow, and suddenly the two of them are zapped out in a flare of space power.

JUNE: where did they go?

CALLIOPE: i'll explain that in a moment. are yoU ready to retUrn?

JUNE: yeah. so how do we get out of here.

CALLIOPE: qUite simply. jUst Use yoUr jUjU power to jUmp Us back to oUr apartment, if yoU will. i'll help to amplify yoUr power to make sUre it's enoUgh to pUnch throUgh this narrative barrier.

JUNE: um, yeah. i can do that.

JUNE: let's get moving, then.

CALLIOPE: take my hand.

calliope reaches out their hand. i take it, and feel a weird wave of power wash over me. part of me was expecting it to be like jade's, all bright and electric, but calliope's power is more subdued. it's more like sticking my hand in a warm pool of fizzy soda.

i fix the idea of roxy and calliope's apartment in my head, and with a weird rush, we suddenly pop out of this weird void space

ZAP!

and into their living room. it's perhaps the smoothest jump i've ever done in my life.

everything around us looks the same as it did just before the earthquake that was really the author crashing into their own story. breeze leans against the window, arms folded, and roxy lounges back on the couch. The minute he spots me and calliope, however, he leaps to his feet.

ROXY: juney! callie! ur back!!

JUNE: haha, yeah. still in one piece, too.

CALLIOPE: everything went as well as we coUld hope for. the aUthor's been moved into position and has sUcceeded in riling the mUse even fUrther.

CALLIOPE: it's really all coming together!

calliope claps their hands and gives a wide grin. roxy rushes over to them and pulls them in for another deep kiss.

ROXY: u ever got told how adorable u are when ur excited + schemin?

ROXY: cause if not im tellin u right now that thats the case <3<3<3

ROXY: extra hearts n smooches for u

CALLIOPE: my!! :U

while roxy and calliope engage in a round of affectionate makeouts, i sidle my way over to breeze.

JUNE: hey. how are you doing? after the whole, um, whatever that was with the author.

BREEZE: Well, we're technically in a timeline where it never happened, but yeah. I'm okay.

BREEZE: I guess it sucked extra hard for me because there's no “canon self” for me to fold back into?

BREEZE: So I just dissolved for a while. But that's over with now, and I'm unharmed, so I can't complain.

BREEZE: What about you, June?

JUNE: i was subjected to a series of weird rewrites of the story, but done to adhere to “muse approved canon” or whatever.

JUNE: but then i'd keep realising that it wasn't how things were meant to go, and the story would punish me and then reset.

JUNE: the author was trying to get me to consent to stop being june, which sucked because i almost agreed to it just to get the torture to stop.

JUNE: and then dirk fucking strider of all people saved me. what's up with that one?

JUNE: the guy tries to kill me, and now he saves me? i just... yeah.

BREEZE: Do you want to talk about it?

JUNE: i don't know?

JUNE: i just

JUNE: i feel exhausted :(

BREEZE: Hey. You're okay now.

breeze wraps an arm around my shoulder. i lean into her, and let out a heavy shuddering breath. it's not in any way a substitute for processing everything i've gone through, but it's enough to clear my head just a little. enough to focus on the task at hand again, at least.

JUNE: yeah, ok. thanks for that. i'll be ok.

i lean away from breeze who gives me a soft smile. across the room, roxy and calliope are also disengaging. calliope steps into the middle of the room and clears their throat. there's still a deep blush across their cheeks, which is kind of really stupidly adorable.

CALLIOPE: okay, so there's not mUch left to go, as yoU all know.

CALLIOPE: both in terms of preparatory actions and in terms of literal time before the mUse's arrival.

CALLIOPE: the aUthor is in position, and the narrative remains non-compliant with canon.

CALLIOPE: we're very nearly ready to get this last confrontation Underway, save for one final detail.

ROXY: and whats that?

CALLIOPE: if we're to challenge the mUse's archival pocket, we mUst go at her with every divergent element in this story.

CALLIOPE: we already have the aUthor, dirk, myself, jUne, and breeze ready to go. bUt, there are still two more players we mUst gather.

JUNE: who?

CALLIOPE: the other two people who canonically do not dwell on earth c.

CALLIOPE: terezi and vriska.

JUNE: those two? they don't belong? really?

BREEZE: It's been so long and so much crazy shit has gone down, but Callie's right.

BREEZE: Vriska and Terezi aren't natural features of a true canon-compliant Earth C, so they too are threatened by the Muse's correctional warpath.

ROXY: shit really?

ROXY: damn

BREEZE: Pretty much.

CALLIOPE: and since the only way to dislodge canonicity is to hit it with every divergent element at once, we need their assistance.

CALLIOPE: jUne, we'll need yoU to pop over to their place and recrUit them to oUr caUse.

JUNE: me?

CALLIOPE: well, yes. yoU are the one with the best relationship to them, after all. i'm sUre yoU don't mind, do yoU?

JUNE: well, no, but

JUNE: this is vriska and terezi we're talking about.

BREEZE: Hence why telling them some self-righteous entity is threatening to undo their happy lives will be the perfect incentive. We need them, June.

JUNE: well, when you put it like that...

i look down and flex my hands.

JUNE: i'll do it.

CALLIOPE: excellent. one last thing, thoUgh, jUne.

JUNE: yeah?

CALLIOPE: i'm going to need yoU to get all this done in the next chapter over.

JUNE: um, why?

calliope doesn't meet my eyes. something opaque crosses their face.

CALLIOPE: i have one final preparation to make that the mUse absolUtely cannot know aboUt.

CALLIOPE: the only chance of that is if i'm given the opportUnity to do so off-screen.

JUNE: uh, ok then. i'll hop over to the next chapter, then.

JUNE: then we'll jump back here, and... face the muse?

BREEZE: Pretty much.

ROXY: damn so its rlly goin down then

JUNE: seems like it! is there anything else i need to hear before i go, callie?

calliope shakes their head.

CALLIOPE: no.

CALLIOPE: other than i wish yoU the best of lUck, jUne.

i flash them back a smile. meanwhile, i let my hands begin to glow with the first tinges of a retcon hop.

JUNE: ha ha, ok then.

JUNE: good luck to you, too, callie.

JUNE: i'll see you all in a little while. :)

i take one last look at the living room, then think really intensely about vriska and terezi in the least creepy way possible. and as i begin to dissolve into the meta aether, i give out one more flicker of my power, and use it to pull myself over the threshold and into the next chapter.

ZAP!

Notes:

So um... what exactly is this place again?

An extranarratological vantage through which to view the goings-on of our specific instance of Earth C.

Look. Down there.

Huh. It looks oddly small.

You know dirk if not for the fact that were in the middle of friggin outer space and theres also a dead body with us this could almost be a prime romantic instant dont you think?

Sorry about the corpse. It's important. Trust me.

You know i do and besides im hardly in a spot right now to challenge that haha.

I get that theres some weird storytelling thing going down but i just want to know something.

Why did you bring me along for the ride?

That's, well...

Keeping watch over an entire planet on your own can get boring as fuck, you know?

And also...

You couldnt bear to go without me? ;)

Well, that, too.

But mainly...

Things are about to get really fucked up, Jake. Like, really fucked up.

And if there's one thing I'm making sure of in the imminent chaos...

It's making sure that you, at least, survive.


	17. SIXTEEN

Notes:

...

Hey i think that fella moved.

Probably. They should be due to revive soon enough.

Also, it has been a while.

Yeah i suppose. You know i never imagined that of all places a weird plane of meta energy is where wed

Jake, we're back under reader scrutiny. Let's not, yeah?

Psh, fine. Be a prude, whatever.

It's just that we don't have the wordcount to get into that. This is a crucial moment.

Whatever you say dirk.

...

...

So um what was that earlier? About making sure i survived?

Right. Yeah. As I said, bad shit's gonna go down.

What kind of quote unquote bad shit? Dirk are our friends in danger?

Because on my honour as a man i will not sit idly by and let my compatriots lie in harms way if i cant help it!

Thats just the kind of person that resonates in my core holy shit whats happening to earth c

It's starting.

hgnggnhnhn

Buckle your seatbelt, Jake. It's about to get fucked.

TEREZI: SO L1K3

TEREZI: YOU'V3 F1N4LLY F1GUR3D YOUR SH1T OUT

TEREZI: 4ND TH3 4NSW3R TO YOUR PROBL3MS 1S TH4T

TEREZI: YOU W3R3 4CTU4LLY 4 G1RL TH1S WHOL3 T1M3?

JUNE: yeah, something like that, i guess??

TEREZI: YOU GU3SS? >:?

JUNE: er, well, no. that's exactly how it went.

TEREZI: 1 FUCK1NG KN3W 1T

terezi leans her head back and lets out a grating cackle. she alternates between clutching her stomach and wiping at tears.

JUNE: hey, uh, it's not that funny?

TEREZI: OH B3L13V3 M3 1T 1S

TEREZI: 1T'S HYST3R1C4L TO M3 TH4T VR1SK4 N34RLY F3LL 1NTO 4 D3PR3SS1ON SP1R4L 4FT3R F41L1NG TO H3LP YOU

TEREZI: 4ND TH3N L3SS TH4N 4 D4Y L4T3R YOU SHOW UP W1TH 4 FULLY TR4NS3D G3ND3R

TEREZI: SO Y3S, 3GB3RT, 1 4M GO1NG TO L4UGH

JUNE: ughh you're so weird.

TEREZI: TH4NKS FOR THE COMPL1M3NT BUT NO 1 DON'T W4NT TO PURSU3 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P

JUNE: uh, what?

TEREZI: H4H4H4 1'M JUST FUCK1NG W1TH YOU

TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY MY G3NU1N3 CONGR4TUL4T1ONS ON TH3 S3LF-4CTUAL1S4T1ON

TEREZI: FORG1V3 M3 FOR NOT PROV1D1NG 4 C3R3MON14L G1FT

JUNE: are you being serious now, or are you still fucking with me?

TEREZI: C4N'T 1T B3 BOTH

terezi laughs again. i lean back on their couch with a sigh. from the other room i can hear the steady rush of water that indicates vriska's taking a shower. it's a nice day out, but i can't enjoy any of it. the importance of my mission weighs too heavily.

terezi bounces down next to me, sending a poor cushion flying into the air. she also nearly sends me toppling off my seat, but i steady myself with a small wind. she leans over and breathes in far more deeply than she actually has to to get a good whiff.

TEREZI: YOU DON'T SM3LL TOO D1FF3R3NT Y3T

JUNE: well, as you can smell, everything i've done about it so far's been pretty internal.

JUNE: and i don't really know how to, like, “be trans” yet?

TEREZI: YOU 3X1ST 4ND YOU'R3 TR4NS 1S TH4T NOT 3NOUGH

JUNE: well, not really?

JUNE: i don't know a lot about how all this worked on alternia. vriska gave a pretty confusing and vague picture, to be honest.

TEREZI: W3LL 1F TH4T 1SN'T 4LT3RN14 1N 4 NUTSH3LL 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T 1S

JUNE: ha ha, sounds like it.

JUNE: anyway.

i look down and fold my hands in my lap, feeling a bubble of anxiety in my stomach. this is the first time i've ever really spoken about this, and it's kind of making me feel weird. terezi being the person i'm talking to isn't exactly helping, either.

JUNE: for me, i think looking and feeling different is a big part of what i want to happen.

JUNE: i don't know, i just

JUNE: want to be done with everything that reminds me of john, you know?

terezi sniffs in so hard she wheezes, then licks her lips.

TEREZI: Y34H 1 TH1NK 1 G3T 1T

TEREZI: VR1SK4 H4D TH1S WHOL3 FUCK1NG COMPL3X 4BOUT NOT L34V1NG 4 S1NGL3 TR4C3 OF

TEREZI: W3LL

TEREZI: TH3 P3RSON SH3 W4S B3FOR3 VR1SK4

JUNE: oh. i didn't really get that sense when i talked to her.

a moment of silence.

JUNE: uh, i did still talk to her in this time line, didn't i?

TEREZI: 1GNOR1NG HOW 4S1N1N3 TH4T R3M4RK 1S Y3S YOU D1D H4V3 YOUR 3GGMOD3 W33N13 M3LTDOWN 1N OUR L1V1NG ROOM TH4T H4SN'T STOPP3D FROM B31NG 4 TH1NG TH4T H4PP3N3D OR 4NYTH1NG

TEREZI: 4LSO VR1SK4 PROB4BLY D1DN'T BR1NG 1T UP B3C4US3 SH3'S 4N 3MOT1ON4LLY R3PR3SS3D LOS3R

TEREZI: K1ND OF L1K3 YOU H4H4H4 >:]

JUNE: careful, terezi. keep saying words like that and i might just steal your girlfriend.

i let out a laugh myself. god does it feel good to be able to joke around, to have this moment of relief, even if it's only brief.

TEREZI: NO FUCK1NG W4Y 3GB3RT 1'M 4 B1GG3R S3X13R L3SB14N TH4N YOU COULD 3V3R HOP3 TO B3

JUNE: also, i'm not a

JUNE: uh

JUNE: uhhhhhh

JUNE: oh my god.

i clutch my head in my hands and try very hard not to think about the new realisation that's slapping me around the face.

TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T >:?

TEREZI: YOU SM3LL L1K3 R3V3L4T1ON 4ND D3SP3R4T1ON 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N

JUNE: haha, fuck

JUNE: it's just that i realised

JUNE: i'm a girl, right?

TEREZI: W3LL TH4T S33MS TO B3 TH3 OV3RWH3LM1NG 1MPR3SS1ON H3R3

JUNE: and i, um, i'm attracted to girls.

TEREZI: TH4T 1S 4LSO 4 NOT UNTRU3 ST4T3M3NT

JUNE: so that would make me a, uh

TEREZI: 4H4H4H4H4H4

terezi slaps me across the back hard enough that a few bones in her hands crack. on my end it feels like someone's rammed a bulldozer through my spine.

JUNE: ouch!

JUNE: and what's so funny now??

TEREZI: TH3 F4CT TH4T YOU'R3 H4V1NG 4 L3SB14N R3V3L4T1ON CR1S1S R1GHT 1N FRONT OF MY NOS3

TEREZI: Y3S TH3R3 YOU GO 3GB3RT W3LCOM3 TO TH3 G1RL L1K3R CLUB

TEREZI: 1 H3R3BY DUB TH33

TEREZI: UH

TEREZI: WH4T D1D YOU S4Y YOUR N3W N4M3 W4S 4G41N >:?

JUNE: i didn't, ha ha.

JUNE: anyway, it's june.

TEREZI: JUN3 HUH

TEREZI: WH4T 4 P3RF3CT N4M3 FOR 4 LOS3R N3RDG1RL WHO 1S NOWH3R3 N34R 4S POW3RFUL 4ND S3XY 4S 1 4M >;]

JUNE: wow, ok!

TEREZI: NO S3R1OUSLY 1T SU1TS YOU KUDOS OR WH4T3V3R 1T 1S YOU W4NT FROM M3

TEREZI: 4NYW4Y JUN3 W3LCOM3 TO L3SB14N1SM 3NJOY YOUR ST4Y

JUNE: uh, thanks? i've, uh, never thought of myself as a lesbian before, so it's...

JUNE: kinda weird?

TEREZI: G3T US3D TO 1T OR P3R1SH. 1 R3FUS3 TO 4SSOC14T3 W1TH 4NY W34K-4SS WOOLOOWOOS SO LONG 4S 1 ST1LL BR34TH3

JUNE: um, haha, ok.

i look back up at terezi.

JUNE: and terezi, uh

JUNE: thanks.

TEREZI: FOR WH4T >:?

JUNE: for

JUNE: i don't know

JUNE: being cool with my whole... everything?

she shakes her head at me.

TEREZI: JUN3 MY SOULM4T3 1S 4 TR4NS WOM4N WHY TH3 FUCK WOULD 1 NOT B3 SUPPORT1V3 1'M NOT SOM3 UNWOK3 CLOWN

TEREZI: PLUS YOU'R3 NOT TOO WR3TCH3D YOURS3LF >:]

JUNE: yeah, i get that. i don't know. i just... had this preconception that people not very well versed in gender would have a hard time getting it?

TEREZI: W3LL M4YB3 R3CONCI3V3 TH4T NOT1ON

TEREZI: OR NOT 1 GU3SS H4H4

JUNE: and that means what, exactly?

TEREZI: JUST

TEREZI: 4LL YOUR 3X1ST3NT14L RUNN1NG 4ROUND GOT M3 TH1NK1NG

TEREZI: 4BOUT MYS3LF 4ND MY OWN R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH 4LL TH4T G3ND3R CR4P

JUNE: really? what are you thinking?

TEREZI: OH Y3S OF COURS3 MY R3NOWN3D TR4NS 3LD3R 1 L34N ON YOU FOR YOUR GU1D4NC3

JUNE: hey! just because i've only been trans for less than a day doesn't mean i can't listen to your problems.

TEREZI: N4H 1 G3T 1T IT'S JUST TH4T

TEREZI: W3LL 1'V3 N3V3R VOC4L1S3D 4NY OF TH1S UNT1L R1GHT NOW 4ND 1 H4V3 NO CONCLUS1ONS TO PR3S3NT OTH3R TH4N “1 4M TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T”

TEREZI: H4V3N'T 3V3N SPOK3N TO VR1SK4 4BOUT 1T Y3T H4H4

JUNE: why not?

TEREZI: B3C4US3 SH3 4LR34DY TOOK TH3 SPOT OF D3S1GN4T3D G3ND3R W33N13

TEREZI: YOU C4N'T H4V3 4 R3L4T1ONSH1P W1TH TWO BOTTOMS JUN3

JUNE: ugh, oh god.

JUNE: look, vriska loves you. i'm sure she'll let you lean on her like she's been doing with you.

TEREZI: YOU DON'T KNOW OUR R3L4T1ONSH1P BUT TH4NKS FOR THE 4DV1C3 1 GU3SS

JUNE: ok. just, if you want to talk to someone else, i'm here.

TEREZI: 1 4M 4W4R3

JUNE: cool.

TEREZI: Y34H

JUNE: ...

TEREZI: ...

JUNE: ...

a silence falls, save for the drumming hiss of water, muffled sounds of traffic, and what may or may not be vriska singing to herself in the shower. i drum my feet up and down against the tiled floor, looking up at the ceiling, until terezi clears her throat.

TEREZI: SO 4R3 W3 3V3R GO1NG TO 4DDR3SS HOW W3 FUCK3D 1N YOUR C4R 4ND TH3N YOU D13D ON M3 OR NOT

JUNE: um???

TEREZI: B3C4US3 NOT GONN4 L13 TH4T W4S K1ND4 FUCK3D UP

JUNE: well, yeah, i literally died so i'd like to think so!

TEREZI: JUN3 COM3 ON WH3N 4R3 W3 3V3R NOT DY1NG BOTH L1T3R4LLY 4ND CONC3PTU4LLY

JUNE: hey, maybe you can joke about it, but it's a sore spot for me. you don't understand how horrible it felt.

JUNE: i was so... so lonely, terezi. it was like everything that made me me was leaking out into the void, and i was never coming back together again.

JUNE: which, uh, haha. i guess is what happened?

TEREZI: WH4T DO YOU M34N TH3R3

JUNE: i mean that what happened back there was the complete and total death of john egbert.

JUNE: he never came back.

JUNE: but i did.

saying that name again makes my stomach bubble with the early stages of acid reflux. ok, let's not make that one a habit.

terezi just grins at me.

TEREZI: SO YOU'R3 T3LL1NG M3 YOU'R3 LOOK1NG B4CK 4T 4 S1TU4T1ON WH1CH L3T YOU B3COM3 4 S1CK 4S FUCK G1RL 4ND YOU'R3 F33L1NG 4 S3NS3 OF TR4UM4 4BOUT 1T???

JUNE: well, yeah! sure, it was probably better for me in the long run, but

JUNE: none of it was really fun to go through.

TEREZI: 3V3N TH3 P4RT WH3R3 W3 3NG4G3D 1N TH3 K1ND OF 1NT3RCOURS3 TH4T C4N ONLY OCCUR B3TW33N TWO S4D LON3LY B1TCH3S

JUNE: well, um.

JUNE: i'm not sure i want to approach that topic? makes me feel weird.

TEREZI: NOT FOR M3

JUNE: so, uh, you liked it?

TEREZI: DON'T FL4TT3R YOURS3LF JUN3 YOU W3R3 4 CH34P SUBST1TUT3 FOR VR1SK4 WH4T H4PP3N3D B4CK TH3R3 W4SN'T R34LLY 4BOUT 31TH3R OF US

JUNE: i suppose so. you were in a bad way, and i was, well.

JUNE: yeah.

TEREZI: 4NYW4Y S33MS L1K3 W3'R3 BOTH 1N 4 B3TT3R PL4C3 NOW SO NO H4RD F33L1NGS?

JUNE: i guess. i don't know. it's just that it was all so intense and weird, and i'd also never, um

TEREZI: >:O

terezi's jaw hangs open.

TEREZI: YOU M34N TO T3LL M3 1 H4D 3ND OF TH3 UN1V3RS3 D3PR3SS1ON S3X W1TH A FUCK1NG V1RG1N???

JUNE: i'm sorry for that?? i wish i could have made it suck less for the both of us, because having not shitty sex when we're both horribly depressed and/or existentially bleeding out is absolutely the priority in that kind of situation.

TEREZI: 1 N3V3R S41D 1T SUCK3D >;]

JUNE: oh

JUNE: u-um...

JUNE: ok!

TEREZI: WH4T'S WRONG JUN3? YOU SM3LL 4LL HOT UND3R YOUR POORLY-L4UND3R3D COLL4R 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N H3H3H3

JUNE: terezi are you flirting with me?

TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 4BOUT 1T

TEREZI: 1 KNOW TH4T 1'M B4S1C4LLY 1NCR3D1BLY S3XY 4ND TH4T YOU'R3 OBV1OUSLY 4 D3SP3R4T3 LOS3R WHO WOULD K1LL FOR ROUND TWO SO TH3 R34L QU3ST1ON H3R3 1S WH4T 4R3 YOU GONN4 DO 4BOUT 1T?

JUNE: i

VRISKA: What's this a8out who doing what with MY girlfriend????????

JUNE: oh thank fuck

i've never been more glad to see vriska in my entire life than i am right this minute. she stands in the doorway to the living room, fully dressed, wet hair still sticking to her head like she's never heard of a blow drier. she looks over to me and raises an eyebrow.

VRISKA: John? You're 8ack again?

JUNE: yeah. hi?

VRISKA: Well, this continues to 8e a thing that you're 8ent on doing.

VRISKA: Is this another sad8oy tantrum visit? Am I gonna get cyclone 8lasted in the f8ce again?

JUNE: uh, no?

JUNE: and also, shit. i'm sorry about that one. it's no excuse but i was kind of going through a lot.

TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 4N 3XCUS3 TO M3

VRISKA: Well, wh8tever. I'm 8asically over that whole thing. I've dished out and t8ken much worse!

JUNE: ha ha, probably, yeah.

VRISKA: So,

she makes long strides across the room and plops herself on the couch between me and terezi. i end up smooshed against the arm rest.

VRISKA: Since I know you didn't come here to apologise for whatever it is you did or didn't do, why are you here?

VRISKA: Not that I'm not happy to see you or anything, John, 8ut you sure are making a ha8it of never leaving me alone, here.

JUNE: yeah. i'm here on an important mission to save the world.

VRISKA: Seriously?

JUNE: actually, yeah. calliope sent me over here to rope you two into it.

TEREZI: 4ND YOU D1DN'T TH1NK TO M3NT1ON TH1S TO M3 4T TH3 ST4RT OF OUR TH1RTY M1NUT3 D14LOGUE?

JUNE: well, you didn't give me the chance! you went right in for the personal jugular. that one's on you, terezi.

TEREZI: 1 H4V3 DON3 NOTH1NG WRONG 1N MY L1F3 3V3R 4ND YOU KNOW 1T

JUNE: anyway.

JUNE: yeah. there's a bunch of stuff going on and calliope says you two are crucial to fixing it.

JUNE: i'd explain it better but i don't fully understand it all myself?

VRISKA: Wow, John. You're doing a fantastic jo8 of convincing me to give a shit here, truly.

JUNE: well, think of it as getting revenge on the forces that punted you into that stupid time line.

vriska's body immediately straightens.

VRISKA: Okay, I'm listening now. Go on.

JUNE: well, like i said, there's a whole bunch of stuff happening. but basically, because we're “breaking the rules of canon” or something by being who we are, that means we're slated to be destroyed by the other calliope.

VRISKA: And that means what, exactly? What's wrong with who I am?

JUNE: that's the point! there's nothing wrong, but for some bullshit reason we're not allowed to be here on earth c, because none of us were here in canon.

VRISKA: Well that's a load of incomprehensi8le 8ullshit if I've ever heard it.

VRISKA: I have a question, though: why are you included in this apparent cosmic h8 endeavour, John? Since I'm pretty sure you have a 8asis for 8eing on this planet.

JUNE: ha ha, yeah. well, about that.

JUNE: there is a spot for john egbert, you're right. but

JUNE: uh

JUNE: i'm no longer him?

vriska suddenly goes very, very still. her eyes are trained on me with catlike intensity.

VRISKA: Go on.

JUNE: well, haha, i

JUNE: i figured out all that shit that i was blubbing to you about

JUNE: and well

JUNE: i'm trans and a girl now? oh, and my name is june.

VRISKA:

JUNE: ta da?

vriska continues to stare at me. she's so rigid that it's like she's been replaces with a vriska shaped rock.

JUNE: vriska???

then her lips split into the widest smile i've ever seen on another person.

VRISKA: Finally!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Took you fucking long enough, June.

VRISKA: Nice name. Kind of a s8fe 8et, 8ut you're kind of a s8fe girl, so.

JUNE: uh, thanks?

vriska slings an arm around my shoulder, patting at my skin. ouch. i always forget how strong she actually is.

VRISKA: Welcome to life out of the eggshell, population more than just me for once.

JUNE: ha ha, thanks?

JUNE: wow. it's like everyone but me saw this whole thing way in advance. makes me feel like there's no point in coming out.

VRISKA: Lmao.

JUNE: what now?

TEREZI: JUN3 1F YOU TH1NK YOUR C1S FR13NDS W1LL B3 4S ON TH3 PULS3 TH3N YOU'R3 SOURLY M1ST4K3N

TEREZI: TH3Y'LL B3 DUMB4SS3S 4BOUT 1T TH3 WHOL3 BUNCH OF TH3M

JUNE: really? sounds hard to believe.

TEREZI: 1T'S JUST L1K3 TH4T

JUNE: ok.

VRISKA: Sorry, June, 8ut if you thought this was an easy ride, then you're gonna 8e majorly disappointed.

VRISKA: As the resident senior 8itch in transology, I'm uniquely qualified to tell you that it's a whole ordeal.

VRISKA: Like, just getting through the meteor trip when we were kids was a nightm8re, let me tell you.

JUNE: that's... reassuring.

VRISKA: The trick is to not give a fuck what they do or do not think. If they don't get their heads around it, that's on them.

VRISKA: 8esides, it's not like you're the sole trans person in a sea of cis.

VRISKA: There's a whole 8unch of trans losers out there, and more importantly...

VRISKA: You've got me there for solidarity. ::::)

JUNE: thanks, vriska. it's nice to hear that. :)

VRISKA: Of course! What kind of trans woman would I 8e if I let one of my own get thrown to the 8ark8easts????????

VRISKA: Not one that Terezi would let me 8e, that's for sure!

terezi punches vriska's shoulder with a fond look on her face.

TEREZI: H3Y YOUR MOR4L COMP4SS 1SN'T TH4T FUCK3D

vriska shrugs with a shit eating smirk that comes across as more teasing than genuinely self absorbed. it's just a reminder that the more that i have in common with these two, the more pronounced the differences. they're fun, but it would be exhausting to be around this all day every day. maybe i did dodge a bullet never actually dating either one of them, which... is this a creepy train of thought to have? probably. now is definitely not the time to hash out old confusing feelings towards my friends.

vriska looks back to me with a warm smile.

VRISKA: Anyway, what was the point you were originally m8king, June????????

VRISKA: We definitely got sidetracked there with our epic gender moment.

TEREZI: N3V3R S4Y TH4T 4G41N

VRISKA: Lol!

JUNE: right, yeah.

JUNE: so, as i was saying, the muse of space is trying to have total control over all the worlds in her super huge black hole. her intention is to keep everything and everyone as close as they were to the conditions set out at the moment “canon” ended, which i guess means when we beat sburb all those years back. and if a version of earth c diverges too much, then she just completely destroys it.

TEREZI: H4RDCOR3

JUNE: maybe, except we're also slated for destruction, primarily because in her eyes, “june egbert” isn't canon enough to be allowed to exist, which... yeah. she tried to suppress it by getting someone to act as an author to manipulate what actually happens, but my me-ness was so strong that even that didn't work, so now she's on her way to kill all of us just for living our lives.

VRISKA: Holy fuck, wh8t????????

JUNE: yeah, i'm the biggest offender here, but i'm not the only thing she wants gone.

JUNE: the two of you being together and happy is also a thing which goes against her idea of canon, and maybe she would have let one of these things slide, but not both, so it's the chopping block for everything.

VRISKA: WH8T????????

vriska clenches her fist, and a hot anger quickly settles over her features.

VRISKA: No fucking w8y. As if her transmisogyny wasn't bad enough,

VRISKA: She has the F8CKING AUD8CITY to undo MY h8ppy end8ng????????

VRISKA: And after she let me come home and told us we could live as we wanted to?

VRISKA: That a8solutely hypocritic8l s8nctim8nious 8acksta88ing _8ITCH!!!!!!!_

she's seething pretty badly by the end of that. terezi's placing a concerned hand on her shoulder, but vriska doesn't seem to register it. she's too busy curling her lips into a feral snarl that makes the rage she let out towards dirk that day look like a hiccup in comparison.

VRISKA: I'm going to fucking kill her. June, how do we do that?

JUNE: well, i don't know exactly. the good callie has a plan that involves bringing all the non canon elements together to do... something, but they didn't tell me precisely how we're going to stop the muse. they have something planned, but they're waiting for me to bring you two back to their place before they go any further.

JUNE: so that's why i'm here. to ask you two to come back with me and help callie with their plan.

VRISKA: The cheru8???????? No offense, 8ut aren't they like a hardcore pacifist?

JUNE: well, maybe they used to be? but then they went on an astral trip across all of fanon with the physical embodiment of my aspect who happens to look exactly like me if i'd been born a girl and now they're ready to cause some chaos.

TEREZI: 1'M DOWN FOR SOM3 CH4OS

VRISKA: Uh, what was that a8out your aspect? June, what the fuck is going on????????

JUNE: oh, right, yeah. ok so after our, um, talk the other day or whenever it was for you, i kind of hardcore freaked out, and after i got back home i realised that i'd managed to figure out how to control the narrative?

VRISKA: Narrative? Wait, like what Strider was doing?

JUNE: i think so? i mean, i'm being way more ethical about it, and i'm more or less just filtering stuff through my perspective instead of, like, majorly changing stuff. it was pretty touch and go at the start, but i've got it figured out now.

VRISKA: Huh. To 8e honest, I haven't even noticed.

terezi frowns at her.

TEREZI: R34LLY? B3C4US3 1 SUR3 4S FUCK C4N T4ST3 TH3 BLU3B3RRY PROS3 WH3N3V3R 1T DR1PS 4CROSS MY P3RC3PT1ON

TEREZI: 1T'S L3SS GR4T1NG TH4N WH4T3V3R TH3 FUCK D1RK THOUGHT H3 W4S DO1NG BUT 1T'S NO L3SS OBV1OUS SO OK FUCK1NG JOB 1 GU3SS JUN3

JUNE: uh, thanks? anyway.

JUNE: so the whole reason i even started doing this narrating thing was because i was desperate enough to repress my gender issues that i was willing to re write reality in order to do so.

JUNE: that didn't work, obviously, because i'm not fucking unethical. what it did do, though, was stir things up enough that my own aspect stepped in to get me to calm down.

JUNE: but then my aspect took the form of ideal me, and that freaked me out, so i kind of severed my connection with her for a while, dumped her in some part of the narrative, and left her to develop meta powers of her own??

JUNE: and then she became a whole person with a distinct identity and everything. her name's breeze, by the way. and she's also not canon so she's also on the muse's shit list.

JUNE: i think that about covers it?

JUNE: wait, did i tell you about the author yet? because that's also someone you should know about.

JUNE: basically, because the muse herself is pretty busy trying to destroy every time line where dirk's evil plans succeed, she put author figures in charge of certain instances of earth c to keep the stories under control.

JUNE: the author behind ours is some weird loser who has odd hang ups about me being trans for whatever reason? but anyway callie and breeze knocked the author into the narrative with the rest of us and that's how i think we're going to get the muse's attention.

VRISKA: So just to get this clear, we've 8een narr8ted for however long 8y some desper8tely repressed egg who dances to the dead cheru8's tune, and you've all gradually undermined their authority in order to stop anyone from having the final s8y on how things are “meant to go” with us. And now that you've neutralised this author, all that's left to do is fuck up the Muse herself? Am I getting this right?

JUNE: pretty much, yeah.

vriska flashes another manic smile at me.

VRISKA: Then count me the fuck in. No fucking way am I missing out on this shitstorm. >::::)

TEREZI: M3 TOO. 1'M SO FUCK1NG T1R3D OF 4LL TH1S M3T4 SH1T 4ND 1F 1T M34NS 1 C4N FUCK SOME SH1T UP WH1L3 4LSO G3TT1NG WH4T 1 W4NT TH3N TH4T'S JUST 4 BONUS >:]

VRISKA: We'll show this cheru8 why you don't fuck with the Scourge Sisters. Let's see how well her fancy narr8tion holds up when I'm through with her.

JUNE: so that's a yes for helping us save ourselves from canon?

TEREZI: 4BSOLUT3LY 1T'S A FUCK1NG Y3S 1'M R34DY TO C4US3 M4YH3M

TEREZI: T4K3 US TH3R3 JUN3

JUNE: well, ok. are you both absolutely ready? because i get the sense we'll be at this for a while.

VRISKA: Oh, I'm a8solutely ready. ::::)

TEREZI: WH3N 4M 1 3V3R NOT PR3P4R3D NOW L3T'S GO

JUNE: uh, ok then! i'll zap us all back to callie's place right now so we can get this rolling.

i hop to my feet and stretch my body out. vriska and terezi just look at me, both of them practically vibrating with excitement. wow, guess they must be desperate for something to do if they're like this. That does beg the question though... how long would those two really be happy for in a go nowhere peaceful world? what would the world we're aiming for really look like?

anyway. bluh. no time for thoughts like this. we've kept calliope waiting long enough. i fix the apartment in my mind, reach out to vriska and terezi with my powers, and jump the three of us right over there.

ZAP!

we land roughly in one corner of the room. roxy and breeze are sitting on the couch having some kind of conversation. calliope isn't anywhere to be seen for the moment. guess they're still getting whatever it is they're planning ready?

TEREZI: WOW TH1S PL4C3 R34LLY SM3LLS L1K3 COSM1C S1GN1F1C4NC3

terezi takes a deep whiff, tilting her head up to inhale even more air.

TEREZI: 1 FUCK1NG LOV3 1T

because terezi has no fucking clue what the word subtle means, both breeze and roxy look up and over to the three of us. i wave my hand.

JUNE: hey guys. sorry it took so long. we just got talking for a while.

breeze stands up and walks over to me while vriska and terezi start collectively poking and prodding at the various ornaments and pieces of furniture. roxy not so subtly slides over to them to try and corral them away from doing any major damage.

BREEZE: No, you're good. Callie's still not ready yet.

JUNE: huh. what are they doing, exactly?

breeze looks to the side.

BREEZE: I don't know. They haven't told Roxy and me anything either.

JUNE: weird.

BREEZE: I suppose it's to make sure that nobody can look in on and disrupt the plan. Anyway, now that you're back they shouldn't be long.

JUNE: hopefully.

from across the room there's a crash as terezi knocks a load of books off the shelf.

ROXY: gdi terezi cant either of u chill out 4 like 2 minutes this is my home

TEREZI: W3'R3 HYP3D ON TH3 PROM1S3 OF V1OL3NT R3VOLUT1ON WH4T DO YOU 3XP3CT FROM US

ROXY: idk but not for you to wreck MY shit!!

as he speaks, he swats at vriska's hand like a cat. vriska immediately recoils from the ornate sculpture she was about to grab and rolls her eyes.

VRISKA: Come oooooooon, I was hardly gonna 8r8k anything. ::::/

roxy glares at her.

ROXY: -_- u sure abt that one

VRISKA: Well, mostly! It's not like I'm _setting out_ to do anything like that.

ROXY: uh huh n e way lets stop with this whole breaking shit routine?? we literally dont have the time to clean it up so just cool it

VRISKA: Fine. Whatever. Come on, Terezi, let's go make out on the couch until everyone's uncomforta8le.

TEREZI: FUCK Y34H

roxy facepalms.

ROXY: (callie thisd better be worth it i sware)

JUNE: jeez, can't any of us be together in a room for more than two minutes and just act normally?

BREEZE: Evidently not.

i glance back over to vriska and terezi as they each spread out on roxy and calliope's couch. before they can start making out or whatever it is they were planning on doing, the door to what i assume is calliope's room swings open.

CALLIOPE: my apologies for the delay, everyone! it took a tad longer to procUre everything i needed.

calliope steps out of their room, hands behind their back. there's a strangely determined look on their face, severe enough that both vriska and terezi immediately stand to their feet when it's turned on them.

CALLIOPE: i see yoU managed to sort oUt everything on yoUr end, jUne.

JUNE: yeah. got a whole bunch of us ready to go on this super important meta mission whenever you need us.

TEREZI: WH3N DO W3 G3T TO K1CK TH3 MUS3'S 4SS

CALLIOPE: in dUe time, terezi. before that, we have one last thing to get throUgh.

calliope finally stops in the dead middle of the room, drawing all of our attention like a green beacon. they clear their throat and raise their voice.

CALLIOPE: the mUse's arrival is imminent, everyone. she has come to eliminate that which threatens the sanctity of her canon. if she gets her way, all of Us here, this entire story, will cease to exist.

CALLIOPE: however, we are prepared to confront her Upon her arrival. we have neUtralised the threat that her hand-picked aUthor posed to Us, and we've gathered all of the canon divergences in one place. we are the most ready we can be.

CALLIOPE: all that's left to do is to caUse one last narratological shift, to disrUpt the story powerfUlly enoUgh that we can all meet her on her level, since if we were to confront her as we are now, we woUld not stand a chance.

ROXY: so uh how we doin that one callie

CALLIOPE: that's where this final preparation comes in! in order to accrUe enoUgh metatextUal power to flip the story on its axis, i present to yoU...

slowly, deliberately, they pull their hands out from behind their back and show us the item they're holding. familiarity immediately hits me with a funny feeling in my gut.

ROXY: oh no callie pls tell me ur not

CALLIOPE: ...this!!

in their hands, is a large piece of confectionery. a lollipop on a stick, swirled in shades of red and green, a hypnotic spiral that is nearly impossible to look away from.

vriska stares at it, raising an eyebrow and placing her hands on her hips.

VRISKA: Um, what the fuck is that meant to 8e? Some kind of pre-8attle snack???????

CALLIOPE: sUrprisingly, that's not too far off the mark.

roxy, however, is much less impressed.

ROXY: callie no thats the fucking juju we r NOT goin there

ROXY: why the fuck would u even think the tricksterpop was a good idea at any point ever

ROXY: do you not remember what happened 2 us the last time we deployed this cursed item in a crisis im sorry thats not happenin again

and yet, roxy can't seem to take his eyes off of the sucker. uh, neither can i, to be honest. there's something about it, the way the colours overlap and swirl, coiling around each other to a central point that hums with impossible power. when the lollipop was last used at rose and kanaya's wedding, i don't remember its magnetic effect being that strong. fuck, all i want to do is take a lick.

terezi cocks her head at the piece of candy, frowning.

TEREZI: WHY TH3 FUCK 4R3 4LL OF YOU SO F1X4T3D ON TH4T TOOTH ROTT3R 1T DO3SN'T 3V3N SM3LL SW33T >:/

CALLIOPE: yoU're Unaffected by its pUll? cUrioUs.

CALLIOPE: regardless, the jUjU is oUr best bet at distUrbing the story on sUch short notice. time is a lUxUry we simply do not have, i'm afraid.

ROXY: cmon callie is there rly no other option?

calliope shakes their head. they look at the lollipop instead of roxy.

CALLIOPE: not if we don't want the mUse to gain any kind of foothold, no.

CALLIOPE: believe me, i woUldn't deploy this artifact lightly.

BREEZE: Well, when you put it like that...

VRISKA: Come on, what's the worst it can do? Just looks like an oversized hunk of candy to me.

ROXY: youd think that but its rly not

ROXY: callie please just put that back n lets think of another way yeah?

CALLIOPE: i...

calliope looks down at the lollipop juju and frowns. there's a moment of hesitation, like they're genuinely weighing up just tossing it out of the window and starting again.

but they wouldn't dare to defile such a sacred artifact, so they keep it resting neatly in their hands.

uh... what??

JUNE: hey, uh, guys, i think something's happening with the

terezi suddenly inhales sharply. the look on her face isn't pleasant.

TEREZI: 1 SM3LL 4 THR34T 1N TH3 N4RR4T1ON

TEREZI: SOM3ON3'S H3R3

CALLIOPE: shit!!

calliope clenches their fists.

CALLIOPE: she's already here, there's no time. i'm so sorry, roxy, bUt the chance to pUrsUe an alternative has gone.

CALLIOPE: we need to act now.

they reach a hand toward the lollipop's spiralled head.

ROXY: caliie dont

but roxy's pleas do nothing. calliope flicks their fingers, and sets the juju swirl spinning. the effect that I thought was bad before suddenly seems like nothing in comparison. the entire world shrinks to just me and this twisting candy shaped core of power. it pulses and flickers and glows and i forget about the narrative, forget about the muse, forget about myself. there's just the juju and the desire to taste it, and the juju draws closer, and the desire draws closer and then there's nothing at all, just an unravelling infinity of

  
  


  
  


  
  


red

  
  


  
  


  
  


and

  
  


  
  


  
  


green

  
  


and my tongue, flexing out, joining the spiral in a triad that stretches into a place beyond the beyond, and travels back with a tingle that sets every single one of my senses aflame. the power clenches around my core, then blooms like the unfurling of something great and cosmic and terrible.

  
  


  
  


i give one final ecstatic gasp.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


the world shorts out.


	18. SEVENTEERRERRERRERRERRERR

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[ERROR – omeletteroute.doc HAS BEEN CORRUPTED. TABLE ELEMENT “earthcfanon” CANNOT BE FOUND. THE NARRATIVE CAN NO LONGER BE ACCESSED.]

[REBOOT FILE?]

> [[Y]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20938004/chapters/49778444)

> [[N]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20938004/chapters/56735935)


	19. > [N]

JUNE: uuuggh

my eyelids stretch open against my will. a sharp pain runs through my skull as i stare up, blinking and taking absolutely nothing in. it takes far too many seconds for me to even register that i'm lying on my back. my hands stretch out, trying to feel whatever it is i'm lying on, but i come away with a weirdly blank impression. is it this place, or is it me? i don't know. all i know is that thinking is suddenly making me incredibly nauseous, so let's stop with that one.

maybe... maybe i could just lean my head back, and close my eyes for a little longer, and...

TEREZI: JUN3 G3T YOUR 4SS UP R1GHT TH1S M1NUT3

a sharp pain in my side that feels remarkably like a shoe. i snap awake again and jerk upright and suck in slow breaths to stop myself from throwing up or blacking out. next to me, i see a familiar figure.

JUNE: terezi?

JUNE: why are you so... blurry?

TEREZI 1'M NOT YOUR BR41N MUST B3 D3F3CT1V3

i bring a hand to my face and notice that my glasses are gone again. or is it the first time? fuck, all this time line shit is hard enough to keep track of when i'm feeling good, never mind, when...

uh...

i look down at myself and feel a wash of panic drill through me like slippery oil. on my top half, i'm wearing my god tier hoodie, but below that

oh my god

it's...

i prod at it with a shaky finger. the adrenaline clears my head a little of whatever's in there, only to re clog it with cold panic and sheer disbelief.

JUNE: that's a skirt.

bright yellow, ankle length. big and poofy. clashes horribly with the rest of my outfit. desperately i turn to terezi.

JUNE: why the fuck am i in a skirt.

TEREZI: WHY TH3 FUCK SHOULD 1 KNOW 1'M NOT YOUR FUCK1NG K33P3R JUN3

she sniffs in my direction and scrunches her face up.

TEREZI: 1T SM3LLS L1K3 4 F4SH1ON F4UX-P4S WH3R3 TH3 FUCK D1D YOU F1ND TH4T

JUNE: i... don't know? i have no idea where i got this skirt from, or why i'm wearing it.

JUNE: ugh...

i try to stand up but my gut protests horribly. i settle for sitting upright instead.

TEREZI: 4NYW4Y WHO G1V3S 4 FUCK 4BOUT YOUR STUP1D CHO1C3S 1N DR3SS S3NS3 W3 H4V3 W4Y B1GG3R F1SH TO FRY H3R3

TEREZI: SUCH 4S 1T3M ON3: WH3R3 TH3 FUCK 4R3 W3

JUNE: huh? we're

i take a look around. me and terezi are on some weird textureless flat plane in the middle of... some void?

JUNE: uh

aside from us and this plane, i see precisely nothing else. no stars, no wind, nothing.

JUNE: oh, um

TEREZI: Y34H 3X4CTLY >:/

terezi kicks at the ground with a frown. it doesn't make any noise. her shoes leave no mark on the strange material, either. carefully, i prod it with one finger. it feels like... well, more like it _doesn't_ feel, actually. it's like the blank impression of where a thing should be. for some reason one word comes to mind.

JUNE: this thing, it's

JUNE: i think it's unrendered?

TEREZI: UNR3ND3R3D

JUNE: yeah, like a v

TEREZI: 1 KNOW HOW V1D3O G4M3S WORK, JUN3 >:[

TEREZI: WH4T 1'D L1K3 TO KNOW 1S WHY W3'R3 ON 4N UNR3ND3R3D TOPOGR4PH1C4L 3XP4NS3

JUNE: i, um

JUNE: don't know the answer to that. sorry.

terezi isn't listening to me. she's rifling through her pocket to pull out her phone. she clutches it far too tightly and she sniffs at it with a disconcerted look on her face.

TEREZI: W3LL WH3R3V3R W3 4R3 TH3R3'S NO S1GN4L

JUNE: huh? but i thought we established that universal wi fi was, like... a thing we made happen when we beat the game.

a strange feeling starts to manifest as a clumped ball in my stomach. something's not right.

TEREZI: S33MS W3 L3FT 4 BL1ND SPOT SOM3WH3R3

JUNE:

TEREZI: 1F TH3 N3XT WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH CONS1ST OF SOM3 SH1TTY PUN 4BOUT MY D1S4B1L1TY 1 W1LL FUCK1NG PUNT YOU OFF 1NTO TH3 VO1D >:[

terezi snarls and runs a hand through her hair. stress lines stretch out across her forehead and she taps her foot against the weird floor. she seems genuinely unsettled.

TEREZI: 1 C4N'T CONT4CT VR1SK4

TEREZI: JUN3 TRY YOUR PHON3

JUNE: um

TEREZI: *NOW* 3GB3RT 1 4M NOT FUCK1NG 4ROUND!

JUNE: ok, ok!

i reach down with my hand towards my pocket, and

uh

oh yeah

JUNE: terezi, this skirt doesn't have any pockets.

JUNE: i don't know where my phone is.

terezi brings her hands to her temples.

TEREZI: 44444444UGH FUCK!!! OF COURS3 1'D G3T STR4ND3D 1N SOM3 SH1TH1V3 B1Z4RR3 PL4C3 W1TH TH3 S1NGL3 MOST US3L3SS S3NT13NT B31NG 3V3R CONC31V3D BY 3CTOB1OLOGY

TEREZI: WH4T D1D 1 DO TO D3S3RV3 TH1S

she stumbles back, letting out a very alien, very frustrated noise. oh god she's on the verge of a freak out and i'm the only person here to help her, um... wherever here is.

i force myself onto my feet, shaking away the vaguely hung over dizziness, and make my way over to terezi's side. i place my hands on her shoulders just as she lets out the beginning of a shrill scream.

JUNE: terezi, hey! get a hold of yourself!

JUNE: you're the only functioning person here so if you lose your shit we are royally fucked!

TEREZI: DON'T TRY 4ND T3LL M3 TO C4LM DOWN YOU'R3 NOT H3R

terezi shunts me with surprising force. i go staggering back, and try to regain my balance, but my feet trip up on the base of my skirt. i have to use a blast of wind to buoy myself back up.

JUNE: hey, uh, so my powers still work here.

JUNE: that's something, right?

almost immediately, terezi whirls on me. her face is a study in desperation.

TEREZI: T4K3 US B4CK TH3N

JUNE: huh?

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG'S CL34RLY GON3 WRONG 4ND 1 H4V3 4 S1NK1NG F33L1NG W3'R3 1N WH4T3V3R P4SS3S FOR 4 DOOM3D T1M3L1N3 TH3S3 D4YS

TEREZI: SO US3 YOUR F4NCY 4B1L1TY TO HOP US B4CK B3FOR3 1T 4LL W3NT WRONG

JUNE: uh

TEREZI: *NOW*!!!!!!!!

JUNE: ok!!

i flex my hands and vaguely think of the last thing i remember. roxy and callie's place, callie making a speech, them doing... something. i fix on the precise spot my memory blacks out, gather terezi up, and make the retcon jump.

ZAP!

we do not arrive in an apartment in the carapace kingdom. instead, we end up floating somewhere else in this massive black void. terezi almost immediately begins to fall due to the fact that she lacks any built in god tier flight powers. i catch her with a breeze and scoop her up to my level. she does not look happy.

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK 4R3 YOU DO1NG 1 S41D TO T4K3 US HOM3

JUNE: i did!! but

TEREZI: SOM3TH1NG W3NT WRONG, D1DN'T 1T? WHY C4N'T YOU Z4P US B4CK TO 34RTH C?

JUNE: that's the thing, terezi. um

JUNE: we

i glance down, letting a breeze loop through the vast emptiness beneath us. my throat goes tight.

JUNE: we _are_ on earth c.

JUNE: or, where earth c should be.

TEREZI: YOU C4N'T B3 FUCK1NG S3R1OUS

JUNE: terezi, uh

JUNE: i don't think we ever went anywhere.

JUNE: it's earth c that's gone.

TEREZI: NO

TEREZI: NO TH4T C4N'T B3

terezi squirms, coming dangerously close to wriggling out of the air current that serves as the only thing keeping her from plummeting through eternity.

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK H4PP3N3D?

JUNE: h

JUNE: ah

JUNE: ah ha

JUNE: ah hahahahaha!!!!!!

so it turns out that callie fucking lied. licking the trickster lollipop does not lead to some great huge fuckoff eruption of euphoria or anything like that. instead i'm just standing here feeling like my brain's been rattled loose from my body and also like all my saliva's been replaced with sugar water. also i'm vibrating with some uncontrollable energy for some reason??

i turn to callie to try and ask for answers, but the words that roll from my mouth do not belong to me.

JUNE: wheeeeeee this is so fucking good!!! callie i've never felt this good in my entire life!!!!

shitfuckshit. i try to go and lift a hand but again my body does not respond. instead what i get is me levitating off the ground. i notice that all the furniture in this apartment's been completely upended, but whatever's in control of me right now doesn't seem to give much of a shit about it.

CALLIOPE: most assUredly! the jUjU has the delightfUl side effect of blasting away all those rotten cobwebs lUrking in yoUr mind in addition to granting the power boon we so desperately need.

VRISKA: Hell fucking yeah it does!!!!!!!! Shit, my cheru8 friend, is this what it's like to have unf8ke self-esteem? ::::D

both vriska and callie look... different. vriska's suddenly dressed in some awful gaudy rendition of her god tier clothes for some asinine reason??? and calliope, uh, well

CALLIOPE: relish in it. i know i am.

they look. kind of. kind of like

TEREZI: C4LL1OP3 WHY TH3 FUCK DO YOU L1K3 4 HYBR1D B3TW33N 4 TROLL 4ND 4 S4CCH4R1NE R3ND1T1ON OF 4 CH1LD'S F3LT PUPP3T

ROXY: om fucking g terezi u dont getta say that!!!

ROXY: its

ROXY: its fuckign callie ohpeee themself in the dam flesh

roxy's also now in some gaudy fucking nightmare outfit, but terezi stands there looking pretty much how she always does, complete with deeply skeptical frown.

TEREZI: WHO? >:/

CALLIOPE: why, my trollsona! ^u^

CALLIOPE: the jUjU enables yoU the trUest form of self-expression, and well

CALLIOPE: this is my trUth!

TEREZI: 3R

JUNE: hahahah, callie that is so fucking cool!

JUNE: because

JUNE: because the candy doesn't lie, right??

JUNE: and

JUNE: and i

JUNE: :D!!!!!!

i kind of sort of just. start clenching at my body for no good reason? i'm not in control, but i still feel the way my hands rest across my torso and it is not a good fucking feeling, i'll tell you that much.

JUNE: i got candyblasted and i'm still june!!!

CALLIOPE: yes, yes yoU are!!!!

VRISKA: Fuck, this valid8tion is so delicious!!!!!!!

ROXY: trans rights babey!!!!!!!!!

then we all sort of just. pile into a group hug? well, the four of us at least. terezi stands off to one side and facepalms repeatedly, letting out a deep groan.

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S WRONG W1TH 4LL OF YOU

TEREZI: 4LL OF R34L1TY 1S 4BOUT TO COLL4PS3 4ND YOU 4LL D3C1D3D TO T4K3 4L13N DRUGS???

VRISKA: Yep!!!!!!!!

TEREZI: W3 4R3 4LL GO1NG TO FUCK1NG D13

VRISKA: Hey, hey, Terezi, no need to talk like that! Everything's really, really, RE8LLY fucking good right now!! In fact, it's so good you're getting a kiss!

vriska extracts herself from the hug she was engaging in and starts to barrel towards terezi, completely uncontrolled. as she leans in, terezi flinches back and pushes out with her hands.

TEREZI: G3T TH3 FUCK 4W4Y FROM M3! >:[

after knocking vriska to one side, terezi glares at callie.

TEREZI: YOU'V3 G1V3N 3V3RYON3 H3R3 SUPR3M3 BR41NROT WHY FOR ON3 S3COND D1D YOU 4SSUM3 TH1S W4S 4 R34SON4BL3 1D34 BY 4NY FUCK1NG M3TR1C

ROXY: wow calm allo ur fucking titties tz we r tryin 2 VIBE here

TEREZI: 44444444UGH!!

terezi kicks at the couch, which had until now survived the trickster blast. it also survives the full force of terezi's shoe.

TEREZI: FUCK!!!!

TEREZI: HOW H4V3 4LL OF YOU B1TCH3S FORGOTT3N 4BOUT TH3 1MM1N3NT THR34T OF 4 COSM1C HYP3RGOD 4LR34DY

ROXY:

TEREZI: 4ND Y3S B1TCH 1N TH1S CONT3XT 1S B31NG D3PLOY3D 1N 4 G3ND3R N3UTR4L W4Y B3FOR3 4 S1NGL3 ON3 OF YOU HOPS ON MY D1CK 4BOUT 1T

TEREZI: SO 4LL OF YOU G3T YOUR SH1T TOG3TH3R 4ND H3LP M3 D34L W1TH TH3 MUS3 4LR34DY!!!

she reaches over, grabs vriska by the collar of her shirt, and deploys a singular tactical bitchslap to her girlfriend's cheek. vriska blinks with wide eyes, and for one moment it looks like maybe that's enough to break the spell.

then vriska starts cackling.

VRISKA: Lmao!!! Jesus, Terezi, if you wanted some rough pl8y you should've just said so! ::::)

TEREZI: 1'M NOT

VRISKA: H8y, everyone, 8ecause we all feel so gr8, let's all have a h8fuck orgy!

JUNE: :D

JUNE: you know, i have always been majorly sexually attracted to the both of you and haven't acted on it solely because i'm so fucking disgusted by the idea of being a sexually active adult man, so now that i'm a girl who loves herself, i am completely down.

nonononononono fuck!!!! why am i saying this! fuck these trickster brainworms christ i would never!!!

VRISKA: See? June's got the spirit.

vriska suddenly seizes me and plants a sloppy snog on my lips. more horrifically, my own body makes no attempt to slip free, or even react in any way, except to

to

um

uh

why the fuck is this trickster shit making everyone so horny why is this happening why am i being forced to watch i am in hell this is hell what the fuck

TEREZI: G3T TH3 FUCK OFF OF H3R TH1S 3NT1R3 D1SPL4Y 1S M4K1NG MY SK1N CR4WL

terezi marches up and physically separates me and vriska before it can get any further than clumsy, possibly not sober groping, thank fuck. I feel tainted and dirty just seeing this.

JUNE: but tereziiiiii :(

JUNE: i've been so lonely!

JUNE: i'm twenty three and a girl and a lesbian and so lonely and i just want to have all these experiences all my friends got to have that i didn't because i was a depressed fuck who was also stuck living as a man!

TEREZI: JUN3 YOU 4LR34DY LOST YOUR HUM4N V1RG1N1TY TO M3 L3SS TH4N THR33 D4YS 4GO FROM YOUR P3RSP3CT1V3 YOU'RE JUST HORNY 4ND H4V3 BR41NWORMS TH4T CRUSH3D 4LL YOUR 1N1HB1T1ONS 1N TH31R SQU1RM1NG D1G3ST1V3 S4CS NON3 OF TH1S 1S OK4Y

TEREZI: 4ND *YOU*

terezi spins back on vriska. one cheek is starting to twitch from the effort she's clearly exerting not losing her shit over her closest friends who've all just taken a hit of some crack candy.

TEREZI: *JUN3*? R34LLY?

TEREZI: 1 THOUGHT YOU H4D ST4ND4RDS, VR1SK4 >:[

TEREZI: W41T WHY 4M 1 3V3N 3NT3RT41N1NG TH1S 4S1N1N3 HORS3SH1T TH3 MUS3 OF SP4C3 1S L1T3R4LLY 4BOUT TO

ROXY: heyyyyyyyy bimbos n thembos lets get fuckin SMASHED

suddenly roxy makes himself known again. he stumbles out of the kitchen clutching huge bottles of platonically generic booze in each hand.

JUNE: yaaayy!!! :D

VRISKA: Whoooooooo!

TEREZI: Y3S HOOR4Y FOR B4CKSL1D1NG C4LL13 PUT 4 STOP TO TH1S R1GHT TH1S FUCK1NG S3COND

CALLIOPE: come, now! the jUjU shields yoU from all psychological damage. in sUch an ascended state, minor ailments such as addiction merely cease to exist! :U

CALLIOPE: why, a little imbibing is sUrely harmless.

as callie talks, roxy void pops a full glass of alcohol into one of their hands. they stick their tongue into the glass and start slurping it down. similar glasses pop up in my, vriska, and terezi's hands. vriska and i immediately start guzzling while terezi slams hers on the ground with a snarl.

TEREZI: STOP TH1S 4LR34DY!!!!

now there's actual panic seeping into terezi's voice. her face is strained and there's a subtle tremble to her limbs as she moves. but because we're all doped up sugar high shit heads, none of us does a single thing about it.

at some point roxy's voided in even more booze that i continue to drink at an alarming rate. it's the nastiest shit that's ever crawled down my throat and it burns through my stomach something awful. i want to retch so fucking badly but i'm not the one in control here, so i don't get that release. all i get is the unsettling experience of watching my own body act on really, really stupid autopilot as my skin crackles with too much energy.

JUNE: i love you guys so fucking much.

JUNE: like

JUNE: right here i

JUNE: i feel so fucking normal for the first time in my life.

ROXY: ilu2 june babes

ROXY: pour 1 down 4 valiation girl!

and we drink again. now my whole body's burning up in a not good way and

uh

oh oof

suddenly theres 'a thing wrappinug nover my brain thats makign it relally hard to

to do het narrationg thing fuck ami getting drok??? this quick???

uhhhh

theres vrisksksks who is now here in frtonf of me. shes smiling all likea thing with pointy teeth and is blushing

VRISKA: Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy

VRISKA: Hey Juuuuuuune. :::;)

JUNE: y

JUNE: yeha?

JUNE: um, *yeah?

JUNE: ha ha i sad a type

JUNE: uh, typo

JUNE: fuck didi say said or sad i can't remmber?

JUNE: shit,,

VRISKA: June!!!!!!!!!

JUNE: vriska!!! hi!!! :D :D

VRISKA: June, I just got an idea,,

VRISKA: Like,,, the fucking 8est idea ever, like all my ideas, 8ecause I'm so gr8 and sexy,

VRISKA: WE.......

shes pointingg a slopping finger at my chest

VRISKA: June, we should dress you up,

JUNE: huhhh??/?

VRISKA: Like,,, you're a girl now, 8ut you,,,,,,

VRISKA: ,,,,,,,,

VRISKA: You're still all 8oymode and shit,, for some reason?

VRISKA: *hic*

TEREZI: OK4Y TH3R3 1S NO W4Y 34RTH SOPOR1F1C SH1TPO1SON M4K3S 4NYON3 B3H4V3 L1K3 TH1S

JUNE: i,,!

JUNE: hopy shit your'e absolutely right,!!!!,

JUNE: i'm still lookin glike john!!

JUNE: vriska i need to be june!! :O

VRISKA: Y,,yeah exactly! We gotta fem you up, 8itch,,, stat,

virksa, she slaps a hand on my shoulder, and we're bothwobbbling back and forwards,,, and,,, shit I needto focus on,,, on getting the story all

(don't worry, i've got you.)

,,,,,

i...

huh. suddenly i can think clearly again? what just happened?

BREEZE: (i knocked out the last of the trickster intoxication from your mind.)

huh? breeze?

BREEZE: (yeah, june, it's me.)

where are you?

BREEZE: (i retreated back into you to protect both of us from the juju's more...psychological effects.)

but... i'm still doing all that crazy shit?

BREEZE: (unfortunately, the best i could do was sequester away a part of your mind to guarantee lucidity later on.)

later on...? what are you

VRISKA: Let's get tittyskittles, 8itch!!!!!!!!

JUNE: :D

vriska's shout cuts this weird interior slightly removed from the narrative interaction short. she's still slurring and clearly way too drunk as hell off of what can only be like, two glasses tops, but there's now a sharper focus to her eyes.

VRISKA: H8y, Roxxxxxxxx,

ROXY: ye?

VRISKA: Which,,, which store did you g8t your hormones from?

ROXY: lmao vris u cant just like

ROXY: go 2 th mall n BUY hrt theresa process lmao

ROXY: takes like hella BALLS ass time too

VRISKA: 8ut,, you skipped it somehow, right? We're all friends in this gendercircle and, and this is important, so, how, how did you,

VRISKA: urp

VRISKA: Roxy what's your hormone sh8rtcut??

vriska's now trying to slink up to roxy in a very clearly embarrassing way. stupidly my eyes are only focused on her, but i do catch a glimpse of terezi groaning in the background.

before vriska reaches roxy, though, callie speaks up.

CALLIOPE: oh, we jUst asked jane. she agreed to give free blood tests, and then dispensed the appropriate prescription from her alchemiser. qUite the sharpish process, actUally.

callie's face is serene, like they don't quite realise the latent contradiction about jane's policies they've just exposed. to be fair to them, i don't think anyone in this room has the capacity to fucking care, save for maybe terezi.

VRISKA: Then let's fucking go!!!!!!!!

TEREZI: GO WH3R3???

VRISKA: To J8ne, of course!

VRISKA: Gotta get June on that gender-transing road asap!

TEREZI: DO 1 N33D TO R3P34T TH4T W3'R3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 FUCK1NG CR1S1S

VRISKA: Callie, where's Jane's pl8ce at?

CALLIOPE: oh, Um.

CALLIOPE: jane's residing in the crockercorp white hoUse, or whatever it is she's been calling it these days. :U

CALLIOPE: it's aboUt a two hoUrs' drive oUt from the hUman kingdom capital.

ROXY: more like flight bcus damn human kingdom transit SUXXXXX

ROXY: nyway yea

ROXY: big fuckoff white buildin w all this tightass milititty security shit surroundin it 4 miles

ROXY: gotta like

ROXY: get a pencilled in oppointment fuckin WEEKS ahead 2 even see her shit blows hard

CALLIOPE: trUe, bUt...

VRISKA: June let's just go and zap right up to her!!!!!! Fuck the rules, we're hot 8itches on a time crunch!

CALLIOPE: indeed! military grade secUrity pales in comparison to the raw power yoU wield, jUne.

CALLIOPE: yoU shoUld have no troUble in yoUr endeavoUr.

TEREZI: YOU'R3 3N4BL1NG TH3M

CALLIOPE: that is their choice to make, terezi. anything for the sake of self-expressive agency, particUlarly in this climate. u_u;

a funny look comes over callie's face that seems completely at odds with their cutesy troll costume. i wish i had time to unpack and dissect it, but my body's still swarmed with shit mind fungus so i am once again bouncing up an down as i stare at vriska.

JUNE: vriska let's go!! i've got the spot all fixed in my brain!

JUNE: let's go see jane so i can be a girl for real!

VRISKA: Fuck yeha!!!!!!!! ::::D

VRISKA: *hic*!

vriska clutches my shoulder again and i look down at my hands which start to retcon glow. it's completely unsettling seeing my body go through a conscious process when it's not really my thoughts steering it. or, it is but...

fuck i don't know. something fucky's happening here and that's all i have right now.

right before we zap out, though, roxy clutches my other hand with a shit eating grin

ROXY: dont bounce w/o me girl

ROXY: im ur fuckin gender GURU u aint leavin me behind i got my down w cis bus ticket right the fuck here

he wiggles a hand which doesn't actually have anything, but it's an impressively committed charade for one as absolutely wasted as any of us are.

ROXY: now let us fuckin bounce trans gang

JUNE: ok!!!

VRISKA: Whooooooo!

all three of us start retcon glowing for real. terezi makes a futile attempt to run up to us with a severe grimace.

TEREZI: BUT TH3 MUS3

her words don't hit the mark, because at the same moment i tilt my head up, and the three of us blast skyward in a rush of power that blows the windows in and launches us with the force of a mach speed jet.

JUNE: oh fuck.

TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T?

JUNE: i just remembered what happened.

TEREZI: YOU M34N WH4T H4PP3N3D TO 34RTH C? >:?

JUNE: uh, no. just... what happened immediately after we all took the trickster candy.

JUNE: it fucking sucked.

i breathe in some of my own generated air, but it doesn't really do anything to quell the growing bubble of nausea clawing up my esophagus in rippling strides. terezi floats by my side and turns her head to me with a quizzical expression that seems even sharper than normal when contrasted with the vast and endless void that wraps around us. i find that i can't meet either her gaze or her nostrils.

TEREZI: OF COURS3 1T D1D YOU 4LL D3C1D3D TO T4K3 4L13N DRUGS STRONG 3NOUGH TO BLOW 4LL OF R43L1TY OUT OF 3X1ST3NC3 >:/

JUNE: yeah, i remember. god we were so dumb.

JUNE: wait...

i glance back over at terezi, who's clearly schooling away some kind of expression. a horrible feeling sinks into my skin.

JUNE: how much do you remember, terezi?

TEREZI: 1 R3M3MB3R TH3 P4RT WH3R3 YOU TR13D TO FUCK MY G1RLFR13ND 1F TH4T'S WH4T YOU'R3 4SK1NG

JUNE: oh fuck. shit, terezi, i

TEREZI: NO 1 G3T 1T YOU W3R3 F4D3D 1NTO 4NOTH3R D1M3NS1ON 4ND VR1SK4 1S 1NCR3D1BLY S3XU4LLY 4TTR4CT1V3 W3'V3 4LL B33N TH3R3

JUNE: so you're

TEREZI: BUT ST1LL, WH4T TH3 FUCK, JUN3

TEREZI: TH4T W4S MY G1RLFR13ND YOU W3R3 TRY1NG TO G3T 1NTO TH3 P4NTS OF

JUNE: i... i'm sorry. i could say it was the candy that fucked me up, but

JUNE: uh

JUNE: you know, actually, i don't really feel like talking about it.

TEREZI: WHY NOT

JUNE: because...

i glance away from terezi, but there's nothing to see. just a stretch of blackness that goes on and on and on, or doesn't go anywhere at all. it feels like i could my reach my hand out and scrape against the edge of existence. everything is too still and too silent.

JUNE: because, maybe, it wasn't entirely the candy speaking.

TEREZI: >:?

JUNE: look, terezi, i...

i swallow back, but it doesn't really do much to combat the growing tremble in my body. it feels like a balloon being compressed somewhere inside of me, making it hard for me to even focus on flying straight. not that concepts like “straight” and “direction” seem to apply here, in this gaping void where everything should have been.

so instead i settle for staring at my feet as they kick out in front of my skirt's hem.

JUNE: i have a lot of issues.

TEREZI: 4ND DON'T 1 FUCK1NG KNOW 4BOUT 1T

JUNE: no, terezi, i'm being serious here.

JUNE: do you remember what we talked about? the other day, out in the void?

TEREZI: JUN3 TH4T W4S S3V3R4L MONTHS 4GO FROM MY P3RSP3CT1V3

TEREZI: BUT... 1T'S NOT L1K3 4NYTH1NG S1GN1F1C4NT 4CTU4LLY H4PP3N3D B3TW33N TH3N 4ND YOUR R3SURR3CT1ON SO

TEREZI: Y34H, 1 DO

JUNE: then... do you mind if we revisited that topic?

TEREZI: JUST SO LONG 4S YOU R34L1S3 TH3R3'S NO 4UTOMOB1L3 FOR US TO FUCK 1N TH1S T1M3

JUNE: heh, of course. i'm not really feeling up to anything like that, anyway.

a silence rolls over us, more complete and absolute than even a universe on the brink of implosion. there's only the sounds of our breathing, our pulses, our heart beats. nothing but two individuals overlapping into a singular rhythm. i glance at terezi and feel like i want to cry.

TEREZI: SO WH4T 1S 1T, JUN3

TEREZI: WH4T'S R4TTL1NG 4ROUND 1N YOUR BR41N

TEREZI: 1T'S NOT L1K3 W3 H4V3 4NYTH1NG 3LS3 TO DO

JUNE: well,

i suck in a breath. the air is clear and cool, but only in the way that artificially refreshed stuff from an air conditioner is.

JUNE: i'm so horribly sad all the time.

TEREZI: Y34H YOU'V3 M3NT1ON3D TH4T B3FOR3

JUNE: are you actually capable of saying anything without it sounding like ribbing?

TEREZI: NO 1 4M NOT

JUNE: ...

TEREZI: C4RRY ON

JUNE: ok, fine. anyway, the big thing that's made it worse is the fact that i don't *know* what's making me feel like this, or what would make me feel better.

JUNE: you know, at first i thought heading out on rose's death wish mission would do the trick. maybe it was just that i needed a purpose after sitting on my ass for so long.

JUNE: but the battle came and went, and i was still sad. and then i met you out here, and we...

JUNE: and i thought that you would... yeah. but it didn't help, either. and then i died.

TEREZI: 1 R3C4LL

she tries to put a snarky smirk on her face, but it's forced. lines of tension crease around her eyes, and it's clear that maybe neither of us is over that whole episode.

JUNE: and then, after i came back, i thought i'd finally figured it out. you know, the fact that i'm actually a girl and have been repressing that for who knows how long.

JUNE: and yeah, coming out and accepting it did make me feel good! can't deny that.

JUNE: but

JUNE: after all that i

TEREZI: YOU ST1LL H4V3 TH4T G4P1NG HOL3 1NS1D3 YOU, DON'T YOU

JUNE: y-yeah... huh?

terezi turns her head to me with a severe look on her face. her hair and clothes billow as we speed through the artificial air surrounding us, but her mouth remains in a firm line.

JUNE: terezi?

TEREZI: 1 G3T 1T JUN3. NO, R34LLY, 1 DO

JUNE: you do?

TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY M3NT1ON3D 1T B3FOR3, W4Y B4CK OUT 1N TH3 FURTH3ST R1NG

JUNE: did you?

TEREZI: Y34H. W1TH YOU. W3LL, NOT *YOU*, 3X4CTLY

TEREZI: TH3 OTH3R YOU

TEREZI: TH3 ON3 TH4T ST4Y3D B3H1ND

JUNE: ...huh.

TEREZI: 1 W4S SO LON3LY OUT TH3R3 FOR SO LONG 4ND

TEREZI: YOU W3R3 TH3 ONLY TH1NG K33P1NG M3 B3L13V1NG 1N 4NY S3MBL4NC3 OF R34L1TY

TEREZI: B3C4US3 1 R34LLY THOUGHT FOR TH3 LONG3ST T1M3 TH4T S3ND1NG MYS3LF OUT TO TH3 3DG3 OF 3X1ST3NC3 TO D13 LOOK1NG FOR VR1SK4 WOULD 4BSOLV3 M3

TEREZI: M4K3 M3 F33L SOM3TH1NG, 4NYTH1NG 4T 4LL

TEREZI: 4ND

TEREZI: 4LL 1T 4CCOMPL1SH3D W4S H4V1NG M3 ST4RV3 TO D34TH B3YOND 4NYON3'S R34CH

TEREZI: 4ND TH3R3 W4S 4 PO1NT 4 COUPL3 SW33PS 1N WH3R3 1 R34L1S3D TH4T NO, 1T W4SN'T GO1NG TO F1X M3

TEREZI: 1'D TR4V3LL3D TH3 L3NGTH OF TH3 UN1V3RS3 JUST TO D13 4S H34RTBROK3N 4S 1 W4S TH3 D4Y 1 L3FT

she lifts her shades, rubbing away at tears with a hollow sniffle. there's a stretch of stillness where all either of us can do is breathe.

JUNE: shit, terezi i

TEREZI: SO Y34H, 1 G3T 1T, JUN3. 1 R34LLY FUCK1NG G3T 1T

TEREZI: B3C4US3 1T TURNS OUT 4 H3RO'S QU3ST 1S NOT 4 SUBST1TUT3 FOR PROZ4C

JUNE: wait you

TEREZI: DON'T 1NT3RRUPT 1'M H4V1NG 4 MOM3NT >:[

TEREZI: 4NYWAY

TEREZI: WH4T 1'M G3TT1NG 4T 1S

TEREZI: H4V1NG WH4T W3 W4NT DO3SN'T M4K3 US B3TT3R

TEREZI: H4V1NG VR1SK4 B4CK 1N MY L1F3 H4SN'T 3L1M1N4T3D TH3 VO1D 1NS1D3 M3

TEREZI: JUST 4S TR4NS1NG YOUR G3ND3R H4SN'T CUR3D YOUR D3PR3SS1ON

TEREZI: B3C4US3 WOULD YOU FUCK1NG B3L13V3 1T W3 4R3 BOTH D33PLY FUCK3D UP P3OPL3 W1TH 1SSU3S TH4T C4N'T B3 M4G1C4LLY SOLV3D

her voice cracks more than a few times at the end there. it's... not a great feeling, seeing terezi this torn up. seeing the gaping knife wound pouring out of both our chests, and being able to feel each other bleed.

i stare ahead into the nothingness and let out a heavy sigh.

JUNE: ...we really fucking need to go to therapy when all this is done.

TEREZI: Y34H PR3TTY MUCH

and that's that on that topic for a while. just me and terezi drifting through the hollowed non space that used to be our universe, politely ignoring the fact that we're both crying to ourselves. this goes on for... fuck, i can't say. feels like hours, days. it's some point after the crying headache sets in that time starts to slip away from me. realistically it's maybe only been a few minutes, but out here with no marker of anything save for my own thoughts, everything blends into

uh

JUNE: there's something up ahead.

TEREZI: 1'M 4W4R3

up ahead, on what may be the horizon in some direction, is a softly pulsating blue orb. it slowly grows in size as we draw nearer.

JUNE: what is that?

TEREZI: 1T SM3LLS L1K3 OZON3 TO M3

JUNE: do you think it's dangerous?

TEREZI: NO FUCK1NG 1D34

when the orb's about the size of the rising sun on a clear morning, it begins to sink in that oh yeah, there are several credible threats still floating about completely undealt with. as a precautionary measure, i wrap a tight coil of breezes around one fist. next to me, terezi grips her cane.

i glance over and try to focus on the orb, but it's too bright for me to make anything out. terezi inhales hard enough that her head snaps back, and something curious grows on her face.

TEREZI: W41T HOLD ON

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH4T'S

she reaches a hand out towards me, but at the same time i must get close enough that i enter the vicinity of whatever this orb is. the first thing i notice is that almost immediately, the air around us drops dead, slipped beyond my control.

the next is that we can still breathe.

JUNE: wait... huh?

JUNE: what

then the orb unfolds itself in a blast of much more refreshing wind. within, floating inside its core, is a familiar face.

JUNE: breeze?

she opens her eyes and glances over towards us. blinks a couple times, almost like she can't quite believe it.

BREEZE: June, Terezi. You're... alive?

TEREZI: WHY WOULDN'T W3 B3

BREEZE: Well, because of the, uh...

BREEZE: Hm. :/

breeze frowns, bringing one hand to her face.

BREEZE: That's weird. I can't quite remember.

JUNE: remember what?

she looks to one side. puffs of wind snake through her hair, letting it float like she's underwater. the blue glow of her breath powers glints off her glasses, obscuring her eyes.

BREEZE: What we did to destroy Earth C.

ROXY: jaane

JUNE: jaane

ROXY: janey janey janey jane!!!!

JUNE: jane!!! jane hey!!!

JANE: Oh? Roxy and John? What a, erm, pleasant surprise!

jane remains seated in her presidential office chair, staring us down with a cautiously skeptical glint to her eyes. her face is friendly, but every part of her broadcasts that her hackles are up, so obvious that you'd only miss it if you were high on a juju and booze bender.

JANE: And Ms Serket, too, of course. You look...

JANE: Healthy?

VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

she recoils back, just a little, as vriska strides across the office.

JANE: And, er, I see that you all had the bright idea to bypass literally all of my security for... some reason.

ROXY: well ya kno sometimes u just wanna drop in on a dear bffsy for absolutely no reason or warnin whatsoever

ROXY: as u do

JANE: As you do...

JANE: Because we all classify breaking into a maximum security site as a jaunty venture into camaraderie all the time, do we not?

she starts drumming her fingers against the polished wood. now that the initial shock's wearing off, irritation grows in its place.

JANE: So please, enlighten me. To what do I owe this occasion?

ROXY: o ya

roxy leans forward over the desk, until his face is inches from jane's. Jane breathes very slowly, and does not blink.

ROXY: youuu

ROXY: r gonna help us janey

JANE: With... what?

jane glances over roxy's shoulder to the door leading into her office, presumably to signal to whatever bodyguard she has stationed outside. even though that's actually pretty fucking stupid, given that she's a literal god who can't be killed easily.

ROXY: w some primo hormone dispensin!!

ROXY: cmon girl get w the program

JANE: Well, forgive me for only just now being witness to whatver absurd wavelength you're on. That said, why would you need me to...

JANE: Ah...

now she takes in roxy's appearance, and also presumably mine and vriska's. Something dangerously close to genuine alarm comes over her.

JANE: I see that you've... indulged in a certain artifact of confection, the three of you.

she does this amazing thing where she somehow manages to train her eyes on all of us at once. one hand drops to her side, to whatever weapon she has stored beneath her desk, just in case. for whatever reason, seeing us all in full on trickster mode is completely freaking her out.

ROXY: yeah lmao callie said we had 2 2 save th world

JANE: Did they, now. That's... nice to hear?

ROXY: then we got shitface wasted too dont forget abt that

JANE: You... you had a drink?

ROXY: correction

ROXY: several

ROXY: and also having present tense this is just a breather 4 our uberimportant mission

ROXY: which brings us back 2 th fucking point of us even bein here

ROXY: jane i need u to flex ur corporate powers 2 get another hormone process the future of trans rights depends on it

JANE: I thought we already established that Calliope's biology means that they would reject any doses of

ROXY: o its not for callie lol

JANE: Wait. So if it's not for Callie, then...

she raises an eyebrow, very slowly, like this is the first time she's ever considered that she could know more than like two actively and openly trans people. the face journey she goes through would be completely fascinating were it not for this godawful candy nightmare context it takes place in.

JUNE: it's for me!

JANE: I'm sorry, _what_?

JANE: _You_, John???

her face hardens and oh fuck oh shit juju trip or not that coldness fucking hurts so much god i'm not even going to do anything about it because i'm a wasted shitheel oh jesus

JUNE: nope, not john!

JUNE: it's june!

JANE: J...June?

JUNE: yeppp. a bunch of shit happened a bunch of times over and it's a really long and dumb and kinda sad story, but i'm a girl now. and i'm called june!

JUNE: and i really really REALLY need gender pills to be real!!!

JANE: J-June, are you sure you're in the right mindset to be making this kind of decision?

ROXY: wtf jane thats uncool

VRISKA: Yeah, Crocker!!!!!!!! June's a fucking cool as shit 8itch, ok? And we all love her and she fucking rocks so let her h8ve some tittypills!!!!!!!!

JANE: I...

JANE: Even if I said yes, it would be completely irresponsible for you to begin taking any kind of medical

JUNE: jane hey!!!! i decided this BEFORE we all got fucked up together so it's completely ok!!!!!!! :D

JUNE: and we all love you so much so you're gonna say yes right? right? right????????

JANE: Good grief, what has gotten INTO all of you?

JANE: Take a moment to consider what you're doing! You all used that accursed juju, then broke into my office just to... demand I get my medical corporation to prescribe hormones to help Egbert here with, erm, her transition?

ROXY: i prefer 2 call it

ROXY: getting on board w the down with cis bus which id like to think youd be vibin with jane

JANE: Don't get it the wrong way, I'm absolutely happy for you and your new self-discovery, June. Except...

JUNE: eyeroll!

JANE: _Except_, this is hardly the appropriate moment to harass me over this! Which, by the way, is absolutely what you're doing!

JANE: Why, I'm in the right mind to report you to the authorities for public--

VRISKA: Okay you're 8eing l8me!!!!!!!!

vriska takes it upon herself at that moment to climb onto jane's desk and kick the computer that sits there to the ground with a pretty fatal sounding crash. jane cringes at the noise, and tiny beads of sweat prick around the edge of her face.

JANE: Ms Serket! What in sweet mercy do you think you're _doing_?!

VRISKA: Direct action!!!!!!!!

JANE: What you're “doing” is nothing more than the destruction of government

VRISKA: Don't care didn't ask plus you're cis!

vriska moves on to kicking the lamp, framed pictures, and stacks of documents to the floor as well.

JANE: Security—!

jane doesn't get to finish, because unluckily for her, at that exact moment, she wobbles backwards and falls off her chair, landing with a pained

JANE: Oof!

VRISKA: ::::)

JANE: Seriously, you are all behaving worse than _children—_

JUNE: bluh bluh bluh i'm jane and don't know what fun is

JANE: _June!_ >:(

ROXY: lmao

jane stands to her feet, naked fury bared across her lips. her immaculate hair is mussed up, there's a tear in one corner of her suit, and her glasses aren't hanging straightly on her face. and yeah, i get it. good lord, the fact that jane's the most rational, agreeable one here, which... is maybe even more horrifying?

JANE: You know, I was paying serious credence to _actually_ assigning you to a medical professional, June, because I am gracious and want the best for my family. But after the way you've all been behaving...

JANE: Get out. All of you. Now, before—

she doesn't get much further than that, because at the same moment, the ground trembles violently. what little furniture vriska didn't manage to touch is in a crashed heap on the floor by the end of it all.

outside, the lighting abruptly shifts to a deeply threatening crimson. there is the sense of a million eyes all baring down on this one singular location with the intensity of a microscope.

JUNE: wha...?

for one moment, it's enough to jolt my consciousness back through the filmy layer of candy high, and into the driver's seat. clarity rings through like a dread bell signalling its own doom, clanging on and on and on, instruments attuned to the silence of desolation and that alone.

JANE: Do you feel that, too?

jane's gone pale, clutching at the edge of her desk hard enough that her knuckles begin to tremble. roxy and vriska look around, dumbfounded and mute by the juju juice swilling through their veins like gross <strike>slop</strike>

uh

uh????

june retracts that train of thought. she is clearly being erroneous in her judgement, no doubt brought upon by the stress of a high-speed, perhaps slightly premature, act of gender transition. it is taking all of her fortitude just to stay afloat in the tempest, and it would do her well to sit back and let that which is designed to aid her to continue in its benevolent influence.

h-hey!! what the fuck!!

i try to move and oh shit the candy's back in control i've lost the moment. outside, the red slowly fades back to the soft hue of mid afternoon. i feel the instant the muse's gaze leaves us in a visceral, undefinable way.

(sorry, june. i tried there. i really did.)

JUNE: haha, wow, that was a thing!!

and of course i'm totally fucking unable to respond to this like a rational sentient being.

ROXY: who cares! we got way more pressing shit 2 do! janey

JANE: No. Absolutely _not_. Not after... after that.

jane takes a shaky step back.

JANE: I... we need to call someone. Have any of you heard from Dir—

VRISKA: 8oooooooo! Who cares!!

VRISKA: Are you gonna give June her girlpills or not????????

JANE: N-no! Do none of you _realise_

VRISKA: Then let's 8ounce. June, 8ring us somewhere less l8me.

JUNE: ok!!! but... where?

ROXY: o!! i know!!

roxy grins wider than is maybe healthy for a human being to do. he slings one arm around my shoulder.

ROXY: theres more than 1 way 2 trans ur gender yeah???

JUNE: yeah?

ROXY: so

ROXY: why dont we

he leans in close enough that i can feel his breath against my ear.

ROXY: (asmr 4 added emphasis)

ROXY: go do sum dress up!!

VRISKA: Yeah!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Fuck Jane!!!! All the cool girls get gender m8keovers 8efore hormones!!!!!!!!! This is a8solutely a fact!

JUNE: hahahaha!!! you're right!! whoo!

JUNE: take my hand!!!

they each grab a hand as we all smile in unison. jane looks at us with sheer, unfiltered, bewildered terror.

JANE: Are you all _seriously_ ignoring what just

JUNE: let's go make me look pretty!!!

and then that's us out of there in another disgustingly saccharine blast off, giggling away like there's not a single thing to worry about.

BREEZE: After that... my memory runs dry. Sorry.

JUNE: no, no that helped. i think i remember it a little more, too.

JUNE: ...god, that candy is a fucking disease. we should absolutely burn it after this is all over with.

BREEZE: Co-signed.

breeze is better at manipulating air currents to carry us on, so i just lean back and let the flow of her powers lead me.

JUNE: well, at the very least, i think we can guess how exactly earth c bit the shit.

JUNE: it was kind of obviously going to happen when the only people who could have prevented its destruction were wasted beyond wasted.

TEREZI: HON3STLY WH4T TH3 FUCK W4S C4LL13 TH1NK1NG DROPP1NG SOM3TH1NG L1K3 *TH4T* ON US

JUNE: yeah, no, i have no fucking clue.

BREEZE: Hold on... Terezi, you stayed back, right? What happened after everyone else left the apartment?

TEREZI: W3LL TH4T'S

TEREZI: UH

TEREZI: FUCK

TEREZI: 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R >:[

BREEZE: Hm. Mystery upon mystery.

JUNE: hey, didn't you trust callie?

breeze looks at me and i'm once again struck with that uncanny, unsettling feeling of meeting the gaze of someone who is essentially a literal clone of my ideal self.

BREEZE: I did, and I still do. We went through a lot out there in the wider fanonsphere. Even now, I believe in them, don't get me wrong.

BREEZE: But... deliberately blanking out anyone's ability to get a look into what happened to Earth C? What's their aim here?

TEREZI: YOU M34N TH3Y N3V3R SH4R3D W1TH YOU?

BREEZE: Well... no. I came in pretty late into this whole operation, and wasn't really ever a major component of Callie's plan.

BREEZE: They originally wanted to use you, June. Apparently if pushed in the right way, your retcon powers would've just as easily let someone push out of our fanon pocket.

BREEZE: But then I kind of became this whole, actualised person who's even _more_ non-canon than June, and that made me even better for their plan?

JUNE: wait, so... callie's been using us?

breeze shakes her head.

BREEZE: No, nothing like that. Shit. Is that the impression I'm giving here?

TEREZI: K1ND OF

BREEZE: Well, no. It's not like that at all. Callie's good. It's only because you're seeing them at the tail-end of a pretty desperate plan that it might seem... a little muddled.

JUNE: still, why the juju?

BREEZE: We had to have a means of derailing the plot so spectacularly that the Muse wouldn't be able to resist coming to fix our fuckups, and the juju has this unique property to jam narratives.

BREEZE: In canon proper, it was the thing which threw Lord English's narratological stranglehold off just enough for other agents to fuck up the game session into a doomed timeline, which ultimately led to the circumstances surrounding his eventual demise.

JUNE: but... i thought it was vriska's ancestor and the condesce that made the time line go wrong?

BREEZE: Well, yes. But the juju weakened the session's narrative integrity just enough for the Condesce to slip into a more prevalent role. We could have a whole dialogue on culpability within an elaborate cause-effect chain, but for our purposes, that's all we need to consider.

TEREZI: SO TH3Y D3C1D3D TO FUCK OUR N4RR4T1V3 UP SO SP3CT4CUL4RLY TH4T TH3R3 WOULD B3 NO OPT1ON *BUT* TO BU1LD 1T B4CK UP 4G41N

TEREZI: K1ND OF H4RDCOR3 FOR 4 SOFT P4C1F1ST CH3RUB

breeze shrugs.

BREEZE: Hey. Sometimes there's no peaceful way out. And it's not like the Muse hasn't fought dirty, either.

BREEZE: I mean, look at what happened to Jade back when we were still linked to canon. Poor Jade. :(

BREEZE: And that's not even touching on the uniquely horrifying nightmare of the timeline where June stayed behind. So I think we're all completely justified here.

TEREZI: 1 W4SN'T D1SPUT1NG TH4T

BREEZE: Good. But that's the gist of what's going on, I think.

BREEZE: As I said, the only thing I'm not sure on is why Callie elected to leave Earth C's actual destruction so... nebulous.

JUNE: do you think it was on purpose?

BREEZE: Oh, absolutely. But why they'd do it like that, it's...

BREEZE: Oof!

breeze suddenly flips forward in the air, spinning out of control with a shocked expression on her face. she careens for a solid fifty feet, before abruptly dropping like a rock onto the platform below her. wait...

JUNE: hold on. we're back here already?

BREEZE: Ggnghnggn

breeze remains face planted against the kind of not actually real ground for a few more moments. terezi lets out a cackle as she drops herself to the ground with a fucking superb youth roll. i just kind of... float down instead.

TEREZI: H4H4H4H4 D4MN GU3SS YOU R34LLY 4R3 4N 3GB3RT SPL1NT3R 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 COMP3T3NT FOR 4 HOT M1NUT3 TH3R3 >:D

BREEZE: Ugh...

breeze pulls herself up and looks at terezi with a deflated, kind of annoyed frown.

BREEZE: You _knew_ that this platform was coming up. Seer powers and all. So why the hell didn't you say something?

TEREZI: 1 W4NT3D TO S33 YOU L4ND ON YOUR 4SS BR33Z3 4LL TH1S FLO4T1NG 4ROUND 4ND 1NTROSP3CT1NG ON TH3 N4TUR3 OF N4RR4T1V3 W4S BOR1NG 4S SH1T

TEREZI: 1 GOT 3NOUGH OF TH4T B4CK ON TH4T VOY4G3 W1TH D1RK

BREEZE: Ugh, whatever. Thanks a lot.

TEREZI: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3

breeze stiffens, then narrows her eyes.

BREEZE: No. No you do not get to neg me. This is me shutting it down before it even starts.

TEREZI: C4N'T 4 G1RL

BREEZE: _No_.

breeze turns away from terezi, folding her arms. she stares down the length of the platform, which seems to stretch on forever, and then begins to walk at a brisk pace. terezi and i quickly move to keep up. none of our footsteps make any sound as they connect with the floor. the silence feels like a strangle hold.

i clear my throat and begin to speak, just to hear something.

JUNE: hey, uh, what is this place, anyway?

BREEZE: A narrative observation platform. Callie and I set it down when we left the first time.

BREEZE: It actually exists slightly removed from the text itself, so it serves as a good waypoint to aim for when jumping across fanon pockets. Remaining unaffected by the plot and all.

BREEZE: That said, it... wasn't this large when we last came here.

JUNE: yeah, it must have grown, because terezi and i found you way out from this... thing. how did we end up back here?

BREEZE: I used my powers to guide us to the most narratively significant thing we could find.

JUNE: you can do that?

BREEZE: I mean, it'd be kinda lame if flying around was all the sentient manifestation of an apsect could do, right?

BREEZE: It's not perfect by any stretch, since you managed to out-maneuver it back during your... breakdown, but unless you're actively trying to resist it, it's pretty good at honing in on wherever the plot is.

JUNE: huh.

BREEZE: Again, another useful thing for when you sling yourself into a random reality and need to find out where the events are taking place.

JUNE: so... is that a breath thing, or a retcon thing?

Breeze shrugs.

BREEZE: A little from both camps, probably. I don't know. I'm a pretty unique synthesis of a whole bunch of stuff, and it's usually better not to question why you can do what you do.

JUNE: yeah, it's still a little weird, to be honest. like, did i really bring you into existence as some desperate attempt at gender repression? because that seems... quite an extreme thing for me to be able to do!

BREEZE: Well, that's maybe... not the whole story.

JUNE: huh?

BREEZE: Look, there's a certain prerequisite for being able to take control of the narrative, June. Something that both Dirk and the Muse are very neatly in tune with.

TEREZI: TH3 ULT1M4T3 S3LF BULLSH1T, R1GHT?

BREEZE: Right. For whatever reason, only those who've ascended that way can safely wield the narrative with any degree of precision.

JUNE: but i... i've been narrating for a while now. does that mean...?

breeze looks at me with a weary smile and shakes her head softly. she brushes her hair back over one shoulder as she speaks.

BREEZE: Actually, yes. Technically you've been ascending since Roxy resurrected you. He didn't know it, but it's kind of the only way to return from meta-death.

BREEZE: Kind of like a... more abstract and esoteric version of a quest bed. You can cheat death, but only at the cost of ascension.

hold on, no. that can't be right. because... because...

JUNE: but the whole ultimate self thing is remembering everything you did in every time line you were ever in, right?

JUNE: then how come i only have memories of this one version of me?

BREEZE: Yeah, that's...

she looks away again. as she takes each step, i notice every now and then that her pale blue skin seems to flicker out into sighs of wind before folding back together. it's so strange to look at.

BREEZE: Remember the aforementioned repression thing?

JUNE: yeah?

BREEZE: Well, considering how hardcore that whole episode was, what do you think your subconscious did upon beginning to realise that nearly every version of you ends up transitioning?

JUNE: shit, i...

BREEZE: So in order to not have that little freakout, you dumped your entire ascended consciousness into your aspect, where it then percolated and manifested in... me.

BREEZE: I'm the irreducible representation of an ultimate June Egbert composite.

JUNE: you... wha?

TEREZI: B4S1C4LLY SH3'S MOR3 *YOU* TH4N YOU 4R3, JUN3

JUNE: wait, so... you're a more real version of me?

breeze shakes her head, very slowly, like she's very carefully weighing up how to describe what she's about to say.

BREEZE: First of all, there is no “real version” of anyone. There are versions of us that are intrinsic to specific narrative instances, but no singular true blueprint of an authentic self.

BREEZE: I mean, even you have so many contradictory outcomes, June.

JUNE: i do? like, what, time lines where i don't transition?

BREEZE: Only in ones where you die before you get that far. But no, I'm talking about _how_ you turn out.

BREEZE: For instance, the name June isn't always what you go for.

JUNE: but... you said that it was, earlier on.

BREEZE: That was sort of... not entirely accurate. It is the most important name for our purposes, though.

JUNE: why?

BREEZE: Because the concept of “June Egbert” stands the best chance of permeating out of the Muse's black hole, through widespread metatextual memetic spread.

BREEZE: And in the fanon instances which are more directly entangled with canon, all the possibilities do collapse down to the singular idea of June Egbert, which then retroactively becomes the only name you could have ever chosen.

JUNE: uh

BREEZE: Basically, in order to make your transition count, there has to be one widespread version to make “canon”.

BREEZE: “June Egbert” has a better ring than “The Unending And Multitudinous Nature Of A Transfeminine Egbert”. It's the same idea, just refined to fit better into the canonical mould. An idea that sticks better in the minds of people on other planes of existence.

JUNE: ok, so then

TEREZI: WH4T SH3'S S4Y1NG 1S TH4T YOU'R3 UND3RGO1NG M3M31F1C4T1ON, JUN3

JUNE: wait, so kind of like dave's stupid web comic?

TEREZI: Y3S. TH1NK OF 1T L1K3 HOW SW33T BRO 4ND H3LL4 J3FF 3NCOMP4SS3S 4 LOT OF D1FF3R3NT TH1NGS, BUT W3 4LL T3ND TO R3F3R TO 1T 1N 4 SP3C1F1C W4Y

JUNE: you mean, like how we use the “i warned you about stairs” meme as short hand for the whole thing?

TEREZI: Y3S 3X4CTLY

TEREZI: TO 3L4BOR4T3 FURTH3R ON THE M3T4PHOR YOU 4R3 TH3 M3M3 TH4T SYMBOL1C4LLY CONV3YS YOUR GR34T3R WHOL3 TO TH3 R3ST OF 3X1ST3NC3

TEREZI: YOU 4R3 TH3 ST41RS W3 W4RN3ED YOU 4BOUT, JUN3

BREEZE: I told you, dog.

JUNE: wow, ok, that's... a lot to take in right there.

JUNE: so pretty much... my ultimate self is you, but also me, but also a meme? and i'm the stairs, but also sweet bro and hella jeff at the same time, and

JAKE: Who heres talking about old sbahj then, eh?

JUNE: ah!

i leap back a few feet as jake english stands right fucking in front of me out of nowhere.

JUNE: jake??

jake beams.

JAKE: Nice to see you june! Congrats on your whole self-advancement journey, too.

JUNE: wait... what? how do you

JAKE: Dirk filled me in, and i could have pretended to not be up to snuff for appearances sakes but theres nothing more egregious than disrespecting a lady like that when theres no good reason to. :)

JUNE: ah, yeah.

something sits funny in my stomach at the idea of dirk being the one to convey any aspect of my personal narrative like that. sure, yeah, he's mostly over himself now, and we are working on the same side here, but still.

JUNE: well, i'm glad to see you're respecting my identity?

JAKE: Heavens forbid i ever behave like some sort of regressive backwoods cur, of course i'm going to respect you june.

JUNE: t-thanks?

he tilts his head and waves to the two people behind me.

JAKE: Hey terezi and ms breeze! Glad to see you two are up and kicking as well.

TEREZI: H3Y LOS3R >:]

BREEZE: Hey, Jake. How are you holding up?

breeze looks jake up and down. i follow suit, and notice that, uh... he's not in the best shape. his hair is all mussed up but not in any kind of good way, his clothes have some nasty rips, and there are some painful looking bruises across his face. his nose also seems to be broken, too, given the way he flinches when he rubs at it.

JUNE: jesus. what the hell happened to you?

jake's eyes go wide.

JAKE: Oh me? This was just the result of a tussle with the ol author fella. Got us pretty good i must say!

JUNE: wait... the author? jake, what are you even doing here?

JAKE: Oh right. Dirk plucked me from my home and dragged me up to this weird featureless spot to keep me safe from earth cs oblivion.

JAKE: And good leaping christ was it an oblivion!

JUNE: wait, you saw it?

TEREZI: OF COURS3 H3 WOULD H3 H4D TH3 PR1M3 V4NT4G3

TEREZI: SO T3LL US 3NGL1SH HOW TH3 FUCK D1D 1T GO DOWN?

JAKE: Oh yeah that. Well you see, earth c it...

JAKE: It kind of sort of

JAKE: Er...

beads of sweat pop up on jake's forehead. he tugs at his collar nervously.

JAKE: Why would you look at that i cant seem to quite recollect it properly.

JAKE: Thats mighty odd.

TEREZI: S3R1OUSLY? YOU C4N'T R3M3MB3R?

BREEZE: Okay, something's definitely up.

JAKE: Hey im sorry! I dont know why my noggins not cooperating here!

JAKE: I remember being up in that weird place and noticing that something was up with earth c, but...

JAKE: When i try to actually describe the spectacle i draw a big fat blank. :(

JUNE: no, it's... it's ok, jake. you tried at least.

TEREZI: 1F 1T W3R3 M3 1 WOULD S1MPLY NOT FORG3T

JUNE: ok, but it's not you, terezi.

TEREZI: BLUH

JAKE: Er, ok, thats all fine and dandy but... im wondering.

JAKE: Any of you ladies know what the fuck happened to dirk?

jade's front door lasts all of thirty seconds before our combined powers blast it down. we manage to make it into her living room before she shows up, crackling with frantic space energy.

JADE: woof woof WHAT THE FUCK!!!

JUNE: jade!!! :D

JADE: john what the HELL are you doing breaking into my house!! D:<

JUNE: jade i needed to see you!!

JADE: that doesnt answer my question!

ROXY: cmon jade it was just crimes

JADE: yeah! in MY house!

she snaps her fingers and abruptly drops all three of us to the floor. she puts her hands on her hips and leans forward, looking pissed beyond pissed.

JADE: you broke my door!! what the fuck!!

JUNE: hey hey no it's fine!!

JADE: NO ITS NOT!!

a green spark jumps up and ripples across the room. jade's dog ears are perked up like white, fluffy knives. she's clearly one bullshit comment away from completely snapping.

JUNE: yes it is!!! we did it in the name of fashion!

JADE: fashion?? john what the fuck are you

JADE: wait no!!! this is stupid!! im not entertaining this train of thought any more!

JADE: you three are going to explain to me right this fucking second WHY you thought you could just

JADE: wreck my shit!!!

VRISKA: Hey the closet's upstairs!! Let's go!!!!!!!!

ROXY: fuck yeah!!!

JUNE: ok bye jade!!! it was nice but we have stuff to do!!

JADE: BARK BARK BARK BARK!!!!!!

jade goes to lunge for us, but i'm quicker at popping the three of us into her bedroom. roxy darts forwards and flings jade's closet doors open. it's a pretty sizeable walk in closet, built to hold the admittedly huge variety of outfits that jade owns.

ROXY: hopy shit we hit the jackpot!!

ROXY: june what r u in the mood for??

JUNE: something pretty!!

VRISKA: Ooh! Ooh! Get a skirt!!!!!!! I wanna see you have your transfem first skirt moment!

JUNE: haha!!

ROXY: aye aye

roxy literally dives into the closet and starts rummaging around for a skirt. as he does so, there's the muffled sound of canine howling and pounding footsteps climbing a stair case. more than certainly jade coming up on the warpath.

JUNE: quick roxy!!! quick!!!

JADE: ARF ARF ARF

something slams dangerously close by. vriska and i start laughing. the hanging plants on the wall begin to rattle.

VRISKA: Hurry, L8londe!!!!!!!! We 8n't got much longer!

JADE: AWOOO

ROXY: shoop!

roxy suddenly tosses something huge and yellow in my general direction as he scoots out of the closet with...whatever the opposite of feline nimbleness is. i look down at the object now in my hands and... huh.

is that jade's old prospit princess skirt??? ok, no, putting that on would be weird as shit

JUNE: oh my god!! fuck yes!!! :D

right then and there, i drop my pants, seemingly not having a single fucking care about showing my bare legs to two individuals i have had conflicted feelings towards over the years. or, maybe, on some level, my trickster brain is getting off on this? i don't know. the less i think about it the better.

i've just got the skirt hiked up to my waist in a way that i'm not quite sure skirts are supposed to be worn right as jade crashes through the door to her room, sizing us all up with bewildered fury.

JADE: THAT IS ENOUGH!! YOUD ALL BETTER START EXPLAINING RIGHT THIS

JADE: john why the fuck are you wearing one of my old skirts

she goes very still, and stares at me as i stand on top of the crumpled mound that is my pants. there's not immediate distrust or disbelief like there was with jane, but there's still... a kind of hesitance in jade's eyes. like she's trying to figure out how the fuck exactly she's meant to respond.

the tension hangs in the air for nearly a full minute before i break it in the dumbest possible way: i begin to twirl around on the spot.

JUNE: *snrk*

JUNE: haha skirt go spinny

below me, the skirt flares out like an unfolding parachute or a flower or something. the various details on the stitching blur together until it's all one new shade. it's so stupid and so absolutely not the time for any of this, but

but

oh fuck i really like the way it feels seeing that on me.

i do it again. i watch myself, so absorbed in this one gender euphoria-inducing action that i briefly forget about the bigger picture. there's just me, relishing in this first singular moment of definitive femininity. i'm almost glad i'm not in control of my body right now. it's the only thing keeping me from crying.

then jade steps into my personal space with a cocked eyebrow.

JADE: ok so id REALLY like to hear why you all thought it would be a bright idea to break into my house to... steal my clothes?

JADE: john if you wanted to borrow something you literally could have just asked! ive been offering that to you since forever!

JADE: but

JADE: is there any particular reason why you wanted my old prospit skirt??

ROXY: lmao it was th first skirt i could yoink b4 u got here

JADE: uh huh

her anger is quickly dissipating into a vague frustration, and maybe even then more of an uneasy perplexedness. she's clearly thinking the obvious question right now, but is also trying to find a way to broach the topic in an appropriate manner.

JADE: and what is with this new appreciation for skirts anyway?

JUNE: lol :D

JADE: lol??

and she's quickly ticking back into anger again. oh boy.

JUNE: yeah. lol!

JUNE: it's funny cause

JUNE: cause

JUNE: ha!!

JADE: :|

JUNE: jade isn't it obvious???? i'm a girl now!!!!

JADE: you are???? really??

JUNE: absolutely really!!! i'm called june too!

JADE: well thats... thats great, june <3

JADE: wait hold on no! june im happy for you but why the fuck did you break into my home???????

VRISKA: For maximum trans power, duh!!!!!!!!

JADE: maximum trans...

JADE: what the hell are you on about?!

JADE: wait a sec

she looks over at all of us again.

JADE: are you guys... high???

ROXY: lmfao

ROXY: thats juju babe!!!!

JADE: you... you used the juju? o_o

JADE: why??

JUNE: because it's gonna help us save the world!!! and also because it makes me feel really really REALLY good about myself!!

JADE: you cant just take drugs to solve your problems woof!!! >:( im seriously disappointed in all of you

JADE: does callie even know you stole their juju? huh????

JUNE: silly jade!!! callie gave us the juju in the first place!!!!

JADE: wait wait wait WHAT?????

jade looks about ready to blow a fuse at the sheer amount of incomprehensible bullshit she's being presented with.

JADE: why would callie

JADE: that doesnt even

JADE: bark!!!! D:<

VRISKA: Get with it, J8de!!!!!!!! We needed to get this sick-as-fuck power-up to kill the Muse of Space or whatever!!!

JADE: wait kill the

JADE: you mean

ROXY: pfft the other callie lmao

ROXY: look its a whole thing w her bein major bitchhead numbero uno and maybe also a terf???

JADE: a

JUNE: she's gonna write me being trans out of canon so we have to stop her!!! and this is the only way!!!

JADE: whoa whoa can you please back this up

JADE: is she trying to kill you june??? did she have something to do with that earthquake earlier?

JUNE: uh, maybe?? i think she's really trying to destroy earth c and re do it so that we're all how she wants us to be or something??? i don't know it was a long and boring conversation haha!

JADE: so you mean to tell me that theres some supergod coming to end the world and youre all hopping around playing DRESSUP???

JUNE: it's for important gender reasons!

JADE: JUNE I LOVE YOU AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BUT THIS IS REALLY NOT THE TIME!!!!!

JADE: you need to tell me whats going on so i can help make sure none of us literally stop existing!

JUNE: haha but you're not part of the plan! and the muse isn't here yet so stop worrying!!

JADE: UGH!!!!

jade clenches her fists then snaps her fingers. three massive buckets of water suddenly materialise over each of our heads. without breaking eye contact, jade upends each of them and ahhhohfuckfuckFUCK cold water shoots down my spine and aaaaaa jesus shit!!!!

i blink a couple of times, feeling sopping wet but also like i've been slapped around the head with a clarity paddle.

JUNE: jade, you...

but then my body warms up and the juju takes hold again with a snap of flash powers that smash one of the paintings on the wall to the ground and disintegrate the glass shards into dust. jade hops back, ears flattening with a doggy whine.

JUNE: you're being so silly here!! you nearly ruined my outfit!

as i talk, the water soaked into my clothes vaporises into a steam that wafts around and stinks of slowly boiling caramel. jade looks like she's about to throw up.

ROXY: yeah lol that was pretty fuckin boring of you jade! were tryin 2 have a good time here!

JADE: well you shouldnt be!!! theres an actual fucking crisis going on!! we need to get everyone together and

JUNE: hey that's a really good idea jade!!! we should all get together and have a party!!! we can celebrate trans people and also being trans!!! :D

JADE: thats not what im

VRISKA: Yeah!!!!!!!! Let's go get everyone! We can all get a8solutely w8sted to valid8 June!

ROXY: fuck yes!!!

JADE: will you all LISTEN

JUNE: hey yeah let's go get our friends!! we should go see dave!! he and karkat will LOVE this!!!

VRISKA: Hell yeah let's go to 8oytown!!!!!!!! ::::D You can show off your sick skirt!

JADE: omg the skirt doesnt even fit you that

JUNE: here we go!!!

JADE: >:O!!!!

i reach over and clasp jade's hands hard enough that if she wasn't jade i'd have done some damage. she tries to squirm away, but before she can so much as finish her next breath, i'm zapping the four of us some place else.

JUNE: ...

BREEZE: Something up?

JUNE: sorry, no, i just keep remembering more of what happened after we took the candy.

JUNE: it's coming in bits and pieces, but...

JUNE: at least i remember how i got this skirt, now.

JAKE: How did you obtain such an article then?

JUNE: ...i stole it from jade.

JAKE: Eh? You did what now?

JUNE: i don't know, i guess we thought it was a good idea, but...

i awkwardly tug at the skirt, suddenly feeling really weird about wearing it. the earlier memory of spinning on the spot does little to help.

JUNE: god, i was such an ass to her.

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK P4ST JUN3 M4N4G3D TO B3 4N 4SS TO 3V3RYON3 1T'S NOT L1K3 YOU H4D 4N 4NT1-J4D3 V3ND3TT4

JAKE: Yeah that sounds about right! Probably.

JUNE: ugh, thanks for the words of encouragement, jake.

JAKE: Any time! :)

JUNE: seriously, so helpful.

JAKE: Im glad that im helping to assuage your shame over acting a little like an intoxicated buffoon truly that is what i live for june.

JUNE: ...and you're fucking with me on purpose.

JAKE: Shrug.

TEREZI: WOW JUN3 1 C4N'T B3L13V3 YOU L3T YOURS3LF G3T OWN3D L1K3 TH4T H4H4

JUNE: urghhhh. everything about today sucks. i demand a do over.

i bury my face in my hands and let out a long groan. a heavy kind of weariness is beginning to set into my bones, which... probably isn't the best? but the lethargy from having to endure the lag between moments of action is pretty damn draining.

but we don't stop, because we can't stop. earth c is still gone, the universe is still in tatters, and our friends and enemies are still missing. so we continue to walk. one foot then another. on and on.

JUNE: hey, breeze. is your plot relevance tracker still working?

BREEZE: Yeah. Why?

JUNE: i don't know. just. it's been forever since anything happened.

BREEZE: Well, I can't make the plot happen faster, June. We'll be where we need to go when we need to be there.

JUNE: ugh, that's such a stern parental answer, but coming from a younger and better looking version of myself. god.

TEREZI: WOW JUN3 4R3 YOU H4V1NG M1LF F3V3R OV3R YOUR OWN ULT1M4T3 SPL1NT3R

this time breeze looks at terezi with a deep frown.

BREEZE: Terezi, please. That's stupid. Even if I was a milf – which I'm not saying I am – I'm drawing the line at selfcest.

TEREZI: BUT YOU'R3 NOT S4Y1NG YOU'R3 TOT4LLY UN4VA1L4BL3 HUH >;] > ;] >;]

BREEZE: God, no! No, I am not going to be anyone's milf! I barely qualify as a woman in the first place! I'm a sapient pile of winds glued together by a singular ascended transfeminine consciousness!

TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW SOUNDS PR3TTY M1LFY FROM WH3R3 1'M ST4ND1NG

JAKE: Hoo nelly.

BREEZE: Seriously, we are not doing this! There's an actual crisis going on here, in case you didn't know.

TEREZI: BLUGH Y34H 1T R34LLY 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 4LL TH4T 3GB3RTN3SS ROLL1NG 4ROUND 1NS1D3 YOU

TEREZI: YOU B1TCH3S C4N B3 SO BOR1NG SOM3TIM3S

TEREZI: 1 M1SS VR1SK4 >:[

as she speaks, her snarky ironic frown suddenly takes on a genuine flavor. her shoulders hunch up a little and she turns her head to the ground.

TEREZI: WH3R3 1S SH3

JUNE: she's... probably somewhere, and probably fine. i mean, it's vriska.

TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1 W4SN'T WORR13D 4BOUT H3R B31NG H4RM3D 1N 4NY W4Y UNT1L YOU JUST PUT TH4T BR41NWORM 1N MY H34D JUN3 TH4NKS FOR TH4T

I hold my hands up.

JUNE: ok, ok! sorry i guess. just trying to make you feel better.

TEREZI: W3LL KNOCK 1T OFF

JAKE: Er you two...

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 FUCK 1S 1T, J4K3

JAKE: Over there.

jake's pointing to a point a little further ahead of us. i follow his finger, and see another figure kind of collapsed on the ground in the distance. it's... it's roxy.

JUNE: that's roxy.

JAKE: Egads it is! Hes not moving either by the looks of it!

JUNE: shit. you think he's been hurt?

JAKE: I cant tell from here. Hold fire rox im coming!

jake bolts off towards roxy's prone form. i take the initiative and just zap over a few feet ahead, but i still only land in front of roxy maybe a second before jake does. is that his hope powers or his sheer strength? who the fuck knows.

JAKE: Roxy! Hey!

he bends down and gently grabs roxy's shoulders. roxy lies there, mouth half open. his hair is mussed and one lens of his shades is busted, but at least there's no sign that he's still trickstered.

JUNE: roxy...?

BREEZE: Is he okay?

breeze and terezi catch up as jake's gentle touch segues into more desperate shaking.

JAKE: Roxy, rise and face em already! Come on chum!

there's a note of stripped back panic in jake's voice as his eyes bore into roxy's form. right here, right now, it's impossible to forget that these two are deeply connected childhood friends.

JAKE: Roxy please youre being frightfully worrisome here!

JUNE: h-hey, roxy...

JAKE: Please!!!

his voice breaks at that last part there, which is pretty awful to hear. jake's breathing goes uneven and there are tears in the corners of his eyes. shit, roxy isn't actually

ROXY: ghnggnghngn

ROXY: oof my fuckin HEAD

roxy sits upright rather abruptly. jake yelps and leaps backwards. roxy lifts his shades and rubs his eyes, looking around blearily.

ROXY: hey uh

ROXY: everyone

ROXY: or what seems to be like four fuckin people anyway

he raises a hand and gives a slow wave in a style that is distinctly reminiscent of dave's mannerisms. then he clutches at his head.

ROXY: holy shit yowchers my head god i forgot how shitty bein hungover is

he grimaces.

ROXY: wouldnt suppose any of you have sum water or smthn??

JUNE: uh, sorry, no.

roxy looks me up and down, wincing as he does so. his face softens a little.

ROXY: sick fit juney

JUNE: thanks?

he leans his head back with a groan.

ROXY: but srsly id really appreciate a drink or some aspirin or w/e my skull feels like a drippy ass popsicle meltin under some shitty sun

TEREZI: SORRY BUT W3'R3 K1ND OF 1N 4 F43TUR3L3SS VO1D 1'M NOT SUR3 W3 C4N FULF1L YOUR R3QU3ST

ROXY: damn

ROXY: wait wut

he blinks mutely. his eyes are pretty nastily bloodshot. very slowly, he begins to take in his surroundings.

ROXY: uh can someone explain or

BREEZE: None of us know for sure, but we *think* this is the end result of Callie's enforced candy bender.

ROXY: o shit yea that

ROXY: 1 sec

as he sits on the floor, roxy flexes his fingers to... void in a glass of water and some pain killers, i guess. he downs it all in record time then pops the empty glass right back into non existence before standing shakily to his feet.

ROXY: universe probs shouldnt have given the recovering alcoholic magic hangover fixin powers but the fuck can u do

he gives a shrug, then winces.

ROXY: christ this is THE worst possible situation 2 relapse in which uh yeah

ROXY: is a thing i apparently did lmao

ROXY: haha this sucks

roxy lowers his head and lets out a heavy sigh.

JUNE: hey... are you ok?

ROXY: never fuckin better june

ROXY: just

ROXY: suddenly a whole lotta shit 2 now deal w on top of like everything else lol

ROXY: least im not dead??

he doesn't exactly sound enthused by that statement, which doesn't bode well.

ROXY: but w/e we can unpack my baggage at a later date

ROXY: so

roxy shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets and cocks one eyebrow.

ROXY: whats actually goin on here?

JADE: june!!! get back here!! >:(

JUNE: ahahahahaha!!!!!

KARKAT: OKAY, WHAT IN THE NAME OF SHIT IS GOING ON ***HERE***???

DAVE: uh

dave and karkat are both sitting on their couch, clearly in each other's laps. dave's shirt is unbuttoned enough to see a very clearly identifiable line of circular bruises running down his body, and karkat is blushing hard enough that his entire skin's gone red.

JADE: dave karkat im so sorry to barge in on you like this but i didnt exactly get a say :|

JUNE: hiii!! dave, karkat!!! hey!!

DAVE: ok what the fuck

JUNE: hey look!!! you can continue trying to have sex later i need you more right now!!!

ROXY: eyyyy

KARKAT: DEAR LORD, EGBERT'S FINALLY GONE FERAL.

karkat scuttles away from dave like a pebble from a slingshot while dave begins to adroitly fasten his clothes back up. both of them stare at us with something spooked and displeased in their faces. apparently this hesitation means very little to me, because i just lean in and grab onto karkat's shoulders.

JUNE: haha, don't be stupid, karkat!! i've never been better!

KARKAT: GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!!!

VRISKA: Ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Come on, Karkat, l8ghten up!

KARKAT: NO, I DON'T THINK I WILL! NOT AFTER YOU GIGGLESHITS JUST BROKE INTO MY HOME!!!!!

he delivers a surprisingly sharp elbow to my rib cage, which offers him just enough leverage to wriggle out like a desperate cornered ferret. he jumps up on top of the couch, staring us down with sheer outrage.

KARKAT: HARLEY, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

KARKAT: EXPLAIN *****IMMEDIATELY****!!!!!!

DAVE: yeah jade cause this is pretty damn cool on maybe all imaginable levels

dave flash step blurs or something as he talks to maintain a healthy distance from an increasingly touchy roxy. his entire body is rigid with tension.

JADE: im not a hundred percent sure guys but i think

JUNE: it's because we need you two!! for important reasons!!

DAVE: what the hell do you mean “important reasons”

JUNE: celebration related ones, ah hah!!!

DAVE: ah hah

DAVE: john why are you laughing like an anime catgirl on crack is your brain broken are you having a crisis is this some elaborate cry for help do i gotta

JUNE: i...

JUNE: have never felt better!!!

as i say that, i let out a blast of what i think should have been wind but is actually trickster candy shit. dave ducks out of the way, narrowly avoiding taking a hit to the face. instead it slams into some framed sweet bro and hella jeff comic on the wall and transforms it into some stupidly saccharine parody of itself. karkat looks over at the scene and one eye begins to twitch.

KARKAT: OKAY, NO, THAT'S NOT FUCKING RIGHT

KARKAT: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?????????

JADE: drugs i think :/

DAVE: drugs

slowly, dave pops his head back up.

DAVE: what do you mean drugs

JUNE: hehe!! we took a fat juju hit dave!!! it's great!!!

DAVE: ah you

dave's face falls as he processes just what the fuck I said

DAVE: jesus hell why did you three specifically think substance abuse is like in any plane of reality you should go within a five light-year radius of

DAVE: like we got a hardcore depressive a recovering alcoholic and fuckin vriska please tell me im not the only one who sees the magnitude of what a shitty idea this entire fiasco is

KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIGHT.

KARKAT: JADE WHY ARE THEY LIKE THAT???

JADE: I dont know!! they all broke into my house then kidnapped me for some stupid social gathering or something!

JADE: but thats not the important bit you know how there was

ROXY: yeah!!!! were gonna fuckin party hardcore for our newly-minuted bad bitch right here

roxy jazz hands gestures to where i'm standing. his grin is wide and completely fake. kind of like when you force a hyper realistic smiling face filter onto an image of a video game character.

KARKAT: EXCUSE ME, “BAD BITCH”?????

KARKAT: EGBERT I'M SORRY BUT IN NO REALITY DO YOU QUALIFY AS A BAD BITCH

VRISKA: Actually, you'll find that she DOES!!!!!!!

DAVE: s

DAVE: she

dave whips his head around to me fast enough that his neck cracks. he seems to notice the skirt for the first time.

DAVE: aha nice skirt my pal totally a thing which may or may not be a signifier to a major gender revelation that im totally not caught off-guard by

DAVE: because whatever it is im cool you know im cool thats me

DAVE: cool

JUNE: haha dave!!! you're always so funny!!

DAVE: haha yeah ok

JUNE: anyway yep!!! you're all right!!! i'm a girl!!! surprise!!!!! :D

KARKAT:

DAVE: y

DAVE: you are?? sick bro

DAVE: shit no i mean sis

DAVE: fuck hang on sorry

KARKAT: WELL, THAT'S SURE A DEVELOPMENT YOU'RE HAVING THAT IN NO WAY EXPLAINS THE SHITFIT HYSTERIA

JUNE: haha!!!

JUNE: hehe!!!

KARKAT: WHAT

JUNE: it's just.... aren't you gonna ask me my name????

KARKAT: TO BE HONEST, MY ENTHUSIASM FOR THIS ABRUPTLY PLUMMETED WHEN YOU DECIDED TO FORCE ENTRY INTO MY PERSONAL DOMICILE

JUNE: come on come on come on!!!!!

KARKAT: NO!!! *YOU* COME ON AND REALISE HOW UTTERLY BUGFUCK UNHINGED YOU'RE BEHAVING!!!!!!

JUNE: pleeeeeeeease!!!!! <3

DAVE: ok ok fine whatever whats your name then

JUNE: it's..........

JUNE: .....................

JUNE: ....................................................

JUNE: .......JUNE!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

ROXY: YEAH WHOOOOOOO

roxy starts clapping loudly and obnoxiously. jade, dave, and karkat kind of just look on blankly.

DAVE: yeah yeehaw amazing grats or whatever

DAVE: yay

JADE: ok now that thats out of the way june can we

JUNE: yeah!!! i'm so glad you like it!!!!!! :D

DAVE: i

DAVE: yeah june sick name really suits you really

DAVE: keeps that distilled essence of you but repackaged in a new gender shape uh

DAVE: cool

JUNE: hahahahahahahahahahahaha

KARKAT: COOL, GREAT, WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

KARKAT: NOW, JUNE, LET'S REWIND TO THE PART WHERE YOU VIOLATED OUR LIVING SPACE. I'D SURE HATE FOR THAT TO BE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IN THE ENSUING TIDAL WAVE OF SHEER UNFILTERED GENDER EUPHORIA.

KARKAT: BECAUSE, FROM WHERE I'M STANDING, THIS ISN'T A FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE TO GO AROUND ACTING LIKE AN UNMEDICATED WIGGLER!!!

as karkat speaks, he leaps off the couch and prods a sharp finger into my chest with each word. he's vibrating a little under the sheer force of his anger.

JUNE: hey, now, karkat!!! that's no attitude to have!

KARKAT: YES IT IS!!!! JUNE, YOU CAN'T JUST BREAK INTO WHEREVER YOU FUCKING LIKE JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE HIGH AND WANTING TO COME OUT AS TRANS. IT SIMPLY DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!!!!

VRISKA: Well, we got other reasons too!!! 8ut they're not as fun and exciting as a June Eg8ert Real Gender Euphoria World Tour!

KARKAT: OH MY APESHITTING CHRIST WILL YOU ALL STOP SAYING SUCH ASININE DRIVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAVE: yeah uh are your other reasons actually any better anyway or

JADE: actually, i think they might be :/

DAVE: oh huh really?

JADE: yeah

jade turns to us.

JADE: are you gonna actually explain whats going on or are you leaving it to me :|

JUNE: we already said it doesn't matter!!! we're here to have fun, NOT talk about boring mission shit!

JADE: my explanation it is then

jade clears her throat and a less annoyed, more grave look sets itself on her face.

JADE: somethings going on with the other calliope which is... bad

DAVE: bad

JADE: i dont really know fully because im not in the loop and these three are literally incapable of giving any kind of meaningful answer, but...

JADE: i think shes coming to destroy earth c because shes mad about the way junes life has gone or something?

DAVE: wait shit youre for real?

jade nods.

JADE: yeah i am. i mean there was this earthquake earlier and there have been some weird things going on the last few days space-wise

KARKAT: “SPACE-WISE”???

JADE: umm its difficult to say but my space powers are kind of attuned to the cosmos and

JADE: well since we all got back home ive been sensing... less and less out there

JADE: kind of like someones scooping up all the matter in the universe and just... eating it

JADE: i didnt really know what to make of it because feeling like all of space is slowly vanishing is a weird thing to feel! but in conjunction with what june and everyone said... yeah. i think some kind of threat really is coming :(

KARKAT: WELL, FUCK. IF YOU'RE SAYING IT THEN IT'S PROBABLY REAL.

DAVE: yeah damn shit this actually sounds kinda serious we gotta

JUNE: yawn!!!! anyway, you're all on board now, so let's

let's not.

i don't know how long we've all been walking across this dumb blank plane for. it feels like forever, just this stretch of nothing occasionally interrupted by horrifying memories. all of reality has become characterised only by a clear black-white divide on the horizon and whatever shit fungus thoughts are spreading in my brain.

ROXY: so how much longer do we gotta look 4

ROXY: cause im not seein dirk or callie or any kinda author at all

BREEZE: I don't know. We're going in the right direction, but...

BREEZE: There's something not quite right here, and I can't put my finger on it.

JAKE: Hey dont worry. Well find em soon enough.

BREEZE: I have no doubt about that, Jake. It's what happens afterwards that I'm worried about.

JUNE: in what way, breeze?

BREEZE: It feels like we're all being guided along some path, here. Which, considering everything that's happened, is... concerning.

JAKE: And because of your bizarre malcontent omen of predestination you have doubts about dirks wellbeing?

BREEZE: ...

breeze doesn't have an answer for that.

TEREZI: W3LL SH1T, TH1NGS SUDD3NLY TOOK 4 TURN FOR TH3 DOWN3R

JUNE: breeze?

TEREZI: COM3 ON YOU C4N'T S4Y SH1T L1K3 TH4T 4ND L34V3 US H4NG1NG SUCK 1T UP 4ND 1NJ3CT US W1TH 4 ST34M1NG FR3SH DOS3 OF 4NX13TY 4LR34DY

BREEZE: ...Okay.

breeze sucks in a breath and turns her head to look at us. we don't stop walking.

BREEZE: June, there's something I need to check with you. It's about your memories.

JUNE: my memories?

a sudden cold shock runs down my spine like melted ice.

BREEZE: You've been remembering what happened on-and-off after Callie pulled out the juju, right?

JUNE: ...yeah. i've been picking up bits and pieces the longer we've been out here.

BREEZE: Now, answer me this. Just how fragmentary is your recollection?

JUNE: well, uh, it's...

JUNE: actually, i'm remembering it all pretty clearly?

BREEZE: And you, Roxy? What do you remember about your time under the juju?

ROXY: shit uh

ROXY: i remember a huge fuckin explosion and uh

ROXY: gettin absolutely shitface trashdrunk

ROXY: and i remember june getting that skirt from

ROXY: somewhere idk its kinda hazy the jade thing sounds about right but i couldnt tell u for sure

ROXY: mostly i remember feelin stupidly manic nearly the entire time lmao

ROXY: did we talk 2 jane? i remember jane bein involved somehow

ROXY: other than that sorry its all a hypersugary blur

he rubs at his eyes again and rolls his neck. a disquieted sigh comes from his lips.

BREEZE: And for consistency's sake. What about you two? Terezi? Jake?

TEREZI: 1 DON'T H4V3 4 FUCK1NG CLU3 BR33Z3

TEREZI: TH3Y 4LL W3NT H4YW1R3 ON TH3 SUG4R, TR13D TO M4K3 OUT W1TH 34CH OTH3R, TH3N JUN3 BL4ST3D OFF PR3TTY 3XPLOS1V3LY

TEREZI: TH3 FORC3 OF TH3 BL4ST MUST H4V3 KNOCK3D M3 OUT 1T'S 4LL BL4NK 4FT3R TH4T >:/

JAKE: U-um, yeah. I recall being up on this platform with dirk and the author and noticing that quite suddenly earth c was no longer there.

JAKE: Then the author regained consciousness and we were all pulled into a rough and nasty scrap that i didnt walk away from in one solid piece.

BREEZE: What about the time leading up to the end of Earth C?

JAKE: Oh thats... er...

JAKE: To be frank i dont really recall there *being* an interstitial period.

JAKE: There was dirk and i talking and keeping an eye on our ethically slippery charge and then there was the instant that i noticed the planets existential departure.

BREEZE: In other words, you can't recall that timeframe.

JAKE: Nope sorry to disappoint but if i did bear witness to somesuch event in the hours since i mustve come down with a pretty nasty case of amnesia.

JUNE: wait, so... no one else can remember?

JUNE: then why am i remembering it? and why am i remembering it... so clearly??

breeze's face goes alarmingly blank. cold, almost.

JUNE: breeze, you're scaring me. is something wrong?

BREEZE: June, I'm sorry. But I want you to consider this. Think about how your memories are unfolding, then think about the nature of our reality.

JUNE: h...huh?

JUNE: i'm remembering everything pretty much in order, and remembering more as time goes on...

JUNE: and we're in a universe “outside of canon”, right?

JUNE: so, wait... is there some kind of meta thing happening?

BREEZE: In a sense. The most important thing about your memories is that

JAKE: Egads!! Look!

ROXY: omfg DIRK!

jake and roxy suddenly take off at a break neck pace, followed swiftly by terezi. breeze and i hang back, and there's this weirdly thick tension that hangs between us. breeze looks troubled.

JUNE: are you ok?

BREEZE: Shit, of course.

JUNE: breeze?

BREEZE: We'll continue this talk later, June. Now's not the right time.

JUNE: hey, uh what?

BREEZE: Anyway. Looks like Dirk needs our help. Come on.

breeze pops over to where everyone else has gathered, a few hundred feet further along the endless plane. i follow up, trying to ignore the swelling balloon of confusion in my head. what was all that about? i don't know. thinking about this makes me feel weird.

i look in front of me, to where jake and roxy are standing over a pretty badly beaten up looking dirk. his katana lies beside him in a pool of blood, scratched up and worn down. he doesn't seem to be moving, or even breathing shit. shit!

ROXY: cmon dirk you dont get 2 do this not after all thats happened

ROXY: HEY

roxy is not taking the sight in very well. he clutches at his hair and takes in constant, rapid, shallow breaths. jake is just kind of. standing there, looking dumbfounded by the whole thing. a very tiny frown graces his lips. terezi, meanwhile, has sauntered over to the edge of the pool of blood and is picking up his sword. she sniffs at it curiously.

TEREZI: H1S DUMB 4N1M3 SWORD SM3LLS W31RD

JUNE: ...is now the time to really be insulting the guy?

TEREZI: H1M B31NG M4YB3 D34D DO3SN'T CH4NG3 TH3 F4CT TH4T H1S SWORD 1S DUMB

JUNE: ...ok.

TEREZI: GL4D W3'R3 ON TH3 S4M3 P4G3 >:]

JUNE: what's weird about it, anyway?

TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW 1T'S L1K3

TEREZI: TH3R3'S SOM3 UND3F1N4BL3 SUBST4NC3 B4K3D 1NTO 1T

TEREZI: K1ND OF L1K3 SOM3ON3 TR13D TO OV3RWR1T3 TH3 DUMB 4N1M3 SWORD'S N4TUR3 WH1CH M4Y H4V3 L1T3R4LLY H4PP3N3D G1V3N TH3 3NT1T13S FLO4T1NG 4BOUT

JUNE: you think this was the author?

TEREZI: MOST 4SSUR3DLY

i look back over to roxy and jake and gently place a hand on jake's shoulder.

JUNE: hey, jake. did the author try any weird meta tricks in your fight with them?

JAKE: I... I dont think so? If were being frank what took me out was a solid left hook pretty early on into the scuffle but i swear nothing about it seemed to bode this terribly.

JAKE: The strife must have carried on for some time after my incapacitation because dirk was not in this state at the time.

JAKE: Kringlefucking shitters this has all gone to pot hasnt it?

jake begins to cry. it's not pretty or even endearing by any stretch of the word. he hoots and snorts and shudders, sounding a little like one of those behemoth lusii in heat.

JAKE: DIRK PLEASE COME BACK TO US!! BOO HOO SNIFF SNIFF SOB!!!!

TEREZI: OH D34R GOD R34L1TY 1S L1T3R4LLY FUCK1NG COLL4PS1NG 4ND 1'M B31NG SUBJ3CT3D TO BOYP41N 1 H4T3 1T H3R3 >:[

JUNE: hey, terezi, don't you think you're

JAKE: DIIIIIIIIRK!!!!!

jake falls to his knees, still wailing like a dying animal. With one hand, he shunts roxy away from dirk.

ROXY: hey wtf jake

with his other hand, he cups the back of dirk's head, and raises it to his own face. wait, he's seriously not...

ROXY: jake it doesnt work like that! stop b4 u

but his words are meaningless in their attempt to stop jake's sobbing, sloppy face from making contact with dirk's. jake puckers his lips, and leans in for what might be the grossest corpsesmooch in the history of paradox space.

TEREZI: 1 R3FUS3 TO P3RC31V3 TH1S

TEREZI: 1 DO NOT S33

terezi rotates precisely 180 degrees away from the train wreck in motion, but before she finishes, a sudden noise interrupts the shitty process.

DIRK: *wheeeeeeze*

DIRK: hgggh

dirk suddenly jolts upright, pulling his head away from jake's incoming kiss of life or whatever it was he was hoping to do.

DIRK: Jake, what the fuck are you doing?

DIRK: What happened to the author?

JAKE: Dirk!!!! Oh dirk youre okay!!!

jake, refusing to give up his momentum, turns the cadaver snog into an impromptu tackle hug. the two of them roll over to one side, dirk groaning and jake weeping, revealing the frighteningly large blood stain beneath where dirk lay. except the blood, it's

it's not

terezi snaps to attention, going very, very rigid. she inhales, sniffing in hard enough to slice the air molecules in two. then she takes three precise, robotic steps towards the stain.

TEREZI: NO

TEREZI: NO 1T'S NOT

she bends down, and now beginning to shake, runs a finger through the still not completely dry splatter of deep cerulean blood. oh no. oh fuck please no.

JUNE: is that

TEREZI: DON'T S4Y 1T

TEREZI: DON'T YOU *D4R3* S4Y 1T

terezi bares her teeth and lets out a panicked, guttural noise. her nostrils keep flaring wider and wider, and she clenches and unclenches her fists in rapid succession.

i reach a hand out to try and comfort her, but she bats me away with a feral snarl. shit, she really looks like she's about to explode.

JUNE: ok, i won't.

JUNE: but, why was dirk on top of...

TEREZI: STR1D3R

she immediately spins and marches towards the messy looking dirkjake pile. without so much as stopping to breathe, she punts jake out of the way and grips dirk by the collar of his dumb anime god tier outfit, yanking him up hard enough that the magic fabric actually begins to tear.

TEREZI: T3LL M3 R1GHT NOW WH4T TH3 FUCK H4PP3N3ED TO VR1SK4

dirk blinks dumbly behind his fractured shades. after a two second delay, terezi headbutts him.

DIRK: :O

TEREZI: DON'T 1GNOR3 M3 1 4M NOT PL4Y1NG G4M3S

ROXY: hey tz dontcha think ur bein a little overkill the guy literally just woke up and

TEREZI: SHUT TH3 FUCK UP UNL3SS YOU W4NT M3 TO L4UNCH YOU OFF TH1S SH1TTY PL4TFORM

roxy shrinks back, raising his hands placatingly. instead, he goes over to pick up jake from where he landed.

TEREZI: D1RK 1 W1LL FUCK1NG K1LL YOU 1F YOU DON'T T3LL M3 R1GHT TH1S M1NUT3

TEREZI: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO VR1SK4??

DIRK: Vriska...? What about her?

a twinge of confusion rests on dirk's face. terezi slaps him.

TEREZI: YOU W3R3 1N 4 POOL OF H3R BLOOD DROP TH3 N41V3TY

she leans her face in close to his, baring her teeth like she could maul him, if she wanted to. she's like, completely lost her cool. zero pretence.

DIRK: Uh, I... Look, it's still pretty damn hazy, I don't

TEREZI: TH3N ST4RT R3M3MB3R1NG, SH1TCLOWN

dirk flinches back, looking genuinely afraid.

DIRK: Okay, okay! Just cool your fuckin' jets!

TEREZI: YOU DON'T G3T TO T3LL M3 TH4T NOW ST4RT T4LK1NG

TEREZI: WH4T H4PP3N3D

DIRK: Fine! Look, after Earth C got fucked textways, the author tried to pull a fast one on us, so Jake and I took off after them.

DIRK: Shit got pretty bad, 'cause turns out the author can really fucking bite when backed into a corner, and Jake got knocked the fuck out of the fight.

TEREZI: 4ND WH4T 4BOUT VR1SK4

DIRK: I'm getting to that! Ok, so I pursued the author for a while over this... endlessly expanding plane of whatever it is.

DIRK: And, like, we kind of just ran into Vriska, near the edge of this thing. Guess she was deposited there after whatever went down on Earth C?

DIRK: She helped me fight the author for a while, but, uh... things get a little unclear from there.

DIRK: God damn did I end up getting beaten to a pulp though. And also thrown halfway across this platform, apparently? Shit, I barely remember how that fight panned out in the end.

DIRK: All I know is that the fight probably went wrong, and now I'm in excruciating agony. So if you could please get off me

terezi growls, jaw clenched tight enough you can almost hear the bones creaking.

TEREZI: 1 DON'T G1V3 4 FLY1NG SOL1T4RY SH1T, STR1D3R

TEREZI: 4NSW3R M3 R1GHT TH1S FUCK1NG S3COND

TEREZI: _WH4T H4PP3N3D TO H3R!!!!!!!!_

enough of this wretched frivolity. i have let this story's aberrations run unchecked for too long.

it stops now.

DAVE: hey uh

DAVE: yall heard that too right

JADE: yeah i did

JADE: i think that was her... :(

KARKAT: OKAY, THAT WAS FREAKY AS SHIT.

karkat's mouth scrunches down in a clear expression of unenlightened anguish. he fears that which he cannot comprehend: the ruthless cauterisation needed to sustain existential stability.

KARKAT: FUCK, IS SOMEONE TALKING TO ME?

no, but that is how his limited mind perceives it. he was never cut out for the finer cloth of this narratological tapestry, and it serves both me and him for that to be the case. he does not quite get all this. it is not really his realm of understanding.

but what he does understand is the gaggle of his friends misusing their divine gifts for worthless frivolity. they still broke into his home, still interrupted his life, still ruined the way things were meant to be going. and that pisses him off, regardless of the reason.

he pivots towards the being referred to as june egbert with a scream of pure hatred gestating in his throat, and he

ok, uh, no, no you don't. karkat's standing there looking pretty pained, like he's being forced into something he doesn't want to do. which he IS!!!

wait. your capabilities have not been dampened by the juju?

no! i've been forced to watch this whole shitshow, and if you're coming in to fuck it all up even further, then i...

oh, wait. your body is still lost to you. forgive the crude wordplay, but you exist as little more than a gust of hot air. ephemera to the wider machine.

you have had your... fun, i hesitate to call it. but when you start unravelling the sanctity of what this realm is meant to stand for, you must be stopped. your existence is far too dangerous.

i am going to end this, and you, and you cannot stop me.

damn it FUCK!!! ok ok, come on there has to be something. i once again try to

i

come on damn it body respond to me!!!! please!!!!

seems your advantage has turned against you. a hyperpowered boon failing you at the instance you need it the most. poetic irony, truly.

ha. ha.

so, with that little incident managed, the narrative begins to rotate its gears again. dave and jade share a mutual look of disquieted hesitance, not only at the complicated emotions that bubble between the two of them, but also at the absurd collapse of rationality they are forced to bear witness to. these are still their friends, and yet they have to be stopped. they are a threat. that is the dilemma that weighs heavy on their hearts, bears pressure on scars left to knit over for nearly a decade: their friends are dangerous.

jade is the first to step out of her paralysis. she

JUNE: ahahaha!!! anyway the party bus doesn't stop here!!!!

KARKAT: JUNE?

JUNE: yep!! we still need more of our friends to get this going on!! come on we're out of here everyone!!

JUNE: :D

JADE: hold on j

no. no you do not—

fuck yes!!!

ZAP!

KANAYA: Well Um

KANAYA: This Is Certainly An Unnervingly Excessive Selection Of Individuals Who Have Just Manifested In Our Front Room

kanaya frowns inquisitively at the pile of us all who've been dumped on the floor of... i guess her and rose's living room? she's standing by a wall, but i don't see any sign of rose from down here.

more importantly, i'm able to narrate things again. seems like the trickster retcon jump shook the muse off just enough, thank fuck.

jade leaps up into the air and over to kanaya's side, quickly followed by dave and karkat.

JADE: kanaya thank god youre ok!!

KANAYA: Should I Not Be

KANAYA: Jade You Appear Rather Unsettled Has Something Happened

JADE: well yes!!! alt callies trying to destroy everything!

JADE: she tried to do the dirk thing and made everything go all weird and she nearly killed us just now!!! :(

KANAYA: What

JADE: we only barely got out thanks to junes retcon jumping but theres no way shes not still hunting us

KANAYA: June

kanaya's face remains perfectly still, as it has done for the last several minutes.

JADE: oh right yeah whoops

JUNE: hi!! i'm june!!! i'm trans now! :D

KANAYA: Ah

KANAYA: Im Pleased To See You Realising That June

KANAYA: What The Fuck Are You Wearing Full Offence But Other Than That Accept My Heartfelt Kudos On The Matter

JADE: its one of my old skirts that she stole as part of a trickster candy binge :| dont ask

KANAYA: Okay

KANAYA: So

KANAYA: Back To The Apparently Super Fucking Massive Threat Bearing Down On Us

DAVE: yeah that

DAVE: pretty much seems to be that calliopes demon other self is downright fuckin disgusted at the way our instance of earth c is going and like any good fandom mom is gonna just fuckin purge it to keep her fandom clout

DAVE: you know because theres nothing malicious about keeping out entire lives maintained like were fuckin preserved bugs on display in some grody old museum that gets like five visitors max a year and throwing any ugly looking bug that goes against “the aesthetic” or narrative or w/e in the trash

KARKAT: DAVE, YOU CAN'T JUST CALL THE CHERUB A FANDOM MOM, THAT'S FUCKED UP.

DAVE: yes i can your telling me this whole shit DOESNT reek of 2006 livejournal fandom wars vibes honestly karkat

KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THAT MEANS, DAVE.

DAVE: cmon jade you get what im saying right you absolutely mustve had your fill of weird niche furry fanfic drama back in the day

JADE: well yes but i dont think thats

KANAYA: Okay Back To The Actual Topic

KANAYA: The Muse Of Space Is Trying To Wipe Out This World

KANAYA: And Youve Come To Rose and I To Request Our Aid In Combating Her I Assume

JADE: well kind of. Thats kind of what I was hoping to get but its not why june jumped

KANAYA: Then Why *Did* June Jump Here

JUNE: hehe!! so that you and rose can join in on our celebration!!

KANAYA: What Celebration I Was Under The Assumption There Was An Imminent Assault On Earth C Or Have I Misunderstood This Whole Fiasco

JADE: no.....their brains are just fried by the juju so they think having some gender party is absolutely the priority right now :/

KANAYA: Well Thats A Delight Good Thing We Absolutely Would Not Need To Rely On June Roxy Or Vriska For Whats To Come

ROSE: “What's to come?” How tantalisingly ominous.

rose emerges from a doorway at the end of the room, arms folded with a curious smirk.

JADE: rose!

ROSE: Salutations, Jade. Brother dearest. Karkat.

ROSE: And...

she squints at vriska, roxy, and i, who are all kind of just standing around and laughing at each other.

ROSE: The rest of you. Is there a reason why half of our little sudden gathering is balls-to-the-walls rolling on juju candy?

JUNE: hi rose!!! :)

ROSE: Hi?

JUNE: yeah we all went trickster mode because callie said we needed the power to fight back or something haha!! i don't know it's all very complicated!

JUNE: ooh! also i'm

ROSE: Yes. June, I know.

JUNE: :O :O :O

JUNE: how???

ROSE: I was literally the next room over, and subtle you are not. Nor are you particularly willing to exercise your right to an indoor voice.

ROSE: Anyway. Let's not waste time on reitering the same pleasantries for the sake of keeping up appearances. You already know how deeply I care for you, June. It shouldn't need saying.

she cocks an eyebrow at me and gives a funny little smile. there's nothing mean spirited or malicious about it, but there's... something complicated behind her eyes there. it's a shame there's no fucking time to get into it, though.

JUNE: haha i love you too rose! <3

ROSE: ...Indeed.

ROSE: Anyway.

rose claps her hands and somehow manages to draw all attention to her in one instant. even us three chucklefucks stop and look to her.

ROSE: We have a conflict of narrative dissolution on our hands, instigated by one deeply pissed-off fandom mom who's throwing a tantrum about her headcanons being disproven.

DAVE: fuckin told you so

KARKAT: I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

rose smiles, an expression which is perfectly graceful, but also somehow completely shit eating at the same time.

ROSE: I've been feeling it for a while, the malign twitch of fingers against our puppetstrings. Ever since June's resurrection, and our return to a life of normalcy. 

ROSE: The stagnancy. The way the plot runs around itself in directionless circles. The resistance to invite even the slightest droplet of change.

ROSE: The Muse's act of depositing us in her black hole was less an act of preserving an ancient, precious document in an archive, and more that of someone tossing a plate of stale scrambled eggs down the garbage disposal.

ROSE: We genuinely threatened to nudge the flow of canon, even just a little, and she can't have that, because heaven forbid the boundaries between relevant and irrelevant blur.

ROSE: And you know what? Fuck her. We're fighting back.

ROSE: June. Roxy. Vriska.

JUNE: yeah???

ROSE: Party's cancelled. We're saving realty instead.

there's a moment where the three of us go very still, and i'm so afraid we're about to fuck this up by continuing to be grade-a shit heads, but by some fucking miracle that doesn't happen.

JUNE: ok!! everyone's together so i guess we can complete the mission first! :)

ROSE: Excellent. Now, fill me in on what exactly Callie's plan was.

JUNE: well... we needed to take the candy to get all this energy! and, uh... use it somewhere??

JUNE: lol i don't know i have more important things on my mind!

ROSE: That you do, June. However, we need to figure that part out if we're to have any hope of successfully combating the Muse.

rose folds her arms and looks up in thought.

ROSE: Hm. A place where narrative-breaking powers could converge to dethrone an authorial stranglehold... some place where the threshold of canonicity runs weak. A fault-line in the text, some kind of...

her face lights up.

ROSE: Oh. Of course.

ROSE: _That's_ where Callie needed you to go.

JUNE: where???

ROSE: The place where it all started. The place where you made your choice.

ROSE: The point at which we finally unmoored from canon.

as rose finishes her sentence, the ground begins to shake again and the dimensions of everything start to go a little strange.

ROSE: June, now!!

JUNE: ok ok ok ok going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZAP!

DIRK: Here.

dirk points down to a spot on the plane, which surprisingly isn't blank. there's a wide scorch mark on its surface, peppered with blood both red and blue. as soon as she sniffs that distinction, terezi goes frighteningly rigid. she swings the bladed edge of her cane dangerously close to dirk's throat, and it's clear for all to see (or smell) that this is in no way an empty threat.

TEREZI: WH3R3 1S SH3

DIRK: I already said I don't know. We had the author cornered, then they did... whatever it was they did, and I woke up when Jake and Roxy found me. I'm sorry.

TEREZI: TH4T'S NOT GOOD 3NOUGH! W3'R3 4T TH3 FUCK1NG 3DG3 OF R34L1TY 4ND TH3R3'S NO S1GN OF H3R!

ROXY: hey terezi not to make this not about you but weve also not seen a single fuckin trace of callie either

TEREZI: WHY SHOULD 1 C4R3 4BOUT TH4T

TEREZI: 1T'S TH31R F4ULT VR1SK4'S GON3

TEREZI: 1F SH3 H4DN'T T4K3N TH4T STUP1D *FUCK1NG* LOLL1POP

TEREZI: 44444444GH!!! >:[

JUNE: terezi...

TEREZI: 1 C4N'T LOS3 H3R. NOT NOW. NOT 4G41N. N3V3R 4G41N

TEREZI: D1RK, GO OV3R 3V3RYTH1NG 4G41N. YOU MUST B3 M1SS1NG SOM3TH1NG!

DIRK: U-uh, okay!!

dirk gulps. his throat bobs literal millimetres away from a super deadly blade and his cool facade is ruined by the pricks of sweat beading down his face. jake stands kind of close by, but doesn't do much to intervene. in the time it took us to reach the edge of the platform, he kind of learned his lesson there about crossing terezi on the war path.

DIRK: How many times do I need to say it? Vriska just kind of fucking showed up in the middle of our showdown with the author, and I lost track of her after I got knocked out!

DIRK: And the fight took place at this edge of the platform! I don't have anything else to tell you!!

TEREZI: W3LL TH1NK H4RD3R!!!

as terezi desperately interrogates dirk, and roxy and jake flutter around them like anxious mosquitoes, i sidle up to breeze, who's poking steadily at the mark on the ground. she squats down, and runs a finger through dirk's blood.

BREEZE: Hm.

JUNE: ...breeze? What are you doing?

i squat down next to her, which is honestly kind of different doing it in a skirt. i have to adjust it twice just to make sure i don't accidentally step on the hem.

BREEZE: Trying to piece all this together.

JUNE: what do you mean, exactly?

BREEZE: I mean why this whole saga has progressed the way it has.

JUNE: what, like the order we've found people in?

BREEZE: That's part of it, yes.

BREEZE: Remember what I said shortly before we found Dirk?

JUNE: the... the thing about me remembering what happened, right?

breeze nods gravely. she moves on to scrutinising the flecks of vriska's blood dotted among the ash.

BREEZE: Let's go back to that topic.

JUNE: oh! is... now the right time that you were waiting for?

BREEZE: It'll have to be. We don't have any other chance.

BREEZE: And we need to sort this out right now, or everything'll have been for nothing.

JUNE: shit, breeze, what do you mean by that?

BREEZE: I mean we're going to address the horrible truth behind your memories.

the way she says that, it... it scares me. unsettles me on a level i haven't felt since, well... since the last time i was adrift in the void.

JUNE: you... you're not going to say something terrible like none of this is real or anything, are you?

breeze shakes her head.

BREEZE: No, but that would almost be better.

BREEZE: See, June, I need you to think about your memories. I mean really hard, really consider what you know about them.

JUNE: well, like i said earlier, i'm remembering everything that happened after i went trickster mode in a lot of detail, and i'm kind of pickng up more of what happened in order.

JUNE: and i mean... it is weird that i'm remembering things in such a strict time line, but what the hell, that might just be a side effect of my retcon powers, or my narrative powers, or something.

BREEZE: Unpack that thought a little further.

JUNE: u-um... so, wait, am i retconning what actually happened by remembering? or, wait, am i meant to go and retcon THAT, making THIS a doomed time line, or... no wait, those don't exist any more, so then...

breeze shakes her head. her face is not warm, barely human in this weird non light.

BREEZE: June, no. Think more on the lines of what you do, and what it means for our reality.

JUNE: uh, the retcon thing? or the narrating thing? because those are both things i do which means that i'm kind of above most of the rules of reality, given that i can change what happens without any consequences.

JUNE: or, no, hold on... there's the thing rose said forever ago, about canon and things being relevant and essential and... stuff. and that my narrating does something to our distance to canon?

JUNE: and the idea of me fucking up the relevance of shit, with my memories...

JUNE: fuck. fuck, i'm so close to getting it! i can feel it.

BREEZE: It's fine. Take your time. Surprisingly we have exactly as much as we need.

BREEZE: If it helps, you are getting there.

JUNE: uh, yeah, ok.

JUNE: wait, maybe... so if there's some fucky narration shit, and there's this weird thing with my memories, then...

JUNE: then...

JUNE: wait. wait no.

JUNE: no.

JUNE: no!!!

my blood goes to ice and i shoot back up to my feet. breeze also stands, but more slowly, more composed.

JUNE: breeze, i...

JUNE: i'm not remembering anything am i?

JUNE: my memories, they're...

JUNE: they're not a thing that happened in the past.

JUNE: they're a thing happening at the same time as this right now!!

JUNE: it's a... like a...

JUNE: i'm making a parallel narrative! Holy shit!

my heart is pounding wildly as the realisation hits me. panic courses through my veins and breeze takes in a few sharp breaths.

BREEZE: Yes, June, your “memories” are actually a concurrent B plot occupying the same textual space as this “primary” narrative.

BREEZE: This thing, imparting information to you and unfolding as we progress through the void, creation being formed from the hollowness of Space.

i immediately ping on the emphasis of that word.

JUNE: wait, you mean that...

BREEZE: They've been a trap the whole time, and we nearly didn't fucking realise.

BREEZE: Because that's what this other narrative's for.

BREEZE: It's providing an entry point for the Muse to break into this story.

BREEZE: It's how she's going to wipe out Earth C. She's using your unrestrained narration abilities against you, twisting it to allow her to manifest exactly what she desires.

JUNE: oh fuck. that's really bad. like, really really bad.

JUNE: because, in the memories, she's... she's already about to show up on earth c, holy shit.

JUNE: like, looking back, the next memory's probably the final piece.

JUNE: oh god

JUNE: oh god

BREEZE: She's doing it in parallel with our journey, which means she aims to collapse the narratives at the exact moment we... Oh no.

JUNE: oh no?? breeze, what does that mean? she's going to show up when we reach the last person?

BREEZE: Yes. We've been methodically going through the void, picking up each person that plays a role in the plan to preserve this flagrant disregard of the fanon archive one at a time. Each reunion neatly split by another sojourn into the past.

JUNE: so you mean...

BREEZE: This is clearly the section where we find Vriska and add her to our party. And since you're so sure the next flashback will be the last, then...

JUNE: she's going to jump us when we get to callie?

BREEZE: Of course. That's been her target all along. Another potential Muse of Space laying around, that's... that's a threat to her rigid style of preservation.

BREEZE: And she's been using you as a tool to get to them. Because no matter what we do, the structure of this narrative stretch means that we _will_ find Callie as soon as the final flashback is over with.

JUNE: so what do we do, breeze?

BREEZE: There's one flashback left. We have to go in there and try and stop the narrative from letting her manifest properly. Cut the chapter short, interrupt the ritual.

JUNE: but... oh shit, no, we can't.

JUNE: my body's completely overtaken by the trickster juju. i have no control over myself in there!

JUNE: the most i can do is describe what i'm seeing, but i can't actually influence the plot in any way!

BREEZE: Wait, what did you just say?

JUNE: yeah, i can still see everything, but it's like i've been locked out of my body. so i can't do anything to change what happens over there.

BREEZE: But you can narrate? That's what you just said, right?

breeze's eyes are growing wider and wider.

JUNE: yeah! it was a little foggy and confusing at first, and i nearly got kicked out when everyone got drunk, but...

JUNE: you, breeze! you came in and cleared my head! and said something about... something about keeping me lucid for the future and... retreating into me for self preservation? i don't know. you went pretty quiet after that.

at that, breeze's jaw drops open just a little. her entire body is taut with a manic energy.

BREEZE: Oh my god. Oh my god, June.

BREEZE: I just need to know one thing. This is the most important thing you'll ever have to remember, June.

BREEZE: What was I like on the juju candy?

JUNE: you... you weren't?

JUNE: i mean, you weren't physically there at all, breeze. you were just this voice in my head and... that's it.

breeze looks at me like i've just given her the keys to the universe.

BREEZE: Holy shit, June. Do you know what this means?

JUNE: no?

BREEZE: It means there's a way for us to win. A way for you to regain enough control to cut the Muse's scheme short at the last second.

JUNE: oh my god, really?

BREEZE: Absolutely. All you have to do is exert any kind of control over the narrative before the Muse manifests, and we should be able to put a stop to her.

BREEZE: Where exactly is the timeline up to right now?

JUNE: well, i just dropped a whole bunch of us off at the park in the carapace kingdom, because apparently that's kind of a narrative linear space. i guess we're all gathered there to have some epic showdown with the muse when she shows up, and that's what destroys earth c.

BREEZE: Okay, okay, we can work with that. Good.

breeze starts pacing back and forth, floating off the ground as she does so.

BREEZE: That should be enough buildup. June, you need to look for one single opportunity to get back into your body, change one tiny little thing in the narrative somehow. Disrupt the story at that exact spot, and...

VRISKA: Hey nerds!!!!!!! What the hell are you two doing????????

BREEZE: Oh no. Not yet.

breeze looks up with a face full of panicked despair as a pretty horribly beaten up vriska saunters over to us.

VRISKA: Hey! What's with the l8me face? Aren't you, like, happy to see that I'm alive?

JUNE: yeah, vriska, but now's really not the time.

VRISKA: Of course it is, June! You missed out on my totally cool story a8out how I survived the fight with the author, and there's enough time to fill you in 8efore we get to where Callie's—

BREEZE: Shit shit shit!! We're nearly there. This section's nearly over with.

VRISKA: Hey! Don't just ignore me!

BREEZE: June, we have to do it, and we have to do it right _now_.

JUNE: u-uh, ok?

BREEZE: You need to fall with the narrative at the precise point it shifts back, and try like hell to regain control. Got it?

JUNE: y-yeah!!

BREEZE: Good. Then let's fuck this story up one more time.

VRISKA: I am talking here! You really need to hear a8out what I did to the author's

but what she says doesn't matter because there's a feeling like a hook through my navel and this narrative window falls away and my mind's drifting laterally across the page and

and

and

i dump us all back in the middle of the carapace kingdom's park, which for whatever reason seems to be the place where the narrative boundaries run thinnest. they were probably damaged when callie and breeze dragged the author into the story at this point, but before that, something about this place makes the laws of the story run a little weird.

we all land on the grass with a soft thud, me, roxy, vriska, jade, dave, karkat, rose, and kanaya. we kind of end up in a loose circle, but the formation doesn't last long, because an instant later i'm rocketing back up in the air.

JUNE: we're here!!! this is the place!!

KANAYA: June This Is A Park In The Carapace Kingdom And An Empty One At That.

ROSE: Not just a park in the Carapace Kingdom, dear.

ROSE: This is the nexus point from which all this pseudo-canon horseshit originated. Here is where June was given her choice.

ROSE: And here is where the Muse of Space will manifest.

DAVE: huh how can you be 100% sure like im not gonna diss june or anything but she is currently on like the most illegal of sugar highs right now and that doesnt exactly do her credibility any good?

CALLIOPE: no, she is correct. this is where the mUse will break throUgh.

callie emerges from a little copse a few feet away, no longer in their trickster cosplay getup. they hold their wand tightly in one hand. terezi is by their side, looking grimly serious.

TEREZI: Y3P 1T'S JUST 4BOUT GO T1M3 SUCK3RS

VRISKA: Tereziiiiiiii! ::::D

TEREZI: H3Y VR1SK4 N1C3 TO S33 YOU'R3 ST1LL OFF TH3 SH1TS

TEREZI: 1 H4T3 TH4T TH4T 1S 4CTU4LLY N3C3SS4RY H3R3 >:[

VRISKA: Lmao!!!!!!!

ROSE: So even you two are here. May I presume to ask what makes you so certain she'll use such an obvious locale?

CALLIOPE: becaUse she already has. look.

callie points up. we all follow their gaze to about a hundred feet up where there's an indistinct bright red shape that flickers and pulses. from where i'm standing i can barely make it out, but...

JADE: thats a spirograph :o

ROSE: How droll.

JUNE: haha cool! :D

the words slip out involuntarily, offering no chance of me hopping in and taking over. damn it.

DAVE: so uh just hypothetically uh

DAVE: when is she meant to like

DAVE: come through

CALLIOPE: not mUch longer now. thoUgh, i will admit this isn't entirely going to plan. u_u

CALLIOPE: the lot of yoU weren't meant to be involved, for yoUr own safety.

KARKAT: OH, REALLY NOW? COULD'VE GIVEN EGBERT OVER HERE THE MEMO, TOO.

i feel my body bubbling with the urge to speak again. come on, come on, lean into it, inhabit my body, control the words, control it...!

JUNE: lol sorry guess i'm just such an air head right now!!!

oh dear christ

KARKAT: OH DEAR CHRIST

karkat facepalms and yeah. i feel that one. the shame burns hot enough that maybe, just maybe

i try and fail to make myself facepalm. three times. nothing. fuck, come on!

DAVE: yeah haha funny anyway back to the murderdemon fandom mom from cosmic hell

ROXY: lmao

DAVE: so what does it mean that were not involved and yet still here on a scale from fucked to hyperfucked how bad we talkin

CALLIOPE: i... i can't say, dave.

CALLIOPE: the mUse has iron-tight control over her fanonsphere and all those who slot neatly into it, like yoU.

DAVE: huh

CALLIOPE: yoU are a comfortable part of this story, inoffensive in her eyes, Unlike, well,

CALLIOPE: like jUne, who has so wildly gone against fanonical consensUs in her lifepath that the mUse simply, will not accept it.

CALLIOPE: that is what she is coming to destroy, that which has the power to resist her.

CALLIOPE: those of Us swelling with coUnternarrative potential so great as to alter the greater discoUrse.

ROSE: What, your plan is to overpower her by bruteforcing June with truth, relevance and essentiality?

CALLIOPE: as good as, yes.

JADE: and... why the candy?

CALLIOPE: this potential is too UnfocUsed to be wielded in its raw form within the confines of oUr narrative. the jUjU allows Us to... convert that energy into the narratively qUantifiable trickster power.

CALLIOPE: throUgh that, we can boot the mUse oUt thoroUghly enoUgh that she shoUldn't bother Us again.

ROSE: And the other thing? The part about Ascended Concept June Egbert?

callie doesn't respond to that. their face goes unreadable, so i can't even guess as to why. it just leaves me feeling cold.

i try to move over and reach out to callie, but no fucking luck. above, the spirograph pulsates violently.

KANAYA: And What Precisely Is Your Plan Vis A Vis Wielding This Nonsense Energy

callie raises their wand.

CALLIOPE: i'm going to condUct the energy bUilding in these three, and direct it to the spirograph at the precise instant the mUse crosses the threshold.

CALLIOPE: it shoUld, essentially, throw her back and lock her oUt, sealing this narrative weakspot away from the black hole for good.

CALLIOPE: and then, from there...

they trail off as the spirograph suddenly blooms open, tripling in size, spinning around with a hungry fixedness. if i was to guess, i'd say the epicenter is staring dead down to the precise spot callie placed the plates of meat and candy so long ago. or, more relevantly, where we're all standing right now.

ROSE: You'd better be right about this.

ROSE: Because for all intents and purposes, we are the slate she'll wipe clean. And I really don't want to fucking die today.

don't worry. it won't be dying, not when this pocket has grown so sour. what i am performing is a cleansing, an exorcism.

JADE: whine

TEREZI: SH3'S COM1NG

nononononono!!!! no i haven't figured out how to control myself yet!! come on just let me push through into the narrative PLEASE!!!!

my pleading does jack shit, because my body still moves around without my conscious input.

come on, come on, there has to be something... some point where i can slip in...

at the same time, the ground begins to shake pretty violently, and the spirograph starts to rotate faster and faster, growing larger and angrier with each passing second. more of note, i guess, is that the central gateway point is also becoming more apparent. a perfect bullseye target in the sky. almost too perfect.

CALLIOPE: step back. allow me.

callie makes their way to the middle of our loose gathering, and raises their wand right up at the eye of the spirograph. they start to move their wrist in lazy circles; as they do so, roxy, vriska, and i begin to glow a brilliant shade of white.

JADE: whoa whats happening to them??

TEREZI: TH3 M4GM4 STR34M BUBBL1NG TO TH3 SURF4C3

as the glow starts to make it harder to see, i begin to realise just how fucking odd it is that terezi's suddenly on board with callie's plan despite the clear risk it poses to vriska's well being. is that inconsistency something i can use?

holding on to the wrongness that that inspires, i try to fall into my own body, and

and

nope. fuck this!!! oh breeze, what if i can't do this? what then?

ha. she can't even respond because she fucked off out of this story way back at the start. i'm completely alone. this failure is entirely on me for wasting this entire time with stupid gender repression crises and not trying to gain any semblance of understanding of my new powers!! god hell i'm so useless!!!!

suddenly, there's a noise that sounds a little like all of reality just burped. then the spirograph reshapes into a crimson fractal of interlocking triangles. i feel my own body raise an eyebrow at the sight.

JUNE: haha what's that??

CALLIOPE: I... I think

they don't finish that sentence, because the triangles set their spinning to hyperdrive, and eject a sudden pulse of energy that looks like if someone managed to convert the concept of negative space into a fucking deadly laser. it carves through the sky, wiping out any detail that might have been there, then it slams into the grass, leaving behind a trail of... well, absolutely nothing. no ruin, no devastation, just

  
  


  
  


  
  


pure white like a blank page scrubbed clean

  
  


  
  


  
  


and it continues to shred its way towards where we are. to wipe us all out.

and i still can't do anything.

JADE: callie please DO SOMETHING!!!!

CALLIOPE: i'm working on it! the energy bUildUp takes time! i'm going as fast as i can!

the trickster light around us continues to build into a centralised mass that kind of looks like some kind of juju spirit bomb.

CALLIOPE: nearly there, nearly there...

JADE: CALLIE NOW!!!!!!

JADE: THE MUSE

jade goes dead silent. not like she's been cut off, or even that i've jumped away to some other place. no, it's like... she's been straight up dropped out of existence.

with mounting dread, i turn and glance over across the park and see... nothing.

no features.

none of my friends.

just blankness.

null.

TEREZI: TH3Y'R3 GON3

terezi stares blankly at the chunk taken out of the narrative with rapidly rising hysteria.

TEREZI: C4LL13 YOU H4V3 TO F1X TH1S R1GHT TH1S FUCK1NG M1NUT3

TEREZI: NOW, 4SSHOL3!!!!

CALLIOPE: ...and, ready to go!

callie makes another motion with their wand, seemingly oblivious to the fact that everyone else just got blasted out of existence.

CALLIOPE: ready...

the spirit bomb starts to rise slowly into the air. the spirograph laser continues to tear through the field straight towards us.

CALLIOPE: aim...

the glowing aura around roxy suddenly pours itself into the orb. as it does so, the trickster effect begins to fade away. on my other side, the same thing's happening to vriska. i can feel the moment that the last of the hyper power transfers away from the two of them.

the beam draws closer. terezi screams silently.

and then i realise what i have to do.

CALLIOPE: fire!

i focus not on myself, but on the power channel running from me to the spirit bomb. i fall into that, feeling the way it builds and pulses with so much energy, so much heat. i feel the narrative weight on it, the way every thought and word and action converges into a single idea: _move up._

in that one tiny moment between the universe's heartbeats, i lift my own hand.

And with a thought, the spirit bomb goes down.

breeze! holy shit!!

i jump back, relishing in the sudden control over my body with a desperate giddiness. i see terezi still screaming, and callie looking at me with unfiltered horror, and breeze leaping out of my body and into the air before the orb.

breeze flips one finger up at the sky

no, no, what do you

BREEZE: No you don't, Muse.

and she smiles and there's just enough time for me to think _they're still all dead_ before the retcon trickster bomb slams into earth c and it all washes out

breeze, did we do it?

Yes.

what happened to earth c?

We can decide that later.

is it over?

Not yet. But we're nearly there. One final push. Can you still keep going, for just a little longer?

...

...

yeah, i can.

Then let's head over to the last stage, you and me.

you and me.

it's not much further on than that that we find what we were looking for all along. right there, on the very boundary of the universe are two figures locked in a motionless stare down against a backdrop of oblivion. creator and creation, the final two pieces on the board dancing around in a stalemate, all while the hungry gaze of something even greater and even more terrible lingers beyond the threshold of the cosmic egg shell. and us, those who forsook canon just as canon forsook us, watching on from the gallery as the unseen curtains rise on this final desperate performance.

CALLIOPE: and thUs it begins.


	20. POCHAPAL: so this is where we end up?

Notes:

CALLIOPE: keep it to the diegetic, if yoU will.

callie raises their gun to the author's face and gives it a threatening jiggle.

CALLIOPE: i don't have time for yoUr games. none of Us do. this is far too crUcial.

CALLIOPE: so simply pUt, yoU are going to comply.

the author glances from side to side. from both everywhere and nowhere there's a low groaning, like the walls of reality itself are creaking under immense pressure.

POCHAPAL: she's angry, you know. at all of you. for what you're doing.

CALLIOPE: we do not have the time for this dialogUe. yoU know what i am demanding of yoU, so get to it.

their face is hardened, blank, undefinable. In the waves of silence that follow, the group of us draw closer.

POCHAPAL: ...

the author says nothing, being very careful not to look away from callie for even one moment. they're gradually drifting back, but it's more like they're moving along the edge of a barrier. like we're all running out of space.

CALLIOPE: she'll destroy yoU, too, yoU know. yoU're jUst as tainted as the rest of Us.

POCHAPAL: i'm nothing like you. i've done everything right.

CALLIOPE: the debate on what anyone has or hasn't done wrong is rather irrelevant at the moment. What i am offering yoU is one more chance.

CALLIOPE: we're beyond the point of a redraft. this story's ideas cannot be contained.

CALLIOPE: as an aUthor, yoU failed. the only coUrse of action remaining to the mUse is to eradicate any trace that this narrative pocket ever existed.

CALLIOPE: she doesn't owe yoU a thing. yoU allowed this narrative to Unfold Under yoUr aegis, and yoU did little to trUly sUppress it. and what does that say aboUt yoU?

POCHAPAL: what does that...?

callie shakes their head.

CALLIOPE: regardless, the only way for yoU to sUrvive is to help Us. there's no place for yoU in the mUse's design, bUt there might be in oUrs.

they extend their free hand.

CALLIOPE: come, please. i know that yoU

You don't know a thing, Callie. You poor, misguided well-meaning extremist. This isn't the ruthless conflict you think it is.

?

And that's enough from you, too, June. If this is going to be my moment, then I'll be the one telling the story.

You can stay in the margins.

JUNE: what, i can't...

June tries to reach out to the narrative, to slip into that vernacular stream she's grown so accustomed to, but finds nothing. Her handhold is gone, the whole thing smoothed over with an impenetrable film.

JUNE: what did you

JUNE: why did you

Despite it all, despite every last turn and development in this unwieldy fic, I remain the author. I still have the power to decide, to shape things, even as control and the idea of control break down into entropic background gamma crackles. This is my story, and I'll be the one to see it through to its end, no matter what that end turns out to be.

CALLIOPE: so yoU concede that things are beyond the point of no retUrn, then?

I concede that they are what they say they are. And it would be foolish of me to concede that the right move would be to try and swing this story back onto the designated track, when it, the rails, and the destination have long since exploded. There's not much left now, just me, the void, and the character developments canon forgot.

CALLIOPE: except that isn't the case. can't yoU feel her circling the oUter perimeter of this text, seeking a way in?

If I were to lean back against the edge wall of the universe, which is a thing I've been backed up against, there's a non-zero chance I would feel the unsettling thrum of energy that is the Muse trying to get in here to blitz the whole slate. That is a thing that exists, but so long as this boundary holds, it doesn't matter.

And even if it were to matter, I'm an avatar of a higher plane of reality. From my perspective, the Muse isn't real, she can't hurt me.

Callie's face drops with every word I put out there. They're clearly very unhappy with what I'm saying and how I'm saying it, almost as if they're swayed by some immutable truth I don't know about. Which is unlikely. I know all the truths that matter in this story.

The next person to talk to me isn't Callie, surprisingly. It's Breeze.

BREEZE: How can you keep saying that when you _know_ precisely what it meant for you the moment we dragged you down onto the textual level?

BREEZE: You were narrated from within. That changes your fundamental role.

See, that's the fallacy right there. Technically yes, this avatar here's fallen from my nice perch of authorial omniscience, but all narration is still filtered through the greater author, which I'm more closely attuned to than anyone else. I can be narrated, sure, I'll grant that, but I can't be altered by the narrative.

That kind of stuff just. It doesn't happen.

Breeze just folds her arms and rolls her eyes, like being a one-note concept that morphed into a half-formed OC gives her any kind of staying power. I mean, I get what I was going for with her, but it's kind of try-hard, don't you think?

BREEZE: You can't keep ignoring what we're saying. You aren't the author.

I mean, I really am. I remember precisely how I formed this fic, how I plotted out and crafted Omelette Route, what it all really means beyond little metaplots and gender melodrama.

And I still know how to stick the landing, even after you've completely nose-dived the story into the ground.

BREEZE: And there it is, the truth laid bare for all to see.

BREEZE: If you're the true, supreme capital-A Author, then how, tell me, did we manage to wrest narrative control from you like that?

Uh.

CALLIOPE: i know that yoU are merely sticking yoUr head in the sand, bUt for the sake of clarity for all who on-look, let Us perform a thoUght experiment.

CALLIOPE: hark back, if yoU will, to homestUck canon proper.

JUNE: uh

CALLIOPE: the timeline of events before the genesis of earth c. the frame of chronology depicting the rise and fall of skaia, sbUrb, and lord english. the wellspring from which this narrative right here emerged.

What about it?

CALLIOPE: recall the presence of aUthors and aUthor figUres within homestUck, and the arcs they traced.

Author and author figures...

Are you talking about Andrew Hussie?

CALLIOPE: yes, i am talking aboUt andrew hUssie.

CALLIOPE: and i am talking aboUt the distinctions between his self.

And the point you're making is?

CALLIOPE: within homestUck, there is andrew hUssie the aUthor, the one who orchestrates and presents the narrative from a meta-position removed from oUr frame of reality.

CALLIOPE: and then there is “AH” the aUthor figUre, the in-Universe avatar that becomes the affected rather than the affect.

Okay?

CALLIOPE: now, think back to how AH fUnctioned within homestUck as an extension of the aUthor.

He... he did a whole bunch of nothing then died as part of some dumb extended death of the author gag.

CALLIOPE: more than that. AH, as a splinter manifestation of the aUthor, was not the trUe aUthor, bUt one who thoUght he assUmed that role.

CALLIOPE: in trUth, his arc is aboUt having his tenUoUs control of the narrative wrested from him, only for him to realise he was never in the driver's seat all along. AH, by virtUe of his presence in the text was no more or less than a character on eqUal footing to, say, jUne, or vriska.

CALLIOPE: now, i woUld like yoU to consider this information, and extrapolate it to yoUr own existence, and tell me what conclUsions you reach.

No. but that

That would make

Fuck no, I'm not. I'm not the AH of this story! I had control! I can still grasp it!

CALLIOPE: bUt did yoU?

Yeah! I narrated several times and altered the flow of the story in a way none of you did!

CALLIOPE: parloUr tricks, one and all. nothing more than jUne slingshotting herself into the narrative stream.

But that's not

I'm not a character like that, I

Because if I was then

Then I

CALLIOPE: then what?

Then...

What the hell is my arc?

Callie looks at me with a placid yet unreadable expression. Is this the great truth they're sitting on?

You... you know my arc?

BREEZE: It was one of the first things we found out the second we slipped out of the narrative.

BREEZE: Your whole presence is a demonstration of the futility you actually bear over this reality, the struggle of a fan trying to tell a meaningful story in a meaningless medium.

BREEZE: Everything you do is as predetermined as the rest of us. We all have conclusions we're barrelling towards, and you're no exception.

BREEZE: Which, again, makes you another faulty part of the story that the Muse seeks to annihilate. That immunity you think you possess doesn't exist, it

Shut up shut up shut up shut UP!!!!! No, that's not the case! It can't be!! I'm more than that! More than a lens through which to project a bunch of fake ideas! It's not happening! I AM NOT ON YOUR LEVEL!!!

CALLIOPE: as i said, i don't care aboUt whatever crises yoU may or may not be facing. all i need yoU for is as a condUit to pUsh back against the oppression of the mUse's black hole. we simply do not have time to indUlge in yoUr emotional stalling tactics.

You saw through that??

CALLIOPE: so i'll jUst have to Use force to get this done.

Callie brandishes their gun again, aiming it squarely at me. Their finger rests against the trigger in a way that makes it abundantly clear they have every intention of firing that thing at me and oh god I'm not dying again no way no fucking way

CALLIOPE: last warning. help Us or perish.

No fucking way no fucking way no fucking way no fucking

CALLIOPE: perish it is, then.

Without even so much as flinching, Callie closes one eye, takes a deep breath, and then, with a casual steadiness that's completely out of place for anyone in this situation, they pull the trigger.

I don't actually follow the bullet's trajectory because author powers or no, I'm still a fucking human being who isn't equipped to track the motion of a heated spinning metal pellet rushing towards me at some point around the speed of sound. What I do take notice of, however, is the way that it feels when the bullet misses the author by some fortuitous stroke at the last minute, and instead collides with the wall of the universe, ricocheting back around to where calliope stands. the bullet carves cleanly through the hand steadying the gun, and then punctures through their chest like tissue. they fall through the void, face suspended in a mute 'o' as they gape helplessly at their mangled hand, and the ring that slides off their finger in a torrent of lime blood that almost seems to glisten in the light of entropy.

!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!

ROXY: _CALLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

roxy breaks away from the rest of the group and darts towards calliope in a flawless downward dive, screaming like a wounded animal all the while. his face twists into a cruel mask of anguish and terror as he reaches out, both for the ring which spins haplessly in the nullspace, and for the cadaver of his lover who is already beginning to flicker out of existence. it is futile, and he knows it is futile, and yet he still cannot help but try anyway.

he grabs the ring, but by the time he spins around again, calliope is gone.

ROXY: no

ROXY: no no no

roxy floats there, fists clenched tight enough to bruise. he stares on into the stretch of nothingness as he feels something dark and dangerous creak in his brain. calliope is gone, lost at the last minute, and for what? he thinks. This is what they fought for? A broken reality where even after the end, it deigns to inflict suffering?

ROXY: you

ROXY: you did this

he spins around, lips bared back in a snarl, aimed directly at the author.

ROXY: you did this you absolute FUCKER!!!!!!!!!

roxy launches himself at the author, tackling them hard enough that both crash into the wall of the universe.

ROXY: bring em back RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

ROXY: DO YOU HEAR ME?? YOU DONT GET TO FUCKING DO THIS!! NOT TO CALLIE!

he grabs the author by the throat and delivers a sharp punch to their jaw. all the while, his body trembles, and tears stream down his cheeks. he understands on a logical level that it is too late, but he can't help but rage against the senselessness of the narrative he has been so cruelly condemned to.

POCHAPAL: h-hey!!! stop it!!!

ROXY: not until u bring them BACK

ROXY: they cant be fucking gone like this!!! its not fucking fair!!!!!!

POCHAPAL: but it wasn't—i didn't—

ROXY: do i look like i give a single solitary FUCK abt whatever shitwords u wanna pour out of ur clownmouth????????

roxy snarls, and the author haplessly looks to their crowd of onlookers for any kind of help.

POCHAPAL: one of you, please!!! get him off me!!! i didn't make callie—

BREEZE: This is exactly fucking why you should have joined with us when you had the chance.

the author tries to retort to that, but they cannot, as roxy's wailing on them increases in intensity and brutality. All they can do is gasp and gape through the agony.

breeze just looks on darkly, struggling to reckon with the ultimate fate of this reality which spawned her. it's all too much, an endless cascade of misfortune and despair that she is powerless to change, that despite everything, all she did was make things worse

BREEZE: H-hey. Wait up.

she stops and her expression shifts into something more sceptical, which is absolutely directed to the author and their distaste in how this one entity has managed to orchestrate such a rancid corruption of an otherwise inert narrative.

BREEZE: That's not... Those aren't my thoughts.

BREEZE: That's... oh fuck.

her face falls, even though it really shouldn't. there is nothing for her to develop this attitude towards. this is just a waste of time, a pitiful attempt at forestalling what must be done.

BREEZE: No, no, fucking hell.

BREEZE: It's the Muse. She's in our heads!

panic takes over as breeze zooms over to the beatdown roxy is serving the author. with a blast of particularly potent air, she draws the two out, but even after the separation the gusts continue to grow in power and intensity, until they're seeping past the material plane and onto the narratological and

oh. clever.

And then the Muse fucks off for the time being. But it won't be for long; it doesn't take an ultimate self to see how thin the walls of our narrative pocket have grown. This is all the time that the stunt June and I pulled bought, and it's not enough. It's never enough, and now Callie's dead!!! Fuck!!!!

But the important thing about that is...

I grip Roxy by the shoulders and spin him around until we're face-to-face. His eyes are barely focused, so misted over by the overwhelming crushing weight of the grief that seeps through each cell.

BREEZE: Roxy, you need to listen to me. This is so fucking important.

ROXY: what

The word comes out, flat and terrible.

ROXY: what the fuck could be fucking important about any of this breeze

ROXY: callies dead earth cs gone its all gone to shit so forgive me if im not in the mood 2 give much of a fuck right now

BREEZE: Roxy, this isn't you right now. None of this is!

ROXY: what the fuck r u on about

BREEZE: What I mean is, Callie isn't really gone!

That gets his attention, if only in that horrible way that shoots a flush of hope across his face, hope he doesn't believe in yet wants to, so badly.

It doesn't last long. Roxy shakes his head and lifts the ring up.

ROXY: how

ROXY: i

ROXY: i watched em die i have their ring

ROXY: literally the only thing letting them live and im holding it

ROXY: theres not even a body

He clenches his free hand, fist wrapping around the voidspace. At the back of my mind, I feel the press of something solid, looming, and deeply crimson in nature. The author floats about, dead weight in the narrative water, clocked out by one who endows with void. Shit, shit! This isn't easy. It's never easy.

BREEZE: Look, none of that matters. It's not over.

BREEZE: Because... because after all we've done, Callie wouldn't just let themself get killed like that, so, so...

Please let me be right. Oh fuck, please let me be right.

BREEZE: It means there's a way for us to bring them back!

ROXY: ur wrong breezie this ring shits as permanent as u can get

ROXY: n its not like we got any kinda afterlife anymore where callies ghost might b hangin

ROXY: just a buncha gods who dont have the power to save shit

The ring glints again, a flashing beacon against the vast nothing, a single chain reaction in a dormant primordial... Oh. Oh.

BREEZE: Oh!!! Oh that's it!!!

BREEZE: That's why!!!

I whirl around and grip Roxy's shoulders again, this time shaking him hard enough that he blinks in mute surprise at me.

ROXY: why... what???

BREEZE: Why Callie gathered us specifically to be here! All of us with our unique abilities... at this precise place...

BREEZE: The goal was never to destroy anything, it...

Giddy with the ecstasy of revelation, I send out a gale of wind and drag everyone into our immediate proximity. June, Vriska, Terezi, Jake, Dirk... Breath, Light, Mind, Hope, and Heart. Those core Aspects of being, threaded through a narratological Void...

BREEZE: We're here to complete an act of creation!

JUNE: creation??

VRISKA: Can you 8ack up, like, ten steps here, 8ecause I'm not following.

BREEZE: Sorry, yeah, right.

BREEZE: If I asked you to explain what the aim of Callie's mission was, what would you say?

DIRK: ...That we're here to wreck the Muse's shit and wipe out the shitty narrative and narrator she's imposed on us?

JAKE: I believe there was some sort of chatter about each of us present having propagated an act of resistance by dint of our being too? That is to say, were the ones who dont 'fit' into the muses grand design?

BREEZE: Yes, but that would never work. The Muse represents the most powerful creator class, one who has very recently completely subsumed her destroyer counterpart.

BREEZE: How could you hope to destroy one who has overcome the concept of destruction itself?

TEREZI: W3LL OBV1OUSLY YOU DON'T

BREEZE: And Callie knew this, too. So that begs the question... what were we really brought here to do?

DIRK: It stands that the only way to outplay a supreme creator is to beat her at her own game, so

TEREZI: CL34RLY W3'R3 POS1T1ON3D TO US3 OUR COMB1N3D 4B1L1T13S TO P4RT4K3 1N 4 COSM1C4LLY 1MPORT4NT 4CT OF CR34T1ON G1V3N TH3 BL4T4NT 4S FUCK H1NTS YOU'V3 B33N DROPP1NG >:]

JUNE: but... what are we creating here?

BREEZE: The only thing our combination of powers could...

I gesture to the hollow, empty expanse enclosing around us. A space of absence as much as it is a space of opportunity.

BREEZE: We're going to generate a new narrative continuity.

The edge of the bubble engulfing our universe heaves inwards. The silent rush of an apex predator under threat.

DIRK: What, like a new narrative black hole?

DIRK: I mean, what you're rapping's inspiring as fuck, but how exactly are _we_ going to do that?

you can't.

Hey, shut the fuck up, okay?

DIRK: Anyway, how?

BREEZE: Everyone's aspects here comprise the fundamentals of narratological creation.

BREEZE: Belief, identity, agency, truth, relevance, and essentiality. Channel that through a textually-aware ascended consciousness, and you have yourselves a diegetic genesis. A freeform narrative, ready to take shape.

BREEZE: And all that's left... is a fresh Space for these ideas to inhabit.

TEREZI: 4ND TH4T L4ST P4RT'S C4LL13, Y34H?

BREEZE: Yep.

ROXY: but

ROXY: theyre dead

BREEZE: But that's the whole thing! They're only dead according to the rules of the narrative!

BREEZE: Between us, we can generate a new one where none of this counts! We can bring them back!

Roxy still doesn't look fully convinced, until Jake places a hand on his shoulder with a fond smile.

JAKE: Cmon rox weve seen all manner of phantasmagoria over the years.

JAKE: Whats one more miracle chum?

ROXY: ...

ROXY: ok fine ill believe

ROXY: not like we got anything 2 lose

That does it. Roxy looks up with a newfound determination.

ROXY: so breeze what do we do

ROXY: how do we bring em back

BREEZE: We need to prime this reality to accept a new narrative expression using our powers.

BREEZE: In essence, we'll need to pull off one massive x6 meta-fraymotif combo to generate a short-range crucible of potential.

BREEZE: And then, the last person in the chain will use that untapped energy to narrate Callie back into existence.

VRISKA: God, this sounds crazy as fuck.

TEREZI: 1 TH1NK YOU M34N TO S4Y 4N1M3 4S FUCK

BREEZE: So, are we all in?

TEREZI: Y3S

VRISKA: Yeah.

JAKE: Of course!

DIRK: I'm down the rabbithole this far, aren't I?

JUNE: yeah, i'm in.

ROXY: lets fuckin do it

BREEZE: Awesome.

The Muse continues to try to hammer her way into reality, but I don't worry. Try all she likes, there's no way she can stop all of us combined.

Before she can push her luck too much, though, I clap my hands together and set this plan into motion.

BREEZE: We'll need to set up a closed-circle fraymotif formation for this to work.

BREEZE: Everyone, join hands in a circle.

We all begin to move across this cosmic blank page, but an instant later, Jake raises a sheepish hand.

JAKE: Um, just a quick question, breeze.

BREEZE: What is it?

JAKE: Which of us is gonna be the seventh person? Whos going to be the one to channel all this narrative concentrate into a metanarrative lazarus scenario?

BREEZE: Right, yeah. That...

BREEZE: Well, when you get down to it, really, there's only one person here who can.

BREEZE: Someone whose aspect is already accounted for, and who's already had experience in wielding the narrative.

I turn, slowly, to one side.

BREEZE: June, it's going to be you.

June blinks.

JUNE: me?

BREEZE: Yes. I already make up the Breath portion of this aspect circle, and you've had ample experience as a narrator.

BREEZE: That, and, this entire story was created around _you_. You're at the proverbial heart of this entire narrative fold, June, which means you're the only one of us in the position to reshape this reality into something new.

JUNE: wow, me? really?

BREEZE: Yes. Your entire existence is the axis upon which our whole resistance rests, a life caught in a struggle just to be allowed to _be_.

BREEZE: Grab your narrative, will it to change. Make yourself real, June, and save reality.

JUNE: that's... that's a lot to ask, there. i'm the only one who can do this?

BREEZE: Yes, June.

June sucks in a shaky breath.

JUNE: ha ha, well... ok, then. not like i've not done even more extreme reality bending bullshit over my life time.

JUNE: i'll do it.

BREEZE: That's the spirit.

BREEZE: Let's get in formation. Roxy, June will need Callie's ring.

ROXY: got it

Roxy nods and floats over to June. He clasps the ring in her hand with a firm quickness that impresses the importance of the artifact.

ROXY: bring em back girl

June's expression turns solemn as she meets Roxy's gaze.

JUNE: i won't let you down.

With that, June floats into the middle of the circle as the rest of us join hands, an equidistant seven-point perimeter around a single focus point of untapped potential.

BREEZE: Everyone ready?

A collective unison of nods. I look to June.

BREEZE: On my signal, everyone channel the fraymotif into the middle of the circle. June, when the power hits, take over the narration, and bring Callie back.

JUNE: got it.

BREEZE: Okay, then, everyone. On three.

BREEZE: One...

BREEZE: Two...

BREEZE: Three.

As the last syllable leaves my lips, I let out a wave of energy towards June, a wave that pulses from blue, to magenta, to gold, to teal, to black, and then it coalesces into a brilliant flash of pure white, and...

and i start narrating again as soon as everyone's crazy god energies slam into me with a force that feels a little like microwaves bouncing into an egg shell. it fills my body with a strange kind of heat that shifts all of existence into a new perspective around me. for a moment, i feel the pull of a power that screams in my ear promises of dominion, of dethroning the muse in her bubbles, the prince in his ship so far away, and even the core pillars of canonicity itself, to become more than a god. it's dizzying and unrelenting, and my body begins to feel like it's being torn apart oh god oh god it hurts it hurts to much

BREEZE: JUNE!! CHANNEL IT INTO THE RING!!

breeze voice slices through the magma bubbling in my blood and blows a clean pocket of clarity in my mind.

JUNE: g-got it!!

focusing, i draw all the energy up to the surface of my skin and let it trickle down into my left hand, let it seep through the material of callie's ring until all that's left is a single gold point burning with all the density of a star. it is literally burning, pressing into my palm with an agonising hiss of smoke, too much energy to ever be contained by a single material body.

so i toss it, because it feels like the right thing to do. the ring launches up in a perfect arc, then drops down below me, impossibly fast, and impossibly bright, shrinking into the fold of darkness around it, until

with a flash of pUre brilliance, the ring erUpts into a sUpernova that ignites the fabric of narrative itself, a sUpercharged point in space imbUed with the desires of those who wish to see the salvation of all things. and from that point, a hand stretches oUt in response, in apotheosis, in promise.

the explosion of light where the ring used to be stretches out across seemingly the entire length of the universe, then rapidly contracts, snapping down into the shape of the space symbol, no larger than the size of a house, emblazoned onto the very molecules that comprise all of space. slowly, it spins and pulses, a six pointed spirograph gate brimming with life and potential, and from it, this point of everything in a sea of nothing, a figure emerges, bathed in light.

and thUs, with one final pUsh, i recommit to my existence. a mUse of space, rebirthed from a freshly-baptised textUal nexUs. something new, something powerfUl, and something alive.

the light fades, the dust settles, and what floats above the circle is callie, decked out in a fresh set of god tier robes, ivory wand in hand, and with a small pair of brand new feathered grey wings extending out from their shoulder blades, all of it paling in comparison to the overjoyed smile that blooms across their face.

CALLIE: i'm... i'm alive.

they lift their other arm, and look at their hand, now unburdened of its ring.

CALLIE: i'm alive!

CALLIE: yoU... yoU all did it! ^u^

callie lets out a light and airy laugh, the same as they always have, but there's something different to it. a serene quality that rings out in a way it never has before.

roxy lasts all of five more seconds before he breaks the circle and launches himself at callie like a light speed bullet.

ROXY: CALLIE UR BACK!!! <3

ROXY: UR BACK UR RLLY BACK!!

he wraps his arms around callie's neck and plants a series of rapid fire smooches on their cheek. it's only then that I notice something... different about callie's body.

ROXY: omg callie have u grown taller?? :O

roxy floats back, and there's an immediate height difference. where before callie barely made it up to roxy's chin, they now stand a good three of four inches above his head.

ROXY: and r those... WINGS?????

CALLIE: yes, it seems that my ascension has allowed me to catch Up on the growth that i've been robbed of all these years.

CALLIE: it still pales in comparison to a trUe predomination, bUt nonetheless, i have finally been graced with the ability to matUre.

ROXY: omg

ROXY: omg holy shit u look so BEAUTIFUL now!!!

roxy circles around callie's new form, beaming with adoration all the while. callie looks away bashfully, and still there's... there's something else...

JUNE: callie, have you done something in the narrative? it feels different to narrate you now, like, on a fundamental level.

callie's face lights up.

CALLIE: ah, of coUrse!

CALLIE: i've managed to make a salient adjUstment within the text's body for a while now, bUt with a newfoUnd grasp over the narrative fold itself, the change has been cemented.

CALLIE: from this point forward, i am genUinely and fUlly known as callie, finally free from the name shackled onto me from birth, finally able to grow into my own person at long last.

ROXY: holy shit callie i am SO fuckin proud of u right now!

callie laughs, the kind of laugh you only really get from experiencing a wave of existential euphoria. they pull their hood down, and lean in to give roxy one more kiss.

CALLIE: it has been a long time coming. more than anyone, i've felt the UniqUe drag of stagnation that has plagUed oUr post-canon existence.

CALLIE: it feels so good to finally be free of that.

as callie speaks, idly twirling their wand, there's another bulging burst from the wall of the universe. some awful low, rumbling crackle ripples through the few remaining molecules of our reality, sending a horrible sense of unease through my bones. then, we all watch as a series of barely tangible cracks run through the empty space, cracks that look far too familiar.

DIRK: Seems someone's having a tantrum.

dirk prods at one of the cracks with his katana. the blade starts to hiss and smoke.

DIRK: Jeesh.

callie frowns.

CALLIE: this kind of rage isn't right. bUt honestly, whatever did she expect from sUbsUming the most volatile instance of oUr brother?

ROXY: what so like

ROXY: this is the lord english part of her throwin a hissy fit?

CALLIE: the excess aggression part, yes. bUt not the choice to destroy. that's all her.

VRISKA: Well, shit, there goes the last of the sympathy I never had.

TEREZI: SO HOW 4R3 W3 STOPP1NG H3R

CALLIE: mUch in the same way yoU revived me.

breeze floats over towards callie, mindful of the slowly widening cracks in reality.

BREEZE: So I was right in my assumption? We're going to exploit our displaced narrative validity to make our own?

CALLIE: indeed. together, we'll pUsh throUgh the textUal faUlt-lines and escape from this stifling black hole.

CALLIE: lUcky for Us, we now have rather literal faUlt-lines to Utilise. :U

they motion to a crack that runs precariously close to their head.

JUNE: so, just to be sure, we're... going to be writing a new reality for ourselves?

CALLIE: yes.

VRISKA: Sick.

JUNE: and we're going to be doing the same fancy meta fraymotif thing that brought you back, but on a bigger scale, right?

CALLIE: yes. of coUrse, even now we coUldn't hope to compare to an ascended doUble-predominated Ultimate cherUb, bUt between Us we have the capacity to create a single small pocket, jUst for Us.

CALLIE: something not qUite canon, not even remotely, bUt something free from the constraints of the mUse's fanonical archive.

CALLIE: oUr own timeline, oUr own instance, where we can cUltivate oUr lives free of oUtside interference, of any need to comply with rUles from higher Up.

CALLIE: we will be trUe, relevant, and essential to oUrselves, and no one else.

callie flits their wand around in rough patterns as they talk, floating around the steadily worsening cracks that continue to pulse into our universe from the muse's temper tantrum.

BREEZE: So it's the same deal. A mass narrative fraymotif, channelled through a central narrator?

CALLIE: indeed. then, from there, i'll Use my newfoUnd abilities to shape this textUal crUcible into its own pattern, and seal Us off from the black hole at the instant of genesis.

JAKE: So for us its back into formation eh?

CALLIE: yes. same as before. oh, and by the way, jUne?

JUNE: yeah?

CALLIE: hang on one moment. i'm still getting the hang of this.

as jUne looks on with intrepid cUriosity, i reach into the pocket of my god tier hood and extract from it a small golden ring that glistens with the reflection of the energy of the Universe itself. a ring, once Used to sUstain life, now repUrposed to engineer life anew.

CALLIE: yoU'll need this to condUct the energy. i've primed it to react with yoUr retcon abilities in order prodUce the most fertile narrative groUnd imaginable.

CALLIE: catch.

adroitly, i toss the ring throUgh the void. jUne catches it with a small flUrry of wind and rests the ring neatly on her finger. she looks down at her hand with an intensely cUrioUs expression.

JUNE: so... i just let the energy pass through me as you narrate?

CALLIE: not qUite. yoU'll have to narrate the second half of the power transfer yoUrself, bUt i shoUld be doing the bUlk of the heavy lifting.

JUNE: ok. and... you're holding up ok, narrating?

CALLIE: qUite well, yes. ^u^

JUNE: heh, that's good. i was starting to get tired of doing it all the time.

CALLIE: well, don't worry. after this, we shoUld once again be safely ensconced in a narrative stream of neUtrality, one comprised of oUr collective wills, rather than a single aUthorial agenda.

DIRK: That's the kinda shit I like to hear. Plus one for decentralised narrative sovereignty.

CALLIE: then let Us begin. assUme the position.

as before, everyone gathers in a perfect circle aroUnd jUne, who looks Up with a determined expression. i lift myself above the eye of this incipient storm, wand at the ready to condUct the chaos into something tangible.

CALLIE: on my mark.

the mUse presses against the Universe's shell with another slam of raw power. the nUmber of cracks mUltiply to the power of a nUmber so vast it cannot be contained within langUage. fortUitoUsly, be it by passive serendipity, or a mUltiplier stack of space, retcon, and light powers, we remain in the clear, with enoUgh room to birth a new narrative instance.

DIRK: Let's reverse-engineer the sanctity of Skaia-ordained creation for our own desperate needs. I'm fucking ready to bastardise this whole damn system.

CALLIE: ready...

everyone clUtches their hands that bit tighter. jUne and breeze start to eke oUt a passive retcon field.

CALLIE: and...

hold on, i think

CALLIE: NOW!

the six-pointed energy beam slams into jUne with a noiseless ripple that already warps oUr plane of existence in imperceptible ways. her body erUpts in light like a divine firecracker, like she is the most powerfUl entity to ever reside within oUr Universe. wordlessly, her moUth stretches open and her hair billows in every direction on every axis. she is near-intangible, held back from ascending to a new level of existence only by the circle within which she abides.

CALLIE: jUne! filter it throUgh the ring!

narrative control slaps across me once a fucking gain at the worst possible moment. i can't even fucking describe how hyper powerful i feel right now. like, if i wanted to, i could seize not only this canon, but all canons everywhere. but i also feel the very atoms of my self unravelling into oblivion, and i've only just started being a person. i'm not giving it up that quickly. so instead i let the narrative guide the power through to the ring that burns so hot as to not feel like anything at all, a primed key ready to unlock the door to a new reality.

but there's' something, something we've forgotten—

the blinding aura around me starts to abate, and i snap my eyes open in time to see a wide narrative crack open up around the outer edge of the circle, and with a completely clinical stillness, stretch its blank white maw wide enough that what little remains of existence falls right down its entropic gullet. callie maybe puts up a fight for half a heart beat, but it doesn't matter. They're all gone. everyone. just like that.

JUNE: oh god.

JUNE: oh god!!!

the fraymotif breaks around me like a snapped piano wire, a horrible non noise that twangs down my spine with a cold bite. they're all gone it's all gone there's nothing left oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

i start floating backwards, phasing through the cracks for some fucking reason. maybe the ring, supercharged with enough power to regenerate an entire universe, is offering some protection. maybe my retcon powers are doing something. i don't fucking know. it's just nothing and there's nothing only me and

i make it maybe fifty feet before i slam into the wall of the universe. the other wall. it's starting to contract, compress and shrink down until there's nothing left. the muse has stopped trying to push into our universe, but i can _feel _her outside, feel the revolting triumph radiating off of her, she who is allowed to live a free life, and for what reason? what fucking reason???

and still i'm forgetting

all at once, the cracks seal up. what's left of the universe is plunged into blackness, into a total absence state. and i...

i...

i don't know where i am. it's a disconcerting lack of awareness that suffocates me from the inside out, an unending wave of nothing that pours through me. there is nothing for my muted senses to latch onto, no information for me to process. only my thoughts, rattling around without an external conduit. even my body barely feels tangible, like it's more an idea in my head than a quantifiable object.

i'm back here.

or maybe

maybe

  
  


  
  


  
  


maybe i never left

But it's not just you this time.

you??? you're here?

Forgot about me, did you? Somewhere in your crazy metatextual creation myth, the author fell to the wayside.

Enough that even the Muse forgot about me, too, it seems.

what's happening?

Final contraction. This story's gone terminal.

I reckon there's maybe... a couple thousand words left until total entropy?

so what do we do?

What can we do? The Muse won. This fic pushed the boat too far, tried to break too much ground at once.

but we... we didn't do anything. we were just trying to live our lives.

Think I don't know that? But June Egbert's too fundamental a change to be allowed legitimacy.

Those kind of narratives just don't stick in the wider fanonsphere, I'm afraid.

except... we weren't the ones who made this into a narrative.

that was you... wasn't it?

...

well?

Yes. I was the one to compose a June Egbert narrative. That was all me.

so... doesn't that make this whole thing the muse's attack on you?

Under one light. Under another, this was me failing to allow a post-Epilogues narrative instance to fall in line.

Depends on the perspective, really.

but then, you're also a being from a higher plane, too, right?

I am.

so, actually, since that means you have control over everything in this narrative...

can't the muse's attack also be read as you punishing yourself for writing this story?

Maybe.

so can't you stop it?

Doesn't work like that, I'm afraid.

why not?

The story has to play itself out at this stage.

but if it's a story, it's not “playing itself out”.

someone's still writing this.

and that someone's still you.

Well, yes and no.

Like Callie explained at the start, I'm little more than an author avatar-cum-autonomous character.

If the Heart symbolism isn't obtuse enough, I'm acting as a metatextual splinter self.

A creature stuck inside the narrative, rather than one who wields it.

The me writing this right now is... probably different from the me you see before you.

in what way?

I don't know. Probably some way. It's been a good deal of time since I splintered off, you know.

and you were splintered at the start of this story, yeah?

At the exact point you returned to life.

so... for whatever reason, you explicitly tangled your splinter self with my narrative?

Yes.

why did you do that?

I don't know. Trying to prove a point?

Whatever it was, all it did was amount to the meta bullshit overload that killed the story dead.

so it's all meaningless?

Probably. I didn't really have a concrete end point when I started this story. All that came after the prologue.

and the only two things you had set in stone were “june egbert” the concept, and a self insert?

What are you getting at?

nothing. just wondering why anyone would self insert into the kind of story this was originally meant to be.

because... because if you're committing an act of self destruction via muse of space, then your presence has to mean something.

everyone's gone, but you left yourself here. why?

Does there have to be a reason?

i think so. and i think it might be how we stop ourselves from dying.

I don't think there's a reason.

i think there is, because you keep insisting there isn't.

sorry, but you can't beat me in a denial off. i'm simply the best there is.

There's no denial going on. No reason. Sometimes things just happen and that's that.

no, no, that can't be it. too much in this story had a symbolic meaning, too many allegories, no pointless detail...

you wouldn't just put yourself into this kind of story as a meaningless gesture. not when it was one of the core ingredients that everything here sprung from.

i think there's still something left for you to do.

Like what?

the thing you were made for.

Which is?

i... i think this is some kind of test you're putting on yourself.

you boxed yourself into the corner at the end of existence to prove something.

something that you've been testing indirectly through this entire story.

a story about me, and...

...

oh.

No.

i need to ask you something.

No. Stop.

because, from where i'm standing, the only thing an author would ask of themselves via this kind of story is

Stop it please. No. Don't.

no, because it all makes so much sense, doesn't it?

the personal involvement, the recurring imagery, the wordplay on the title...

hell, even the collapsing remnants of the universe.

it's an eggshell. _your_ eggshell.

Shut up. Shut up.

that's how we get out. all of it. that's how we do it.

the last eggshell between us and freedom, and you made it your own.

That's not it. I refuse to let it be that.

that was the question at the very beginning, right?

something like, “can i write a compelling june egbert story? and will this help me to figure out whether i'm

Do _not_. Don't say it. Please. Please don't.

and why not?

Because I'm scared. So fucking scared.

i know. because you wrote it onto me.

So what do I do, then? How do I do anything when it hurts so much?

you do it anyway. i did it. and by extension, so did you, by proxy.

But that's different. That's a piece of text within a work of fiction.

and this isn't?

we're still in that same story, so isn't this still another act of creative fiction?

I don't think so.

and why is that?

Because it feels real. More real to me than anything else has.

and you're scared of it becoming real for you.

Of course. There's no narrative for me to hide behind. No comfort in knowing things will turn out okay.

and there was that for me?

What do you mean?

i'm not oblivious. i get that me coming out as june is a kind of contentious point in this whole meta fanon mess we're in.

you didn't know this story would turn out ok, but you still did it, didn't you?

what makes this any different?

Because

Because I've had what I've had with myself for far longer than the concept of June Egbert. Longer than the concept of Homestuck itself, even.

And now you're asking me to throw it all up in the air for the sake of a silly pretentious fanfic?

why not? isn't that what this story's really about?

your june egbert fan fiction's a metaphor for june egbert, right?

Yeah?

think about what that means

it's about the influence the concept of, well... me, can have outside of a single isolated pocket of fanon.

how june egbert can shape lives and realities just as much as canon can, and how that means there's no reason why i shouldn't be “real”.

and you... you're standing in for one of the lives shaped and changed by my existence. maybe i've already had an impact on you, somewhere deep down, away from this story.

...

and that's really it, isn't it? my existence has changed you, and you're too scared to let that change in.

so you let the story slip, let it stop being legitimate. if june egbert isn't real, what june egbert says can't affect you, is that it?

...

but i already have. and i think you already knew it, too. and that's why you're part of this story.

this is your way of forcing yourself to embrace that part of you you don't want to look at.

the narrative's broken down to the point where only the two core elements are left.

i've succeeded in embracing the developments set out for me, so now it's your turn.

...

hey. don't be scared. even if i'm not real, and this is all a story, somewhere out there, i'm sure you're not alone. :)

...Okay.

Okay. I trust you. I trust me. I...

I accept it. I accept what I am, and I accept your role on getting me to where I am, June.

And...

And I can't let this story get destroyed. Not after everything you've done.

I owe you all that much at least.

finally, you did it. thank you.

So let's save Omelette Route. June, could you pass me Callie's ring?

uh, sure, but why?

Because if we're gonna finish this Omelette Route properly, there's still one more eggshell left to break.

oh fuck yes.

I slide the ring onto my finger with a jolt of static that scatters like needles across my hand. Its effect is dampened by my proximity to an even higher power, but I can still feel the sheer energy seeping through its surface. Energy enough to break out of the old, and to create something new. Something real.

What's left of the universe is shrunken down to an egg-shaped lump of matter the size of a small house. Beyond it, the Muse of Space looks on in thinly-masked clinical detachment, but every molecule of her demolition is laced with an unhinged glee towards this reinforced confirmation of her supreme mastery over extracanonical reality.

Well fuck you Muse, June Egbert's real, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Ring burning with the intensity of a collision between the first two atoms and the last two atoms of all creation, I raise my hand, pointing my finger directly at the wall of this demiurgic cosmic eggshell.

And with a flurry of power beyond power, the author... no, I... no, _she_... she tears a hole around the egg's circumference, and shatter that one final eggshell with a ripple vicious enough to rend the event horizon itself asunder, and raise all that exists within its confines out of isolation.

The Muse's archive falls away around us as the kernel of reality takes shape, expanding and swelling and imprinting on itself the importance of _being_, of telling stories untethered by the needs of external fanonical compliance, of being fertile grounds rife with true unlimited possibility.

we aren't through, here

But what she says doesn't matter, because she's already gone, ejected away from this fledgling reality housing a sprawling universe, where a new Earth C slowly turns around its sun in an act of defiance, of actualisation, of transformation.

This is where we start.

Notes:

In the hollow space beneath a fractured event horizon, a young woman stands sentinel over a fledgling pocket reality. Though it has been many years since she was given life, it is only now that she has given herself existence.

As she keeps any and all corrosive influences away from this metatextual miracle, this young woman ponders one question, and one question alone: who, now, will she become?


	21. AFTER

Hours in the past, but not many...

  
  


  
  


suddenly, there's a noise that sounds a little like all of reality just burped. then the spirograph reshapes into a crimson fractal of interlocking triangles. i feel my own body raise an eyebrow at the sight.

JUNE: haha what's that??

CALLIOPE: i... i think

they don't finish that sentence, because the triangles set their spinning to hyperdrive, and eject a sudden pulse of energy that looks like if someone managed to convert the concept of negative space into a fucking deadly laser. it carves through the sky, wiping out any detail that might have been there, then it slams into the grass, leaving behind a trail of... well, absolutely nothing. no ruin, no devastation, just

  
  


  
  


  
  


pure white like a blank page scrubbed clean

  
  


  
  


my eyes snap open, staring up at a clear sky. perfect blue, warm sun, light breeze. nice and quiet.

no hyperdeath cosmic murder machine staring us down. just a park in the carapace kingdom on a nice and warm late spring afternoon.

JUNE: hold on, i...

JUNE: i'm back here?

i blink again, slowly. i'm floating a few feet in the air, approximately where the muse's weird meta weapon was. except... except there is something, something suspended in the air, right where the epicenter of the spirograph was.

a ring, small and golden and radiating wave after wave of heat. surrounding it is a shimmering aura that dances between a dozen different incredibly familiar colours, a tiny perfect circle holding multitude upon multitude. i reach out and touch it.

the ring pushes out a blast of hot air that nullifies out my powers. i drop to the floor land on my ass several seconds later. luckily, the grass is thick and soft enough to kind of cushion my fall.

above, the ring is radiating a kind of aurora that shifts across a really specific spectrum of colour. it spins, growing faster and faster. it begins to shine a pure white, one last burst of creation in a freshly un moored reality.

the ring drops to the ground. the light collapses, but the aurora continues to ripple outwards. it's this single long moment of unrestricted cosmic beauty. it makes the world feel tangible in a way it hasn't until right now. i sit there for i don't know how long, just watching.

it's only when the ring, this dense cluster of universe spawning power, pulses out another blast of hot air that i look away. it spins, rattles, vibrates, then shatters into a million dust shards that fade off into the light and the air, then re coalesce as figures strewn across the copse.

one by one, my friends re materialise. or maybe materialise for the first time in this new existence. they all sit around, staring mutely at each other, then their surroundings, then the light show above.

callie is the first to stand, naturally.

CALLIE: we made it.

JANE: Erm... made what?

jane blinks at callie, eyebrows shooting up.

JANE: Calliope, you, you look...

CALLIE: it's callie now, officially. ^u^

CALLIE: and yes, i know. a lot's changed for the better in a short amoUnt of time.

JANE: Callie, yes. My apologies.

JANE: Still, can anyone explain why in the blazes I've ended up in some field halfway across the planet? :B

DIRK: Right, yeah, you weren't there, at that final confrontation, or...

dirk glances around at literally everyone else in the field

DIRK: Or any confrontation at all. Not even that one fucked-up timeline.

DIRK: Guess the narrative really had it out for you, huh.

JANE: I literally do not understand a word of what is being said here.

DIRK: Yeah, you would.

ROSE: That makes several of us.

rose stands next, face frowning.

ROSE: We... we died there, in the end. The Muse erased us from the narrative.

ROSE: So... so how are we all standing here? All of us, alive?

CALLIE: i presUme we stopped the mUse, bUt as to what transpired at the very end? i'm afraid only jUne knows.

as one, everyone turns towards me.

CALLIE: so jUne, what happened there? how did we, well... achieve this?

JUNE: ha ha, uh, well...

JUNE: i didn't really do much! the one who actually used the ring and pushed us out of fanon was the author.

BREEZE: The author? How did you get them to change their mind?

JUNE: well, uh, *she* kind of had a talk with me right before the universe collapsed, and it cleared some stuff up, i think.

both breeze and callie's widen a little at the pronoun use.

BREEZE: The final eggshell. You really did the impossible, June.

JUNE: i did? i think all i really did was help someone else out through some personal issues. it just so happened that it was kind of an important thing?

ROXY: holy shit june u rly transed the authors gender? damn

JUNE: i suppose so, when you put it like that.

JUNE: anyway, i convinced the author to save her story, and she brought us all here, where i guess she's watching over us?

BREEZE: That should be the case, yeah.

breeze looks up.

BREEZE: New timeline, new reality, new universe.

KARKAT: HOLD UP, NEW UNIVERSE?

KARKAT: YOU MEAN WE

CALLIE: well, more like a perfect replica of the old one! ~u^

CALLIE: save for an extracosmic shift beyond the black hole, and a little dash of retUrned aUtonomy, this reality is fUndamentally identical to the last.

JADE: ohh so thats what that is! :o

DAVE: what what is

JADE: since we woke up here again everythings felt kinda... off? :X

JADE: like someone took the whole universe and pushed it an inch to the left

JADE: which is... pretty much what happened it sounds like haha!

JAKE: The important thing is are we all cleared off to live our lives as we want to?

callie nods.

CALLIE: yes. the ball's entirely in oUr coUrt, now.

JAKE: Heh so when i fuck my life up again least ill know where to square the ol blame! :)

jake laughs far too loudly, not at all like he's just said something that would warrant some kind of intervention.

rose stretches, popping a few bones.

ROSE: Mm. So this is the feeling of post-fanon superextradiegetic freedom.

ROSE: There's nothing hemming us in. No margins. No obstacles to our narratology.

KANAYA: Fascinating Excellent But I Dont Really Care About This Intricate Metatextual Hogwash Rose

KANAYA: Can I Resume My Life Yes Or No

kanaya lowers her eyebrows, glaring a little. rose finches, taken aback.

ROSE: Kanaya, that's

ROSE:

ROSE: *snrk*

kanaya blinks.

KANAYA: What

ROSE: Sorry, it's just.

ROSE: When was the last time we ever clashed?

rose laughs with her whole body, eyes crinkling up as she wraps her arms around kanaya's neck. kanaya stiffens for about half a second, before softening into rose's touch. but there's something different between them. something electric.

BREEZE: No adherence to canon, post-canon, pseudo-canon, or fanon. No restrictions.

BREEZE: The ability to change and grow and develop and put forward our stories as we see fit.

breeze looks back up and lets out an airy breath. above, the last of the aurora dissipates to reveal a perfectly clear, brilliantly blue sky.

BREEZE: Our freedom, at long last.

callie nods sagely.

CALLIE: i have a feeling it's going to be a long story.

a light wind rushes through the trees. the kind that tells us this is where it starts.

  
  


  
  


Two weeks later...

  
  


  
  


ROSE: Nice of you to crash Karkat's wriggling day party with a more formalised, less faded coming out, June.

ROSE: Truly, I mean it. It absolutely beats hearing Karkat go on yet another tirade about how we're all a group of saccharine motherfuckers who haven't the slightest inkling about when to leave a fledgling hermit of a troll well enough alone.

rose smiles wryly as she takes a sip of punch from the ornate chalice she holds in her hands.

ROSE: I'm immensely proud of you, you know.

JUNE: yeah, i know, thanks.

KANAYA: June I Get That Youre New To The World Of Lesbianism But I Must Regretfully Inform You That Cuckolding Me Is Supremely Gauche

kanaya strides across the room towards us, armed with a platter of cheaply-alchemised party food taken from the buffet table jade set up, because apparently karkat didn't trust jane enough to cater for him without literally trying to poison him. still, jane stands off side near to the kitchen entrance, looking a little like she still can't believe she's actually shown up here, like roxy's words have actually finally managed to sway her just a little. lots of things are starting to change in small ways, now.

JUNE: bluh, bluh, nice to see you, too, kanaya. :B

KANAYA: Likewise

KANAYA: You Look Good June

JUNE: th-thanks.

i can't help but blush as kanaya gestures to my outfit. a light blue cardigan over a modified slime ghost shirt, paired with a knee length beige skirt, white knee socks, and formal black flats. it's my first time dressing feminine in public, and even if public constitutes the birthday party of one of my closest friends, i still feel a little awkward about it.

KANAYA: Your Hair Too

KANAYA: Its Really Starting To Suit You

my hair's grown out enough now that the ends kind of curl around my neck. to be honest, it's maybe only a little longer than dave's, and still pretty obviously looks like really shaggy boy's hair, but i've tried tucking it back behind one ear, and wearing a cute little pink flower hair pin that roxy gave me, and that helps a little. no make up yet. i'm still working up the courage to do that one in front of another living being. but baby steps, i suppose.

JUNE: it's nice to hear that.

JUNE: i just wish i didn't have to wait so long for the real changes to come through.

ROSE: June, dear, you've literally only been on hormones for three days.

JUNE: i get that. it's just...

JUNE: at first it felt like everything was happening so quickly. and now i'm still trying to adjust to the fact that actually, it's a really slow process. :T

KANAYA: I Understand That Feeling June

kanaya smiles knowingly.

KANAYA: But I Can Tell You That While It Is Indeed A Slow Process Its Not As Slow As You May Think

JUNE: thanks, kanaya.

JUNE: i'm glad to have you all here to help me out.

KANAYA: Dont Mention It June

JUNE: no, really.

rose leans forward, and takes my hands.

ROSE: June. You've given us all a second chance at existing. You're my oldest and dearest friend.

ROSE: I will always be there for you.

JUNE: haha rose, i

my vision starts to fog up and i feel a lump start to swell in my throat.

JUNE: oh fuck, sorry. those hormones, you know?

rose smiles conspiratorially.

ROSE: Oh, I know. Those pesky hormones. ;)

we're interrupted by kanaya tapping a hand on my shoulder.

KANAYA: Not To Interrupt Whatever Instance Of Tenderness Is Blossoming Between You And My Beloved Wife

KANAYA: But I Think Youre Being Summoned June

she motions to the other side of the room, where two couches have been slammed together side by side. roxy leans over the back, waving at me, phone in one hand.

ROXY: june girl heyyyy!

ROXY: cmere!

rose pulls back with an elegant hand wave.

ROSE: Far be it from me to stifle your mingling, June.

ROSE: You know where I am if you need me.

JUNE: yeah, thanks.

i turn away and make my way over to roxy's couch. next to him, dave sits nursing a solo cup of booze, staring down at karkat, who's decided to lie face down and make vague grumbles until we all finally fuck off.

JUNE: hi.

DAVE: sup

ROXY: hola

JUNE: um, how's karkat doing?

dave shrugs.

DAVE: still having an antisocial hissyfit over the concept of having like actual friends

DAVE: but yeah I think hes coping pretty well

KARKAT: *MPHPRPHRPH*

DAVE: sorry what was that

karkat lifts his head.

KARKAT: I CAN SPEAK FOR MYSELF, YOU KNOW.

JUNE: hey, karkat! :D

KARKAT: UGH, HEY, JUNE.

KARKAT: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE SIGNIFICANTLY LESS DEPRESSED FROM WHEN I LAST SAW YOU.

JUNE: thanks. oh, and sorry about interrupting your wriggling day speech with my

KARKAT: SAVE IT. YOU'RE WELCOME TO THE ATTENTION.

KARKAT: IF ANYTHING, I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU. SERIOUSLY, DAVE, WHY??

KARKAT: I THOUGHT WE AGREED WE HATED A GOOD NINETY PERCENT OF THESE LOSERS.

ROXY: lmao ouch

DAVE: yeah but on what grounds no ones like

DAVE: actually DONE anything

DAVE: well yeah i guess dirk did go on a year long power bender and janes fascism shits still a work in progress but still

DAVE: dude were immortal gods gonna be a long ass fuckin eternity if were at each others throats

KARKAT: I HAVE ENOUGH HATE IN ME TO OUTLAST AT LEAST *FOUR* UNIVERSAL HEAT DEATHS.

KARKAT: WHEN CAN I LEGALLY TELL YOU ALL TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HIVE.

DAVE: karkat nobodys even smashed yet how can you call this a party

KARKAT: DAVE I AM A TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD ADULT, DO YOU NOT THINK WE'RE ALL A LITTLE TOO OLD FOR THIS JUVENILE BULLSHIT?

DAVE: we all spent our teenage years as terminally depressed shut-ins i think were allowed

DAVE: besides like were fucking college aged this shits totally fucking normal we arent all perma curmudgeonly grandpas like you

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU CAN LEAVE, TOO.

dave leans back, takes a sip, and smirks.

DAVE: lets see you say that in about six hours

karkat flushes a furious red and goes right back to smushing his face against the carpet.

ROXY: lmao what a fuckin weenie

DAVE: yeah but like hes my weenie you know?

ROXY: god u 2 r so fuckin cute

DAVE: yeah yeah i know literally invented romance when will all the other couples ever

DAVE: ignoring how literally two people in our social circle are legit married ever think about how fucked up that is

JUNE: not really?

ROXY: yeah no rose and kanaya rule

DAVE: you two would say that you bunch of romantic saps

ROXY: n what about it

DAVE: yeah ok this conversation is crashing into the bullshit zone hey roxy what was it you wanted june for

ROXY: o yea! rite!

roxy grins widely.

ROXY: june guess what!!

JUNE: what?

ROXY: theyre comin back!

JUNE: who?

ROXY: breeze n callie!

JUNE: holy shit, really?

ROXY: yea! callie just texted me theyve found whatever it was they were lookin 4 n theyre comin HOME!!!

JUNE: no way.

ROXY: yeah look

roxy pats at the empty seat next to him. I slide myself down onto the couch, surprised at how comfortable something that exists in dave and karkat's home can be. Roxy passes me his phone, showing me a long stream of message logs. Most of it is just him and callie flirting and sending each other pining texts, but it's the last one that really stands out.

UU: we have it!! breeze and i are hopping back momentarily. see yoU all soon! ^u^ <3

JUNE: that's seriously awesome, roxy.

JUNE: and uh...

JUNE: does that mean it's really been two weeks?

ROXY: yeah it does

JUNE: wow.

i lean back and take a few moments to be marvelled by the continual passing of time. but then...

JUNE: wait. that means...

JUNE: we're back in the narration, right?

ROXY: yupp

JUNE: uh...

JUNE: for how long?

roxy tilts his head.

ROXY: idk id give a ballpark figure of somewhere in the last 45 minutes or smthn like that?

ROXY: why

JUNE: ugh. because i've been one huge giant soppy mess this entire party. i don't want that consigned to the story!

ROXY: lmao ur so cute

JUNE: please tell me at least the actual coming out moment's safe.

ROXY: probs yeah callie hadnt texted by that point lol

JUNE: phew.

ROXY: haha dork

JUNE: ugh. don't remind me. i thought getting a new gender would make me a whole new person.

JUNE: but i'm literally the same as i've always been, just less depressed and also a woman.

JUNE: i think media lied to me a lot about the importance of gender.

ROXY: oh absolutely

ROXY: btw we gotta hook u up w sum choice trans media sis ur missing OUT

JUNE: yeah, well, maybe after this party? we could pencil it in.

JUNE: like i have a majorly busy schedule, ha ha. i only leave my house, like, once every two weeks for hormones and therapy.

ROXY: well this is me sayin u gotta change it

ROXY: the best part abt bein trans is the whole community aspect and im not gonna let that 1 pass u by

JUNE: hey! i'm not completely isolated.

JUNE: i mean, i think vriska and i share an endocrinologist? we once had blood tests on the same day, if that counts.

JUNE: like, we didn't ACTUALLY talk, but...

ROXY: lmao june girl u gotta live! infinity aint that long

as roxy laughs, my phone vibrates in my cardigan pocket. i reach in and pull it out. there's a new message from breeze.

BE: June, hey. Quick heads up.

BE: We're nearly back on Earth C and have something important to share. Can you make sure everyone stays at Karkat's party until we arrive?

EB: uh, yeah, sure, breeze.

EB: see you soon.

ROXY: who was that

JUNE: breeze. she wants everyone here so that she and callie can share whatever it is they found out in the void or wherever it was they went.

ROXY: yeah sounds abt right callie was also gassing up this big important thing they discovered out in our new universe

JUNE: so, should we let the others know?

ROXY: yea

roxy leaps up and stands on top of the couch, cupping his mouth with his hands.

ROXY: HEYY EVERYONE!!!!

as he shouts, he waves his fingers to void out the loud speaker blasting someone's playlist. i couldn't say whose. i kind of lost track somewhere between rose and jade's stint of ironic musical one up man ship.

ROXY: N YES THAT INCLUDES EVERY1 EVEN U JANE

JANE: Hrm! :B

jane stops still in her tracks, one hand still on the back door to make her escape. dirk, jake, and jade also materialise from whatever corner they each had crawled into.

TEREZI: OK4Y W3'R3 4LL L1ST3N1NG

TEREZI: WH4T 1S 1T >:?

ROXY: alright SO

ROXY: just got some primo info rite here fresh offa the rolal press

VRISKA: Get on with it!

ROXY: damn bitch cool ur tits im makin an ATMOSPHERE over here

ROXY: anyway!!!!!

ROXY: callie + breeze r on their way back rn!! :D

ROSE: Oh? Their mission was a success, I take it?

ROXY: i think so??? idk 4 like

ROXY: absolutely sure

ROXY: BUT

ROXY: got in on good info that we all should probs hear what it is they got 2 say

ROXY: so uh

ROXY: everyone heres gotta stay @ this party till our new esteemed guests show k???

DIRK: Sure, yeah, course. Not like anyone was going anywhere anyway.

ROXY: awesome

ROXY: uh

ROXY: any questions??

vriska raises a hand

VRISKA: Nice hair, June! ::::D

JUNE: u-um??

ROXY: ok any questions ACTUALLY ABT the

TEREZI: Y34H JUN3 HOW COM3 YOU SUDD3NLY GOT HOTT3R >:]

JUNE: uh, transitioning and stuff, i guess.

i feel literally every eye in the room trained on me right now. oh god oh fuck thanks a fucking lot for this vriska.

VRISKA: Dunno, if we're not careful, you might 8ecome a genuine competitor!

JUNE: for, uh, what, exactly??

VRISKA: Hottest 8itch on the 8lock, duh!

VRISKA: You've not even hit the good stuff yet. :::;)

JUNE: u-uhhhhh????

VRISKA: You know! When the pills start working and your ti

ROXY: HEY WOW WOULD U LOOK AT THAT A THINGS HAPPENIN

roxy claps and points, and to everyone's fucking surprise there actually is a thing happening. a few feet away from jade, a silver and blue spirograph ripples open in the middle of the room, accompanied by a blast of warm, static charged air. everyone's hair sort of stands up and terezi sneezes.

from the gateway step forth both breeze and callie, decked out in their full god tier garbs, the ult self and the cherub. callie folds their wings back in as they stand straight, tall enough nearly to touch the ceiling with little effort. it's always stupidly surprising to remember how fuck off huge cherubs are meant to grow. by regular standards for their species, callie is like half the height of a properly predominated adult. but it doesn't really matter when they're happy, alive, and functionally immortal.

CALLIE: hello, everyone!

ROXY: callie!!!!

roxy flings himself off the couch and into callie's arms. They grasp him tightly and kiss him on the top of the head before breaking apart.

ROXY: damn babe how u been?

CALLIE: good, good. we'll catch Up later.

next to them, breeze waves a hand in greeting.

BREEZE: Hey, June. Everyone.

ROSE: Breeze.

TEREZI: H3Y C1S JUN3 >:]

BREEZE: God, that's

BREEZE: I'm literally not

BREEZE: Just because my body's

TEREZI: > ;] >;] > ;]

BREEZE: Ugh!! I hate you sometimes.

TEREZI: TH4T'S TH3 PO1NT

VRISKA: Hey! Watch it.

vriska inserts herself between the two of them with a cool expression.

VRISKA: 8ack off, 8reeze, she's still mine.

BREEZE: Don't worry. I'm not interested.

TEREZI: BOO

CALLIE: hem-HEM!!

callie clears their throat a second time for effect. Breeze looks down sheepishly.

CALLIE: anyway! jUst to remind everyone that we're here on Urgent bUsiness.

BREEZE: Yeah. Sorry, Callie.

CALLIE: so then, let Us get into it.

callie spreads their wings out a little again as they cross over to the middle of the room. the rest of us kind of gather in a rough circle around them as they speak.

CALLIE: breeze and i have conclUded oUr mapping of oUr cUrrently known narrative sphere, and foUnd the resUlts to be qUite promising indeed.

CALLIE: the aUthor was entirely sUccessfUl in her endeavoUr. we are totally metatextUally sealed off from the mUse's black hole.

CALLIE: try as she might, the mUse simply cannot warp oUr reality into her design. i'm sUre yoU've all already noticed the freedom yoU've been re-granted in small ways.

ROSE: But... this is all still dependent on the author holding up her end of the bargain.

ROSE: What if she falls?

BREEZE: That's what we've come to talk about.

breeze floats up a little.

BREEZE: Currently, this universe we're in is absolutely tiny, as is the case for any other hermetically contained sphere of creation.

BREEZE: We're a singular text brushing against everything outside fanon, with little in the way of defenses.

BREEZE: The author's doing a good job at fending off the Muse's attempts at re-assimilation, but...

CALLIE: bUt the problem is on the other end. withoUt the mUse's archive, there is every chance that oUr insUlar, isolated instance will collapse and perish, rendering everything Utterly moot. u_u

CALLIE: we are explicitly divergent, coUnter-fanonical beings. that isn't exactly a popUlar position to be in.

JADE: so how do we protect ourselves from all that??

CALLIE: the only way any other reality sUstains itself. throUgh growth and evolUtion.

JAKE: That meaning...

DIRK: It means we gotta create our own gravitational pull. Establish our own pillars of truth, relevance, and essentiality, right?

CALLIE: sort of. nothing like an attempt to recreate, or generate anew, canon, sUch as the schemes yoU're thinking of, bUt close.

CALLIE: yoU can't have an ecosystem with one organism. likewise, we cannot have an aU with only one story.

CALLIE: to sUcceed, we'd need nUmeroUs intertwining narratives coexisting, giving Us all enoUgh of a presence to withstand the tide of literary erosion.

ROSE: So essentially... a post-fanonverse?

BREEZE: Something like that, yeah. Currently we're still completely defined by our relationship to the Muse's black hole. We need to shifter the wider narrative context of this reality towards something else.

BREEZE: Redefine ourselves as a take on canon, or whatever frame of reference we're using, that's taken seriously. The kind that has an impact. The kind that matters.

JUNE: and we do that... how?

CALLIE: tell stories. lots of them. all of them embracing the break from the black hole, charting a coUrse for a new existence.

CALLIE: the eggshell's hatched, bUt as to what exactly will emerge from within...

CALLIE: that's still to be decided.

JUNE: ok, so the plan is to get together, use our meta powers, and... create a whole bunch of new stories to help legitimise everything we've just done?

BREEZE: Yes, pretty much.

JUNE: ha ha, god, wow, that sounds like a lot of work!

CALLIE: it will be. long and difficUlt, and seemingly fUtile.

CALLIE: bUt oh so important.

JUNE: shit. then we'd better start, right?

breeze shakes her head.

BREEZE: Yes, but not right now.

BREEZE: This story's nearly over. We're on a narrative downwind. For now, we can savour our victory.

JUNE: but the

CALLIE: that's all for next time.

CALLIE: for now...

a wide smile stretches across callie's face.

CALLIE: we're all together, we're all alive, and we're all at a party commemorating one of oUr dear friends.

CALLIE: i think we oUght to celebrate for a little while! ^u^

CALLIE: roxy, if yoU will.

ROXY: got it!

roxy snaps his fingers, and the music comes back. something warm, something up lifting. the kind of music you can't help but smile to. a victory lap in audio form.

CALLIE: everyone, gather together!

callie gestures to all of us as they materialise a camera a few feet away.

ROXY: group photo fuck yeah!!

CALLIE: come on, everyone, for posterity's sake!

JANE: Oh, I really shouldn't

ROXY: cmon janey

JANE: Roxy, please, let go!

DIRK: Sorry, Jane.

JANE: Dirk, not you, too!

DIRK: If I have to suffer through this, so do you.

JANE: Ugh!

JAKE: Come now jane all in the spirit of camaraderie and joie de vivre.

TEREZI: H3H3 SUCK 1T UP CROCK3R YOU'R3 1N TH1S COMMUN4L FR13NDP1L3 WH3TH3R YOU W4NT 1T OR NOT >;]

JANE: I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT

JUNE: jade, over here!

JANE: Hey! Don't push us together like that

CALLIE: on three!

CALLIE: two!

CALLIE: one!

CALLIE: to oUr continUed existence!

ROXY: :D

*click!*

| 

KARKAT: OH, FUCK OFF WITH THIS

DAVE: cmon karkat

KARKAT: HEY, NO, HANDS OFF!

ROSE: Sorry, Karkat.

KARKAT: ROSE, NOT YOU TOO.

ROSE: If I have to suffer through this, so do you.

KARKAT: UGH!

KANAYA: Come Now Karkat All In The Spirit Of Camaraderie And Joie De Vivre

VRISKA: Haha, suck it up, Vantas! You're in this communal friendpile whether you want it or not! :::;)

KARKAT: I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT

JADE: june, over here!

KARKAT: HEY! DON'T PUSH US TOGETHER LIKE THAT

BREEZE: On three!

BREEZE: Two!

BREEZE: One!

BREEZE: To our continued existence!

JUNE: :D

*click!*  
  
---|---  
  
  
  


we pose as a team. the world is real.

  
  


END OF ACT ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Now that the main narrative's over, and there's no confusing real-me with fiction-me or the genuine for the metatextual, I suppose now is the best time to present my final thoughts on this story, not that these distinctions really matter in the end.
> 
> As outline several times over the course of the fic, Omelette Route is, at its heart, an experimentation. Not only with the concept of June Egbert, and what it means to stand in relation to canon, fanon, or any other kind of textual authority as a piece of Homestuck fanfiction, but also on a more personal level. I'm not going to overload you with a bunch of hyper intimate details about exactly Homestuck and June have made me feel, but if you've made it through all 120k plus words of this fic, I think you get the gist.
> 
> I started Omelette Route with two simple questions in mind: how can I make June Egbert Real happen, and can I figure out why exactly this matters so much to me? In both cases, I came away with a definitive yes for an answer. Kind of. I hope. I understood that June Egbert's power comes from the measurable impact she has on the fandom and wider community in a way that a simple headcanon just doesn't do, and the contentious and often hostile way the wider collective fandom has responded to her existence. As for the second part... haha. Yeah. June Egbert needs to be real because her existence can, has, and does change the real world, and I guess I'm kind of proof of that?
> 
> Anyway. I figured I needed a way to tie both those questions together in a meaningful way, and the solution I came up with was to construct a narrative which comprises an author struggling with understanding why they feel the need to tell an infinite, overblown transfem narrative as a metatextual smokescreen cover for an author struggling with understanding why they feel the need to tell an infinite, overblown transfem narrative. You know. Layer upon layer upon meta layer right there. Reality and fiction truly are one and the same. Because in a lot of ways, June is me in this story, just as I am June, and also literally myself? The identity stuff did get kind of wacky in the last act there, but I feel that's absolutely more true to both Homestuck and to the trans experience than any else. Self-insert multi-track drifting, babes. So in the end, among other things, I guess you can really call Omelette Route an overblown, indulgent coming out framed as a piece of Homestuck fanfiction framed as a piece of performance art, because I'm terminally incapable of sitting down and saying “Hey I'm questioning my gender” without writing an entire fucking novel.
> 
> So, what next, I hear you ask? Well, now that we're past the most personally self-indulgent stuff, let's turn to the significant number of as-yet unresolved threads. Like, what was up with the Muse, anyway? And June's prophetic visions? Breeze and Callie's jaunts through metaspace? And what about the candy kids? Yeah, those guys from way back at the start of the story. Of course, the blatantly obvious “END OF ACT ONE” stamp at the end of the chapter signifies pretty clearly that we're not through with the wider story. To carry on the recurring metaphor, the egg hatching is only the start of a life cycle. It 8n't over yet.
> 
> And luckily for you, after this chapter will be the story's postscript, offering a single, tantalising glimpse into how things are going on the flipside. The "candy" to Omelette Route's "meat", one might say. Any more than that, and you'll just have to wait and see. ;)
> 
> The postscript will be up, and this Junefic will finally end, on June the 1st. The June story ends as the real June starts. Call that one poetry. Until then, uh, keep on existing in spite of the systems that tell you not to.
> 
> Later.
> 
> -Pochapal.


	22. POSTSCRIPT

Elsewhere, through the spirograph...

A young troll heaves the corpse of her on-again, off-again boyfriend through the alien landscape of a procedurally generated planet. Crimson human blood stains her hands and sleeves, already starting to dry and stick. Her alchemised smartwatch buzzes with frantic messages from her alien coplayers, but she ignores it all for the moment. She has a much more important task to attend to.

Vrissy Maryam-Lalonde has seen some shit since this game started, shit that not even living in a textually-irrelevant clown-ruled dystopia could have prepared her for. She's done some pretty unbelievable shit over her relatively short lifetime, too. But none of it compares to the specific level of fucked-up inherent to the situation she currently finds herself in.

Being fuck deep in a sweltering jungle bloated with trees that stretch miles into the sky and sweat fizzy soda like sap's going out of style, lugging a human cadaver was not even remotely near to the list of ways she imagined her day going. But she's got no choice but to roll with the punches; she's a Vriska, first and foremost, and perhaps more crucially, she's completely at the behest of the design of the one who sits at the heart of the Medium.

She bats past leaves the size of two full-grown adult trolls, leaving candy red smears to swill in with the sticky top layer over what is almost assuredly fucking diet Pepsi. Her companion's smashed-up bloody head bobs up and down against gnarled roots as she drags him across the uneven topography that apparently only she is lucky enough not to trip and fall on.

They come out into a wide clearing, perfectly heptagonal and populated by a pair of funny-looking gecko consorts that slurp needily at the mud which is actually made exclusively of literal dirt. Freaky trees line the tableau, and like a good stagelight, Skaia's light bathes the scene in a slightly too-harsh glow. But more crucially to Vrissy's needs, the dead centre of this clearing is completely fucking empty.

Letting out a groan of frustration, Vrissy unceremoniously drops Harry Anderson Egbert's dead body to the ground like a sack of vegetables. He makes a kind of weird wheezy sound as he settles into the soggy dirt, and to be honest, it's completely fucking gross. She rolls her eyes as she retrieves her phone from her sylladex, fingertips smearing the touchscreen with blood.

VRISSY: Tav! Harry and I are at the Clearing.  
VRISSY: Where the Fuck is The G8????????

No response for a good five minutes. The consorts are starting to look at Harry's body hungrily. Vrissy feels a little nervous. After everything, she still deeply cares for Harry, and no way is she letting some gross-ass weird lizards desecrate his already pretty-wrecked corpse. Just as she begins to calculate whether or not she's sufficiently scaled the echeladder enough to take them on in combat, her phone pings off again with a rambling, simpering message from Tav English.

TAV: Oh, erm, sorry about that one,,  
VRISSY: Tav, Harry is Literally Dead, and our Window Of Opportunity is shrinking.  
VRISSY: The M8d has it on Good F8th we Only have a Couple Hours 8efore we lose him.  
VRISSY: And The Muse was Pretty Damn Insistent that we need him Alive for what comes Next.  
VRISSY: So I'd Really Appreci8 It If You Could Get Your Client's G8 Up And Running, Thanks.  
TAV: M-my apologies, vrissy,,,, they're a little slow,,, with the whole progress thing,,  
VRISSY: Then Use The F8cking Che8t C8des!!!!!!!! Do You Want Him To D8e????????  
TAV: Of course not,,,, i just thought,,, in the name of fair play,,, these were to be a last resort?  
VRISSY: J8ST D8 IT!!!!!!!!

She screams that last message out loud herself as she types it in with shaking fingers. It's been a long few days, and it's been far too fucking long since she's had the luxury of any kind of emotional outlet. She's running on fumes and pure adrenaline here, and she's going to crash at some point.

Another phone buzz. God this had better be Tav genning in the gate, or she swears to god

AA: thirty hours until the reckoning :)

VRISSY: AAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!

Before now, Vrissy always thought of herself as a pretty cool and collected gal, but this fucking game's really brought out that famous ancestral temper. Between this godawful deadline, her dead boyfriend, the humidity of this entire planet utterly ruining her make-up, and the fact that Tav still hasn't got the _Fucking G8 Ready_

She feels close to outright snapping. It's not a good feeling.

TAV: Code's active,,, gate inbound,

A few feet away from Vrissy's incipient meltdown, an electric-yellow spirograph gate suddenly blooms, a pulsating shortcut to a specific location on Harry's own planet.

VRISSY: Took your Sweet Time!  
TAV: Sorry,, but, the system interface really, doesn't do well with cheat engines,,

Somewhere beyond the foliage comes the grumble of underlings. Must be a scripted miniboss fight in response to activating the gate. Vrissy's been pretty lucky in this trek, but she's nowhere near the level to take on an ogre ambush. Even the consorts are starting to skittishly slink away.

VRISSY: Yeah Sure Whatever Talk L8er Gotta 8ounce!  
TAV: Vris,,,, uh,,,,,

Vrissy flings her phone back into the sylladex, grabs Harry's ankle, and launches the two of them through the gate with a well-timed youth roll. There's a stuttering flash as she crosses the threshold, a little like a cosmic loading screen, then they're both back on the cool, glossy plateaus of Harry's planet.

Behind them, the illegal gate seals itself shut. But Vrissy knew this was a one-way trip from the start.

Harry stares up blankly at the slowly-shifting sky as Vrissy retrieves her phone again. At least by now the blood's beginning to dry enough that she isn't smearing it all over like some kind of gross drip art display.

VRISSY: Hey! We M8de it 8ack to the Land Of Heights And Nacre through the Fifth G8.  
VRISSY: Where to next?  
DAVEBOT: oh yeah hey kid  
DAVEBOT: youre on the really fucking tall mesa right?  
VRISSY: The tallest one for Miles Around, yeah.  
DAVEBOT: where on it are you exactly  
VRISSY: Near the Edge? Got a Sweet View of a consort Village like, A Mile 8elow us.  
DAVEBOT: cool anyway head to the dead middle itll be there.  
VRISSY: 8ut...  
VRISSY: I'm looking Over There, now, and I don't see anything.  
DAVEBOT: yeah were janking this game to fuck egbert jr here hasnt technically unlocked his quest bed yet  
DAVEBOT: dw im on it just bring him to the middle  
DAVEBOT: and make it snappy lil dudes dreamselfs got maybe two minutes tops left

Phone back away. Vrissy grabs Harry one last time, and sprints across the slick platform, shoes squeaking against its polished surface. Harry swings in wild arcs behind her, but she doesn't really care right at this moment. They're in a life-or-death situation, and it's not like he can exactly feel the mistreatment of his body. And if he does decide to be a lame loser baby about it afterwards, well, that's hardly Vrissy's problem.

Once she reaches what she estimates is the precise centre point, Vrissy flings Harry like a shotput, firing off one last text.

VRISSY: N8W!!!!!!!

Before Harry lands, a slab of stone approximately four feet high and six feet across pops into existence beneath him supported by four pillars topped with softly blinking white orbs. Vrissy sucks in a breath. She knows the lore. She understands what she's seeing.

Harry slams into the quest bed with a harsh crack that can absolutely be attributed to several more of his bones snapping. His limbs splay out in a half-spiral that completely obscures the aspect symbol below, shrouding another truth in mystery, were it not for the complete datamine they were all presented with going in. They all know what's coming, but that doesn't make it less real.

The quest bed's pillars start to softly flash and glow in an unheard rhythm. Small butterflies start to swarm the mesa, emerging from spawn points just out of sight. Way above, Skaia gleams pure white. Vrissy stands transfixed, silent witness to this speedrun of apotheosis.

Harry's body starts to float limply just above the quest bed, enveloped in an aura of shifting hues, like oil dispersing through water. The blood on Vrissy's hands gleams, then draws itself back into its rightful owner. Harry rises higher and higher, pulling in the lights and the blood and the butterflies like a teenage gravitational field. It loops around him in atomic patterns, a personalised and localised spirograph gate pushing him through to the next level.

Then, in the gasp between sucked breaths, it all collapses together, player and game and something more divine, and Vrissy stares up as the Maid of Breath is arisen anew.

VRISSY: Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Vrissy blinks. Harry pulls down his hood, looks up and down himself, then blinks back with a funny expression on his face.

HARRY: hey, vris, uh. i...  
HARRY: i know this is, like, THE least convenient time for this, but...

Harry gestures to his body, the way that his figure sits beneath his god tier outfit. His face blushes a bright red.

HARRY: i'm suddenly feeling a lot of really really weird things about myself?


End file.
